How can I tell my co worker to back off?

Telton66
Telton66 Posts: 74
edited November 8 in Motivation and Support
I work in nursing home and there is girl at my job that is always on my case about my dress code and my appearance when we work together .She seems like a high maintenance women since she always put effort into her appearance by wearing make up and wear nice close etc which is her business.

However,i am the opposite. I don't really to much effort into my appearance .I will make sure I look presentable for work and take a shower ofcourse but I don't wear make up or go exra mile to look sexy at work if you know what I mean.I just don't care

Now the problem is this girl is always on my case telling me that I am beautiful and young and I shouldn't so rough on myself and try to look good. She always criticize me on how my hair is on that day and last time she got on my case because the purse that I had was old and worn out so she was like with all the money you make ,why have a purse like that etc. When she sees me she looks at me up and down and always have something to say.

Its starting to get on my nerves and I am million seconds to snap. We are not even friends outside work so I don't know why she cares. I am there to work and not to get anyone approval or attract anyone so how can I tell her to back off and mind her own business without coming off as rude?
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Replies

  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."

  • Pupslice
    Pupslice Posts: 213 Member
    just say "I know you mean well, but honestly, you are driving me crazy with your constant criticisms, and you need to STOP IT NOW. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Thanks." then walk away. if she brings it up again, tell her you're going to HR with a formal complaint about her, then DO IT.

    I know you asked for advice on how to do this without being rude, well sometimes you HAVE to be rude, especially with people like that who just don't seem to understand they're being a-holes in the first place.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    Say to her "talk to me when you realize all the chemicals from your face paint are seeping into your skin....". Not all of us need to be high maintenance. She should respect that you prefer not to be like her. Maybe she's jelly that you're naturally beautiful.
  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
    Be direct. Tell her that have different priorities. Let her know that you are happy with your choices and that she needs to stop pestering you.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    Tell her just to mind her own business. That's really the only thing to say.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    Tell her you don't really like being around people who are that shallow and materialistic.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."
    THIS. Direct, polite, to-the-point.

  • Skittle_BoomBoom
    Skittle_BoomBoom Posts: 72
    BinkyBonk wrote: »
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."
    THIS. Direct, polite, to-the-point.
    I agree 100%
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Please understand that I do not have the same priorities as you. Although I know you have well-meaning intentions, it is coming through very insulting and happens far too often. Please respect my space and my position in the company by not making my job something that hinges on pretty vs not pretty.
  • DesiraeVosk
    DesiraeVosk Posts: 24 Member
    Pupslice wrote: »
    just say "I know you mean well, but honestly, you are driving me crazy with your constant criticisms, and you need to STOP IT NOW. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Thanks." then walk away. if she brings it up again, tell her you're going to HR with a formal complaint about her, then DO IT.

    I know you asked for advice on how to do this without being rude, well sometimes you HAVE to be rude, especially with people like that who just don't seem to understand they're being a-holes in the first place.
    I love this post :)
  • TheSatinPumpkin
    TheSatinPumpkin Posts: 948 Member
    rachelvoskressensky wrote: »
    Pupslice wrote: »
    just say "I know you mean well, but honestly, you are driving me crazy with your constant criticisms, and you need to STOP IT NOW. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Thanks." then walk away. if she brings it up again, tell her you're going to HR with a formal complaint about her, then DO IT.

    I know you asked for advice on how to do this without being rude, well sometimes you HAVE to be rude, especially with people like that who just don't seem to understand they're being a-holes in the first place.
    I love this post :)

    same. if that does not work then bring it to HR.
  • peaceissues
    peaceissues Posts: 77 Member
    Don't tell her anything, just walk into your boss' office and report her for harassment.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    ^ this
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    Uh, how about, "Shut up" or maybe, "Stop ragging on me about how I look" or even start referring to her as Mom or Gran.

    Why is it so difficult to tell someone to shut up or leave me alone?
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    edited November 2014
    zyxst wrote: »
    Uh, how about, "Shut up" or maybe, "Stop ragging on me about how I look" or even start referring to her as Mom or Gran.

    Why is it so difficult to tell someone to shut up or leave me alone?

    because at work, there is a required level of class - and sinking to someone else's level can get you set back in your career goals or drop you in the eyes of your boss.

    In other words, because of professionalism, politics and holding yourself to a higher standard.

    That's why.

    :|

  • Shawshankcan
    Shawshankcan Posts: 900 Member
    Screw being polite, be direct.

    "My appearance complies with the dress code, it is not a concern of yours."
  • kendalslimmer
    kendalslimmer Posts: 579 Member
    You could always try a slightly more diplomatic 'white lie' strategy e.g.

    "I have sensitive skin, so whenever I wear makeup or use hair products I suffer from ugly break-outs..."

    "I totally would buy cuter clothes, but I'm saving for a house / car / holiday."

    "I'm not really a morning person, so my current routine actually suits me just fine."
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
    Tell her that you are offended by her comments and would like her to stop immediately. If she does it a second time, tell her you will go to your superiors. If she does it again then follow through. Document the date/time of each of these conversations and provide to HR or your superiors. If this really bothers you then don't back down or change your mind after you have reported it. I suspect she doesn't realize it bothers you. Once you tell her it does she will be on notice. Good luck.
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
    As has already been stated, this IS actually harassment. Imagine if the coworker was someone of the opposite sex??? I don't know where you work but I hope they take this type of thing seriously. That woman has a lot of nerve. She sounds like a bully.
  • RoseyDgirl
    RoseyDgirl Posts: 306 Member
    how about give her attitude back- I don't want to waste my money on my looks because if I did; you'd have no one paying attention to you.
    -
    - Or, If I spent all my money on the *kitten* that folks put on their faces, there'd be none left for the ones who really need it...
    -
    - Or ... I could buy all that stuff, but then I'd have no money for my drug and alcohol addictions.
    -
    - :D
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    You say you aren't friends so you don't know why she cares. My questions is why do you care? Her opinion is none of your business. Unless she is your boss, or you are not following company dress code, let it be!
  • RoseyDgirl
    RoseyDgirl Posts: 306 Member
    must really sukk to be ugly...
  • joflo723
    joflo723 Posts: 119 Member
    RoseyDgirl wrote: »
    how about give her attitude back- I don't want to waste my money on my looks because if I did; you'd have no one paying attention to you.
    -
    - Or, If I spent all my money on the *kitten* that folks put on their faces, there'd be none left for the ones who really need it...
    -
    - Or ... I could buy all that stuff, but then I'd have no money for my drug and alcohol addictions.
    -
    - :D

    Screw every other suggestion. This wins.
  • FlashMorehouse
    FlashMorehouse Posts: 138 Member
    Telton66 wrote: »
    I work in nursing home and there is girl at my job that is always on my case about my dress code and my appearance when we work together .She seems like a high maintenance women since she always put effort into her appearance by wearing make up and wear nice close etc which is her business.

    However,i am the opposite. I don't really to much effort into my appearance .I will make sure I look presentable for work and take a shower ofcourse but I don't wear make up or go exra mile to look sexy at work if you know what I mean.I just don't care

    Now the problem is this girl is always on my case telling me that I am beautiful and young and I shouldn't so rough on myself and try to look good. She always criticize me on how my hair is on that day and last time she got on my case because the purse that I had was old and worn out so she was like with all the money you make ,why have a purse like that etc. When she sees me she looks at me up and down and always have something to say.

    Its starting to get on my nerves and I am million seconds to snap. We are not even friends outside work so I don't know why she cares. I am there to work and not to get anyone approval or attract anyone so how can I tell her to back off and mind her own business without coming off as rude?

    Use your big girl words and tell her you are not interested in her opinion.

  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
    simplydelish2 wrote: »
    You say you aren't friends so you don't know why she cares. My questions is why do you care? Her opinion is none of your business. Unless she is your boss, or you are not following company dress code, let it be!

    I would think it's unnerving to have someone looking you up and down and criticizing you everyday you are at work. We are all entitled to a safe, harrassment-free workplace. This woman is way out of line, especially since the OP has stated they aren't friends.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    astrose00 wrote: »
    simplydelish2 wrote: »
    You say you aren't friends so you don't know why she cares. My questions is why do you care? Her opinion is none of your business. Unless she is your boss, or you are not following company dress code, let it be!

    I would think it's unnerving to have someone looking you up and down and criticizing you everyday you are at work. We are all entitled to a safe, harrassment-free workplace. This woman is way out of line, especially since the OP has stated they aren't friends.


    This, I am sure Op is not there to make friends or impress anyone. It is none of her business what OP does with appearance or anything regarding her personal life.She should keep her opinion to herself because at the end of the day how OP looks won't effect her co worker life in any way
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Just give her a black eye. It will give her something else to focus on.
  • CorlissaEats
    CorlissaEats Posts: 493 Member
    edited November 2014
    If you've already asked her to stop making those comments, then the next step is to pull her aside into a private room where the door can close and tell her point blank that her comments are inappropriate and that your next step if they don't stop is to talk to HR.

    I had to do it once with a co-worker who kept teasing me and didn't understand that my continued requests for them to stop weren't playing along. I wasn't protesting because I was embarrassed by the comments but because they were crossing a line. Its tough. It's a little awkward after for a while, but if you were really friendly at work and both adults then you can move past it and still be friendly. I think the big thing is to take ownership and use "I" language. Avoid placing blame or backing them into a defensive corner. Use words like "I feel like...when you..."
  • journalistjen
    journalistjen Posts: 265 Member
    "I dress like this just to hear your comments every day." Roll eyes and walk away.
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
    I would never stoop to insults at work, regardless of what was said to me. The OP should definitely take the high road and go through the proper channels. It's easy to say that she should tell the woman off or beat her up... but that will result in her being FIRED and/or ARRESTED!
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