Sabotage
Misterfish96
Posts: 26 Member
Does anyone else feel sabotaged sometimes by their spouse? For example, making a perfect apple pie or buying your favorite ice cream even though you ask them not to. As I lose weight my wife seems to notice her own fat more. She talks about supporting me but her actions are the exact opposite.
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My husband tries to be supportive, he truly does. But, sometimes he falters. He will eat something he subconsciously knows I like. For instance, last night we got Subway. I had a healthy veggie sub 1/2. He got the meal which included two cookies. He ate them in front of me. It was hard to watch, but you learn to accept it.
You can't expect your wife to stop eating what she wants because you are trying to lose weight. I know how you feel though, sometimes it can feel as though our spouses' are being insensitive. We are just like alcoholics or drug addicts - our addiction is food. We have to learn to accept the fact that we can't eat whatever we want. Regardless of whose around.
If it really bothers you, I would talk to your wife about it. Tell her how hard this journey is. My husband had a Klondike bar last night and I had no idea! He ate it discretely in the kitchen away from me. Good luck to you, you can do this!0 -
My husband and I are both easily able to influence each other's decisions, so any time either one of us has tried being healthy on their own it's only lasted a couple of weeks because we just don't have the willpower to be good if the other one isn't.
Anyway, we were making really unhealthy decisions that we know had to change for the good of our family so we decided to start together. For us we have to do it together, but I've tried on my own and it is SO hard. My sister is another example, her husband won't eat healthy with her at all, so whenever she cooks she has to make a different meal for herself and I think it's a total lack of support. It doesn't sound like your situation is that, though!
My advice would be to ask her to at least ease up on buying those treats that you're trying to stay away from. She's probably a bit envious that you've found the drive to do something about your weight - I know I've felt that way in the past. Just say that losing this weight is making you feel a lot better, and it would be easier if she kept that in mind when grocery shopping, or when making desserts. Maybe suggest to keep the apple pies for when you're having people over and/or are going for a visit?0 -
Make room in your day for a treat or work out a bit more to earn one. Deprivation never works in the long run.0
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I can't stand it, I know you plannned it...
Sorry, had to be the first loser in there.
Have you flat out asked her not to make those things? Or merely suggested that you don't really want those things lying around? Or said oh no, but then gone on to eat it and got annoyed with yourself afterwards? I tend to do the last one.
From how you've phrased it 'notice her fat more', is she trying to lose weight too? Or just generally becoming more unhappy with her figure? Not for you to say to her that she should, dear me, but it'd put a different slant on it if she's actively trying to lose weight too and is perhaps a little resentful of your progress.
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I think it may be good practice for having to deal with this outside of the home...If you can get over it with the spouse then you can manage it anywhere!0
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redfisher1974 wrote: »I think it may be good practice for having to deal with this outside of the home...If you can get over it with the spouse then you can manage it anywhere!
Oh, dear god! Not the horrid clown from "American Horror Story"! I love that show, watched every season so far, but I'm really having a hard time watching this season when I see the clown. (I'm running away in fear now!)0 -
No.
When my husband brings home something for me, I'll see if it fits in my day. If it doesn't, I fit it in the next day. I wold never consider my husband bringing me home food as sabotoge unless he also tied me down and forced it down my throat.0 -
Listen all ya'll this is sabotage0
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CallMeCupcakeDammit wrote: »
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redfisher1974 wrote: »I think it may be good practice for having to deal with this outside of the home...If you can get over it with the spouse then you can manage it anywhere!
Oh, dear god! Not the horrid clown from "American Horror Story"! I love that show, watched every season so far, but I'm really having a hard time watching this season when I see the clown. (I'm running away in fear now!)
My fav show too! Just started season one murder house on netflix... Yeah my wife hates twisty the clown..lol
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I figure this is my thing, not my husband's. I'm doing this for me and it would be completely unfair if I expected him to change up his life/not buy particular food just because I made a decision to change mine. Life is full of temptations, and part of being an adult is making a decision to either give in to them, or resist them. If you decide to give in, you then have the further decision of letting it blow your day out, or making it fit.
Sabotage is a deliberate attempt to destroy, damage or obstruct something. Unless your wife is buying/making these things in a deliberate and malicious attempt to destroy your weight loss, it's not sabotage, it's life throwing you a temptation.0 -
Misterfish96 wrote: »Does anyone else feel sabotaged sometimes by their spouse? For example, making a perfect apple pie or buying your favorite ice cream even though you ask them not to. As I lose weight my wife seems to notice her own fat more. She talks about supporting me but her actions are the exact opposite.
She bakes you pies and buys your favorite ice cream? Awww.
That doesn't sound like sabotage to me.
That said, yes, my diet nutrition goals are my own. I don't expect my spouse to keep up, or even agree. Thank her for being sweet, then don't eat the ice cream or the pie if you don't want to. Or eat a bit, if you want to. If you don't eat it, she'll get the message.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »I figure this is my thing, not my husband's. I'm doing this for me and it would be completely unfair if I expected him to change up his life/not buy particular food just because I made a decision to change mine. Life is full of temptations, and part of being an adult is making a decision to either give in to them, or resist them. If you decide to give in, you then have the further decision of letting it blow your day out, or making it fit.
Sabotage is a deliberate attempt to destroy, damage or obstruct something. Unless your wife is buying/making these things in a deliberate and malicious attempt to destroy your weight loss, it's not sabotage, it's life throwing you a temptation.
100% agree. I like to think about it this way: there are lots of things in life that we can't control. The one thing you can always control is what goes into your mouth. Sure it's hard to resist yummy things but it is what it is for us. Don't blame other people for trying to "sabotage" you. Treat yourself every now and then and the rest of the time, give your wife a big kiss and say "no pie for me babe but you're seriously the bomb". That's what I do with the bf and it works like a charm
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Unless you are unconscious on a feeding tube you are responsible for your caloric intake. 99.999% of people on a diet should add "sabotage" to their "excuse" thesaurus entry.0
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Misterfish96 wrote: »As I lose weight my wife seems to notice her own fat more. She talks about supporting me but her actions are the exact opposite.
Get a new one. She obviously doesn't appreciate or deserve you.
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Take responsibility and don't blame your wife.0
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Currently I'm trying to stop eating so much sweets. Breaking the habit. My mom has made butterscotch cupcakes. And we have ice cream. And my sister told me to take one OR TWO even though she knows I'm trying to stay away from the stuff.
What I do is I weigh out the pros and cons. Pros : quick satisfaction. Cons : temporarily satisfaction, over my calorie goal, have to start my habit-streak all over, tooth ache from the ice cream, Gain water weight...
^^ still worth it? Yeah not so much. So all I did, was say no thanks I'm good. And she begged about 3 times more...and I stuck to the EXACT same answer. No thanks I'm good. And she left it there.0 -
I mean, you may still want it...but MAKE yourself say "I DO NOT want it." And then don't take it. That's it. I did want a cupcake, I was drooling for it. Yet I said I do not want it. And as soon as I said that out loud, I genuinely did not want it anymore.
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My husband and I spent years yo-yoing diet wise. Our most recent effort started by me deciding that this time my weight loss journey would work, that was 3+ years ago. My husband didn't think i would be successful but after 6 good months he joined the band wagon. Previously he always did better than me and i would fail first. When i was failing i would try to tempt him to eat the unhealthy food, not because i wanted to sabotage him but to ease my own feelings of guilt and greed. Because he is a man he can eat more than me so he will often have a treat in front of me, which i don't mind. If however i am having a craving day he will not eat his treat in front of me as he knows how hard it sometimesfor me to resist. it is a question of respect and consideration. If your wife enjoys cooking for you perhaps she could find low cal recipes? And be honest with her and tell her that as much as you enjoy the delicious foods she lovingly makes for you at the present time you need to forgo the apple pies etc.0
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You are in control of what you put in your mouth and practicing restraint is going to be what you need in any number of situations. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to say "no, thank you"
The only "sabotage" DH has ever done is to place food on my plate or top up my glass when I've deliberately told him not to. It's the only thing I asked him to do when he asked how he could support me. And I've always hated it. I went ballistic and he understood when I explained he was taking control for what I put in my mouth away from me.
But baking or bringing home food isn't sabotage.0 -
I don't let what anyone else eats bother me. I bake my husband treats all the time. We always have donuts at our house. There is a big bowl of candy sitting on the counter right now. I just don't eat that stuff. I know if I do, I won't make progress.0
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Quite often. Though they often won't admit it, it's the whole "I dont want you to be hotter than me, so here, eat this 4 lb cheesecake" thing.0
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maybe she is scared.0
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My boyfriend is very supportive of me and always takes pride in my successes. That being said, he DOES NOT eat healthy. I got him off drinking soda for a little over 6 months, then he slowly started drinking them again and put back the 15 lbs he had lost from going "sober", lol. When we go grocery shopping I stick to the perimeter of the store and he goes straight to the inside aisles, the candy, the ice cream, the cookies and chips. I can't deny him those things. I just have to know that if I want a treat, I can have a small cookie or scoop of ice cream, IF it fits inside my day. I can't say that it's easy though, every day I open our food cupboard and see his side of things I have to fight a mini battle inside myself to not just eat everything in sight!
While your wife may be a bit jealous of your weight loss, I don't think she is trying to sabotage you. Maybe she just doesn't know any other way. Has cooking always been her way of showing love, before you started getting healthy? I would just sit down and have a heart to heart with her and let her now that focusing on your health is now a priority of yours and you need her support.0 -
I get sabotaged by my brother almost everyday, he's currently 60kg+ and he just keeps eating pizzas, fries, sodas and he doesn't even seem to weigh bigger I think it's because he plays basketball almost everyday and have other exercises. I do know that he just needs his munchies but him walking to my room and eating it beside me while I'm watching or playing computer is VERY VERY tempting and makes me wanna at least have a bite of any left over foods then once I take a bite, I usually feel unsatisfied and decide to eat more.0
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