What I hate about being fat
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I have been there too. Acknowledgement is a major step towards change. Sometimes rage can fuel ambition to keep you going, as long as it is not your only motivation. Could you write a page of all your loves?0
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There are a few options: Do nothing and be miserable. Do something and be miserable. Do something and embrace and enjoy the journey. Which one sounds more appealing to you? As with all things in life, we have no control over what others think and do. But we can control how we act and react to challenges life throws our way. Why care what people in the supermarket think? They don't know or care about you. And chances are, they aren't even thinking about you at all. Yes, it is true that overweight people probably suffer discrimination. So do people of different races and sexual preferences. Nothing you can do about that except be the best person you can be for yourself and your family and friends.
I'm not one for a pity-party. It serves no purpose. If you are fat and hate it then do what it takes to lose the weight. You have already lost 35lbs which is amazing! Think about something that happened 18 months ago. Does it seem like a long time? Probably not. Just think, in 18 months you will probably be at your goal. And you won't be fat for the whole time. Every day will get better and better. Clothes will get looser. Walking will get easier. You will have more energy. You will look in the mirror and love what you are seeing. Losing weight is a good thing and it is NECESSSARILY hard and long.
All the things I have said to you I would say and have said to myself. I just came from the ladies room and looked in the mirror and acknowledged that my formerly tight pants are pretty loose. Small victory. I still have 80lbs to reach my ultimate goal and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it. Why not do the same?
I don't know your life but I do know there are a lot of people in this world struggling to live and facing adversity that makes my problems seems very trivial. I am grateful to be able to recognize I need to lose weight and to be able to do something about it. You lost weight while being able to eat chocolate. Sounds pretty good to me...0 -
I hate these things too. I try not to focus on them though.
How about writing a list of things you love about yourself now, and a list of things you'll love even more about yourself when you reach your goals?
How about channeling the hate of the things you dislike by making plans for the setbacks that will occur in the future. Envision the things that might get you off track and make plans and think through what you'll do in response to those unavoidable things.0 -
tjsoccermom wrote: »I've lost 35lbs in the last 6 months and it seems soooo slow,
I hate to sound like an *kitten*, but I've lost 5lbs in the last 8 months. Don't even talk about slow. One you have limited your success to a number, which is dangerous, and two you have underestimated your success and when you do that you are saying you are ok with being depressed about it.
Um celebrate what you've accomplished, don't look at anyone else but yourself. You can't compare to anyone else, and that I can tell you is HARD.
I haven't even beaten the comparison/envy monster....it's evil and it will keep you on your knees if you let it.
Key words.... if you let it.
Again, I cannot express that it's HARD!!!!! to not compare. HARD, HARD, ALMOST impossible....almost....to not compare...but don't do it.
As far as vices in moderation...some vices you have to let go of. Or at least keep them out of your house...make it so you must make effort to get them. I do not buy chips. I eat chips when I'm out if that's what they have as a side with my meal....otherwise I no longer care to eat them.
You can always change your vices.0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »You need a healthy shot of self esteem, as being this negative is not good for you.
I'd rather have self-compassion than self-esteem. Especially when I've not really done anything worthy of esteem in my life (but I have time I think, I am not giving up).
Whatever you want to call it, you need it. Half the list of things you hate is based on the actions of others (that frankly might not even actually happen - you just expect them to).
You might consider therapy. I started recently (to deal with past trauma) and it's done wonders for my self worth. Being fat does not make you unworthy - and being thin does not make you worthy. Nothing about your appearance impacts any of that.
Start taking better care of yourself, right now. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Take it one day at a time. You can do it - you are worth it.0 -
I will admit I felt like you. I weighed 295 lbs. I was ashamed of myself, felt lazy, and disgusting. I lost 108 pounds with my goal of 22 more.
I will tell you what I did...I put all that negative energy into losing weight...until I got to a point that I didn't feel ashamed of myself so much. That was about 80 pounds lost in about 7 months. After that I was able to feel more confident....slow down and even just maintain a while before starting to lose again.
I reached my bottom and became obsessed with losing instead of obsessed with guilt and shame. It worked for me...you can do it and in the end you will be happier for it.
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I was okay being heavier, until I stuggled to tie my shoe. Now, as I am losing weight and getting in shape, I just feel better. People who have a problem with heavy people have a problem with themselves, and it does not have to be the heavy person's problem. I never made those issue my own.0
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I can relate to this. but I have found in my struggle with weight loss that until u love the person u are then u can't become what u are meant to be.0
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I've been there, and I (still) have terrible self esteem, but it's getting better. But you got heavier for a reason. Own that - and feel better knowing that you are taking steps in the right direction. Who cares if other people think you are lazy, or think you should/shouldn't eat things? Take that and turn into empowerment; you know you aren't lazy, you know that chocolate will fit your macros, etc.0
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gopgirl425 wrote: »I will admit I felt like you. I weighed 295 lbs. I was ashamed of myself, felt lazy, and disgusting. I lost 108 pounds with my goal of 22 more.
I will tell you what I did...I put all that negative energy into losing weight...until I got to a point that I didn't feel ashamed of myself so much. That was about 80 pounds lost in about 7 months. After that I was able to feel more confident....slow down and even just maintain a while before starting to lose again.
I reached my bottom and became obsessed with losing instead of obsessed with guilt and shame. It worked for me...you can do it and in the end you will be happier for it.
^^^ This is an interesting perspective!
Anger can be a great motivator. If being "nice" to yourself didn't keep you on track, then get angry -- productive anger works just fine for some folks. Just don't let it be self-destructive anger. Channel it and make it work for you instead of against you. I believe you can do it; just reading your posts you sound really smart and capable. And *kitten* everyone else.
I remember as a kid, I'd get mad when I had to brush my teeth and didn't want to. I thought "I'LL SHOW YOU MOM" by brushing my teeth aggressively and loudly. My five year old logic was that this was somehow getting back at her. Except I just ended up brushing my teeth, and she didn't care. I think that was my first taste of "productive anger" except now I'm my own mom and responsible for myself.
Yeah, none of us are normal.
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I have days like this (except for the no job thing). I also have days when I hate how bad I let myself get before doing something about it. All I see when I look in the mirror on those days is my past failures. When I have days like this I usually run to my husband and he tells me "Stop beating yourself up. You're doing a great job hunny. Stop worrying about the past because there is nothing you can do about it. All that matters is what you're doing right now!" So I'll say the same thing to you! Don't beat yourself up! You've been doing GREAT for yourself and EVERY DAY that you stick with it you triumph and YOU ARE A WINNER! You can feel free to add me and I would be happy to tell you this when ever you need to hear it because it's THE TRUTH!
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Losing weight isnt about just looking good.
If yall can get over that part
It is about a healthy great relationship with food and not being greedy with it
Once you take into consideration how dam blessed you are with abundant food, maybe its ok to want your favourite dish tomorrow, because you know it will be there
Yeah, and the truth is, all your hates are the truth,
but then again, you make the choice to place the fork or food in your mouth,
you are in control, claim this control
Calorie counting, it's life, there are greater tragedies in the world!!!!-2 -
I can see that there are things you don't like about yourself, things you want to improve. And that's great. Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE has room for improvement. I congratulate you on your determination and success.
But...
Just because you have room to improve does not mean that you are somehow less worthy as a person right now. At this moment, you are a valuable, worthwhile human being. Yes, use what you don't like about yourself to inspire you to become a better, healthier person, but don't let other people make you think that you are somehow less worthy than them simply because of what you may look like now or what you have done in the past. You are a wonderful, valuable human being, right now.0 -
Baby steps.
Don't feel intimidated by smaller sized people. Some people are just small naturally. I knew one girl who gained her baby weight, had her baby and a week later, washboard stomach.
Wish I could do that!
The best way to die off from chocolate and junk food though is just to cut back, not just stop. This does take years to do. Took me about five years for my chocolate addiction.
Yeah, addiction. The stuff is real. Know your body can have caffeine withdrawals?
After years of my mental battles, it's so much easier to lose weight. I can go weeks without the compulsion to eat chocolate now. And even yesterday my husband won multiple chocolate candy bars, but I had no desire to eat them.
Just start a day when you're not going to eat so much junk food and tell yourself I'm only going to have two servings instead of three. Tell yourself this everyday. Think of yourself like a recoverying alcoholic. I had to. And don't expect these miracle 40 pound loss in a month like these magazines have in the front. That's not actually healthy for the body. About 1 to 2 pounds a week would be good for you when you're ready to start.
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You need to focus on the positive things in your life. Laws of Attraction. The more you focus on the negatives the more negatives you will notice. Try it out for one day...heck even one hour would work. Just take a deep breathe and just push the bad thoughts away.
And please remember there are people worse off than you weight wise. Your current weight is someone else's goal weight!
Look at your life and see the good things in your life. Focus on the good things and develop on those. I am the same way as you at times. But then I started to realize how most of the stress I had in my life was caused by myself. YOU are charge of your life. YOU are the only one who can make choices to make your life better or to stay in the rut you are in.
It is okay to feel bad about your situation but do not let yourself wallow there. You will get too comfortable in that state of mind and it is not a good place to be.
You have lost 35 pounds already. That is 7 bags of sugar. That is 4 gallons on milk. Go grab 4 gallons on milk. It is HEAVY! That was once on your body and it is GONE. Your hard work got rid of that.
One step at a time. One day at a time. One choice at a time.0 -
Miss Candi, emotions are real, and you are entitled to yours whatever they are. And you do have something to be sad about. And if anyone says different you know better anyway. I know that’s not fair. But isn’t it great that life isn’t fair? Wouldn’t it be horrible if we actually deserved all the terrible things that happen to us? Besides, where is the rule written that you have to be upbeat and happy happy happy every day of your life. That is simply unrealistic and offends the universe.
The trick is to not let your emotions surrounding this issue to paralyze you to the point where you quit trying to get where you want to go. One of the things I have observed in life is that people generally do not make changes in their lives until it hurts too much not to. If you think about it that way the pain you are feeling now can be a useful thing, especially if you use it as motivation to keep plugging away.
Success over time breeds confidence. Confidence leads to further success which eventually leads to the Promised Land, whatever that means to you. It is the secret of life.
There is one thing I hope I can communicate to you. I do not believe everyone sees you the way you perceive they do. I know that when I look at your photo I see a pretty young girl who also happens to be overweight. But when I read what you write, well, then I get a glimpse into your mind and heart. I have to tell you I like what I see, a sensitive and caring heart that just happens to be in pain right now. You write beautifully, which is hard to do. So, I bet you are well above average in many other things as well. Somehow I sense a wickedly sharp sense of humor in there too. Add that up and it comes up to a pretty good constellation of qualities to have in this life.
Anyway, your post moved me. I truly hope you find whatever it is you seek.
And yes Virginia, since you ask, I actually AM a psychologist.
.
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I empathize, there are so many things I dislike about being overweight.
It is ok to feel this way, even if it feels horrible. Life is not platitudes of self awesomeness, but on the same hand it is not about self loathing. It is ok to vent, and express, but try to be kind to yourself. We are only human and perfectly imperfect.0 -
I know I can relate some-what to the idea of "Wasting my 20's being fat". This horrified me.0
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I honestly don't see what is wrong with chocolate or diet soda in moderation as part of a broadly balanced diet. It just makes me ashamed because I think other people will think "typical fatty eating crap". If I was thin I'd not feel bad about buying those things.tjsoccermom wrote: »Don't buy chocolate and diet soda then. Buy veggies.
I've lost 35lbs in the last 6 months and it seems soooo slow, but I initially wanted to lose slowly because I thought it would minimise excess skin etc. But when I think I have 103lbs left to go, it's just depressing. I am going to be fat for years and I just have to keep plugging away while all my sins are visible on my body.
I could go to confession and be clean in the eyes of the Lord, but in the eyes of the world my body will still scream lazy glutton for a while yet whatever I do. I know it's fair, I know I made my bed. But I don't think that means I can't complain about the bed I made now it's done.
I think one of the hardest things to learn in life is that our sense of worth must come from within and not from what others think of us. You have to start thinking of yourself as worthy and deserving of respect because of the things you've accomplished (like losing 35lbs!) and deserving of a happy life because you are a good person who treats others well. The people who really matter to you in life already know these things about you too and they love and respect you for it. They are the people in your life who will give you honest opinions and constructive criticism when you need it. So who cares whether a random stranger in the supermarket judges what's in your basket? They are entitled to their opinion, but you are entitled to not let it bother you. You know who you are and what you're about, so just let those outside opinions slide right off your back.0 -
I love this post, because it's real. Any person that has struggled with weight at some point or another has had these thoughts cross their mind. Granted, continuing to think this way is toxic, and not effective, but you said all the things that I've thought at least once or twice. The negativity is what fueled me to start my journey. I hated that I would walk up a flight of stairs and be completely winded. I hated eating out in public because I felt like everybody would look at me and think "not surprised". But now that I've begun my journey, I don't hate it anymore. I love that I realized I had a problem, and I love that I'm changing.0
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