I've lost about 30 lbs, took a picture, and I look WORSE than when I was heavier?
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getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
Maybe what you're hearing in your head is what you think your mother would be saying to you about it. I'm sure it's not true.
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getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
There is more to losing weight and getting in shape than just looks. You'll live longer, have more energy and just in general, be more healthy.
As for the looks part, seems you have some emotional and mental things you need to sort out. Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
Either way... don't give up all that hard work you've put in for pure vanity reasons. Look at all the other many positive benefits!0 -
It's a shame you can't 'like' answers on here - but this is a like for TheVirgoddess's post. Stick at it, listen to others who have been through the same things, and surround yourself with positive influences. You've done brilliantly so far - continue the journey and stay strong
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Some horrible parents maintain control by injecting withering poison into the lives of their adult children. I'd cut ties and move on.
In fact I did just that with my own father, but we have since made mutual amends.
As for your health, eat well and follow the MFP recommendations regarding nutrition and exercise. Keep working and never give up.
Do it for you!
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Your story has clearly touched a lot of our hearts/nerves. I’m sorry your mother is so mean - and I agree with everyone here who says – do it for YOU! Weight loss IS more than just looking good, but there are a few small things you could try to pick up your spirits. I bet you really DO look better after dropping 30 lbs, so…buy a pretty new bra to perk up the girls. (I know I needed a new one after 30) Buy some Spanx for the mid-section. Even just a new pair of leggings/tunic top may help you realize you’re a new, smaller you. I KNOW you can’t buy your way to happiness and it may take time for your body to settle into it’s new shape but a little lipstick and a smile (and a new bra) can do wonders! ........
(I’ll get off my "Pollyanna” soapbox now – but really, sometimes we ALL have to fake it 'til we feel it!)
Good luck!0 -
poidh0
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Congratulations. Please forgive me if I speak plainly - time to break away from your mother right now. If you don't, she will control and bully you all your life and then expect you to care for her when she can no longer care for herself!
As for your body, I have lost a similar amount of weight this year, and to be honest, I can relate - I used to be all bouncy curves and now I have loose skin and look a bit deflated - but onwards we must go! Love to you x0 -
Abusive relationships should have no place in a healthy life. Get healthy for how you feel not how you look, and cut out the people that are not supportive of that.0
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Get the equipment back out...Don't let your pride get in the way of your health. How quickly are you losing? 1-2 lbs a week a is a healthy loss and your body/skin should shrink with it. Keep using the weights to help define your muscles. You need to find people who can support you in your weight loss. Your mother certainly isn't and it may be best to limit your time around her. MFP has some great groups you can join and people there to back you.0
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Wow!!! Thank you all for the responses...yeah, my mom's been like this for a long time. To be fair, she herself was abused physically and emotionally by her own mother...so while my mom has her good moments, her bad ones just cut. She's been like this with me for years, since my first daughter. Most days I can just roll my eyes and just change the subject to my kids, but just this time....
Yeah, my self esteem is horrid. When I was thin, I wasn't ever thin enough as a dancer. Then I gained weight due to health issues and it got worse. And Now I'm even heavier than then, but around 30 lbs less than my heaviest I should have something to show for it.
I did try the side by side picture - that's partly what started this. I wanted to compare my "progress" because I was feeling stronger. I don't want to post the actual pics but I even wore the same clothing to make sure it was exact. So I'm not imagining things it really is that bad.
I even tried measurements to see if maybe I could see by inches, and for the most part I'm the same. My calves got smaller (woohoo), only to reveal some really gnarly varicose veins *yikes* My biceps actually got BIGGER
Not by much but I was just like...really? like my arms need help looking bigger.
It's like my brain knows you guys are right - that I should just stick to it. Over 200 lbs on my frame isn't healthy. Even though my blood work and my blood pressure/cholesterol have always been perfect, I know that might not always be that way. But my heart/spirit just feels incredibly discouraged and that I should just accept I'm just going to be one of those women who is going to be overweight.0 -
Your story has clearly touched a lot of our hearts/nerves. I’m sorry your mother is so mean - and I agree with everyone here who says – do it for YOU! Weight loss IS more than just looking good, but there are a few small things you could try to pick up your spirits. I bet you really DO look better after dropping 30 lbs, so…buy a pretty new bra to perk up the girls. (I know I needed a new one after 30) Buy some Spanx for the mid-section. Even just a new pair of leggings/tunic top may help you realize you’re a new, smaller you. I KNOW you can’t buy your way to happiness and it may take time for your body to settle into it’s new shape but a little lipstick and a smile (and a new bra) can do wonders! ........
(I’ll get off my "Pollyanna” soapbox now – but really, sometimes we ALL have to fake it 'til we feel it!)
Good luck!
I actually did buy some new clothes for work (worked in an office for all of 6 weeks before my health and other issues forced me to leave) and I was the same size except the pants that were one size smaller. And that's because they had built in Spanx-like stuff.
I have Spanx - I use it to hold "everything in" when I work out and stuff because it makes my C-section scar hurt if I don't. Feels like I need 3 of those or something to actually hold everything in. LOL
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getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
Maybe what you're hearing in your head is what you think your mother would be saying to you about it. I'm sure it's not true.
Oh no, It's not in my head. She's said it in front of others, too, including my husband, who by the way, didn't disagree with her. It was good that he stayed quiet in front of her, because frankly we can tell when it's "one of those days", but it would've been nice for him to say "you know, she's wrong" or something like that on one of the occasions she said it.0 -
getdancing2013 wrote: »
Maybe what you're hearing in your head is what you think your mother would be saying to you about it. I'm sure it's not true.
Oh no, It's not in my head. She's said it in front of others, too, including my husband, who by the way, didn't disagree with her. It was good that he stayed quiet in front of her, because frankly we can tell when it's "one of those days", but it would've been nice for him to say "you know, she's wrong" or something like that on one of the occasions she said it.
I don't think jade2112 was saying you're imagining that your mother said those things. Rather she's saying that you say them to yourself because your mother has "gotten into your head", so to speak.0 -
Don't quit! Your skin will catch up just keep your hard work it pay off. It is virtually impossible to eat healthy and exercise stay fat (barring an underlying health issue). Congrats on loss, you may add some strength training for muscle maintenance helps not lose lean body mass along with the fat. Give two months, I guarantee you'll see a change. Do this YOU! Nobody can cause fail aside from yourself. Best wishes... you're in my prayers..0
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*do this for YOU* edit 0
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30lbs is an awesome accomplishment! I'm so sorry your mother has said such horrible things to you. I get that if she grew up that way she learned to treat you that way, but that doesn't excuse it-- she still chooses what comes out of her own mouth.
I hope that you will continue to make the best choices for yourself- whether that means maintaining, losing more, gaining... whatever that might be. Do what makes YOU feel good. The outside will catch up to the inside sooner or later!0 -
Wow, okay. Your Mum is a major cause of depression and self-image problems in you. I would go as far as to say that you may have body dismorphia. I might guess that your Mum also has this, and may have her own image issues that she projects onto other people. Does she often make negative comments about the appearance of other people / you / herself?
Here's the thing - if you are losing weight so that you can get to a point where you love the way you look, then you will NEVER get to that point, because whatever weight you (or me, or anyone) gets to, we will never be perfect. If not being perfect means you hate the way you look, then you will ALWAYS hate the way you look.
You HAVE to love yourself NOW. With all your flaws. Especially because of your flaws. You have to accept that every single thing you dislike about yourself is human and normal and okay and lovable. Only when you already love your body will you find pleasure in improving it and seeing changes. Changes have to come from a position of love, not a position of fear.
I speak from some experience in this; I grew up with a mother who hated my body and tried everything possible to starve me into being this thin, pretty girl who she was desperate for me to be. Growing up I internalised every negative thing she thought about me - I thought she was right and that I would never be loved or desired and I believed her so completely that I didn't even think to question it. I decided to live a single life, an intellectual life, I decided to be the funny one. It wasn't until I got to my teens and suddenly boys fancied me and asked me out that it ever occurred to me that she might be wrong about the importance of looks.
Now I am an adult; I love and have been loved. My body has given me strength, happiness and amazement. I am happy with my appearance, not because it is perfect but because my body is strong and resilient and takes me wherever I want to go in life. Yet my mother is still trapped in her own self hatred, that poisons any love she has for herself, or any love that anyone has for her. I realise now that my mother's battle against my weight was really representative of her battle with her own weight, and how she thought everything would be so perfect if she could just be skinny. You know the ironic thing is that she finally DID get skinny and, guess what? She still hates herself. She compares her face to a grinning skeleton, she refuses to look in mirrors, she won't try on clothes in clothes shops because she can't face looking at her body as she gets changed. Because of this, she rarely buys new clothes, she lives in jeans and t shirts, she has never, I don't think, put on a dress, or any outfit, and looked in the mirror and thought 'wow! I look really great!'
Let me tell you this - learn to love yourself NOW. Learn to love yourself whether you are young or old, fat or thin, firm or saggy. Learn to love your wrinkles and freckles, your bumpy nose, your thin lips, learn to love all of it. Praise yourself and only listen to others who praise you, or you will NEVER be able to love yourself - regardless of how thin you are. What's more, if you cannot learn to see yourself through kind eyes, then you will never be able to see anyone else n a non-judgemental way either. You will literally end up like your own mother, criticising the appearance of others, simply because you have never been able to go without critisising yourself.
Good luck xxx0 -
I agree with just about everything said on here. Be proud of what you've accomplished, and please don't give up. I also agree that that voice in your head telling you such awful things is largely influenced by your mother's voice. I'm so sorry you have such a mother who would say such awful things.
You are a beautiful person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're getting healthier with the work you've been doing to lose weight. I totally understand looking in the mirror and saying "yuck"...I've had low self esteem for years, and still struggle with it.
I also learned something new here, that it takes a while for your skin to catch up...I didn't realize that either...so take heart and don't give up. You are worth it, and like others said, I'll bet you look much better than you think you do.
Please let us know how you are doing.0 -
Lift weights, as heavy as possible, and don't lose too fast.0
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1 Your mom is continuing the abusive patterns. Get some counseling. If you cannot do that right now, avoid her as much as possible.
2 Be kind and patent with your body. It is doing good work for you.0
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