Weight & Dating Question!

Metamorphasis555
Metamorphasis555 Posts: 224
edited September 26 in Chit-Chat
Are any of you currently single & holding off on dating until you lose more weight? I am. Some of my friends & family keep encouraging me to go out on dates & I've had some offers from guys on online dating sites. But...I just haven't "dared" to yet because I'm just not feeling very attractive right now. I think I might continue holding off on dating until I lose at least a little more weight first. Anyone else in the same boat?
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Replies

  • superstarcola
    superstarcola Posts: 36
    I was that way for a while, but I learned that I just need to be confident and go.
    I've met some pretty wonderful friends doing that. :)
  • cdngirl71
    cdngirl71 Posts: 2,641 Member
    Yep I am in the same boat, LOL. Although I have met some guys from on-line but had no chemistry with them. I have backed off for right now since I don't feel that confident anymore to go out and date.
  • cat_1977
    cat_1977 Posts: 79 Member
    Oh don't postpone your life. It's short enough without avoiding the dating scene till you've lost a bit more weight. Think of all the great people who you're missing out on meeting who are out there being snapped up by other people.

    Trust me - go for it! I know it's hard when you're feeling self conscious, but you never know when the love of your life might come knocking. Don't be afraid to open the door cause you're not super skinny.

    I just wish I had a few offers!
  • DKBingaman
    DKBingaman Posts: 12
    Sort of!

    I've never been asked out and i'm not that much over weight! but i want to shed some weight so i can feel more comfortable. I just enjoy being single and maybe i'll start looking when i'm down to my goal!!
  • VixFit2011
    VixFit2011 Posts: 663 Member
    Are any of you currently single & holding off on dating until you lose more weight? I am. Some of my friends & family keep encouraging me to go out on dates & I've had some offers from guys on online dating sites. But...I just haven't "dared" to yet because I'm just not feeling very attractive right now. I think I might continue holding off on dating until I lose at least a little more weight first. Anyone else in the same boat?


    I'm there too. Although I'm an older woman I'm single and would like to go out with someone nice but I have no confidence at all about dating anyone due to my weight gain and out of shape body.
  • chefchazz
    chefchazz Posts: 427 Member
    Oh don't postpone your life. It's short enough without avoiding the dating scene till you've lost a bit more weight. Think of all the great people who you're missing out on meeting who are out there being snapped up by other people.

    Trust me - go for it! I know it's hard when you're feeling self conscious, but you never know when the love of your life might come knocking. Don't be afraid to open the door cause you're not super skinny.

    I just wish I had a few offers!
    well said!!
  • kenzietea
    kenzietea Posts: 614 Member
    It doesn't matter if you are 800 lbs or 10, you won't have a successful relationship until you are confident with who you are and yourself :) If you aren't feeling that way, I would wait until you do- but losing weight isn't the only way you will be confident.
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    Are you only interested in dating people who judge you by your looks?
  • Nysie5
    Nysie5 Posts: 215 Member
    i can one up you.. i broke up with my boyfriend (besides the fact that it wasnt working) MFP opened my eyes and i have confidence now... so i am waiting i guess, but open to watever happens.. happens.
  • getNskinny2day
    getNskinny2day Posts: 74
    I'm right there with you. It's not that I am SUPER self conscious, it's just that I have enough on my plate right now with trying to lose the weight that I don't need the added stress of dating on top of that (if that makes any sense).. I've been asked out lately by various guys too and I just tell them that "I'm not really interested in dating anyone right now".

    I think once I get REALLY consistent with my new healthy lifestyle (which I've only been consistent with for about a month now) that I'll be ready to dip my toe in the dating pool. That way I don't get "comfortable" with a guy and start letting myself go because I'll have already made my healthy eating and exercise habits concrete staples in my life by then.
  • downtome
    downtome Posts: 529 Member
    Yes, i am exactly on the same boat! I sign up for plentyoffish.com and got several offers but I still don't feel confident enough to follow through just yet. I actually just hid my profile because I don't think I'm ready yet. I too want to lose more weight before I start dating again and I'm just plain scared, it's been a long long time. I just divorced about 5 months ago but have been separated for about 3 1/2 years. My ex already has a girlfriend he is marrying, but i'm in no rush, this is my time to work on myself and get my confidence back!
  • Metamorphasis555
    Metamorphasis555 Posts: 224
    Thanks so muc h for your input ladies! You all gave me alot to think about.
  • lilac01
    lilac01 Posts: 180 Member
    I broke up with my bf and gained like 7 pounds. Me and my ex made up and now we're dating again. I have like 3 more pounds left to lose.
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    Definitely has a bit to do with it... but it's a mix of things for me... being cheated on in the past really has a way of screwin with your head, confidence, and anything else positive. But then working full time and being in school also plays a big part in it. When you don't have time to date, it's hard. But school will be done soon, and I'm gaining more confidence back each day... sooo... you ladies better watch out! lol
  • Life0nMars86
    Life0nMars86 Posts: 155 Member
    I talk to people and flirt and hangout with guys once in a while but haven't really been on a "date" in ages, and yeah I'm still a bit too self conscious right now I think....But I know in all honesty if I'm not happy with myself now, I won't really be happy with myself at my goal weight either, so it's more a matter of learning to accept myself for who I am, no matter what size I am. I do think it's easier to do the whole weight loss thing though without really dating or having a boyfriend, cuz less going out to eat and stuff that usually goes along with it. So for now I think I'll enjoy being single and flirting and see what happens, but I'm not really looking for anything just yet.
  • mixmastermolly
    mixmastermolly Posts: 272
    I talk to people and flirt and hangout with guys once in a while but haven't really been on a "date" in ages, and yeah I'm still a bit too self conscious right now I think....But I know in all honesty if I'm not happy with myself now, I won't really be happy with myself at my goal weight either, so it's more a matter of learning to accept myself for who I am, no matter what size I am.

    I completely agree with this. I realize that I can't have a successful relationship until I work a lot of things out with myself and find happiness with me. I guess that old, "you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with you" thing.
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    Just some insight from an old married lady.

    I didn't get married until I was 37, so I had quite a lot of "single" experience. One thing I always thought was that losing weight would solve all my dating problems. WRONG! All losing weight did was increase the quantity and quality of *kitten* I had to deal with. :laugh:

    Losing weight just makes you thinner. Period. It doesn't change how you perceive yourself or how you allow people to treat you. It doesn't make you instantly popular or bring Prince Charming to your doorstep. Ironically, when you're chubby, if someone likes you, you KNOW they like you because of your personality - not because you have a hot bod. :wink:

    Get out there and enjoy life. If someone doesn't like you because you have 20, 30, 40 lbs to lose, then they aren't worth knowing. That being said, if there's someone you absolutely are crushing on now - who isn't paying attention to you - if they start paying attention to you when you're thin, you may want to re-evaluate their inner character. Anyone who doesn't like you chubby needs to be kicked to the curb, pronto!

    Always remember to love yourself for the person that you are now (not the person you hope to become).

    Oh... and NEVER SETTLE!!!! You can't meet Mr. Right if you're always with Mr. Right Now.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    Are you only interested in dating people who judge you by your looks?

    I assume she is interested in dating men, so..... :tongue:
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
    I am not dating because of my weight and because it just doesn't fit into my life right now.
  • locococo
    locococo Posts: 17
    Well, the important thing about dating is making sure you're comfortable with yourself.
    If you're feeling unattractive, he's going to notice you're uncomfortable and you're not going to be happy.

    But always keep in mind people who don't give you a shot because of looks alone don't deserve you.

    I always find the best way to "date" when you're not quite comfortable with yourself is to not date at all, but rather, join social groups to meet friends. That way people get to know you without the pressure of "omg is he going to think I'm ugly / fat" that comes with dating. Then you never know where it can go from there.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Don't be afraid to go out in social situations with friends where you may meet guys. It may give you the confidence boost you need to start dating again. If someone asks you out, then he's already decided that he likes your appearance.

    It's a little different with online dating sites because the men haven't met you in person. Even though they will have seen pictures of you and have a general idea of what you look like, it's not the same thing as going on a date with someone who has already met you, and you likely won't have the same level of confidence as you would when you get closer to your goal weight.

    I agree with the person who said that losing weight isn't going to magically bring Prince Charming to your door, but it most definitely will give you more confidence when it comes to being yourself around men you are attracted to, so if you don't feel like you're at that point yet, then there's no shame in holding off on dating until you get there.
  • nurse_chris
    nurse_chris Posts: 189
    I was using my weight and school as my excuses to not go "out". I just wrote my last exam and have lost two waste sizes and have no more excuses.... Bring on the summer!! (big talk, but i'll get there :blushing: )
  • pyro13g
    pyro13g Posts: 1,127 Member
    Go on dates and have some fun. Both of you will make choices based on physical and emotional attraction. You just might enjoy some of those dates regardless of how you feel about your weight or theirs. As a rather lean guy, some of my most enjoyable dates have been with women I have zero physical attraction to. It's just a first date, no pressure.
  • pyro13g
    pyro13g Posts: 1,127 Member
    Sort of!

    I've never been asked out and i'm not that much over weight! but i want to shed some weight so i can feel more comfortable. I just enjoy being single and maybe i'll start looking when i'm down to my goal!!

    I call BS on not being asked out. You're a great looking young women.
  • rebelontherun
    rebelontherun Posts: 192 Member
    I didn't date at all until I lost a bit of weight. But, I kind of wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time "worrying" about my weight and just embracing the fact that yes I was bigger, but I was doing something about it. I think I would have been much happier through it all if I had said yes to some of the guys that asked me out.
  • Metamorphasis555
    Metamorphasis555 Posts: 224
    Well, just wanted to let you all know that I did it! After not going out on dates with anyone but my ex for the last several months, I actually went on a date with another guy last night!! AND....I actually had a great time! All we did was meet up for coffee but we ended up staying there for almost 2 hours just chatting away. I was a bit worried that maybe he didn't find me attractive since during the date he didn't say anything at all about me looking nice or being pretty even though I felt like he was looking at me "appreciatively" (in a non creepy way) lol. BUT...a little while after our date ended, we chatted a bit via text & he told me that he thinks I'm a really cute girl & that I have beautiful eyes. AND..he said he'd really like to see me again if I'm interested! Woo hoo!!

    Now, even though he's an attractive guy, I didn't feel major sparks for him the way I did when I first met my ex BUT I did have a really nice time with him. So, I think I'll go out with this guy but also go out on dates with other guys as well since I don't think I'm quite ready to jump right into anything exclusive/serious at this point anyways. Going on this date last night though has given me a little jolt of confidence though cuz even though I still have a long ways to go to get to my goal weight, I figure if this guy is attractive & finds me attractive, then I'm sure there must be at least a few other guys that would also find me attractive, even at my current size (14).

    Anyways, I'm just really happy about this as it made me feel really good to know that he apparently finds me attractive & it also made me think that I probably should have started accepting dates from guys other than my ex a long, long time ago.
  • ashley_jorah
    ashley_jorah Posts: 71 Member
    I was attempting to date, even met a nice guy. But during this process I've decided that I need to concentrate on myself first. I have so many little things in myself I need to fix first, before I start worrying about someone else.
    It was probably that the person just wasn't right for me, but I found it difficult to make time for them and get everything done that I wanted to do. So I had to let them go, it just wasn't fair to them.
    I think in another month or so I'll see about dating again. Nothing to do with weight, just where I am in my life and where I want to be.
  • Metamorphasis555
    Metamorphasis555 Posts: 224
    Nothing wrong with that at all Ashley. You need to do what you think is best for you.
  • Metamorphasis555
    Metamorphasis555 Posts: 224
    The guy that I went out with last Sunday for coffee has asked me out for another date this weekend. This time we're planning on going out to lunch & then going to see movie. Should be fun. :)
  • littlemissanguissette
    littlemissanguissette Posts: 248 Member
    Nope, not waiting until I lose more weight/tone up more to date. Granted, I'm not looking for an intense relationship...just going out and having fun.

    And in my experience, MOST of the people on Plenty of Fish are only after one thing. [Like I said, from my experience...I do tend to attract a lot of...crappy men]

    I wouldn't put my life on hold "...until this", or "...until that", because you'll live your whole life that way. :) You need to enjoy life, stay in the moment, too. You can't change the past, nor can you predict the future. Who knows, you could run into your future soul mate tomorrow at the grocery store.
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