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MyFitnessPal Community

Does rejection and verbal abuse motivate you?

mcbrainder

I don't know if this has been discussed, but something I've noticed about myself in the past is that I usually am highly motivated by rejection or even if I'm made fun of for my weight. This has been proven to work so much for me that I tend to embrace it if someone else says something about my weight.

The longest streak and best results I ever had was nine months from the day a girl I crushed on turned me down. It wasn't long before I wasn't interested in her but felt great.

Does anyone else tend to not look at these things as bad? Obviously, they're mean spirited, but I think they can also be helpful if you embrace them and use them as fuel.

Replies

Sabine_Stroehm

Nope. Not even a little bit.

Turning_Hopes_to_Habits

Not me, makes me shut down.

Chief_Rocka

I don't mind being shown my place.

Wait, what are we talking about?

VelveteenArabian

It motivates me to punch someone in the face. Does that count?

mcbrainder

Interesting. I guess it's not as common as I thought.

DaFibble

It can work, if you believe in the possibility of changing rejection and abuse to something more positive (which you can!) Competition and wanting to overcome a barrier, such as rejection, can be a huge boost to dopamine. The problem is it can also undermine motivation if it makes your goals feel unattainable. Its a balance. Most of the time rejection will trigger a whole host of unhelpful consequences.

One of the most focused and disciplined times in my life was when I was considered highly attractive by pretty much everyone but only had eyes for a few girls who seemed perpetually unattainable. I had the confidence boost that comes from lots of attention and affection with the motivation boost of needing to reach some vaguely defined goal of whatever it was that would make me interesting to the disinterested.

TossaBeanBag

Does verbal abuse help motivate me? Yeah, to punch someone in the throat. Verbally abusive people suck.

mcbrainder

I was the same way Prismatic. I remember crossing this line where apparantly I was fit and I was getting some attention. It felt great at the time. I wish I could go back and stop myself from screwing it all up, but I use the memory of that and how great I felt as motivation

Alluminati

I had to look twice at OP. I thought it was that Debbie Downer dude who posts all those wacky threads.

Lasmartchika

Let me just curl up in a ball over there in the corner and cry.

unknown

This content has been removed.

DaFibble

briandarr16 wrote: »

I was the same way Prismatic. I remember crossing this line where apparantly I was fit and I was getting some attention. It felt great at the time. I wish I could go back and stop myself from screwing it all up, but I use the memory of that and how great I felt as motivation

Yeah, you can find your way back, even if the route might be different to before. It really happens! Keep going until you cross that (invisible) line. Then, keep going because it feels good

blueblueheart

No. Have to fight the urge to either lash out or hibernate when dealing with abuse.

Neither is constructive.

JustFindingMe

Turning_Hopes_to_Habits wrote: »

Not me, makes me shut down.

Me too, I've never responded well to attack. If it was constructive criticism or if I asked them, that would be a different story.

KatieMcCakes

Depends on the day, and who the abuse and rejection is coming from...

salladeve

No not in the least. I try to avoid those types of people.

chickwithpencil

Nope. All verbal abuse does is make me respond in kind, which stresses me out, which often leads to seizure-related issues, which often puts me out of commission for the rest of the day. So yeah, bullying doesn't work for me.

That said, if one wants to motivate me... tell me I can't do something.

DaFibble

Hmm. Do you think this might be somewhat different for men than it is women?

I suspect men might have a natural competitiveness that, in moderation, makes attacks or rejection feel like a challenge. Also, men tend to get a lot of encouragement from other men if they're trying to lose weight or get stronger. Women get both negative comments from men, like, in an awful and terrible way, and also some other women can be nasty too out of competitiveness.

Educate me. I do know it feels different but not sure how it is for women.

50sFit

No, I am not at all motivated when ridiculed or made sport of.
Here is my line nobody crosses without consequence.
3...as in the number three.
A guy is allowed to joke about me 3 times, and it's a joke, but once this guy goes past 3, it's no longer a joke but an attack.
And I push back - hard!

blossomingbutterfly

Turning_Hopes_to_Habits wrote: »

Not me, makes me shut down.

Me too.

mcbrainder

It might be competitive Prismatic, but usually I treat it more like a call to change. I just want to clarify: I'm not surrounded by abusive people. Years ago, I remember seeing a guy I hadn't seen in awhile and he said something about how I've gotten fat. He tried to say it in a funny way, but I knew it was true too. Being rejected by someone I had a crush made me think along the lines of: Next time I like someone, I want to actually be a contender.

So that's where my mindset was. I will also point out that anytime I read an article about obesity on a news story, I tend to read the comments, and though a lot of people are being blunt and harsh and tearing apart the habits of obese people, I tend to embrace it and say "I don't want to be that person."

The intent is usually bad, but there's merit in a lot of it too.

DaFibble

50sFit wrote: »

No, I am not at all motivated when ridiculed or made sport of.
Here is my line nobody crosses without consequence.
3...as in the number three.
A guy is allowed to joke about me 3 times, and it's a joke, but once this guy goes past 3, it's no longer a joke but an attack.
And I push back - hard!

But, who is going to joke about you now? You look like a beast. You're more like an inspiration.

Do you think the pushing back hard thing is like, a guy thing? As some posts here reference? Because when I get pissed off, I fight back. Its like an in-built response. My wife gets down whenever someone is critical. I want to be, like, **** everyone! You're amazing, fight back. That doesn't seem useful though.

NewMeowLean

No it doesn't work for me. If the "verbal abuse" is from someone I don't care about, I will brush it off (but it still hurts a little) and forget about it. If it is from someone I care about, I would probably have a meltdown and EAT my heart out. My mum tried the tough love approach, which resulted in crying and fighting (and eating!).

I think it is weird verbal abuse would work for someone, since it is bad for your self-confidence.

stephanieluvspb

No not really but my friends mom lost 50# on what we lovingly call the " cheating husband/ divorce" diet. lol

libbydoodle11

Uh, no...

emdeesea

Nope. If I get too much criticism I remove said people from my life.

I think it's different for men as compared to women. Women tend to be more social creatures and want to just get along and be accepted. Men are more competitive. Of course, there are various positions on the spectrum for both sexes but you get the idea.

DaFibble

stephanieluvspb wrote: »

The intent is usually bad, but there's merit in a lot of it too.

I don't think any obese person wants to be obese. The intent is kind of the same

mcbrainder

Good point. But here's kinda an example of what I mean. Let's say I'm reading the comments section of a story about how obesity has raised the price of airplane tickets and someone comments and say "I have to pay more because these people can't stop eating." Pretty mean spirited, but I also get the point. Oftentimes, when people point out all the negatives--not just calling people fat--but showing disgust at certain habits and repurcussions, it actually impacts me in a way that makes me say "I don't want to be that way."

KameHameHaaaa

The only thing that people who fat/body shame motivate me to do is kick them out of my life.

During my younger years it might have motivated me into the fridge/McDonalds or crying into my pillow. Nowadays....Screw those people, ANYONE who does that! The only way it motivates me to better myself is by getting rid of them, which betters my environment which in turn betters myself.

pirate_john_75

Well, if it helps... Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!