I'm worried, tired, emotionally drained and sick of this.
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lightmouse wrote: »lightmouse wrote: »My boyfriend said that I must be seeing something completely different to the rest of the world. I don't think so, I think I'm seeing it accurately but then obsessing over it and making it a bigger deal than it is. I have always wanted to run a sub 20 min 5k. Then the day I do it, what do I think? Not "wow, well done, look what you've achieved" but "why the hell is my stomach still sticking out, I'm still doing something wrong, what is it". Absolute nonsense.
Another random Internet stranger who thinks you look great!
But the point is, you recognize that your feelings are nonsense but you're still having them. That is exactly why you should get a referral to a therapist. My recommendation (remember, random Internet stranger!) would be to ask for a referral to a specialist in CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy). Instead of focusing on why you have these feelings, CBT would focus on how to reduce or eliminate them.
Thank you. That exactly what I want, I don't want to sit in a room discussing why I feel like this and going round and round in circles - I'm not really interested in why, I just want to feel better.
I'm a strong advocate of therapy. Seriously. It isn't just talking about the feelings- it's sorting out why how and getting to the root of the feeling. You feel a certain way for a reason.
Going to therapy is a safe place to really sit through and discuss that with no judgement. I think EVERYONE should go to therapy. Seriously- it's a great tool. for EVERYONE.
but pretty much you know you have to do something because the way you're feeling is unhealthy- and no one wants to feel "bad" all the time.
Secondly- someone mentioned bellydancing- and you said you weren't confident enough to do that.
1.) no one goes out performing their first six weeks. that's a joke.
2.) wearing minimal clothing is not necessarily part of the gig. everyone at my studio dances in pants and tanks/sweatshirts/tops- esp now that it's cold.
3.) dancing brings an awareness and a connection to your body and a different appreciation.
I'm not talking about mysical feminine goddess core crap. that's not what it's about at all.
But there IS an awareness- and realizing your body is what it is - somedays it's good- somedays it's grindy. Some days you like what you see- somedays you don't. You still show up and do the work.
and it's okay to be who you are but you can know, accept and work with the body you have. and it's just as capable and fabulous as the person next to you- who is a completely different shape or size. (both my teachers don't look particularly "fit" in conventional terms and let me tell you what- they both can dance circles around me- and neither of them do anything but dance- no other work outs at all)
I'm a professional bellydancer- and a power lifter- I do both. They both bring balance to my brain. I need BOTH to keep sane.
full clothes- actually a men's clothes
Fifi Abdou - baladi with assaya.mp4:
http://youtu.be/Cca6Y0Mu2xY
Leila Haddad- she's Berber- dances from North Afrida- Tunisian, Morroco, Algerian.
I've seen her dance in person- I've taken a workshop with her- hysterical- she wears more clothes than a man going to a formal interview.
Leila Haddad Oriental Dance:
http://youtu.be/3FsVLrRYdXY
Let me tell you something- even fully clothes in literally YARDS of fabric- she OOZES coy- or sexy- or va-va-voom.
It's a social dance. It can be done anywhere- at any time- in anything.
It's a different kind of confidence and it takes nothing but going and learning. step on-e good posture- just like the weight room.
not saying you HAVE to- but don't cut yourself short. It can be done.
Hugs- you can do it- you've come so far. Don't let your brain trick you into thinking you failed. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't let it rob you of your hard work!!!
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There is truly no one in the world who is perfectly happy with their entire body. Some people have a toe that points inward, or their shoulders are a little too broad, etc. I have a small fat deposit (marble size) on one ankle since I was in high school that bugs me to death - but there is literally nothing short of having it surgically removed. If your stomach was perfect, I promise you would find something else wrong with you.
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- Ask your BF what he doesnt like about himself/his body. He will have something, trust me. Then think about it - did you ever notice it? Does it bother you? Chances are you would never have noticed it if he didnt point it out. The same is true of your stomach - to you, it is the first and only thing everyone sees. To everyone else, they are too busy admiring your body in general to ever even notice if you dont mention it.
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- There is a saying that if everyone put all their problems into a basket, and you had to pick something out, you would pick your own back because as soon as you see other peoples, yours doesnt seem so bad.
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- Some problems we can do something about, like being overweight in general, toning up arms etc. Some we cannot without surgery or other intervention - eye color, hair density, etc. You spent a year working on this and admit yourself that if it could be flat, it should be based on everything you have done. This puts it in the category of "genetics" andthings you cant do anything else about. Sigh, then move on. Think of other people's problems and be grateful this is all you have. And if you let this consume you to the point that other people notice, you will create bigger problems you did NOT already have. You already mentioned your boyfriend and no longer enjoying eating out, etc. You are causing relationship issues in addition to your stomach issue. You are missing out on life because of one problem. If it were any other problem, would you let it rule and destroy your life? It is ok to be concerned and work on it, but in ten years - you might have your flat stomach after all, but your BF would have bailed years ago after trying to deal with your obsession... will you be happy then?
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- Get more sleep. It makes everything better. And find someone to talk to. I cannot talk to therapists, never could, but found that if someone is hiking with me, I will talk all day and say things I never thought I would. Something about concentrating on something else WHILE talking makes it SO much easier. So my hiking companion is my therapist now, and I return the favor for them. I could find a professional I guess but pretty sure I could not afford to get them to go out and hike with me
Your hiking companion is lucky to have you! You make truthful points in a very kind way. Thank you
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I have been fixated with my stomach too, after hitting goal weight and dropping another 4kg on top. My wife actually said I should not loose any more weight (which was right to be fair!).
Looking at your profile you're in great shape and should be very proud of what you've achieved!. Congratulate yourself and maybe take a few weeks off extreme logging, don't go mad but take some time out for yourself
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I agree with what everyone else has said, you need therapy as you have a real issue about how you see your body. You have a figure that I'm sure a fair few people on here would envy yet you focus on one perceived flaw. Start focusing on the positives and get some help, you really need to talk to someone and get help. Good luck
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So apparently I have body dysmorphia. I kind of expected that because I looked it up after people suggested it here and a lot of what was online rang true. I am still feeling uncomfortable talking in person to someone about this but I will go back.0
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To answer your question, " Did you stop logging and did it help?"
When I stop logging I do it to go back to eating comfort foods and my weight comes right back. This time I am working on why I feel the need to eat "comfort" foods instead of talking about what is really going on.
I respect your honesty...Refreshing, and if this is the only place you feel you can do that...Well?0 -
You need to allow a little time to get comfortable with your therapist. They are not there to judge you, and only want to see you get well. It is soooo hard to open up when you aren't used to it, it will come. 0
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RadiantChange wrote: »To answer your question, " Did you stop logging and did it help?"
When I stop logging I do it to go back to eating comfort foods and my weight comes right back. This time I am working on why I feel the need to eat "comfort" foods instead of talking about what is really going on.
I respect your honesty...Refreshing, and if this is the only place you feel you can do that...Well?
Thank you. that is interesting. I have no idea how I'd eat if I stopped logging, at the moment I feel a bit like I've lost control so I'm eating all the same things because I've pretty much memorised the macros. I need a better relationship with food, like you say - why do we eat the way we eat? I often wish I didn't care, but of course I don't really mean that.
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Talk to a therapist, your self esteem should not be so tied to your body image ( easier said than done I know)0
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I know exactly how you feel. I've had body image issues that affect my day to day life for so long that I don't remember a time when it wasn't a problem. Now I'm 35, still dealing with the daily consequences of it all, have missed out on so much "living" because of it and age is only making matters that much worse. My kids made me a sash recently and dubbed me "Ms. Body Dismorphia". How sad is that? That's the last thing I want them learning. I've been to counseling over the years numerous times to no avail. I'm not unsupported, my husband thinks I'm ridiculous and has always told me beautiful I am, never a negative comment about my physical appearance in almost 16 years together, despite pregnancies and gaining / losing. My friends tell me I'm ridiculous and think its all in my head. Nothing has helped changed the view I have of myself in my own mind. It's a sickness, but I have no answers on how to make it better. But I do know how it feels and if you ever want to talk feel free to add me.0
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I was thinking body dysmorphia.
It can be hard to cross the bridge between perception and reality. And then there is acceptance. I did notice that you mentioned running, pull ups, push ups... but nothing about crunches. Of course all of the muscle in the world won't make a difference to the amount of fat on top of the muscle. That's where acceptance comes in. We are all imperfect and we have to love our imperfections, too. The unique combinations make us individuals.
How about work on things that make you feel good about who you are? Focus externally for a while. How about volunteering at an animal shelter, school, library, soup kitchen or other cause you feel strongly about? Sometimes you can incorporate a hobby - for instance people who sew can make pillow cases or fleece throws for children with cancer - nothing makes a hospital bed feel more like a home when there's a tinkerbell pillowcase on the pillow. Lead a food drive or a toy drive or learn to fix bikes - there are places that take old bikes and fix them up to donate to needy kids. Join or work in a community food garden to help poor communities grow healthier alternatives to packaged food. Be a big sister. Volunteer at Habitat - they need every skill level so even if all you can do is paint or put on light switch face plates, you are still needed!
The more you focus on who you are on the INSIDE and less about who you are on the OUTSIDE, the better you will feel about you - your esteem will soar.
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Hey, I'm so sorry you feel so overwhelmed and sad about yourself. Maybe through physical exhaustion and mental stress of wanting more and more is what is making this harder for you? I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and it's horrible, i know how you feel. Everyone just says "No, you look great! What are you talking about?" but it isn't the case. It's like you see a total different person to what everyone else sees and it's really frustrating.
Maybe take away the scales and instead of logging calories, log just general food for the day. Don't put pressure on yourself with calorie counting or nutrition percentages. Just think of easy, obtainable goals like saying that you will have protein in every meal and not eat carbs in the evening or something like that. Sometimes the pressure of wanting something so much makes you fall off track even more....
Good luck in your journey! You do look amazing but I know how you feel You can get through this! 0 -
MissMotivated92 wrote: »Hey, I'm so sorry you feel so overwhelmed and sad about yourself. Maybe through physical exhaustion and mental stress of wanting more and more is what is making this harder for you? I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and it's horrible, i know how you feel. Everyone just says "No, you look great! What are you talking about?" but it isn't the case. It's like you see a total different person to what everyone else sees and it's really frustrating.
Maybe take away the scales and instead of logging calories, log just general food for the day. Don't put pressure on yourself with calorie counting or nutrition percentages. Just think of easy, obtainable goals like saying that you will have protein in every meal and not eat carbs in the evening or something like that. Sometimes the pressure of wanting something so much makes you fall off track even more....
Good luck in your journey! You do look amazing but I know how you feel You can get through this!
That's a good idea, maybe rather than trying to stop logging completely I should just log foods for a bit and stop weighing everything. Then work towards not logging at all maybe. Thank you for your support 0 -
kristimason3 wrote: »I know exactly how you feel. I've had body image issues that affect my day to day life for so long that I don't remember a time when it wasn't a problem. Now I'm 35, still dealing with the daily consequences of it all, have missed out on so much "living" because of it and age is only making matters that much worse. My kids made me a sash recently and dubbed me "Ms. Body Dismorphia". How sad is that? That's the last thing I want them learning. I've been to counseling over the years numerous times to no avail. I'm not unsupported, my husband thinks I'm ridiculous and has always told me beautiful I am, never a negative comment about my physical appearance in almost 16 years together, despite pregnancies and gaining / losing. My friends tell me I'm ridiculous and think its all in my head. Nothing has helped changed the view I have of myself in my own mind. It's a sickness, but I have no answers on how to make it better. But I do know how it feels and if you ever want to talk feel free to add me.
Thank you for sharing. It's impossible to describe how it feels isn't it, without sounding like you only care about yourself and what you look like - when that isn't true at all. It's not vanity. For those who don't "get it" it just sounds like you think your appearance is the be all and end all and it's not - I know I'm more than what my body looks like but something is stopping me being happy regardless.
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lightmouse wrote: »It's impossible to describe how it feels isn't it, without sounding like you only care about yourself and what you look like - when that isn't true at all. It's not vanity. For those who don't "get it" it just sounds like you think your appearance is the be all and end all and it's not - I know I'm more than what my body looks like
Mmmkay.
Yep. If you don't understand how it feels it makes no sense, I get that. There are lots of thoughts and feelings that people have that are damaging and make no logical sense.0 -
lightmouse wrote: »lightmouse wrote: »It's impossible to describe how it feels isn't it, without sounding like you only care about yourself and what you look like - when that isn't true at all. It's not vanity. For those who don't "get it" it just sounds like you think your appearance is the be all and end all and it's not - I know I'm more than what my body looks like
Mmmkay.
Yep. If you don't understand how it feels it makes no sense, I get that. There are lots of thoughts and feelings that people have that are damaging and make no logical sense.
Nope. I remember well being your age, looking as good as you and feeling that way. It's not at all uncommon.
Um, thanks. 2015 is the year I get this under control. I've decided I'm wasting my life you see.0 -
I've been told it's vain for me to feel that way by more people than I can count. It's always the "omg why would you even say that I wish I looked like you." when in reality it is so bad mentally it has stopped me from doing so many things all my friends were doing its like Ive missed out on alot of life. Its absolutely the opposite of vanity. People who don't feel so low about their physical appearance don't get that. My sister went to a nude beach on her honeymoon a few months back and went on and on about how free she felt running around naked. I can't imagine ever being able to do that. There are days it's so bad I don't want to be out in public. The thoughts are always there. Morning, noon and night. It is not common like the other poster is saying. There is a big difference between fleeting moments or phases of insecurity and the all consuming, at times debilitating thought process of someone suffering with body dysmorphia. I hope you figure this all out and are able to find peace. And if you find something that helps please share!0
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SnuggleSmacks wrote: »I am going to say something out of left field.... One thing that has helped my body image a great deal is...attending a family friendly clothing optional resort. Ok ok...no I am just a normal person, with 3 sons and a husband to boot, but it really saved me from alot of negativity. I have always been a large person...but I love to be in the sun, and attending a resort, (google AANR and see resorts in your area) was a live changing a ha moment for me and my family. It is something that isnt sexual, probably more sexual vibes in the air at a MALL than at a nudist resort... Anyway, its not about how you LOOK but how you FEEL in your own skin. I am still overweight, but I accept myself regardless. I am wanting to lose weight so I can move through this world easier. To be able to play a set of tennis, or an afternoon of swimming and not be tired. You are your worst critic, so chin up friend.
Along those same lines, and perhaps a bit cheaper and less time-consuming, is a strip bar. Seriously, ladies, you should go into one at least once. The range of body types on display which men are willing to throw dollars at just for a chance to converse topless is astonishing. No matter how you feel about stripping as a profession, whether you think it's liberating feminism or degrading sexism, it will certainly make you think about body types that others find attractive.
wow....you are comparing a clothing optional resort to a strip bar....seriously??? I glad I am part of the "chosen few" that 'GET IT". Sadly that you equate a naked form with sex, is just plain sad.0 -
There is one point I'd like to make - if you are experiencing the feeling of bloating and abdominal pain, it's quite likely that what you are thinking of as a fat, wobbly stomach is a bloated unhappy stomach. When I lost the weight I wanted to lose I was dismayed that I still had a visibly round stomach (to me at least). I eventually realized that this roundness was not always there to the same extent, and that it was not fat. I still am self conscious about it, but now I realize that it is a symptom of my digestive issues, which needs to be treated differently.
I would definitely bring up your physical discomfort with your doctor. I do agree that your extreme unhappiness with your shape needs to be brought up with a therapist. I have found a therapist to be an enormous help in accepting myself flaws and all.0 -
I hear ya there. Going from an hour Glass Figure teen to a bad marraige and turning into a human illness diagnosis who right now doesn't lose weight due to my pancreas being messed up so it runs insulin super fast thru my system turning all nutrients into fat. I would like to know how much I weigh daily, but I get OCD about it and it becomes a thing of stress for it. The low blood sugar has me moody with up's and downs and the 2 falls on ice has me broken from neck to foot. Doctor after doctor told me no surgery. I did PT twice with no results (as dailystrength survey said) over 90% of people said PT doesnt work until after surgery yet we have to jump through years of hoops! F these doctors who don't listen and we spend years in pain because of it. I learned I have to take charge of my own life; developed a plan thru trial and error as well as knowing myself. Stopped listening to doctors negativity and bad prognosis. Turns out all 12 illnesses were caused by ONE thing Stomach Hernia that causes acid reflux which eats nutrition, damages organs and so now I have to find my dads surgeon as he knows our family history and that tests don't show how bad the hernia is until he gets in there. All other surgeons told me no. Then of course fixing the herniated discs from the fall which surgeons tell me no to also. My current doctor has proof now so we should be able to convince the next surgeons to do it. I will keep going, but until then if I read a doctors user reviews and profile and feel they will say no I will not go to them. Saved me thousands of dollars! The stress and anxiety are from severe PTSD also, but Don't give up or maybe it is time for you to take a break? We learned that we thought ourselves not good enough as a teen and now look back wishing we were that teen with their hair and body in better shape and more carefree.
It's ok to give up and just let it go sometimes. Refocus and recharge are needed in order to keep going. I mess up a lot, but the more I pound myself about it the worse I mess up, so I just have to stop and tell myself (even if I don't believe it at first) I can do it. Good things and remind myself of my accomplishments including maintaining.
After all I may not lose weight, but like my dad says you are exercising your organs making them healthy and strong. The doctors have seen obese people who got exercise regularly and their organs were strong and healthy!
I know a girl who is larger then me and she is doing so much better with so much more willpower then me. My own cousin is very low self esteem now larger person, but she was able to do the Atkins Diet to help her high blood sugar. She went through hell because of caffeine addiction. She thinks she is weak, but I could never spend that much time on any one diet so drastic. She is amazing and doesn't even give herself credit for it!
Living for today is all we can do. Messing up means we are human, need to refocus, recharge and sometimes back off not focus so much as becoming obsessed can cause all the work we have done to go backwards. When you feel yourself stepping into that worry, talk yourself out of it with positive reminders saying, I am keeping my organs healthy and strong with exercise. I can restart tomorrow. I have been consistent. Even the experts say rest between exercises keeps the muscles challenged as they never get used to a pattern or ritual. I am tired today so I will rest. I still burn calories even resting.
BTW- We learned that one can of even diet soda causes a pooch, so I stay away from anything carbonated and try to avoid fake sugars which we now know cause weight gain.
I flavor with fruits, but even fruits need to be in moderation as they have natural fructose which too much can cause issues.
It is a delicate balance and I just don't have the strength to keep up some days. I do what I can and reward myself for my efforts. I have to be really careful as I get obsessed with things and take them too far and feel too deeply, so it's a delicate balance of allowing myself to mess up and then restarting again.
I found letting myself fail is better then punishing myself for it, because I am down for weeks or months with depression if I obsess over it where as I can talk myself up and out of it in a day if I accept I fail as a human sometimes I am not perfect and restart.0
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