Does it feel counter-cultural to be pro-eating?

So what's counter-cultural about eating and enjoying it? Eating is social and enjoying a good meal is part of cultural celebrations everywhere. If you are in a sub-culture that doesn't understand this than I think that may not be healthy for you. Sure it's great to eat healthy but that doesn't mean you cannot enjoy a good bowl of ice cream or slice of cake once in a while. Also, just because someone eats a salad in front of you doesn't mean much and I doubt they have any real credentials so just ignore them.

You have the opposite problem from the majority of Americans, and the minority's problems are never taken seriously (look at Ferguson, Missouri.) So people will probably always say weird, unhelpful and dickish things to you. Fortunately, you're not getting your health back for their sake.

what a sad bunch of people. drink your juice and tell them they can choke on a head of lettuce.

Yeah these people sound pretty weird "death in a cup" WTF?! It's great that you are on the mend are feeling the positive effects of a healthy diet. Please don't let these idiots get to you or make you feel bad about what you're eating, as someone else said it may be time to make some new friends.

People tend to gravitate toward people who are like them in many ways.... alcoholics tend to have friends who are heavy drinkers, for example. When they try to stop drinking, they find themselves not only fighting their own mind and body, but the social network around them that encouraged/enabled their addiction to develop. Friends who keep bringing alcohol to their house, inviting them to parties and bars, making social occasions be about getting drunk, etc.

Same thing happens with weight. Sounds to me like you made friends with people who have some disordered and unhealthy thinking in relation to food... they are like you used to be, and they encouraged you in in your unhealthy ways back then. They seemed normal to you then, but now that you are changing you see that they are not healthy, and they are resisting you being the new you.

I'm in the same boat, but in the opposite direction. I used to be morbidly obese and all my friends/family and most of my coworkers still are. I have to be counterculture to LOSE weight and get teased for eating vegetables that are still identifiable as such rather than deep fried and battered. Every social occasion is built around huge portions of fattening food. Food = love and friendship and comfort, in this world. I don't recognize anything you said about your friends as reflecting anyone I've ever hung out with in real life, to be honest. I've heard such people exist and met them online but they aren't in my social world.The people who hang out with me are obese and would make fun of me for "suffering" through a lunch of juice and salad. You're supposed to eat a big hamburger and super sized fries and large coke for lunch, don't you know?

I think realizing what's happening is part of the battle. Know that what you are experiencing from them isn't the whole world's thinking, but the thinking of the world that your pre-recovery self created as a friend group (or that was given to you as family). People like you used to be, who supported your eating disorder's development. You started getting healthy, but they are still stuck where they were... and now you are far enough away from your pre-recovery self to recognize how unhealthy they are. You should see this as am major victory, that your eyes are now open to this! It is still hard to fight, though. While you are in recovery and perhaps more prone to slipping back into old patterns, you might have to limit your contact with these friends, or limit the kinds of situations you enjoy with them (for example go to the movies with them but not out for dinner) or the topics you discuss. Might have to stand your ground when they encourage you for disordered thinking/behavior and maybe tell them plainly that they are hurting your recovery. You might also want to find ways to connect up with some additional friends who are truly HEALTH conscious, not just obsessed with starving themselves to a certain size.

Docbanana2002 wrote: »

People tend to gravitate toward people who are like them in many ways.... alcoholics tend to have friends who are heavy drinkers, for example. When they try to stop drinking, they find themselves not only fighting their own mind and body, but the social network around them that encouraged/enabled their addiction to develop. Friends who keep bringing alcohol to their house, inviting them to parties and bars, making social occasions be about getting drunk, etc.

Same thing happens with weight. Sounds to me like you made friends with people who have some disordered and unhealthy thinking in relation to food... they are like you used to be, and they encouraged you in in your unhealthy ways back then. They seemed normal to you then, but now that you are changing you see that they are not healthy, and they are resisting you being the new you.

I'm in the same boat, but in the opposite direction. I used to be morbidly obese and all my friends/family and most of my coworkers still are. I have to be counterculture to LOSE weight and get teased for eating vegetables that are still identifiable as such rather than deep fried and battered. Every social occasion is built around huge portions of fattening food. Food = love and friendship and comfort, in this world. I don't recognize anything you said about your friends as reflecting anyone I've ever hung out with in real life, to be honest. I've heard such people exist and met them online but they aren't in my social world.The people who hang out with me are obese and would make fun of me for "suffering" through a lunch of juice and salad. You're supposed to eat a big hamburger and super sized fries and large coke for lunch, don't you know?

I think realizing what's happening is part of the battle. Know that what you are experiencing from them isn't the whole world's thinking, but the thinking of the world that your pre-recovery self created as a friend group (or that was given to you as family). People like you used to be, who supported your eating disorder's development. You started getting healthy, but they are still stuck where they were... and now you are far enough away from your pre-recovery self to recognize how unhealthy they are. You should see this as am major victory, that your eyes are now open to this! It is still hard to fight, though. While you are in recovery and perhaps more prone to slipping back into old patterns, you might have to limit your contact with these friends, or limit the kinds of situations you enjoy with them (for example go to the movies with them but not out for dinner) or the topics you discuss. Might have to stand your ground when they encourage you for disordered thinking/behavior and maybe tell them plainly that they are hurting your recovery. You might also want to find ways to connect up with some additional friends who are truly HEALTH conscious, not just obsessed with starving themselves to a certain size.

wow! this was really good, never thought of that in that perspective before, thank you!

Well said, Doc Banana. When my wife was at WW, she saw the same thing multiple times. A group of friends would join and one would be serious and start doing well. The other friends started sabotaging the successful person's efforts. She had to make a choice to keep her friends and give up her success, or to find people who were supportive of her efforts. Anna, congratulations on your progress. Start to find friends who support what you are doing.

As a former anorexic, who has remained on the thin side (constantly up against those tendencies), I commend the OP for sticking up for herself. As a child, I was never overweight, but the food in our household was very restricted. I.e. I'd come home from school 'starving' and ask my mom for some cheese and crackers. She'd count out five wheat thins and put them on a plate, each one with a small square of cheese on it. I'd take my time with them because I knew that's all I was getting. My stomach would be growling, but she'd say "If you eat anything else, it'll spoil your dinner." She was not an abusive mother by any stretch. In her own words she simply "didn't want us to get into the habit of overeating." Needless to say, there was never any soda, sugary cereals, non-skim milk, non-whole wheat bread, non-healthy stuff in our house. There was mayo, real mayo - that was probably the worst thing we had on hand.

I didn't develop anorexia until many years later, but I definitely have bought into the whole 'smaller portions are better' mentality. That's how my whole family was and still is. In my immediate family nobody is overweight and we don't tend to fight against urges to overeat (which I guess I can thank my mom for). When my anorexia first started she would tell me "You're not proving anything by not eating." I wasn't trying to. I guess I just had a misguided desire to obtain an attractive figure, by doing whatever it would take. I didn't want it for display, just for myself, to give me a sense of accomplishment. Actually, I thought my parents would be proud of me. They were proud of my appearance at first, but after a while they realized that I wasn't looking that way by behaving in a healthy way.

Things went from bad to worse. At my lowest weight (I'm 5'6.5") I was 93 pounds. I looked like I was 60 pounds (according to some people in treatment). I was totally out of my mind at that point and out of touch with reality. I'd had to drop out of college and live with my dad for over a year to work on "getting better." This was post residential treatment and post outpatient follow-up treatment. I am currently doing very well (all of those treatments, therapy, etc. took place back 2003 - more than 11 years ago). But there are still the tendencies. I'm very careful about what I eat and I struggle with being "too careful" and considering my intake, my exercise is probably over the line. Whenever I get compliments on my figure it's a little awkward, but I just need to remind myself that when people say such things, they mean well. The reason it's awkward, is because my pursuit of 'the perfect body' put me through a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So it means a lot more to me when I get compliments about something I can do, like draw, write or play music.

Because I'm a teacher overseas, I get a lot of "You don't look like a normal American" remarks from my students and peers. They have a generalized image of Americans as overweight, or at least 'big.' I just tell them that people come in all shapes and sizes and that if they want to lose weight (female high school students of mine have approached me for advice on this matter), I simply tell them to eat a well balanced diet and exercise. Sounds so cliche, but it's true. Balanced diet and exercise is all you need. Unless you've got celiac, Chron's or diabetes, the key to health and happiness is balance.

It's the same thing I've heard my whole life long, 'balance,' but I'll be damned if I didn't have to go through a hell of a lot of awfulness to finally figure out what that means and to apply it. I can now enjoy ice cream without guilt and without going overboard, same thing with banquets (a popular custom for celebrating special occasions where I live). Overweight, underweight, it's a struggle, but you too can find your peace with food. It's all about realizing what works for you because your body is a unique mechanism. People's metabolisms work differently. If you're hungry, eat. It's when we stop listening to our body's cues that we get ourselves all messed up. Don't stress over situations where what's there isn't a part of your normal intake either, it's a waste of energy. I don't remember who said this, some actress: "Get messy with life, that's how you know you're really living." She's got a point.