Any Other Recovering Bulimics Out There?

starrsearching711
starrsearching711 Posts: 15
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey everyone,

I'm just going to be brutally honest, I've struggled with Bulimia for eight years (since I was 12). While I was an athlete throughout high school I made myself throw up a lot. Also in the beginning of college it was something I did on a regular basis. Through lots of therapy I discovered that the only time I'm really tempted to make myself throw up is when I'm dieting in a healthy way or working out. I became frustrated at the little amount of weight I loose doing things in a "healthy" way, so the urges (I would say obsession) with throwing up come back.

I got really sick the end of my junior year in high school and couldn't play sports anymore, so I gained a lot of weight. Earlier this year I got a personal trainer and started loosing this weight the healthy way, but about two weeks in began my bulimic tendencies.

But not this time. This time I'm committed to loving my body, which means maybe only loosing .5-2lbs a week, but in a healthy way. So, are there any other recovering bulimics out there? How do you keep on track and not be tempted? Advice?

PS) Please guys, don't list all of the harmful affects of bulimia, or say how I'm so stupid for having this struggle. I'm in therapy, and have been for years. I know the harm I've done to my body. That is why I'm excited to do it the healthy way this time, even though mentally, it will probably be the hardest thing I've done.

Replies

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Welcome!

    It's been years, but I struggled with bulimia one and off from when I was a teen until after my mother died when I was 23. I was able to stop on my own because I'd read of what can happen if you continue throwing up, but sometime later the tendency to binge and purge came back and I called my doctor who directed me to treatment that included group therapy. It was a painful process but it was the best thing that I've ever done.
  • pleasepleaseno
    pleasepleaseno Posts: 166 Member
    I'm also in recovery. For me, it began as an anorexia for 2 years when I was 12 then moved into a bulimia. I was addicted after the very first time I purged. It's been 6 years of me being bulimic (I'm 20 now) and in September I started going to trwatment. I think MFP really helps because you plan your days and visually can spread out calories/meals rather than the old way (starve then lead up to a binge/purge episode). Can I add you guys?
    :)
    Its so nice to know I'm not alone!
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    I had this problem as a teenager but somehow managed to stop it on my own after a few years. Good on you for doing it the right way now.
  • Redsonia911
    Redsonia911 Posts: 1
    Hi I was also bulimic for about 6 years, prior to that I was restrictive. I haven't thrown up for almost 2 years and gained a ton of weight during my recovery. Now I want to get fit. I feel like I can barely move with all this extra flesh on me. Of course, I want to do it the healthy way this time.
  • helloreenie
    helloreenie Posts: 25 Member
    while i have not been officially diagnosed with anything, i am definitely working on my issues with food...because the relationship had been unhealthy since i can remember. i have binged, purged, starved...you name it.

    we can do this.
  • purplishblue
    purplishblue Posts: 135 Member
    Hello! I previously had anorexia and bulimia, recovered now :) It took quite awhile but I'm doing well now. I can understand the dieting/exercising being triggering, for years it's been hard for me to do any sort of dieting and exercising for that reason. Because of that, I gained some weight. I think the key is too go SLOW, and don't be so harsh on yourself. For example, I kept trying to diet by eating low calorie and low fat everything. This just made me hungry and end up eating pizza and chinese food.

    But what has helped me now, is having a caloric range- I know if I just say "I can only eat 1200 calories", it will most likely lead to failure. But if I give myself a range that I can stay in, it helps. Also, making myself stop thinking about how many pounds I will lose per week, per month, etc. I make myself focus on eating how I'm eating, and exercising how I'm exercising, day to day. No planning weightloss- just know it will happen as it happens.

    With exercise, I try not to focus on burning calories, and more on how it's helping me health-wise, and becoming stronger. I don't know if there's any types of activities you could do that you actually find fun, like martial arts, sports, etc.
  • JustFindingMe
    JustFindingMe Posts: 390 Member
    I struggled with bulimia for 10+ years.. I have always had body image issues, validating myself through a scale number, clothing size, magazine standard etc... Talking to my Dr and going to a counsellor who specialized in my disorder eventually helped me stop. I ended up taking medication for a short time, which, for me, helped alleviate the anxiety around food and eating issues. It has been years since I have purged however sometimes a rare thought will be triggered by a too-full tummy after a big meal or a reflection in a store window that caught me off guard. I do not engage in that dangerous behavior anymore, I have a completely different view of food now. I look at it as fuel for my body. I feel a sense of pride when Ive eaten well and healthily knowing I will have the energy to workout, lift or just live my active life :happy:

    Feel free to add me :flowerforyou:

    Edit for spelling
  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
    I've had bulimia for 15 years, and anorexia. It's a horrible disease. BUT recovery is possible. I'm 2 & 1/2 years purge free. Feel free to add me :)
  • purplishblue
    purplishblue Posts: 135 Member
    I've had bulimia for 15 years, and anorexia. It's a horrible disease. BUT recovery is possible. I'm 2 & 1/2 years purge free. Feel free to add me :)
    Awesome job! :)
  • nykismile
    nykismile Posts: 198
    I don't know if they consider this bulimia or if this is a whole other mess, but I dealt with laxative and speed abuse throughout highschool in attempts to lose weight. It got to the point where my suppliers would cut me off entirely and one more than a few occasions, I found myself swallowing down palmfuls or laxatives to try and cancel out a binge.

    This would sometimes lead to me dehydrating very quickly in my sleep and sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, disoriented and probably going into shock. I always kept water bottles by my bedside when this would occur but once I had to crawl down the hallway and to the kitchen to get more and the way I felt was nightmarish.

    I've been off the pills for quite a while now, but I now drink twice the amount of water I used to drink. Water is precious to me.
  • kait_marie24
    kait_marie24 Posts: 99 Member
    Yep, right here. Feel free to add me.
  • consumedbymentalillness
    consumedbymentalillness Posts: 2
    I'm not officially diagnosed (although brief mention of EDNOS was mentioned upon a recent psych admission) but I have suffered through it all; starving, restricting, over exercising, b/p, lax abuse etc. Nice to see other's who have recovered though.
  • doingthisfortheboys
    doingthisfortheboys Posts: 35 Member
    Atypical anorexia here, feel free to add me x
  • madyncaden
    madyncaden Posts: 290 Member
    I have just been officially diagnosed with an ED with issues of binging and purging and some days I feel more lost than before. I always knew I had issues and a problem but never delt with it. I decided to find a counselor and I met with her last week and layed it all out there the bad the worse and the ugly. I never felt so horrible seeing it all out there but so good for having that weight lifted. As the days continued after my meeting I have become anxious and everyother emotion heightened. I am counting the moments til my next appointment. I am encouraged to see all of the others on this post to see that people do bet this and can live a normal life. I am exhausted keeping this life up and want to be free fomr it. I am not sure why all of this is coming out on this thread or if I will even post it, but if anyone feels like adding me please do.
  • numinousnymph
    numinousnymph Posts: 249 Member
    I developed a kind of mixture of bulimia and anorexia (but closer to bulimia -- I'd restrict for a week and then have an all-out binge and purge) when I was 16 (I'm 24 now). Luckily, by the time I was 18/19 I was able to *mostly* stop restricting, binging and purging, but I still did some overexercising at times. When I say mostly, I would say a couple of times a year I got triggered by one thing or another and had a binge-purge episode.

    However being over-obsessed with food and exercise has still stayed with me... I still get very anxious if I can't plan out my meals and if I have to unexpectedly miss a workout if I've already eaten most of my allotted calories for the day. I find feeling really full when I eat too much (even if it's mostly healthy stuff) really triggers the urge to purge it up. I also have had a couple of B/P episodes recently unfortunately...but, luckily, not HUGE, 1,000+ calorie binges. I think it's going to be a struggle that's going to stay with me for a long time, but I'm dealing with it as much as a I can. Actively trying to lose weight and having to limit what I eat really makes it kind of flare up.

    The main thing for me is to avoid feeling very full, and NOT buy any trigger/binge foods to keep in the house (for me this is bread, chips, ice cream, chocolate...). If I really want these things, I have them in a way so I can have single-serving portions of them such as buying individual chip bags, buying *one* bagel (if I want bread), buying a small chocolate bar (admittedly those are harder to find, though). I still have a VERY hard time with certain foods triggering me to binge, so this is the only way I have found to deal with it. And, not too long after not having it in the house, I really don't end up missing it all that much.
  • occultllama
    occultllama Posts: 31 Member
    Yeah, quite sick at the moment (anorexia binge purge subtype) and issues with doctors being dickbags and me being stupid mean I'm not "recovering". I want to, but it just isn't happening right now.
  • MacCroc
    MacCroc Posts: 50 Member
    One more case of atypical bulimia here ;)
    I have suffered form bulimia with short periods of anorexia since I was 16. Right now I'm in my second month of attempting to eat healthy - started counting calories for the first time and it seems work!
    Feel free to add me if you need some support or want to chat.

  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    First, so much respect for you and all you are doing (and have done) to fight such an incredibly difficulty and destructive disease. I had an ED, incl. bulimia, for so many years it hurts to look back on it. I finally got specialized ED treatment and have done pretty well since then. It is very hard to lose weight, though, and not trigger everything all the time. Plus strong emotions still affect how I treat my body, so I am working hard on that. I have another mental illness on top of an ED history and sometimes it's not under control. And I guess that's the perpetual struggle--trying to control hard, sad, and fearful things by controlling my body. All it seems to have led to is a lack of control. I try to make peace with the things I can't control and not take things out on my body. That seems an important component of recovery.

    Journaling my food has helped my recovery, even recording binges and undereating. I find it helps me accept everything that this journey is composed of. It doesn't make me feel worse for some reason. My weight has been going down slowly for some time, so the peaks and valleys are all part of the road I'm following. It's helped me learn that nothing is hopeless and that nothing should be used as an excuse to throw my hands in the air and say, "What's the point? I might as well stop trying." I NEVER stop trying anymore, but I try with acceptance and love when I can manage it.

    Many good thoughts to you. May you keep getting healthier and happier.
  • sati18
    sati18 Posts: 153 Member
    Another one here - I've suffered from bulimia for 17 years and whilst i wouldn't call myself recovered, mfp has been very helpful to me, My previous pattern has always been 'go onto treatment, stop the behaviours, gain weight because of eating too much and then relapse because i can't deal with the weight gain and am afriad that all food will make me binge and make me fat'. MFP is helping to show me what normal portions and normal eating looks like, and that i can eat and not balloon as long as i eat sensible portions, exercise and eat nutritious foods. I still go through better and worse times but I can safely say that since joining mfp my B/P behaviours have dramatically reduced and i am much less afraid of food than i was. It's a slow road as i really can't remember what it feels like not to have this obsession with food, but day by day is the way to go i think.
  • 1PearlyMargaret
    1PearlyMargaret Posts: 11 Member
    edited November 2014
    You are not the only one! I am a recovered bulimic, anorexic, and binge eater of 16 years. It can be done. It's sad to say a bad purging experience made me quit instantly- I literally thought my heart would stop. So I just decided I rather be a little larger than the alternative. I lift weights and cardio three times a week to help burn calories and fat. I don't necessarily count calories as much anymore or weigh myself. I let my trusty measuring tape do all the talking. I just eat healthy foods every three hours. If I do indulge in something a little more "sinful", I ALWAYS eat a phyto-chemical with it to help get it out of my system faster (due to fibers) and encapsulate any sugary toxins to ensure my body absorbs as least as possible. You have to really commit to loving yourself more than this horrible disease. The first stages of recovery seem foreign because the trusty binge and purge relief is no longer an option. I found journaling very therapeutic. I also reward myself every few months with non food items to help encourage myself. My Pandora charm bracelet has gotten pretty full =) It's such a battlefield of the mind! You have to be committed to loving yourself more rather than bowing down to the porcelain throne. Keep up the AWESOME job! Keep on Keepin' on!

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