Enough is enough

Stick with MyFitnessPal. Log religiously & get some exercise. I am 54 & this is the first time I have found a life style that I can do & lose weight. I did not think it was possible. You are still young. I wish this had been around when I was younger. No food is forbidden, you just have to portion control it to fit into your daily allotment (or decide if it is really worth the calorie expenditure). I did not start weighing myself until 5 weeks in (I thought I would just use the weight from my last md visit, don't do that). Go ahead & set a beginning benchmark & follow the plan, weighing in once a week. In the five weeks I have been logging, I have lost 11.8 lbs. If you have a special engagement or dinner to go to, plan for it that day & remember when weighing in once a week, the week as a whole determines whether or not you will lose weight, so have one or more light days to balance it out if you have to. I want to lose at least 30 lbs., when I get there, I will re-assess & see if I need to go further. Most importantly, I don't feel deprived. I do feel so much better, more energetic and comfortable in my body. I didn't realize how slowly & steadily I was becoming more lethargic until I quit feeling that way. Just give it a go. You aren't happy now, maybe this can start your turn around. You sound like a wonderful, sensitive person. Your success story can inspire the next person you see logging in asking for guidance. I know you can do this.

I know how you feel because I've been there. Was there for most of my late 20s and 30s. What you need is a new lifestyle that is focused on making healthy choices and prioritizing taking good care of yourself. Looking good in clothes and having others notice is a great perk that I enjoy now that I'm getting smaller, but when you struggle with obesity and food addictions, the best focus is on the meaningful stuff that can affect how you age in the coming years. Are you going to be like a lot of people my age (40s) who are obese, fighting heart disease or some obesity linked disease by taking medications as a band-aid for your self-destructive behavior? Living like a sedentary old lady before you are even middle aged? Living as a slave to pizza? In my case, living with mental health issues that I was medicating with food rather than getting proper treatment?

Or living a healthy, active, vibrant life where you feel good and look good.... well into old age? Focus on the right things--getting healthy, taking care of yourself, being active and strong, feeling energetic, eating well, living well-- and the looking pretty in photos will come too, as visible evidence of this healthy new life!!

I know it feels like a monster right now, and you eventually do need a lifestyle revamp. BUT I have found that big changes can build over time from smaller, incremental changes that you work into your lifestyle and make into habits. That's how I've gone from sedentary, junk food eating, morbidly obese 266 pounder.... to active and fit, healthy vegetarian eating, and closing in on 100 pounds less (my ticker shows my start at 250, but that is just my most recent start weight... 266 is the all time high). Still have a little way to go before I hit a normal BMI, but for the first time in my life I feel like I can do this! I just need to keep doing what I am doing now and have been doing for months, and I'll land in the normal BMI zone eventually.

This change in me didn't happen overnight, neither externally nor internally. The only overnight part was my setting the goal to do it, but the gradual part was where one by one I start tackling little bitty bits of that monster. So rather than trying to go to bed tonight and wake up thinking and acting like a health nut and fitness guru--something that can't be sustained for long without reverting to normal--set a goal to wake up tomorrow and adopt a new healthy habit. Maybe to use that gym at work, a couple days a week for 30 minutes. That's it. When you get that down and it feels like you are doing that consistently, add an extra day. Or tweak your diet... maybe just start tracking and shoot for maintenance calories, just to get the handle on being mindful of your diet and not gaining anymore weight. Collect data on how you are eating and start targeting something for change. Like dropping calories a bit. Or increasing protein, or getting more veggies, or cutting down on a specific source of calories in your diet, or whatever. You can design this for you...my point is to just make a commitment and really really prioritize it, to make steps toward a healthier you in small increments that can build toward some long term goal you have in mind. And all along the way, be addressing the internal work too--what's causing you to slip back into the old habits and what mindset makeover do you need to do? This, for me, was the hardest part. The other hard part was not losing interest after the first week. You'll have to drag yourself back on track over and over again. As long as you keep picking yourself back up and getting back on track, even if it is 5 times a day.... you are slowly winning the battle.

Tough Love here:
I've heard this story many times. So you have a choice. You either DO IT or YOU DON'T. Stewing on the "what have could beens" isn't reality nor does it do anything for you now.
You HAVE to want to change. No inspiration, information, encouragement, etc. will matter till you get that first.
Then once you do, you make a SPECIFIC plan of action and do it come hell or high water. You can mess up once in awhile, but IF you're consistent, then it will happen.

Why do people fail? IMO, it's because of lack of consistency. Good luck.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition