Offended people because I didn't take a chocolate
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what if they tip sweets on your desk in a threatening manner0
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The tribal mentality insists that you do whatever they do, and if you don't it's a threat or challenge.0
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A lot can be said for how you decline an offer. Saying "no thank you" is enough for a stranger, but why not go a bit further for a friend or coworker? Just a few words won't kill you. I get offered food all the time. Saying something like "Oh, aren't you so sweet for thinking of me! It looks delicious but I have to pass this time" will go a long way for the majority of people. I've never found anybody offended after this. Most of the time they just want to share their hard work, or their purchase, and acknowledging them can be enough. If they still push, you can still politely decline. A coworker of mine chooses to eat gluten-free. When well-intentioned people offer him food, he often says "No, it has wheat" and then walks away. A few more polite words would go a long way for him. I don't live a life of unicorns and rainbows, but civility can be more than just curt responses.0
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refuseresist wrote: »what if they tip sweets on your desk in a threatening manner
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I just send this to group email list:
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refuseresist wrote: »I don't get the 'offence' being committed? They offer you a biscuit, you say 'No thank you' . If people are offended by that, they need to get out more.
^^^^this^^^^
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refuseresist wrote: »I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I love this song!
Right now its easy for me to turn down food since I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, so when someone presses me, I just tell them I have to get into a swimsuit. I do not understand why people feel the need to push the issue; no means no, dammit!
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refuseresist wrote: »I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I love this song!
Right now its easy for me to turn down food since I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, so when someone presses me, I just tell them I have to get into a swimsuit. I do not understand why people feel the need to push the issue; no means no, dammit!
Was every suit you tried too big around the thighs?0 -
A housemate used to fill each plate herself when it was her night to cook, rather than allowing others to take what they felt they could eat, and she would give me about twice as much (usually pasta with thick sauce) as I could pack in. At first I tried to eat it all to be polite and almost got sick a couple times. Then I tried asking her nicely for less, but she got offended and accused me of not liking her cooking or appreciating her efforts. Then I started taking my "leftovers" to work and pretending I was having them for lunch, but I actually tossed them and brought home the empty container. Bad situation all around. I finally got my own place and now I don't have to deal with it anymore. Really, in my view, grown-ups have no business telling other grown-ups how much to eat, what to eat, or when, unless there's a diagnosed ED or other psychological issue.0
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refuseresist wrote: »refuseresist wrote: »I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I love this song!
Right now its easy for me to turn down food since I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, so when someone presses me, I just tell them I have to get into a swimsuit. I do not understand why people feel the need to push the issue; no means no, dammit!
Was every suit you tried too big around the thighs?
What the what?! Dude, its just an excuse I use when I don't want to eat crap and one most people don't argue with me about. Unfortunately, I won't be able to use it after my vacation.
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In that situation I just take the chocolate and give it someone else xD but I don't like awkward situations0
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Sometimes I politely accept and then pass it on to someone else who will appreciate my kindness
Kind of like re-gifting
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I think their offense might be in your head. I doubt they were truly offended, although they may be surprised to see someone turn down a free offer. I turn down food all the time, but do so with a smile, and I'm confident I've never once offended someone doing this.
Agreed. Are you sure you aren't imagining their "offense"? I used to have a friend who would dream up all these imagined looks in her head. She was constantly saying things like "Did you see the look that girl gave me? I think she hates my shoes".0 -
Offense over not accepting food offered is called "butthurt,"and it's not valid. They need to get over it.0
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^-- I agree with EVERY WORD of jimmy28's post on page 1 (particularly the bits I've pasted above).Getting looks is often so subjective I think a lot of times we project whatever we're feeling into those looks.
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So my main point of all of this is don't rely on hostility or a f*** everyone mentality as your defense mechanism to make your choices in life. It's hard and unhealthy to maintain.
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Ultimately we're responsible for ourselves in these situations and the healthier our response the better off we'll be for it in the long run.
OP, and anyone else who finds himself or herself in this situation, consider whether you might be inferring more than was intended. When you've been on the other side of the situation, were you genuinely offended if someone said "No, thank you" to your offering?0 -
I get that all the time. It stinks0
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deluxmary2000 wrote: »Agreed. Are you sure you aren't imagining their "offense"? I used to have a friend who would dream up all these imagined looks in her head. She was constantly saying things like "Did you see the look that girl gave me? I think she hates my shoes".
This. And LOL at the example. I had a friend like that many years ago. Good grief, it was exhausting to be around that!0 -
Offense over not accepting food offered is called "butthurt,"and it's not valid. They need to get over it.
Unless their love language is acts of service, in which case it's not the rejection of the food itself, it's the rejection of their way of showing they care. Food was just the vehicle.0 -
Amanda_Brit_Expat wrote: »I started a new job in an office where they have a kitchen right in the next room and employees often cook, like 3-4 times a week, pancakes, hash browns, large batches of cookies, and the boss brings a huge box of doughnuts in 2-3 times a week.
THAT IS SO COOL!!!! I wish I had a full kitchen where I work!I just got some dirty and wtf type of looks cause I said no to the free piece of chocolate with the coffee I ordered ... the people behind the counter stared at me like I was an alien and were like "omg but its free!!!!!" . What is it with the obligation to eat something cause its free ?
My BF and I go out to brunch every other week. One of us gets some sort of "sweet" breakfast, such as stuffed french toast, and the other gets an omelette or egg and protein heavy dish. Usually the egg dish comes with hash browns, bacon and toast. Neither of us like the toast really and we have just gotten used to telling the waitress no toast. (If we are lucky we get the same AWESOME waitress who remembers our standard order and brings coffee with her to the table when she first greets us, even if we haven't been there for a month or two!) The toast is technically something we PAY for, but my thing is why waste food? Especially if it is at a cafe where you know that someone else will eat it?
I have an issue with people who make "elaborate displays" of throwing away food they felt pressured into taking. First because I agree with some of the above posters that many people offer food as a show of Love. I am one of those people. I love to cook and I think I am good at it (and my boyfriend and his roommate haven't complained yet!) But I have learned that my one friend doesn't like candy, or is so super picky about it that he won't eat the caramels I make at Christmas. I don't make them for him anymore because of that. My other friend just told me he is going gluten-free for stomach problems. Great! Thanks for telling me! We are both trying to watch what we eat, but we are in a class that has presentations at the end of the semester and I wanted to bring something to share. Now I will try to make something gluten-free that is relatively healthy.
Second, there is so much food waste in so many countries that I try not to contribute to it. I watched this video and since then I have tried to be very precise with what I buy and make. http://www.ted.com/talks/tristram_stuart_the_global_food_waste_scandal?language=en
Third, by making a big deal about it, you are being a twit. Yes you can do whatever you want with the food, but by making a big scene you are fueling future hostilities in the work place. Take it and throw it away quietly later. I do this all the time with stuff that I don't like. I'll take it, because it looks good, have a bite, realize it tastes awful, and throw the rest away discretely. If it is really awful, you can always "wipe your mouth" and spit out the bite you took.0 -
Stop fussing so much about someone looking at you funny. You don't have to accept the food to be polite! Just smile, shake your head and say 'No, thank you". If they offer again, just smile, shake your head and say, "No, thank you". And then don't worry about what their faces look like. You're wasting energy.0
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refuseresist wrote: »refuseresist wrote: »I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings
I love this song!
Right now its easy for me to turn down food since I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, so when someone presses me, I just tell them I have to get into a swimsuit. I do not understand why people feel the need to push the issue; no means no, dammit!
Was every suit you tried too big around the thighs?
What the what?! Dude, its just an excuse I use when I don't want to eat crap and one most people don't argue with me about. Unfortunately, I won't be able to use it after my vacation.
Sorry it's from the song I quoted 'Hurt Feelings' by Flight of the Conchords. Perhaps you were thinking of a different song. My apologies. It wasn't a comment aimed at your actual thighs.0 -
I've been offending my clients so much lately! Every couple of days somebody comes in with some kind of treat and they then go around the office offering it up to people before bringing it to the kitchen. I keep refusing when I used to say yes all the time.
To top things off there's also the birthday cakes that keeps going around and recently the city of Ottawa has started their annual charity drive for the United Way so every department has their own fundraisers. I'm getting flack from my own department for not buying the chocolates and from my clients who keep asking me to buy some! Plus they keep having these "events" for fundraising which is basically centered around food. Two weeks ago they had an all you can eat icecream event for 2$, there's daily chips/pop for 1$ as an afternoon snack, and next Friday they're ordering in pizza. I keep saying no but man it's getting harder to do with all the frowns. Worst part is it's not even November yet (this thing goes on until Christmas)
So yeah, all that to say, I've started to simply shrug off the offense. I'm refusing to better my health, I don't care if they judge me for not eating that crap. I will eat what benefits me not them.0 -
Stop fussing so much about someone looking at you funny. You don't have to accept the food to be polite! Just smile, shake your head and say 'No, thank you". If they offer again, just smile, shake your head and say, "No, thank you". And then don't worry about what their faces look like. You're wasting energy.
i agree. no thank you is all that is needed.
with my mum i have to repeat the no thank you a few times but it usually does work.
offering explanations is not needed either, you just dont want it
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I've been offending my clients so much lately! Every couple of days somebody comes in with some kind of treat and they then go around the office offering it up to people before bringing it to the kitchen. I keep refusing when I used to say yes all the time.
To top things off there's also the birthday cakes that keeps going around and recently the city of Ottawa has started their annual charity drive for the United Way so every department has their own fundraisers. I'm getting flack from my own department for not buying the chocolates and from my clients who keep asking me to buy some! Plus they keep having these "events" for fundraising which is basically centered around food. Two weeks ago they had an all you can eat icecream event for 2$, there's daily chips/pop for 1$ as an afternoon snack, and next Friday they're ordering in pizza. I keep saying no but man it's getting harder to do with all the frowns. Worst part is it's not even November yet (this thing goes on until Christmas)
So yeah, all that to say, I've started to simply shrug off the offense. I'm refusing to better my health, I don't care if they judge me for not eating that crap. I will eat what benefits me not them.
see i know what i said above but yours sounds a little different. your example involves charity. In this situation you could give the money for charity without having to eat any of it.
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It's really awkward when people do that - and why do they?! There's just no need!
I usually just say I'm on a diet and trying to be good if it's friends, family or colleagues offering, and most now have learnt to respect that, or if it's a stranger I don't usually comment, it's none of their business and I'm not in control of their expectations. If I wanted to, I'd probably just say I'm intolerant (which I am, to lactose and sugar), but thanks anyway. Or you could tell them to enjoy it themselves because you can't. Either way, don't worry about it too much, you've started to view food differently to help lose weight, which is great, they haven't (or don't need to), and it's their problem not yours.0 -
I'm on the incognito diet, I tell no one, if they give me dessert i toss it someplace on the sly or if they give me free chocolate give I it to my husband later at home. the less people know about my business the less they can "advise" me as to how i should behave.0
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Haha people get onto me all the time at work for refusing donuts and pastries and cake ect, feels awkward at first, but eventually its almost second nature. I think a lot of it is because its new. Like the first few times, the ladies who enjoy bringing in baked goods got offended but now they ask and doesn't bother them at all when I say no thanks.0
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I just got some dirty and wtf type of looks cause I said no to the free piece of chocolate with the coffee I ordered ... the people behind the counter stared at me like I was an alien and were like "omg but its free!!!!!" . What is it with the obligation to eat something cause its free ? Its that
type of mentality that caused me to overeat/gain weight in the first place and that I had to unlearn per say and learn how to say No to food (which was tough).
I also hurt one of my friends feelings cause I refused a cookie from her once ...
Have you guys ever offended people due to that ? Have you even hurt relationships or how do you even respond?
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More or less what sympha01 said, there has to be more to it otherwise they dont care and its in your head. If you do care, then why> They are just strangers, take it dont take it. Not worth wasting energy on.
Also what kgeyser said above this seems a pretty healthy approach.0 -
^^^^^Offense over not accepting food offered is called "butthurt,"and it's not valid. They need to get over it.
(*) THIS (*)
God help the fool who gets offended for my refusal of junk foods.
My reaction to his reaction will offend for life!
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