I've lost about 30 lbs, took a picture, and I look WORSE than when I was heavier?
getdancing2013
Posts: 72 Member
So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
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Replies
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Your self esteem is pretty poor, I guess your mother calling you "a monster" and "deformed" isn't helping. Those are really nasty things to call anyone, and saying that to your kid is pretty f%@&ed up. You're going to have to get your own act together on this, because it doesn't sound like anyone's willing to support you in your life as it stands right now.
Transitioning into a better healthier body can have some weird stages. Regardless of how your skin is sagging now, your heart will be functioning more effectively. You're still prolonging your life span. You're still strengthening your respiratory system when you work out.
If you think you look better fat, you know where the cookie jar is. But losing weight isn't all about looks, and it sure as hell isn't about making your mother stop abusing you.0 -
If you feel you look healthier and feel better at a higher weight, don't let anybody even your mother stop you. I have been a number of different weights throughout my life, I have gained a little lately, I have more energy, my moods are more controlled I feel happier, I like my body shape better. I'm lifting weights, you might want to do that and eat more and you will see good changes in your body.
When I was at my lowest weight, I had headaches, dizzyness, tiredness, uncontrollable body temp drops and generally felt rubbish all the time.
It's really horrible that your mother called you those things, it's not right and I hope you tell her what for.
You might also be having a low day, sometimes you can feel a lot worse about yourself for no good reason, you might feel better tomorrow, take it one day at a time.
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Your body is changing, in so many ways! Your skin will need time to bounce back, as its use to fat being behind it! but it will! Its a process, and you wont be perfect at every milestone! Just keep your head and chin up, tredge on harder, and you will start feeling just as beautiful as I bet you are!0
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I only dieted once before and dropped 3o lbs. That was when I was in my late 20's. I remember I felt terrible and did not look good either. I say my doctor and he advised me to throw out everything you've seen about your height and your weight should be this etc etc. He told me because my frame was so large I must not go below a certain weight and put be on a diet to gain back 10 lbs the healthy way. I looked better and felt so much better. So be careful with what's been told out there. I'm only 5' 2" but my best feeling weight was 150 lbs at that time. Now that I'm older its 165 lbs. he says. People never believe me I weighed that much because my large frame spread it around and my actual bones are much heavier than most peoples. You also can go through stages in weight loss where you don't look good. Remember you body takes 12 months to ajust more than 30 lbs.
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Skin takes up to a year to shrink back. So that part is temporary. There are facial exercises you can do for your face to prevent sagging and fix asymmetry. As for your self esteem - your mom sucks!!!!! I think you should so some major soul searching. Beauty comes from within. Has nothing to do w skin or looks. I love the book by Louise hay "you can heal your life"0
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I betch'ya ya look a lot better than what you think.....
,,,,,,perhaps put a side-by-side pix up? You can block out the face if you wish to keep it private. 
Mom's can be just downright stuck in the dark ages it seems. Let your MFP besties be the judge. Your 30lb loss probably looks a lot more fantastic than you are seeing in your reflection. 0 -
Wow! 30 pounds! Good for you! I bet you feel great! I bet those old too-big pants are the best trophy ever!!!
Fill your life with people (real world or on MFP) that fill you up, not tear you down! (Friend me if you want, I am sane and supportive!) Think about how much easier life is without those extra 30 pounds! Great work!
I've lost almost 60 pounds and am still a ways from my goal. I've noticed a really weird thing over the past few months. I am way more critical of my body! And it is weird, I will notice all kinds of flabbiness, dimple-y-ness, icky-ness.... and then I lose weight really quickly for a week or two. I think this is what some people call a whoosh? It is weird, but I think I look better afterward - certainly not before!
I think it is perfectly normal in our society to want that ideal, firm beach body. I plan to work my *kitten* off and not get it. My body has been through decades of being overweight and 2 pregnancies. It is going to show that experience. But, it will look great in clothes from a NON-plus size store someday!
You can do this. You are strong. You have made the choice every day to be healthier.0 -
I only dieted once before and dropped 3o lbs. That was when I was in my late 20's. I remember I felt terrible and did not look good either. I say my doctor and he advised me to throw out everything you've seen about your height and your weight should be this etc etc. He told me because my frame was so large I must not go below a certain weight and put be on a diet to gain back 10 lbs the healthy way. I looked better and felt so much better. So be careful with what's been told out there. I'm only 5' 2" but my best feeling weight was 150 lbs at that time. Now that I'm older its 165 lbs. he says. People never believe me I weighed that much because my large frame spread it around and my actual bones are much heavier than most peoples. You also can go through stages in weight loss where you don't look good. Remember you body takes 12 months to ajust more than 30 lbs.
Just how does anyone know if your bones are heavier than other peoples??!
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skinnyinnotime wrote: »I only dieted once before and dropped 3o lbs. That was when I was in my late 20's. I remember I felt terrible and did not look good either. I say my doctor and he advised me to throw out everything you've seen about your height and your weight should be this etc etc. He told me because my frame was so large I must not go below a certain weight and put be on a diet to gain back 10 lbs the healthy way. I looked better and felt so much better. So be careful with what's been told out there. I'm only 5' 2" but my best feeling weight was 150 lbs at that time. Now that I'm older its 165 lbs. he says. People never believe me I weighed that much because my large frame spread it around and my actual bones are much heavier than most peoples. You also can go through stages in weight loss where you don't look good. Remember you body takes 12 months to ajust more than 30 lbs.
Just how does anyone know if your bones are heavier than other peoples??!
You weigh them, silly
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skinnyinnotime wrote: »Just how does anyone know if your bones are heavier than other peoples??!
Frames can be larger and heavier. But to know for sure, you need to get a bone scan, like the test they use for osteoporosis. That's the only real way to know for sure.
Weight bearing activity does have a positive effect on bone density. If you're overweight and active, it's not unlikely that you've developed a higher bone density. Though, like anything else, there are outliers. (I know triathlete who had to stop from osteoporosis. Hell on wheels for her).
So, the reality is that you can't know unless you get it tested. If the word "Neanderthal" passes your osteopath's lips, revise your weight goal up a bit.
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I'm sorry but your mom is an unhealthy influence in your life. This is most likely what has caused your poor self esteem and I would seek counseling. 30 pounds is a tremendous loss and most people would be proud.0
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I would seek counseling too. And even if you can't see it, it's guaranteed that you are healthier. Don't give up.0
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Time to cut ties with your mother. Probably should have been done long ago. She is toxic, and you don't need that in your life! I agree that you might want to look into counseling. I have been going for years, and it has done wonders to lift me up and into a new place from a toxic family / childhood.0
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Many times you will look worse after initial weight loss. Your skin takes up to 2 years to shrink back. Plus, when you are dieting you most likely are not getting all the essential vitamins, minerals, and nutrients your body needs to look your best.
I agree with the others, seek some counseling, but don't stop your health journey.
Good luck0 -
I agree with many of the posters here that you deserve much better treatment than you are getting. Monster is about behavior, not looks, just sayin'.0
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You I doubt you look as bad as you think you do, stop listening to your mom and just work on you,0
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When I hit around 35 pounds lost, I had similar issues. My mind my rejecting my new body, I think - instead of focusing on the new awesome stuff - I was finding all these new flaws to hate about myself.
I kept going, and I'm glad I did. I'm now fascinated and happy to find a new ridge, angle or curve. It just takes time for your mind to kick into gear - but it also takes positive self talk.
I'm sorry that your mother has said such horrible things to you. Good luck!0 -
Your mother has treated you badly, most your life I'm sure. The best medicine for all of this is to stay away from her. She has caused enough problems.0
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Congratulations on a 30 pound loss!! I'm sorry you have lack of support with your mother. I agree with the other posters, positive self talk plays a big factor in this. I think you should look in the mirror and point out all your nice traits instead of the ones you don't like.
Also I seriously doubt you look bad after a 30lb loss. Are you feeling healthier? Clothes fitting differently??? You should be proud.
Don't let your mom get inside your head. Best of luck! 0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »When I hit around 35 pounds lost, I had similar issues. My mind my rejecting my new body, I think - instead of focusing on the new awesome stuff - I was finding all these new flaws to hate about myself.
I kept going, and I'm glad I did. I'm now fascinated and happy to find a new ridge, angle or curve. It just takes time for your mind to kick into gear - but it also takes positive self talk.
I'm sorry that your mother has said such horrible things to you. Good luck!
Listen to Virgodess! She's tread your path, don't give up! It may eventually come that you might want or need a bit of nip/tuck to remove extra skin. But give it time and motor on through this valley of your journey. I've gone under the scapel for the saggy girls (genetic, always that way even as a teen) and I have ZERO regrets...now I no longer has insecurities about that part of my body. Would do it again without hesitation.
Oh, and we all reject your mom's words. Some people just don't know how to help and they don't know how their words are hurtful. If someone does not add value to your life, then set boundaries they cannot cross.
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getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
Maybe what you're hearing in your head is what you think your mother would be saying to you about it. I'm sure it's not true.
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getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
There is more to losing weight and getting in shape than just looks. You'll live longer, have more energy and just in general, be more healthy.
As for the looks part, seems you have some emotional and mental things you need to sort out. Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
Either way... don't give up all that hard work you've put in for pure vanity reasons. Look at all the other many positive benefits!0 -
It's a shame you can't 'like' answers on here - but this is a like for TheVirgoddess's post. Stick at it, listen to others who have been through the same things, and surround yourself with positive influences. You've done brilliantly so far - continue the journey and stay strong 0
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Some horrible parents maintain control by injecting withering poison into the lives of their adult children. I'd cut ties and move on.
In fact I did just that with my own father, but we have since made mutual amends.
As for your health, eat well and follow the MFP recommendations regarding nutrition and exercise. Keep working and never give up.
Do it for you!
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Your story has clearly touched a lot of our hearts/nerves. I’m sorry your mother is so mean - and I agree with everyone here who says – do it for YOU! Weight loss IS more than just looking good, but there are a few small things you could try to pick up your spirits. I bet you really DO look better after dropping 30 lbs, so…buy a pretty new bra to perk up the girls. (I know I needed a new one after 30) Buy some Spanx for the mid-section. Even just a new pair of leggings/tunic top may help you realize you’re a new, smaller you. I KNOW you can’t buy your way to happiness and it may take time for your body to settle into it’s new shape but a little lipstick and a smile (and a new bra) can do wonders! ........
(I’ll get off my "Pollyanna” soapbox now – but really, sometimes we ALL have to fake it 'til we feel it!)
Good luck!0 -
poidh0
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Congratulations. Please forgive me if I speak plainly - time to break away from your mother right now. If you don't, she will control and bully you all your life and then expect you to care for her when she can no longer care for herself!
As for your body, I have lost a similar amount of weight this year, and to be honest, I can relate - I used to be all bouncy curves and now I have loose skin and look a bit deflated - but onwards we must go! Love to you x0 -
Abusive relationships should have no place in a healthy life. Get healthy for how you feel not how you look, and cut out the people that are not supportive of that.0
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Get the equipment back out...Don't let your pride get in the way of your health. How quickly are you losing? 1-2 lbs a week a is a healthy loss and your body/skin should shrink with it. Keep using the weights to help define your muscles. You need to find people who can support you in your weight loss. Your mother certainly isn't and it may be best to limit your time around her. MFP has some great groups you can join and people there to back you.0
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Wow!!! Thank you all for the responses...yeah, my mom's been like this for a long time. To be fair, she herself was abused physically and emotionally by her own mother...so while my mom has her good moments, her bad ones just cut. She's been like this with me for years, since my first daughter. Most days I can just roll my eyes and just change the subject to my kids, but just this time....
Yeah, my self esteem is horrid. When I was thin, I wasn't ever thin enough as a dancer. Then I gained weight due to health issues and it got worse. And Now I'm even heavier than then, but around 30 lbs less than my heaviest I should have something to show for it.
I did try the side by side picture - that's partly what started this. I wanted to compare my "progress" because I was feeling stronger. I don't want to post the actual pics but I even wore the same clothing to make sure it was exact. So I'm not imagining things it really is that bad.
I even tried measurements to see if maybe I could see by inches, and for the most part I'm the same. My calves got smaller (woohoo), only to reveal some really gnarly varicose veins *yikes* My biceps actually got BIGGER
Not by much but I was just like...really? like my arms need help looking bigger.
It's like my brain knows you guys are right - that I should just stick to it. Over 200 lbs on my frame isn't healthy. Even though my blood work and my blood pressure/cholesterol have always been perfect, I know that might not always be that way. But my heart/spirit just feels incredibly discouraged and that I should just accept I'm just going to be one of those women who is going to be overweight.0
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