Offended people because I didn't take a chocolate



  • 50sFit
    50sFit Posts: 712 Member
    I had to shrug off the shackles of old friends and make new connections. As for offending people who don't matter, stop caring.
    You know what really offends these people? RESULTS!
    Just let them be offended, and again, they really just don't matter...
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    WTG for over concerned serving staff! I've yet to have the pleasure of being served coffee in an outlet where they give a toss (even regarding my order).
  • Sophiareed218
    Sophiareed218 Posts: 145 Member
    Just take the offering if it will cause offense not to, and say you'll enjoy it later. If you have kids or a spouse at home who will eat it, give it to them instead.
  • Valrotha
    Valrotha Posts: 294 Member
    Had a similar experience at Popeye's Chicken recently. I just ordered the 5 piece tenders and told them I didn't want sides or a biscuit. "But it comes with it." The young lady behidn the counter said. "No worries, just keep it and charge me the same price," I said politely.

    This, apparently, was offensive to her. She spent the next few mintues talking about me 'behind my back' yet still loud enough for me to hear. Like what I eat is any of her damned business.

    Amazing that someone else is that I don't even know is that concerned about what I eat.
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
    I don't get the 'offence' being committed? They offer you a biscuit, you say 'No thank you' . If people are offended by that, they need to get out more.
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
    I think their offense might be in your head. I doubt they were truly offended, although they may be surprised to see someone turn down a free offer. I turn down food all the time, but do so with a smile, and I'm confident I've never once offended someone doing this.
  • xcalygrl
    xcalygrl Posts: 1,897 Member
    Me saying "no" to free food/treats/etc. is not meant to offend. If they are offended, it's on them not me. It's not like saying no to something is a direct reflection on them as a person; it's just me declining whatever it is they are offering because I don't want it/like it/can't eat it/whatever.

    The people offering the food likely know nothing about you. What if you're allergic to chocolate, gluten, are diabetic, etc.. Of course you're going to turn down food that you are allergic to or can mess with a medical condition.
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
    I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
  • jimmy28
    jimmy28 Posts: 12 Member
    Getting looks is often so subjective I think a lot of times we project whatever we're feeling into those looks. I used to assume everyone who looked at me funny was horrified by my fat or what I was eating or if I was wasting money..they may have been wondering why I was looking at them in the first place. Obviously some faces people make are overt and leave little room for misinterpretation, but we have to be mindful that often we have no idea what's going on in the other person's head. So I try not to react or feel anything unless someone actually confronts or addresses me. If you don't like what I said or look like but don't say anything then I do my best to let all the horrible things I might assume a person thought pass on by, because until I'm addressed with it there's no reason to respond to it. If the look is so overt that it has to mean something, I may ask if everything is okay or did I say something wrong. If I'm going to have to justify myself I'd like them to own it as well.

    My kids seem to get more upset by me not eating stuff than anyone, and it's only because they feel like I'm missing out and they would be sad if they didn't get any candy so I must be sad about it. We don't always know what people's motives are either. It could be because they're offended, or feel like you're depriving yourself, or feel jealous because they just indulged and want you to alleviate their guilt by joining in..there are so many reasons we can't name them all why people act the way they do.

    So my main point of all of this is don't rely on hostility or a f*** everyone mentality as your defense mechanism to make your choices in life. It's hard and unhealthy to maintain. Make your choices because they are right for you. Don't assume you know what anyone thinks or feels, and if someone else needs to check their own insecurities off your decisions then it wouldn't hurt to give your reason or as someone said above just take it and say thanks and don't eat it or save it until later. If you've not been hostile and have been honest, everything else is on them and their issues.

    I also want to add that those of us doing MFP and trying hard to maintain get so rigid that we may take offense to things that threaten us reaching our goals or will potentially knock us off the wagon. The office fills with goodies, free food, people do try to get you to take stuff...they always did, but now when you refuse it's we get the extra push 'oh one bite won't hurt you', and you know it could. In the past one bite may have sent you on a spiral of bad eating that may not let up for 6 months or longer. I think we build a lot of mental blocks up about how to navigate those situations...we were never able to successfully navigate it for the majority of our lives so we just want to avoid them and push them away with hosility, especially when we really want what they're offering. Everyone has to figure out their own limits and what's worth the calories and what that will cost you before the day is over. We really owe it to ourselves to learn healthy ways to deal with the social food situation and to make it so one slip doesn't push us over the edge. Ultimately we're responsible for ourselves in these situations and the healthier our response the better off we'll be for it in the long run.

    I drank too much caffiene this morning I think.
  • AmyMCGS
    AmyMCGS Posts: 32 Member
    I love to cook and feed people...I think it's my love language, lol. That said, though, I'm not offended if someone declines my offer. I think if you force someone to take something than its not really a gift, it's an obligation.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    I always take the free food offered to me. I will usually take a nibble and if it's worth the calories, I eat it. If it's not worth the calories/individually wrapped, I put it in the communal food area of my work. If it's not wrapped, I take it home and my husband eats it.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
    They're strangers... who care?

    I do love a piece of chocolate with coffee though <3
  • I'm assuming you ordered from Starfucks. I ordered a plain black coffee from there once when I was passing through an airport. The girl behind the register literally looked at me like I spoke another language. She said "a what?"

    It took a couple of times of me repeating myself that yes, I said BLACK COFFEE, no sugar *kitten*, or fake taste, or what ever. The manager actually had to come over and say sorry and give me my coffee.

    That girl obviously wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

    With that said, some people I think just don't understand when others deny "treats".
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
    you are supposed to have a tall grande sloppachocolappacino frappe with half whipped cream, slinky milky and a caramel fluff sprinkle
  • La5Vega5Girl
    La5Vega5Girl Posts: 709 Member
    my aunt is the kindest and most precious person in this world and she would never hurt anyone's feelings. if someone offers something to her and she doesn't want it (or can't have it, etc.) she just smiles and says thank you and then disposes of it later. at a family wedding this weekend, she politely accepted champagne that was handed to her (she has never had an alcoholic drink in her life) and when the waiter's head was turned, she "traded" with my cousin, who had been given plain cider. i like to follow her lead because she is so sweet and seems to have a very giving heart. so if the coffee house had offered me candy, i think i would have said, "thank you" accepted it, and then given it to my daughter, or to someone else sitting in the store. just my opinion :smile:
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
    What's cider where you come from?
  • La5Vega5Girl
    La5Vega5Girl Posts: 709 Member
    What's cider where you come from?

    sparkling apple juice, no alcohol. the waiters were handing out champagne & cider in "champagne-type" glasses, and some people got the cider and some champagne. you could request one or the other, but most of the waiters didn't speak english.

  • annaskiski
    annaskiski Posts: 1,212 Member
    I tell people that I'm allergic to makes me swell up.

    Some people get it, some don't, but no one gets offended.
  • My grandmother knows I'm losing weight (32 lbs so far), yet when I stay with her, she always offers me donuts, ice cream, chips, etc. I just say "no". :)
  • Mexicanbigfoot
    Mexicanbigfoot Posts: 520 Member
    People offend me all the time by offering me food. Its only fair to return the favour

    I really love this!!

    I turn down food all the time, especially at work. I stopped caring a long time ago what people thought about what I eat.