How can I tell my co worker to back off?

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Telton66
Telton66 Posts: 74
in Motivation and Support
I work in nursing home and there is girl at my job that is always on my case about my dress code and my appearance when we work together .She seems like a high maintenance women since she always put effort into her appearance by wearing make up and wear nice close etc which is her business.

However,i am the opposite. I don't really to much effort into my appearance .I will make sure I look presentable for work and take a shower ofcourse but I don't wear make up or go exra mile to look sexy at work if you know what I mean.I just don't care

Now the problem is this girl is always on my case telling me that I am beautiful and young and I shouldn't so rough on myself and try to look good. She always criticize me on how my hair is on that day and last time she got on my case because the purse that I had was old and worn out so she was like with all the money you make ,why have a purse like that etc. When she sees me she looks at me up and down and always have something to say.

Its starting to get on my nerves and I am million seconds to snap. We are not even friends outside work so I don't know why she cares. I am there to work and not to get anyone approval or attract anyone so how can I tell her to back off and mind her own business without coming off as rude?
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Replies

  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."

  • Pupslice
    Pupslice Posts: 213 Member
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    just say "I know you mean well, but honestly, you are driving me crazy with your constant criticisms, and you need to STOP IT NOW. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Thanks." then walk away. if she brings it up again, tell her you're going to HR with a formal complaint about her, then DO IT.

    I know you asked for advice on how to do this without being rude, well sometimes you HAVE to be rude, especially with people like that who just don't seem to understand they're being a-holes in the first place.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Say to her "talk to me when you realize all the chemicals from your face paint are seeping into your skin....". Not all of us need to be high maintenance. She should respect that you prefer not to be like her. Maybe she's jelly that you're naturally beautiful.
  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
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    Be direct. Tell her that have different priorities. Let her know that you are happy with your choices and that she needs to stop pestering you.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
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    Tell her just to mind her own business. That's really the only thing to say.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
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    Tell her you don't really like being around people who are that shallow and materialistic.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,671 Member
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    Tanie98 wrote: »
    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."
    THIS. Direct, polite, to-the-point.

  • Skittle_BoomBoom
    Skittle_BoomBoom Posts: 72
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    BinkyBonk wrote: »
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."
    THIS. Direct, polite, to-the-point.
    I agree 100%
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Please understand that I do not have the same priorities as you. Although I know you have well-meaning intentions, it is coming through very insulting and happens far too often. Please respect my space and my position in the company by not making my job something that hinges on pretty vs not pretty.
  • DesiraeVosk
    DesiraeVosk Posts: 24 Member
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    Pupslice wrote: »
    just say "I know you mean well, but honestly, you are driving me crazy with your constant criticisms, and you need to STOP IT NOW. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Thanks." then walk away. if she brings it up again, tell her you're going to HR with a formal complaint about her, then DO IT.

    I know you asked for advice on how to do this without being rude, well sometimes you HAVE to be rude, especially with people like that who just don't seem to understand they're being a-holes in the first place.
    I love this post :)
  • TheSatinPumpkin
    TheSatinPumpkin Posts: 948 Member
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    rachelvoskressensky wrote: »
    Pupslice wrote: »
    just say "I know you mean well, but honestly, you are driving me crazy with your constant criticisms, and you need to STOP IT NOW. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Thanks." then walk away. if she brings it up again, tell her you're going to HR with a formal complaint about her, then DO IT.

    I know you asked for advice on how to do this without being rude, well sometimes you HAVE to be rude, especially with people like that who just don't seem to understand they're being a-holes in the first place.
    I love this post :)

    same. if that does not work then bring it to HR.
  • peaceissues
    peaceissues Posts: 77 Member
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    Don't tell her anything, just walk into your boss' office and report her for harassment.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    ^ this
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Uh, how about, "Shut up" or maybe, "Stop ragging on me about how I look" or even start referring to her as Mom or Gran.

    Why is it so difficult to tell someone to shut up or leave me alone?
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    edited November 2014
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    zyxst wrote: »
    Uh, how about, "Shut up" or maybe, "Stop ragging on me about how I look" or even start referring to her as Mom or Gran.

    Why is it so difficult to tell someone to shut up or leave me alone?

    because at work, there is a required level of class - and sinking to someone else's level can get you set back in your career goals or drop you in the eyes of your boss.

    In other words, because of professionalism, politics and holding yourself to a higher standard.

    That's why.

    :|

  • Shawshankcan
    Shawshankcan Posts: 900 Member
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    Screw being polite, be direct.

    "My appearance complies with the dress code, it is not a concern of yours."
  • kendalslimmer
    kendalslimmer Posts: 579 Member
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    You could always try a slightly more diplomatic 'white lie' strategy e.g.

    "I have sensitive skin, so whenever I wear makeup or use hair products I suffer from ugly break-outs..."

    "I totally would buy cuter clothes, but I'm saving for a house / car / holiday."

    "I'm not really a morning person, so my current routine actually suits me just fine."
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
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    Tell her that you are offended by her comments and would like her to stop immediately. If she does it a second time, tell her you will go to your superiors. If she does it again then follow through. Document the date/time of each of these conversations and provide to HR or your superiors. If this really bothers you then don't back down or change your mind after you have reported it. I suspect she doesn't realize it bothers you. Once you tell her it does she will be on notice. Good luck.
  • astrose00
    astrose00 Posts: 754 Member
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    As has already been stated, this IS actually harassment. Imagine if the coworker was someone of the opposite sex??? I don't know where you work but I hope they take this type of thing seriously. That woman has a lot of nerve. She sounds like a bully.
  • RoseyDgirl
    RoseyDgirl Posts: 306 Member
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    how about give her attitude back- I don't want to waste my money on my looks because if I did; you'd have no one paying attention to you.
    -
    - Or, If I spent all my money on the *kitten* that folks put on their faces, there'd be none left for the ones who really need it...
    -
    - Or ... I could buy all that stuff, but then I'd have no money for my drug and alcohol addictions.
    -
    - :D

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