yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir...

I have tried to teach my sons yes/no sir/ma'am, please, thank you, and excuse me. It's not easy, especially when the other parent doesn't share your beliefs and doesn't help you to train them in the same way.

My daughter says yes/no ma'am/sir, excuse me, please, thank you, I'm sorry I didn't hear you (instead of HUH?). She gives up her seat for adults, holds doors, if an adult drops something she will bend to pick it up for them, she offers to help elderly put bags in their cars, reach for things in the store, things of that nature. She always, always, takes the time to shake the hand of a retired/active duty/once served military member and thank them for their service. She stands when the American flag comes into view and hold her hand over her heart and sings during the National Anthem (sorry going off topic LOL).

It's never been a struggle it's what I taught her from day one. BTW I live in the South now, but she until she was 7 we lived in NJ. Also if she says thank you to you and you don't say you're welcome or if she does something for you and you don't say thank you, she will call you out on it. She's 14 now and the biggest compliment I get about her from friends and strangers alike, is how polite she is. Makes this momma very proud.

_John_ wrote: »

I know this is a southern thing, and many of you would rather gouge out your ears than teach your kids to say these, but what expressions do you use/teach your kids for them to be polite, and how hard was the struggle to get your child to say them?

I just simply taught her to be polite in general. Please and thank you and all of that.

I have met some of the brattiest kids who call adults "sir" and "ma'am." Growing up, I called most of the adults in my life by their first names and I have always allowed my daughters' friends to use my first name. "Mr." and "Mrs.", etc., were for teachers. :-)

It wasn't difficult to get her to say the pleasantries, though. When she was really little, I had to remind her sometimes, but that's about it.

Both my kid's first words were please and thank you. Since we started out with them needed to say those words to get stuff it wasn't really a problem for us. They are now 5 and 2 and don't often have to be reminded to say those. if they don't ask properly, they don't get it. As for sir or Mam we kind of leave it up to who ever they are addressing to say what they want to be called. Strangers are usually sir or mam, but my daughters teacher and my husbands bosses are called by their first name because that what they prefer

Our children answer us "Yes ma'am and Yes Sir, etc., and all of there friends "copy" off of/imitate them and also call us Mr. & Mrs. and answer yes/no ma'am and sir. It's amazing how our children's lifestyle is admired and copied from their friends, instead of them following the "norms" of their friends--our children are leaders, instead of followers. Our children range between young and young adults. Our sons open doors (car doors, store doors, etc.) for me, their sisters and women. Our sons also help us with our coats and pull out out chairs (girls/ladies) for us when dining out and all of this is because I "trained" them at very early ages that this is how they are to speak, what they are to do, because they are "gentlemen" and that there is a "difference" between men and woman--boys and girls, that there is a "difference" between "polite societies, morals, values and standards of "proper behavior" and the vast acceptable standards/norms of society today. We've taught our daughters that modesty and decency is what is required of them in our household and that they are not better nor worse than anyone, just "CALLED" to be different--in their dress, speech and behavior, period. We've taught our children that they are to judge others...ONLY as they judge themselves first and to be humble, because life is not fair and they will reap what they sow, period. That it is EASY to follow after the culture (the so-called "church", the media, fashion, trends), and that they are to do what is hard and what others avoid, period. That this is our home and once they get grown and on their own, they may do as they please...but under our roof, we have rules, values, standards and morals, ethics that are different from the world, period. That we are to love people always...but to love God (The God of Abraham, Issac, Jacob and Jesus FIRST), period--and show people (by our love for/to others and themselves and by their behavior) how daring to be different and daring to be and think truly godly is what's truly cool!

That they are to be "different" and leaders and not followers of the masses and to NOT be in with the (in) crowds and that they are NOT do what's popular, "normal", "cool" and hip, but to think, behave and speak the exact OPPOSITE of what they see and hear in society (the so-called church, media, peer-pressure, etc.) and do what the greater majority of what their friends, family, media tries to indoctrinate them to be and do and speak. We've also taught our children NOT to follow the crowds (including the modern day "Christian" crowd) in terms of what's "expected" of them" in terms of schooling/higher education/employment--designed to have them begin their adults live in DEBT and to be trained to be future wage slaves, but to instead capitalize on what they love and have their own businesses (and many of them) to make, save and invest their monies, that they are to see DEBT as something they are to avoid like the plague...that they are to seek out to do the things that others shun (like hard work, manual labor, making their own "trends/fashion/music/etc) and doing things that most children and adults see as menial or "beneath" or "old-fashioned and out of style" to them--to seek out those "opportunities" others shun and turn them into their own businesses, that they are to NOT seek nor value, nor esteem what the "world" sees as valuable and highly esteemed or sought after. That whatever popular trends in society (including to modern day "church") they see--do the opposite!


Our family can RARELY if EVER go ANYWHERE without tons of people coming, constantly up to my husband and I (and now our children) without raving how polite, mannerable, wonderful they are. People LOVE them and often ask what my secret is to having such well-rounded, well spoken really terrific children answer? When this first started happening when they we're really young, I used to be glad about it--then it started grieving me, because the way our children behave is NOTHING that isn't just mere common courteousy and decency!

What are the results of such child-rearing/DARE I say training--what do I tell the multitudes of people that ask me what's my secret to having such so-called "good" children?

The results of these years of child training/teaching/rearing is The Fear of The Lord, and Loving God with ALL of our hearts, souls, mind and strength and loving our neighbor (people) as we do ourselves--doing unto others, what we would have done unto us, period. To esteem others as "better" than ourselves, and therefore, being able to avoid certain people, places and things without treating them poorly or snobbly-simply choosing to say NO, to what they've been trained is unacceptable without being rude, unkind or mean. I would call it being a "Christian" but the term and lifestyles of those that call themselves "Christians" today is so watered-down, so polluted and defiled with the things of this "world" that we dare NOT call ourselves "Christians"...instead we call ourselves "saints" and Followers of Jesus!

I WISH I could have grown up like this! Our children could careless what people think of them--they don't care if people like them or hate them, they don't care if people judge them or praise them--they are so secure and well-rounded. I'm blessed to be their mom!!!!!!!!

5stringjeff wrote: »

I have tried to teach my sons yes/no sir/ma'am, please, thank you, and excuse me. It's not easy, especially when the other parent doesn't share your beliefs and doesn't help you to train them in the same way.

That's the entire problem these days, back when our parents and grandparents were kids it wasn't nearly this bad as everyone kinda had the same thing going on and even with the parents of the kids your kid is friends with. Now your kid could be friends with someone from a family of cavemen.

I was never taught this. I'm respectful, but never like this.

I was leaving the gym the other day, though, and this kid who looked about 14-15 held the door for me. So I said thanks and he goes "no problem ma'am".

Ma'am?? How old do I look?? It was a weird moment haha.

My kids say ma'am, sir, thank you, please, you're welcome, excuse me...
I say it and I don't care if I am talking to someone who is 8, 38 or 88.

We didn't grow up with ma'am or sir but please and thank you are are requirement. As is genuine gratitude. It was pretty easy to teach my daughters this because if they weren't polite, they didn't get what they'd wanted. And we had a year of living gratefully (all three of us) and I still get thanked for making dinner every single night. And even when we go out to eat.