If you where in my shoes what would you do?...

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Replies

  • nicmacc
    nicmacc Posts: 35 Member
    You deserve so much better!! You are young and will find your true love - he is not THE ONE. When you get older you realise that some choices you make are not the best but you can walk away now and start again. You have your whole life in front of you! :heart:
  • mothership2
    mothership2 Posts: 8
    I was in your shoes and they weren't very comfortable. I was trapped living with a guy when I was younger than you. He beat down my self esteem so badly that I didn't want to live because I thought everyone saw me the way he saw me. I was only 10-15 pounds overweight. It may as well have been 200. I ended up having 2 of his children leaving my family and living on the other side of Canada away from everything and everyone I knew. By then my self esteem and self worth were non existant. I was in the relationship for 6 1/2 years before I found the courage to leave him. I was 20 1/2 years old when I left and so far away from any support or family. You are still so young and this relationship is still so new and your family is so close. One and a half years may seem like a long time but if you stay for too long and you allow him to continue treating you this way, then your scars may last for years. It took years later to realize that it was his low self esteem that made him treat me this way. I also realized how weak of a person he actually was. I'm not telling you to leave or to stay but I am asking you not to let him win. Don't let him wear you down. Spend as much time as you can with your family and everyone else around you that loves you. If you are going to lose weight do it for you. Your MFP friends will have your back. :wink:
  • goosegirlnine
    goosegirlnine Posts: 7
    Dump him.

    Then again, although my boyfriend caused a lot of my body issues, i am still with him. Because after a lot of re-breaking and getting back together, he finally realised how damaging he was being.

    If he continues this any longer, dump him. You don't deserve to be put down, you need positive motivation and support. You're worth more than that and if he continues like this its only going to get you down. Even if it does motivate you in some way, you will resent him for it.
  • chnkydnknmomma
    chnkydnknmomma Posts: 258
    Get out, and quick...abuse is abuse wether it be verbal, mental or physical...Suppose you lost weight, then what? He'd find something else to berate you for...
    Take it from someone who has been there, it won't get any better, it will continue to get worse.

    At 21 you have your entire life ahead of you, and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to...Drop him, and go make the best life you can for yourself.
  • lanenalatina
    lanenalatina Posts: 239 Member
    If he loved you, and really loved you for you, he wouldn't say anything like that to you.
    He's not being respectful of you. I know it's easy to say, and hard to do, but just walk away from him. Find someone who respects you, and loves you for you.

    I agree with this post, listen it is easier say then done but I can totally relay with ur situation I have been married for 20 years with a guy that the only thinkg he does is put u down his family is the same way, and my selfsteam in on the floor and that makes me 10 times harded to loose weight b/c I don't feel good about myself, and everything I do is never enough. So girl move on before is too late you young you can make out there. U can do better then that. good luck

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  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    He's an *kitten*. It will be hard to leave him, but I *PROMISE* you when you look back on it, and he's no longer in your life, you will be much happier and will wonder how you managed to put up with him for so long.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    save your love for someone who doesnt treat you like crap. Dont let him zap your confidence any more. His behaviour is abusive
  • cklbrown
    cklbrown Posts: 4,696 Member
    I am so sorry. If he's like this now what's he going to like in a few years or more? You can't define yourself by someone else, but spending time in an abusive relationship takes it's toll. It whittles away your self confidence and leaves you with your insecurities. You are young. Make a decision to act on behalf of yourself and walk away. It will be hard but in the long run you will be better for it. Good luck!
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    Okay so I am 21 years old, I live with my boyfreind and his family 1 hour from my family, He was such a wonderful guy when we met and we have been together 1.5 years, and don't get me wrong he still has his moments but he now says things like...... I am not going to be nice to you until you lose weight...... Fat *****, and other not so nice things, I am wondering how you leave someone you love, and have had a life with for 1.5 years, and your lives are very intangled.... It has gotten bad. NO hitting or anything just verbal and it makes it hard to lose weight or be happy, I just dont like to be sad, and I don't even know where to start if i leave... any advice thoughts ect........ HELP.

    Granted we all go through our bad times in relationships but there should never come a time when you are made to feel worthless. You should never accept being called outside of your birth given name from anyone especially the person that you are trying to build a future with. What ever you accept during the birthing of your relationship you will continue to have to deal with during every growing stage thereafter. He should have never felt comfortable enough to assume it would be ok to speak to you in that manner. You have to decide if this is what you want for your future? He is suppose to love you unconditionally short, tall, big or small. You are suppose to love him in the same manner. I'm not going to go as far as to say he doesn't love you. I will definitely say that his love is not on the level that it should be. His love comes with conditions and no one wants that type of love. You want to be secure in your relationship and there is no way he is able to give that to you with the way he thinks. My suggestion is to call mom and dad. Go home. Take care of you. You might not want to do that but you don't need to have your emotions stepped on by him. We as woman already have some type of self-esteem issues. You don't need him to make it worse for you.

    After 1.5 years you are comfortable in your relationship...just like any other part of life sometimes we have to remove ourselves from our comfort zone in order to be better. Be strong. Make yourself your 1st priority.
  • momofJandA
    momofJandA Posts: 1,035 Member
    If you're asking the question you know the answer already. . . . and you DO KNOW what you should/have to do. Think of it this way- think of the girl who you love the most (a sister, best friend, etc.) what would you say to her if she asked you this same question? There's your answer!
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    Go back home!
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