Sigh.
rbfdac
Posts: 1,057 Member
The only point of this post is to ask for positive words and support. I'm hoping that you guys can make me feel better.
I'm 40 days into this now, and down 20 pounds. I started at 317, so I'm pretty proud to be under 300. This weekend I tried on my pre pregnancy jeans (I was about 290 pre pregnancy, got up to 345, but lost most of that after my son was born nine months ago) and they fit. My husband even told me that my butt looked nice in them and I was on top of the world. I could tell I was looking thinner when I looked in the mirror, some of my clothes are starting to fit a little differently, and I was just excited. Then we took my son's nine month pictures. He, of course, looks just amazing, but I am another story. I took one look at my giant legs, fat stomach, and most of all, my nineteen chins, and just frowned. I immediately became depressed. How could I possibly be down TWENTY pounds and still be so... disgusting? Worst of all, just over a month ago I was twenty pounds HEAVIER, walking around looking even worse than this.
I had my cheat meal that night, as usual, but ate even more than usual. I had two orders of fries and a little more gelato as my dessert, along with my fish tacos. I just felt so let down. I almost felt like this is pointless- I work so hard and do so well and lose that much weight, but still look like this.
I know that this feeling will pass. I'm back on track and eating just fine, although I can't find the motivation yet to get back on the elliptical, but I assume that'll come back as well. I'll keep losing weight if I just keep truckin'. And I will.
I'm trying to remember the feeling of trying those jeans on this weekend, rather than the feeling of looking at myself in that picture.
I'm 40 days into this now, and down 20 pounds. I started at 317, so I'm pretty proud to be under 300. This weekend I tried on my pre pregnancy jeans (I was about 290 pre pregnancy, got up to 345, but lost most of that after my son was born nine months ago) and they fit. My husband even told me that my butt looked nice in them and I was on top of the world. I could tell I was looking thinner when I looked in the mirror, some of my clothes are starting to fit a little differently, and I was just excited. Then we took my son's nine month pictures. He, of course, looks just amazing, but I am another story. I took one look at my giant legs, fat stomach, and most of all, my nineteen chins, and just frowned. I immediately became depressed. How could I possibly be down TWENTY pounds and still be so... disgusting? Worst of all, just over a month ago I was twenty pounds HEAVIER, walking around looking even worse than this.
I had my cheat meal that night, as usual, but ate even more than usual. I had two orders of fries and a little more gelato as my dessert, along with my fish tacos. I just felt so let down. I almost felt like this is pointless- I work so hard and do so well and lose that much weight, but still look like this.
I know that this feeling will pass. I'm back on track and eating just fine, although I can't find the motivation yet to get back on the elliptical, but I assume that'll come back as well. I'll keep losing weight if I just keep truckin'. And I will.
I'm trying to remember the feeling of trying those jeans on this weekend, rather than the feeling of looking at myself in that picture.
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Replies
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I know that feeling. I'd lost 50 last year and still felt like I'd done nothing. Ended up gaining it all back plus 5. Do NOT be like me. When you're seriously overweight like we are, it takes a lot longer to see a difference. And also, we have a skewed perception of our bodies so even though we've made these strides (congrats on those jeans!) when we look in the mirror we don't see it even when others do. Then there's cameras...don't get me started on those! The whole 'camera adds 10 pounds' thing is true, I swear.
Do NOT give up on yourself. You can do this! You deserve it!0 -
Time and patience. You have a lovely "before" picture now. Your attitude is great. You know what to do.0
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Don't be so hard on yourself. You are better off now than you were 40 days ago. If you just stick to what you're doing, you'll be even healthier in another 40 days. It sucks not to like how you see yourself in pictures, but just know that you are your worst critic. We tend to judge ourselves so harshly when others probably aren't doing so.0
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don't know how encouraging this will be, but after losing 100 i still struggle with body image issues, body dysmorphia, and at times general dislike. However, the majority of the time, I am happy that I am making healthier choices (most of the time). When I was losing weight on a regular bases, I would tell myself, no matter if I never lose another pound, I am better off than I was 10 pounds ago…Brace yourself. If you keep at it, you will continue to face challenges.0
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It's tough. Probably harder for us to see changes too! A mental game .. but you are seeing positive changes. And 20lbs in 40 days is AMAZING! If you give up now, you will never know how much could have changed in the next 40 days! You should be excited!!
Stick with it
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Put 20 lbs worth of something in a backpack and walk around with it for awhile, you'll appreciate those pounds when you get to drop them off!!!
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Let me tell you a story.
When I lost 20lb I took a photo of myself and compared it to a photo I took on day 1.
I saw no improvement what so ever.
So I showed my mom and she pointed out everything she could see and as I looked I saw it too.
I had become so used to looking at myself in a bad light that even when good things are happening, I couldn't see it.
You have lost 20lb and that is amazing. So you haven't reached your perfect weight yet but you will. Keep going, keep moving, keep strong, it will happen.0 -
Don't worry, we've all been there and most likely we will all have those moments again. You have to remember, where would you be if you had never started this journey? I myself would probably have kept gaining weight, slowly but surely. You lost 20 pounds! That is amazing and not an easy task at all. You have the self discipline that many people strive for. Hopefully this will raise your spirits a little
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It's understandable, we've all been there at one point or another (or maybe not ALL, but a lot of us) but try to focus on the positives of your weight loss instead of getting caught up thinking you didn't look the way you wanted to in your pictures.
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Just remember, it's a long journey. Keep the end in sight. This is just the start. You can do this. If you can do 20, you can do 100. Don't let the moment get you down.0
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40 days, 20 lbs sounds like good progress to me.
Grab a 20lb weight and walk up the stairs in your house. You used to carry that daily.
Think of it as a process. You are working towards your goal and things may be fubarred and not perfect until you get to where you want to go. Think of where you came from and where you want to be. A lot of times we see these things but don't actively acknowledge it until after you want to change.
Lastly. Look in the mirror and smile... You woke up today and can make the most of it. 5 years from now your son will be happy to have you around due to your hard work.
Cheers!0 -
Hugs to you. Don't give up - It's so hard losing weight but you are making steps towards a healthier lifestyle - your son and husband love you so much, don't be so hard on yourself.
It really doesn't come off overnight - you just have to take every day as one step closer to reaching the fitness goals you want to achieve.
I understand about the photo making you feel bad - I am 72lbs down and still don't like my photo when someone has taken it - that's something we have to deal with inside. However, just think in another month, you will be ANOTHER 20lbs down - as long as you don't give in to the fries and gelatos too often without it being in your calorie goal.
Remember the feeling of the jeans - and your husbands lovely words - take them both on board and strive for tomorrow. One day at a time (*) 0 -
We have all been there. This process is sooooo slow. We fall down, we get up. Don't be too hard on yourself. Celebrate the accomplishments and move forward. You can do this.0
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Go find some of the before and after threads and take a good look at the photos. Seriously, that's what a lot of us do when we need motivation. If you find some that have progress photos at intervals, notice that the progress isn't linear...some weight differences are more physically obvious than others, depending on how the weight is carried. When you have a lot to lose, 20 pounds may not make a huge dent in appearance...but I'm betting that it probably shows more than you think.
Have you had progress photos taken of yourself? Give it a try...wear something stretchy that you think you'll still be able to wear for a few months. Have someone you trust take photos from the front, back and sides, and in front and back, do it with arms down and arms up, flexed...so you should have 6 photos. Wait 4 weeks and do it again in the same clothes, and when you do, don't just look at the new photos. Pull them up on your computer and compare them side-by-side with the old photos. You'll see a difference. At your weight, the differences may not be mindblowing at first, but imagine how you'll feel in 8 weeks when you take a third set of photos and compare them to the first ones.0 -
forgive yourself... and like any kind of forgiveness it takes time... so take deep breathes... focus on smiling all the time... and keep plugging away .. chipping at that rock... before you know it girl... you will have reason to celebrate and these hopeless feelings will be a thing of the past0
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First off, congratulations on losing 20 pounds! That is a very big deal. You did that. Losing weight is something you are capable of doing. You did the work and it is paying off. Looking ahead can be daunting; for whatever reason, it's easier to see how far you have to go than to see how far you've come and it can become overwhelming. For me, losing weight (I've lost 70 pounds & am at goal) was the most frustrating, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. I put my goals into pant sizes (I'm bottom heavy). Fitting into a smaller pant size motivated me to try to fit into the next size down. There were times I just wanted to sit in a corner with a gallon of ice cream and just cry and give up. Then I would take out that pair of pants that motivated me to lose weight in the 1st place (the last pair that had fit, but was getting so tight I was going to have to get into yet another bigger size) and put them on and marvel at how loose they were and that would help get my head back on straight. I also loved being able to keep up with my kids and be active with them instead of sitting and watching them. It's natural to feel these lows. I wish I could tell you that you won't feel like this again at some point. However, you have made the decision and commitment to lose weight and be healthy. It took time for you to gain this weight; it's going to take time to lose. Once you get there, you will be able to look at that picture and feel proud! Keep those 19 chins up because you will be down to 1!0
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I am crying reading all of your responses. I have an amazing support system at home- my husband loves me at any size and encourages me daily, but there's just something about hearing it from those who are going through/have been through the same thing I am going through. Believe it or not, I am feeling a little better now. I think I'm going to have my husband take some pictures of me tonight. I most likely won't look at them now, but I think that if I had some before pictures to compare myself to right now, I might feel a little more encouraged if I could even see some tiny changes.
Also, my son weighs 21 pounds and is so hard to carry all of the time! I guess I should be proud that I am no longer carrying that weight constantly.
Congratulations on all of you guys' hard work, too. This weight loss/getting healthy journey is tough!
After reading all of these responses, I almost feel a little silly. You're all right-- it just takes time.0 -
forevermaryb wrote: »First off, congratulations on losing 20 pounds! That is a very big deal. You did that. Losing weight is something you are capable of doing. You did the work and it is paying off. Looking ahead can be daunting; for whatever reason, it's easier to see how far you have to go than to see how far you've come and it can become overwhelming. For me, losing weight (I've lost 70 pounds & am at goal) was the most frustrating, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. I put my goals into pant sizes (I'm bottom heavy). Fitting into a smaller pant size motivated me to try to fit into the next size down. There were times I just wanted to sit in a corner with a gallon of ice cream and just cry and give up. Then I would take out that pair of pants that motivated me to lose weight in the 1st place (the last pair that had fit, but was getting so tight I was going to have to get into yet another bigger size) and put them on and marvel at how loose they were and that would help get my head back on straight. I also loved being able to keep up with my kids and be active with them instead of sitting and watching them. It's natural to feel these lows. I wish I could tell you that you won't feel like this again at some point. However, you have made the decision and commitment to lose weight and be healthy. It took time for you to gain this weight; it's going to take time to lose. Once you get there, you will be able to look at that picture and feel proud! Keep those 19 chins up because you will be down to 1!
This made me laugh. Thank you.0 -
I can certainly relate to that feeling, and it's not silly, it's just how you felt. All I can say is it passes, keep on keeping on, and cling to the benefits of your hard work (like being able to fit into those pre-pregnancy jeans). 20 pounds in 40 days is phenomenal! To top it off, you have youth on your side. :flowerforyou:0
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It's a long process.... You'll get there!0
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I can relate to how you feel - 20lbs down I took pictures to compare and didn't see ANY difference. Not only that, but I felt my side and stomach had MORE rolls that before. I have a couple of theories! The first is that there's a drastic difference between how good you feel losing weight, and how much you physically change. The feeling is great, but the physical changing takes a little longer to meet our expectations. (Mine, anyway). My other theory is that beforehand I would try to not think about how I looked too much. I would try to just be happy with it, but once I started working hard to get healthier I became much more critical of myself.
In any case, try not to let yourself get discouraged. Enjoy fitting into pants you haven't been able to get on for a while, and try to focus on how good it'll feel to fit into the next size down rather than focusing on what you're still unhappy about. It's a long, slow, rocky road to travel, but you can do it!0 -
aw don't be so down on yourself! Now I feel sad. Although, I'm one to talk.
Just don't give up. This is worth it, if not for vanity-for your health and for the future of your baby 0 -
20 pounds in 40 days is a lot of weight gone and a very good start. Now it was only about 6% of your body weight so you won't look dramatically different. But you are seeing changes in how you look and how your clothes fit. I've lost 12 pounds in 6 months which was about 7% of my body weight and the changes are subtle but the changes are there. Keep at it! You're going in the right direction and it takes time to accrue all the benefits so be patient with yourself.
I will add one caveat about cheat days: I notice my appetite is less and my stomach is smaller now, I cannot eat anywhere near as much as I used to because my stomach has shrunk. A cheat day might keep your stomach from shrinking.0 -
It is a long journey. Accepting that you will have to focus on your weight in some way or another for your entire life seems daunting, but it was eye opening to me. Do I want to focus on being fat or fit? Cuz it's not easy being fat either. Keep on truckin'. You got this! :-)0 -
I can relate to how you feel - 20lbs down I took pictures to compare and didn't see ANY difference. Not only that, but I felt my side and stomach had MORE rolls that before. I have a couple of theories! The first is that there's a drastic difference between how good you feel losing weight, and how much you physically change. The feeling is great, but the physical changing takes a little longer to meet our expectations. (Mine, anyway). My other theory is that beforehand I would try to not think about how I looked too much. I would try to just be happy with it, but once I started working hard to get healthier I became much more critical of myself.
In any case, try not to let yourself get discouraged. Enjoy fitting into pants you haven't been able to get on for a while, and try to focus on how good it'll feel to fit into the next size down rather than focusing on what you're still unhappy about. It's a long, slow, rocky road to travel, but you can do it!
This is almost exactly how I feel- yesterday I even thought "Is it possible that I'm fatter than I was before? That maybe the weight has just shifted, or my scale is broken?" I feel like my stomach is rollier than ever! I think you are exactly right- it apparently is taking a while for my body to catch up with what my brain thinks I should looks like. But I think most of all, before I started, I COMPLETELY avoided the mirror and when I did catch a glimpse, I just shuddered and moved on. Now I am critical of every chin. I also look back on my pictures when I was 8 months pregnant and think about how beautiful I looked- 50 pounds heavier. I didn't even look fat. I think our minds tend to get the best of us.
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