Offended people because I didn't take a chocolate

People offend me all the time by offering me food. Its only fair to return the favour

If they're really your friends they'll support your efforts, as to what the folks behind the counter at a coffee shop think.....who cares, they're strangers.

I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.

Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.

Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!

Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)

I have a constant struggle with this issue at work. I started a new job in an office where they have a kitchen right in the next room and employees often cook, like 3-4 times a week, pancakes, hash browns, large batches of cookies, and the boss brings a huge box of doughnuts in 2-3 times a week.

People have noticed I am not eating these things. I absolutely don't mind at all that they are there, it doesn't bother me to smell them, and I don't even like most of the things, but I have noticed them getting more and more pushy about offering it to me and looking curious when I don't eat it.

This year I have some health concerns, serious ones, that I don't want to share with them and I am following my doctor's recommendations, and yet I look thin in my work clothes so there are comments made here and there frequently such as 'oh Amanda you are so tiny, why don't you want to try some? It isn't going to hurt your diet you know!' I really hope they don't think I have an ED. So anyway, I totally get where you are coming from it can be difficult.

Even if I do want the food, I usually don't accept it when other people offer. No one decides what I eat and when. I decide.

goodasgoldilox wrote: »

I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.

Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.

Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!

Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)

+1

Let's be real there. It's alright to be all "It's my choice and other people have no business offering me food if I don't want it" if that works for you, but we live in a world that has other people in it.

Alienating ourselves from the world just because we eat differently now is socially stressful for us and for the host. I would have taken the cookie/chocolate and thanked whoever offered it with a smile, then if I didn't want to eat it I would just wrap it in a tissue and put it in my bag.

You have to understand that if you plan on maintaining after you reach your goal you will face many different social situations that you need to learn to navigate around. You can solve them all by just saying "*kitten* it, I don't care what other people think", and that's an option, or you can learn to adapt to each situation in a way that does not make you the grinch.

It's so easy to offend people when you don't take the food they've offered, particularly if that person is supposed to be "the cook of the office" or something. There's no easy way to deal with it unfortunately. Even if you're super open with them and divulge that you're trying to lose weight, which you shouldn't have to, many people will still make the offers. I just try to be polite as I can or I make up an excuse. I tell people I don't like cake or I'm allergic to chocolate or I'm lactose intolerant. Nothing bores people more than allergy/medical talk, so they just walk away.

I was raised to be polite ALL...THE...TIME. My wife hates that about me. I'd rather take the chocolate and not eat it then refuse it and risk offending someone. Good or Bad; I don't know but that's how I manage those types of situations.

chivalryder wrote: »

If someone became offended at me because I didn't accept food, and then they insisted I took it, I would then take it and elaborately throw it into a trash bin - ensuring they watched.
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Hey, they gave it to me. I can do whatever I want with it.

Quite. People need to man up, stop basing their 'feelings' on how others behave.

I know how it feels.I get offered free pizza & pastries all the time.I always say "No thanks" & they look at me the same way every time with a look of disbelief & mild offense saying "Are you sure?"
I say "I just ate,but thanks anyway" .Oh well,you can't please all of the people all of the time.

I had to shrug off the shackles of old friends and make new connections. As for offending people who don't matter, stop caring.
You know what really offends these people? RESULTS!
Just let them be offended, and again, they really just don't matter...

Just take the offering if it will cause offense not to, and say you'll enjoy it later. If you have kids or a spouse at home who will eat it, give it to them instead.

I don't get the 'offence' being committed? They offer you a biscuit, you say 'No thank you' . If people are offended by that, they need to get out more.

Me saying "no" to free food/treats/etc. is not meant to offend. If they are offended, it's on them not me. It's not like saying no to something is a direct reflection on them as a person; it's just me declining whatever it is they are offering because I don't want it/like it/can't eat it/whatever.

The people offering the food likely know nothing about you. What if you're allergic to chocolate, gluten, are diabetic, etc.. Of course you're going to turn down food that you are allergic to or can mess with a medical condition.

Getting looks is often so subjective I think a lot of times we project whatever we're feeling into those looks. I used to assume everyone who looked at me funny was horrified by my fat or what I was eating or if I was wasting money..they may have been wondering why I was looking at them in the first place. Obviously some faces people make are overt and leave little room for misinterpretation, but we have to be mindful that often we have no idea what's going on in the other person's head. So I try not to react or feel anything unless someone actually confronts or addresses me. If you don't like what I said or look like but don't say anything then I do my best to let all the horrible things I might assume a person thought pass on by, because until I'm addressed with it there's no reason to respond to it. If the look is so overt that it has to mean something, I may ask if everything is okay or did I say something wrong. If I'm going to have to justify myself I'd like them to own it as well.

My kids seem to get more upset by me not eating stuff than anyone, and it's only because they feel like I'm missing out and they would be sad if they didn't get any candy so I must be sad about it. We don't always know what people's motives are either. It could be because they're offended, or feel like you're depriving yourself, or feel jealous because they just indulged and want you to alleviate their guilt by joining in..there are so many reasons we can't name them all why people act the way they do.

So my main point of all of this is don't rely on hostility or a f*** everyone mentality as your defense mechanism to make your choices in life. It's hard and unhealthy to maintain. Make your choices because they are right for you. Don't assume you know what anyone thinks or feels, and if someone else needs to check their own insecurities off your decisions then it wouldn't hurt to give your reason or as someone said above just take it and say thanks and don't eat it or save it until later. If you've not been hostile and have been honest, everything else is on them and their issues.

I also want to add that those of us doing MFP and trying hard to maintain get so rigid that we may take offense to things that threaten us reaching our goals or will potentially knock us off the wagon. The office fills with goodies, free food, people do try to get you to take stuff...they always did, but now when you refuse it's we get the extra push 'oh one bite won't hurt you', and you know it could. In the past one bite may have sent you on a spiral of bad eating that may not let up for 6 months or longer. I think we build a lot of mental blocks up about how to navigate those situations...we were never able to successfully navigate it for the majority of our lives so we just want to avoid them and push them away with hosility, especially when we really want what they're offering. Everyone has to figure out their own limits and what's worth the calories and what that will cost you before the day is over. We really owe it to ourselves to learn healthy ways to deal with the social food situation and to make it so one slip doesn't push us over the edge. Ultimately we're responsible for ourselves in these situations and the healthier our response the better off we'll be for it in the long run.

I drank too much caffiene this morning I think.