Being called fat

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zzk0485
zzk0485 Posts: 51 Member
in Motivation and Support
In a roundabout way I was called fat tonight by someone very close to me. Of course the tears flowed behind closed doors. How would you handle this? I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. Brings back alot of memories as a kid being called fat.

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  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
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    Maybe after emotions settle down you could talk to this person and tell them how much it hurt you and the bad childhood memories it brought back.

    I know I can also be oversensitive at times but I typically get mad after the tears are gone and use comments like that as motivation to keep going and getting more fit and trying to lose more weight.

    If you want to stay positive just look at that beautiful baby of yours.
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
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    honestly I would suck it up and use it as fuel to lose weight but that is how I deal with things.
    Best advice I can give you is to turn hateful mean things into fuel or learn to let them go and roll off your shoulder.

    Also once I accepted the fact I was indeed fat it didn't bother me as much. I dunno if that relates to you but A lot of people want to be in-denial about their weight and having it thrown in their face hurts. I guess accepting it would be a start?

    I dunno, either way it's crappy that someone had to do that. Some people don't think before they speak. If it's someone you're around often, I would be open and honest and say "you hurt my feelings and I'd appreciate it if you didn't do it again" or something like that. Let it go because if you hold it in you might feel resentment around that person.

    Just my two cents. I hope your day gets better dear.
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
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    I may be a little fat, but at least I'm not a lot stupid. :p
  • FitnessTrainer69
    FitnessTrainer69 Posts: 283 Member
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    Are you trying to get fit? Not sure where your post is going? A true friend will be honest with you. Would you rather them lie to not hurt your feelings? Honestly if it hurts your feelings then either get a new friend or face the facts and get it together to have a figure your happy with. If your comfortable with whatever weight your at then your feelings shouldnt be hurt when your friend said that.
  • HealthyStartsHere
    HealthyStartsHere Posts: 126 Member
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    I can so relate! I'm a teacher's aide so I'm called fat about 5x a day. Normally when a child asks me "Why are you so fat?" I tend to respond with "Because I am." Naturally it's depressing, and I know your pain. Especially since we've all joined this site with the intent to lose weight so why kick us when our down, kind of thing. How I handle it is I just ignore it. I ignore it because there's no magically way to fix 'fatness' we are trying to get healthier and it's a slow but beneficial process. Dwelling on it and not making a change won't get us anywhere but ignoring it and continuing on our journey will allow us to be healthy and feel successful.

    On your profile it says that you have lost 7 lbs! Congrats! That is something you should remind yourself if you have negative thoughts. Be proud of what you have accomplished and remind yourself what it will feel like when you continue with your progress. Sure, being 'bigger' sucks but your working towards your goals so there is no sense in beating yourself up over it. Is there?
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Honestly, the times I've been called fat I can't say it really bothered me, because I was. Was someone rude for saying it? Yeah, probably. Were they a little bit stupid for thinking I didn't realise and needed to be told? Yeah, probably. But in the end... What can I say. I was fat. I still am.

    You can't control what people say, only how you react.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
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    I am fat. I don't care if someone calls me fat in a matter of fact way. If my sister or friend told me not to wear an article of clothing because it was clinging to my fat, I'd kiss her, not get upset. When I was over 300 a person commented on my hiking abilities to be able to reach the summit of a mountain when people half my size turned back half way.. Yeah, that person called me FAT in a round about way, but it certainly wasn't to say anything negative about me. When we're all piling in a car and someone says for me to take shotgun, it's a round about way of saying I'm fat.. and it's not at all insulting, it just logistically makes the most sense. In the absence of malice, being called fat is no different than being called brunette, or tall, or short.. it is what it is. It's only when a person is using "fat" as an insult that I feel insulted.
  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
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    zzk0485 wrote: »
    In a roundabout way I was called fat tonight by someone very close to me. Of course the tears flowed behind closed doors. How would you handle this? I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. Brings back alot of memories as a kid being called fat.

    I'm an ambassador for Tumblr and consider myself a transethnic curvy quadrasexual and am an expert in being discriminated against. I'm a paid up member of Health At Every Size (HAES) and believe in accepting and respecting the natural diversity of body sizes and shapes and eating in a flexible manner that values pleasure and honors internal cues of hunger, satiety, and appetite. Perhaps this can help you in your quest for acceptance
  • mzbek24
    mzbek24 Posts: 436 Member
    edited October 2014
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    "If they want to give you a name, take it and make it your own. Then they can't hurt you with it anymore"- Tyrion Lannister.

    Something I just wanted to share with you: At the start of this year, I was overweight. My partner said he was less attracted to me than he used to be. He felt I would always be the weight I was and he said he'd accepted that. I knew that it was me who had given him reason to think I could never change, I'd attempted and failed so many times to really make progress. He said it on our anniversary weekend, and I was beyond gutted.
    It doesn't matter how it is said, or by who, it's just not something I'd ever be okay about. Like you, I had been called fat or ugly, whatever, all my life, and if people didn't say it, their actions did. It is impossible no to feel something. We are only human!

    About 3 weeks (or not sure exactly when) in to my journey, which started immediately after his comment, I started to see some progress, and feel stronger mentally because I had been sticking with something for the first time in years. I realised, you do not need anyone elses approval, it does not matter if not a soul in the world believes in you, and nothing they say or do can stop you. It really doesn't.
    Now, 208 days later, I have lost weight, become healthy, and it has improved our relationship. It was fuel in the start, but now I'm still here, and it is my journey, my own personal goals, and things have become so much more than about just being good enough for somebody else...I am becoming a person who can do things I never dreamed I could.
    Sometimes in life, you just have to be it, you have to be the hero of your own story and you have to just let it go. I said "Enough. It doesn't matter. I BELIEVE IN ME" and took each day at a time. I put one foot in front of the other, logged each day, added friends to support and be supported by, and that helped. I kept on reading and learning about how to improve, finding new fitness goals to challenge myself. If you do that, soon enough you will see that it really doesn't matter, because you will notice progress, and know that YOU CAN DO THIS and not only this, you can do so many things, achieve so many awesome goals and accomplishments and experience so many awesome life changes. You are so much more than a single word, it does not define you. Use it, then leave it in your dust!
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    People are *kitten* and I'm sorry that happened. I can tell you to use it to motivate you, but you want to get healthy for yourself, not because someone was a douche.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
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    I am so sorry this happened to you. Try to get past it by doing this for yourself. You can do it! When I began, I did not tell anyone, not even my husband or daughter (who is a couple of years older than you). It feels great when people begin to see your success. Show them you can do this! Lean on the people here who will support you. It really helps.

    If I can do this, anyone can! Best of luck to you!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    zzk0485 wrote: »
    In a roundabout way I was called fat tonight by someone very close to me. Of course the tears flowed behind closed doors. How would you handle this? I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. Brings back alot of memories as a kid being called fat.

    how roundabout? are you sure you didnt interpret it as them calling you fat because you're thinking about your weight a lot at the moment?
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    Fuel for the fire!....and I would go to them direct ad tell them you didn't appreciate the rude comment even if it was true your weight isn't their business...Im finding as a grow closer to 40 I no longer hold my breath or hide behind closed doors to cry let them see how their words hurt..then walk away. Life is short enough and you deserve to enjoy every minute of it. Keep a notebook of all these events and when u want to give up go read it.
  • psharma06
    psharma06 Posts: 93 Member
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    I have found hurtful in the past. Now I just tell myself that I am doing what I can to become healthier and fit.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    zzk0485 wrote: »
    In a roundabout way I was called fat tonight by someone very close to me. Of course the tears flowed behind closed doors. How would you handle this? I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. Brings back alot of memories as a kid being called fat.

    how roundabout? are you sure you didnt interpret it as them calling you fat because you're thinking about your weight a lot at the moment?

    ^^ This.

  • RockAShelley
    RockAShelley Posts: 53 Member
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    I would rather have some one straight out say to me that I'm fat then give me backhanded complements like "you have such a pretty face" or worse make excuses for me like "but you've had kids..."

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    If you're an emotional eater, that didn't help at all.
  • columbus2382
    columbus2382 Posts: 1 Member
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    mzbek24 wrote: »
    "If they want to give you a name, take it and make it your own. Then they can't hurt you with it anymore"- Tyrion Lannister.

    Something I just wanted to share with you: At the start of this year, I was overweight. My partner said he was less attracted to me than he used to be. He felt I would always be the weight I was and he said he'd accepted that. I knew that it was me who had given him reason to think I could never change, I'd attempted and failed so many times to really make progress. He said it on our anniversary weekend, and I was beyond gutted.
    It doesn't matter how it is said, or by who, it's just not something I'd ever be okay about. Like you, I had been called fat or ugly, whatever, all my life, and if people didn't say it, their actions did. It is impossible no to feel something. We are only human!

    About 3 weeks (or not sure exactly when) in to my journey, which started immediately after his comment, I started to see some progress, and feel stronger mentally because I had been sticking with something for the first time in years. I realised, you do not need anyone elses approval, it does not matter if not a soul in the world believes in you, and nothing they say or do can stop you. It really doesn't.
    Now, 208 days later, I have lost weight, become healthy, and it has improved our relationship. It was fuel in the start, but now I'm still here, and it is my journey, my own personal goals, and things have become so much more than about just being good enough for somebody else...I am becoming a person who can do things I never dreamed I could.
    Sometimes in life, you just have to be it, you have to be the hero of your own story and you have to just let it go. I said "Enough. It doesn't matter. I BELIEVE IN ME" and took each day at a time. I put one foot in front of the other, logged each day, added friends to support and be supported by, and that helped. I kept on reading and learning about how to improve, finding new fitness goals to challenge myself. If you do that, soon enough you will see that it really doesn't matter, because you will notice progress, and know that YOU CAN DO THIS and not only this, you can do so many things, achieve so many awesome goals and accomplishments and experience so many awesome life changes. You are so much more than a single word, it does not define you. Use it, then leave it in your dust!

    I could Of wrote this!!! The exact same thing happend to me with my Husband and although it hurt I used it as fuel to try and become the person I once was! Amazing to know someone else went through a similar thing.
  • zzk0485
    zzk0485 Posts: 51 Member
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    Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions! Reading all of these has really helped open my eyes and my mind. I really do appreciate each of you for taking the time to help me.

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