How to encourage without hurting feelings?
GordieLaChance
Posts: 171
Hello everyone,
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
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Replies
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This is a tough one. I either wait until they ask for suggestions, say nothing, or delete them after a while.0
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People love unsolicited comments; it usually leads to junk punches, slaps, drink in face, but here in MFP land they just delete you. Best of luck. Seriously, don't comment, because hey, posting it here the 6 will see it and you'll lose one or two. Done.0
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I am new, too. I feel exposed just having my diary open to my friends. If one was to make an unsolicited comment about my food choices I would like it to be done tactfully. I don't know what the right words would be.
Maybe ask if they want any advice0 -
Don't. Just don't. Not unless they ask, or are complaining or otherwise indicate that they would welcome a critique. This is why I have my diary closed. It saves me having to tell people to rack off when they offer unsolicited advice.
Or you, could just do it, nicely, and then keep doing it with the friends who stick with you - it would be a good way to craft your friends list into a group of people who are happy to take your advice/criticism. The people who don't appreciate it would defriend you, and you could continue to encorage the ones that remain.0 -
I say just be out with it. I know I don't always eat the best of foods I am still learning about healthy exciting food options. I would appreciate a pal telling me that something I had was a bad choice even if I already knew it when someone else says it i become more aware of what I am doing. Also I think if you are going to say something give the person a healthy recommendation or two something that isnt as obvious as "you should have had vegetables instead"anywho that is my opinion. Sorry for all the errors my tablet is in rare form tonight.
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GordieLaChance wrote: »Hello everyone,
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
I sometimes notice that some people on my friend list are always under their calorie goal but I don't say anything because its not my business.I eat everything including candies,cookies etc when i want and I would delete someone out of friends list if they stick their nose into my business.
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You can't.GordieLaChance wrote: »Hello everyone,
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
Most know-it-all's can't stand to be enlightened. Truth is like a poison.
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^^ Best approach in my opinion.Cortneyrenee04 wrote: »This is a tough one. I either wait until they ask for suggestions, say nothing, or delete them after a while.
Weight loss is like religion, or love - people just have to figure it out on their own. Telling somebody who's not open to hearing it is like talking to a rock.0 -
Dad? Is that you?0
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I just feel badly for her. She's trying hard to eat well, yet nearly every meal is fast food! I suppose I say nothing.0
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GordieLaChance wrote: »I just feel badly for her. She's trying hard to eat well, yet nearly every meal is fast food! I suppose I say nothing.
Well, seeing as you've got only 6 friends and you posted this, so I'm thinking she probably now knows what you think...
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GordieLaChance wrote: »Hello everyone,
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
I likely wouldn't say anything. However, if asked to comment I would ask if they had considered adding more fresh fruit and veggies into their daily menu.
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There's many factors to take into account:
Is fast-food her only option due to budget? Time constraints? Does she live with friends or family that do not respect her allotted groceries? Does she travel a lot?
I lived in a VERY tiny town when I started MFP years ago, and we had ONE grocery store nearly 50 miles away, yet we had every fast food chain restaurant you can imagine within a 10 mile radius of our home. Having fresh food at home wasn't always an option, room-mates liked to 'host friends' while Derrick and I were at work, and our groceries magically disappeared, so we resorted to fast meals.
If it bothers you SO much, you have a few options:
1.) Delete her, as others have said, if you can't express your concern for her choices in a sensitive and delicate manner, delete her--out of sight, out of mind.
2.) Be patient and encourage, using suggestions from your own diet ("Oh, I see you like grilled cheese! Have you tried it on "this (whatever brand)" kind of whole wheat before?" or "I love ice cream too. You should totally try blending a frozen banana with PB!"
3.) Message her with your concerns, explaining them, but without degrading her choices or guilting her.
Just don't expect her to be singing your praise or responding right away, it's very hard for some people to take criticism, especially when it comes to their diet choices and fitness habits (or the lack-thereof).0 -
I haven't read all the replies but I have a about 3 or 4 friends on here who have earned the right to comment on my diary. Their input has been crucial to my success and have supported me as I have been going through some personal hell. The basics here is I think that time needs to exist between friend acceptance and comments. However if they put a blanket request for responses out then feel free to add comment. Only rule I'd say applies is be kind and loving as you would want others to be to you. Welcome to a great program and site!0
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GordieLaChance wrote: »Hello everyone,
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
I know how you feel, but it's best to just not say anything unless they ask. Then, be VERY tactful, like "Well, this is what I do..."
I eat my share of junk, as well as "healthy" food, and IMO, whatever someone chooses to eat to lose weight is up to them. The bottom line is, calories are what matter for weight loss. Health and nutrition are a different story.
I'm pretty sure most people already know that stuff isn't the best to eat as far as nutrition goes, so my telling them isn't going to change anything.
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They may not care about what they eat. They may not find your advice helpful at all. Why do you feel the need to comment on anything? If the person wrote to you or on their status "I would like to eat healthier. What are some advice people can give me?" Than it would make sense for you to write to them because they are reaching out and asking, otherwise you are being very nosy. I always think it is best to focus on oneself and how to improve oneself. Help others if they ask for it, otherwise you are being rude and nosy.0
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This is why I leave my diary closed. I can't stand someone getting all up in my business plan regarding my love affair with Mickey D's fries and Guinness.0
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I keep my diary closed. I know when I ate too much junk or not. If I had an open diary, I'd be tempted to fib a bit to save face. I don't usually look at my friends food diaries (if they are open), but if I do, I will only comment on the good things or not say anything at all. I won't sugar-coat something, I'll just not comment.0
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None of your business. If it bothers you that much either delete, or stop looking at the diary. I feel much better since I have stopped looking at diaries. Although my frustration was more about low net cals rather than food choices. It is not up to you to police someone else's food choices, unless they ask for feedback.0
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They may not care about what they eat. They may not find your advice helpful at all. Why do you feel the need to comment on anything? If the person wrote to you or on their status "I would like to eat healthier. What are some advice people can give me?" Than it would make sense for you to write to them because they are reaching out and asking, otherwise you are being very nosy. I always think it is best to focus on oneself and how to improve oneself. Help others if they ask for it, otherwise you are being rude and nosy.
Yep.0 -
joanthemom8 wrote: »I keep my diary closed. I know when I ate too much junk or not. If I had an open diary, I'd be tempted to fib a bit to save face. I don't usually look at my friends food diaries (if they are open), but if I do, I will only comment on the good things or not say anything at all. I won't sugar-coat something, I'll just not comment.
I don't look at anyone's food diary, unless they ask a general question, like, "What could I have done differently on such-and-such day?" I keep mine closed, lol, because I don't want to feel judged for not always getting 1200 calories a day. (In my friends' defense, no one ever said anything. It's all the general forum comments from people who refuse to believe I will lose any weight if I only eat 1000 calories.)
Gordie, I totally understand where you're coming from. You want to be helpful and supportive, but I think you need to be sure of having the kind of a relationship with that person where they will appreciate your input, rather than get offended.0 -
"Hey, I see you like (insert crappy food). Have you ever tried (insert healthy alternative) as a substitute?? It's fricken phenomenal AND saves some calories. You should totally try it! Keep up the good work!"
... or some variation that encourages your MFP buddy.0 -
GordieLaChance wrote: »Hello everyone,
I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.
How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
You are not allowed to comment, sorry. Those here who believe a calorie is a calorie and you can use up your 1500 cal alottment on whatever you like (pizza, McDonalds, icecream) will come around to your house and force feed you cookies until you die.
If you don't believe me, just start a forum titled "clean eating" or "paleo" or "low carb" and then brace yourself. Only the strong survive around here.
Example: someone whining the other day they were always hungry. I suggest reducing their sugar intake a bit and upping their fat/protein. Remember, they ASKED for advice. The response was a rant about how they were NEVER giving up their COKE.
... sigh ... gonna be hungry then.0 -
Right now, I ran 7.5 miles today because I had around 900-1000 calories. Whenever I eat badly, I try to push myself to the limit. I am not doing 5 miles in one sitting when I used to have to do one 2.5 4 different times. I am doing 2 at one time. If you have a bad diet, you don't have to change it completely, but you just have to do proportion control. Why deprive yourself on foods and junk food you absolutely love? Encouragement is always positive--it might be constructive criticism, but it's positive nevertheless. I think when people think it's negative, they are being told stuff they do not want to hear, but they know it's the truth.0
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Leave them alone. Healthy eating means something different to everyone anyway. With all due respect… it's none of your business anyway what someone else eats.0
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Perhaps it's none of my business but I was under the impression the purpose of an open diary was for receiving insight. This person added me because she said I seemed inspirational. Alas, I'll keep my trap shut. Thanks for the insight everyone!0
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does your pal keep to their calories, exercise?. and are they losing weight. how long have they been doing this? some people start of eating what you call garbage and then re adjust later.0
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No exercise. Just candy and big macs.0
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Is she staying within her calorie goal?0
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