Rocovering from anorexia, now binging.
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To be honest, this is something that is most likely going to be a struggle for you for a long time. I could be wrong, but I'm talking from experience. I was anorexic at 16, hospitalized, and went through recovery. I was able to maintain a healthy weight for about a year.. and then suddenly I remember the exact day I had my first binge and it was all downhill from there. Now at 23, binge eating is still something I struggle with on occasion but I'm MUCH more in control than I used to be. I did gain weight (I'm 5'2, got down to 82lbs when I was hospitalized and was up to 131lbs during the worst of my binge period) but I've managed to get my weight back down now that binging is a lot more under control. I know how it feels when you want to binge and NOTHING can keep you from doing it, no matter how busy you keep yourself.. it's weird, it's like something takes over my mind and doesn't let me stop eating till I'm about to throw up. I highly recommend talking to a therapist about it because that was something I never got to do (but wanted to at one point) and maybe you'll be able to overcome it quick. Yet, dont' feel alone.... binge eating is very common during anorexia recovery. I read that you're vegan....something else that might interest you is the "raw till 4" or "80/10/10" diet. You may have heard of it. If not, it's a high carb diet (or should I say lifestyle) that lets you eat unlimited calories from fruit during the day and as many cooked carbs at night while keeping your fat limited. I tried it out for a month or so and felt great and I had no reason to binge while I was on it because I could eat as much as I wanted! Check out the 30bananasaday.com message boards if you're interested
Keep your head high, and you'll get through this no matter what. There is SO much more to life than weight and you are so much more than a number on the scale.
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AshleyECook wrote: »At 5'6 a normal weight range is between 118 to 148 lbs. so you are very very far from fat.
What do you consider binging? Are you documenting your calories even on your binge?
I have never been anorexic or bulimic and I cannot imagine what you go through but I do understand what it's like to binge and how hard it is to stop. My bad binges are on the weekends so now I add my calories in advance. When I saw how many calories was in a pint of Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream (which I smother in hot fudge), I refrained from buying it. It would have put me well over 2000 calories. So I bought something less in calories that I would enjoy.
I don't know the psychology in why we do what we do and the power food has over us but there are so many support groups out there. Please make sure you get some help and talk to people, people who have gone through what you are going through.
I wish you the best.
Logically I know I'm not fat but I feel like I am. I've gained over 15 pounds since March!!!
I count every calorie I eat. Binges normally happen at night for me and I will eat 1500-2000 cals in a binge. My stomach will hurt so much so I feel like there is no option but to purge... On a binge day I can eat 4000 cals not even joking.
I go to a group once a week right now and am in the process of getting a recovery sponsor so hopefully that helps! Because binging also brings back my fear of food. I feel like if I eat I won't be able to stop so I just won't eat anything. And now I'm already back down to 112.2 but I don't want to binge and I don't know what to do!!!!
So basically, you're afraid of eating because you'll binge, then purge. I hope you get your recovery sponsor very soon.
Do you binge every time you eat or does it depend on the food you eat?
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You THINK that you had anorexia and are recovering. In fact, you had an eating disorder and haven't recovered from anything, because you still have it. 100%.
As other have mentioned, if you don't have a sponsor, you haven't even taken the first step.
(And "scared of fats"? You REALLY haven't taken the first step.)0 -
Are you logging your foods? Maybe your binging is within your macros... If your not eating during the day, your body is in need of nutrients... As a Vegan, what kind of foods do you binge on, just curious?0
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To be honest, this is something that is most likely going to be a struggle for you for a long time. I could be wrong, but I'm talking from experience. I was anorexic at 16, hospitalized, and went through recovery. I was able to maintain a healthy weight for about a year.. and then suddenly I remember the exact day I had my first binge and it was all downhill from there. Now at 23, binge eating is still something I struggle with on occasion but I'm MUCH more in control than I used to be. I did gain weight (I'm 5'2, got down to 82lbs when I was hospitalized and was up to 131lbs during the worst of my binge period) but I've managed to get my weight back down now that binging is a lot more under control. I know how it feels when you want to binge and NOTHING can keep you from doing it, no matter how busy you keep yourself.. it's weird, it's like something takes over my mind and doesn't let me stop eating till I'm about to throw up. I highly recommend talking to a therapist about it because that was something I never got to do (but wanted to at one point) and maybe you'll be able to overcome it quick. Yet, dont' feel alone.... binge eating is very common during anorexia recovery. I read that you're vegan....something else that might interest you is the "raw till 4" or "80/10/10" diet. You may have heard of it. If not, it's a high carb diet (or should I say lifestyle) that lets you eat unlimited calories from fruit during the day and as many cooked carbs at night while keeping your fat limited. I tried it out for a month or so and felt great and I had no reason to binge while I was on it because I could eat as much as I wanted! Check out the 30bananasaday.com message boards if you're interested
Keep your head high, and you'll get through this no matter what. There is SO much more to life than weight and you are so much more than a number on the scale.
I don't think suggesting another extreme diet to someone in recovery from anorexia is a very good idea, personally. In fact, as someone who also suffered anorexia and various other EDs, I think that is a very bad idea.
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xmichaelyx wrote: »You THINK that you had anorexia and are recovering. In fact, you had an eating disorder and haven't recovered from anything, because you still have it. 100%.
As other have mentioned, if you don't have a sponsor, you haven't even taken the first step.
(And "scared of fats"? You REALLY haven't taken the first step.)
thanks if I still have a full on eating disorder I might as well quit eating again because I'd rather have an ED and be skinny then have an ED and be fat.
I go to a support group every week so I feel like that is taking the first step. I find this comment quite rude and offensive and I suppose I should just quit trying.
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Are you logging your foods? Maybe your binging is within your macros... If your not eating during the day, your body is in need of nutrients... As a Vegan, what kind of foods do you binge on, just curious?
ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!!!!
Bread, peanut butter, nuts, fruit, dark chocolate, cereal, protein bars, hummus, guacamole, crackers, ANYTHING!!!!
It's not so much the food its the time of day. I always binge at night.
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Get medical and psychological attention. I don't see these forums staffed with professionals who can help in these types of matters, it's mostly people trying to lose weight or build up muscle. YOu are not trying to do either.0
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The expressed thoughts and beliefs indicate that you have a long way to go on the path to recovery.0
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Please print this post out and take it to your next therapy meeting. Also save a copy to show your recovery group sponsor (get one soon). Your responses here speak volumes and I commend you for being so open and honest.
Take care of yourself, Ashley.0 -
I don't really know but there was one thing I noticed in your comments. I wonder instead of the words "skinny" and "fat" you can try "healthy". Because you have to keep reminding yourself these are all your challenges to getting more healthy, both physically (your body is nourished) and emotionally ( you are at peace with who you are, you accept your strengths and flaws, etc). Not saying that's easy, but for me thinking in terms of moving towards optimal health helps a lot. For me that's losing weight, and improving fitness and strength. But either way, how we frame these struggles does make a difference. To me at least. And changing habits and thought patterns takes time and we make mistakes along the way. Treat yourself with compassion when this happens. Humans are complicated!! Wishing you health, and peace.0
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You really need further help with this, I feel. Your mind is still not in a place where recovery would be possible and it is very difficult to reach that point without professional help. Your focus still seems to be solely on weight and being 'skinny' and not 'fat' rather than being healthy, both mentally and physically. The binge eating is most likely a reaction to your previous restriction and is actually pretty common among those who had anorexia so you are certainly not alone. It tends to ease off when a healthy weight is reached and when your focus swings from restriction and weight control, to health and balance.0
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Me too. I go ALL day without eating. I workout (or run or walk) 3 - 4 hours a day and then go to work at a deli 5 hours at night. I eat all my calories after work. I did have my calories up when I was working with my trainer who has told me that until I get help and my head on straight he can't help me any longer. Now I'm slipping back to my old ways slowly but surely. Soon I will be back to where I was in April 2013 before he came on board. Just a 300 calorie salad a day. I'll be at my goal of 125 lbs in no time.
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You'll also be fully in the grips of a life threatening ed, most probable binging as you will be craving food as will be starving and burning muscle instead of fat, why would you want that - just to get to a goal weight quickly ?0 -
I'm in eating disorder recovery and believe the high rate of veganism among ED folks is just a method to control your food intake and calories without being called out by your doctor and family. Hate me. IDC. Been there, done that.0
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kelly_e_montana wrote: »I'm in eating disorder recovery and believe the high rate of veganism among ED folks is just a method to control your food intake and calories without being called out by your doctor and family. Hate me. IDC. Been there, done that.
I absolutely agree with this. It's staggering the amount of vegetarians that are women with eating disorders; kind of scary too.0 -
Absolutely agree too! At the start of much recovery really considered it, I had to think long and hard what I liked to eat and what my body needed, I'm glad I fought through as I think being tied to the can't eat this or that just keeps you in that restrictive mindset !0
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Buy the way @Kelly_e_Montana you look awesome well done !0
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Pay no attention to comments you consider rude, even if they were not meant that way. Take the good parts you find.AshleyECook wrote: »
thanks if I still have a full on eating disorder I might as well quit eating again because I'd rather have an ED and be skinny then have an ED and be fat.
I go to a support group every week so I feel like that is taking the first step. I find this comment quite rude and offensive and I suppose I should just quit trying.
You are doing the head work and that is definitely the most difficult part. I have dealt with other head issues (not eating disorder) and it as damn hard work, enough to break out in a sweat.
You are doing incredibly well, doing the hard part. Keep going to the docs and group. Keep working on it. Realistically, sometimes you will fail. But more and more times you will succeed.
Your very first post indicated you had successes. Wonderful!
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kelly_e_montana wrote: »I'm in eating disorder recovery and believe the high rate of veganism among ED folks is just a method to control your food intake and calories without being called out by your doctor and family. Hate me. IDC. Been there, done that.
I've been vegan for as long as I can remember. My mom and sister are as well. Veganism came to me before ED.0 -
I understand that this is a common thing to happen, and that if you allow yourself to eat, the bingeing will slow down and stop in time. It's part of the refeeding process. Try not to stress over it (not easy, I know). I'm available if u want to talk.0
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