1600 Calorie diet!? Seriously?

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245

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  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
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    What about raspberry ketones?
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
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    <3<3<3
  • Chaotic_Weevil
    Chaotic_Weevil Posts: 199 Member
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    pepperpat64 wrote: »
    What about raspberry ketones?

    Raspberries are actually a meat so they're fine,
  • smwooley
    smwooley Posts: 133 Member
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    Best. Posting. Ever.
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
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    This may be my favorite post on this entire site. Great advice, OP! It's about time someone dropped some knowledge on these fools!
    You can write "cheese" on it in marker pen if that helps.

    My effing sides!

  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
    edited November 2014
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    TastesLikeBurning wrote: »
    PurringMyrrh wrote: »
    Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
    TastesLikeBurning wrote: »
    Interesting. My first question is, is it Vorgon or Vogon poetry? I could only find Vogon poetry on wikapedia and it is described as the third worst poetry in the universe. My second question is, are we suppose to measure our calories in metric or standard? My third question is, what is the alternative for cheese, because I love cheese? Thanks.

    *mutters* stupid iphone with it's stupid autocorrect ruining my references

    Measure your calories in parsecs. Duh.

    The alternative to cheese is chicken breast and steamed broccoli. You can write "cheese" on it in marker pen if that helps.
    Can I measure my calories in parsnips?

    You're both wrong. They should be measured in furlongs.

    Well that's nice of him!

    cb0d46b655b6c1bd28cb52d18ebcb0d1.jpg
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
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    Thank you oh intelligent one. I bow to your greatness. Loved it.
  • Laoch_Cailin
    Laoch_Cailin Posts: 414 Member
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    What about I drink beer with my carbs, I learned today that beer negates everything?

    Also thanks for this sound advice, saved me going wrong and dying unnecessarily *phew
  • blktngldhrt
    blktngldhrt Posts: 1,053 Member
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    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    This is true sadly, I looked at a cheese today and died :ccc r.i.p me

    I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
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    blktngldhrt wrote: »
    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    This is true sadly, I looked at a cheese today and died :ccc r.i.p me

    I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?

    You're clearly a robot and/or a car.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,599 Member
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    Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
    Guys, I'm pretty new here but it's obvious that I know way more than anyone else here so it's time to bust out some mad advice yo.

    I've noticed a really disturbing trend of MFPers eating a varying amount of calories. Most seem to be anywhere between 1500 and 2500 cals. Why are you doing this to yourselves?

    It's a well documented fact that you have to eat exactly 1641.35 calories everyday. Regardless of gender, height, weight, activity level or personal preference. If you eat any other amount you will immediately enter starvation mode and die.


    While I have your rapt attention and obviously your unerring faith in everything I have to say, I'll let you in on a few other hard and fast rules that you absolutely must not disobey, or else you will be subjected to a Vorgon poetry reading and also die.

    1. Drink a lemon every morning. It takes some getting used to and passing it is generally uncomfortable but if you don't your metabolism will forget to work
    2. Only eat lean protein and vegetables. Do not ever eat any other food group.
    3. In fact, don't even look at other food groups.
    4. If you look at a cheese, you will die.
    5. Don't eat any fat or oil. Oil is for cars. You're not a car are you?
    6. Please ignore the above rule if you are in fact, a car and/or robot
    7. Except for you, Megatron. You d*ck.


    Don't try to debate this or anything. I obviously know better than all of you.

    I see what you did there. Courtesy laugh aimed right at you.
    FYI..I looked at cheese. Is there a chance of survival?

  • DeWoSa
    DeWoSa Posts: 496 Member
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    Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
    pepperpat64 wrote: »
    What about raspberry ketones?

    Raspberries are actually a meat so they're fine,

    Word up a plum store!
  • Chaotic_Weevil
    Chaotic_Weevil Posts: 199 Member
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    blktngldhrt wrote: »
    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    This is true sadly, I looked at a cheese today and died :ccc r.i.p me

    I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?
    Obviously you were hallucinating as a result of not drinking enough lemon water. Your brain is probably full of toxins
  • Atrocity108
    Atrocity108 Posts: 328 Member
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    TastesLikeBurning wrote: »
    Interesting. My first question is, is it Vorgon or Vogon poetry? I could only find Vogon poetry on wikapedia and it is described as the third worst poetry in the universe. s.

    ^This

  • Chaotic_Weevil
    Chaotic_Weevil Posts: 199 Member
    Options
    headofphat wrote: »
    Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
    Guys, I'm pretty new here but it's obvious that I know way more than anyone else here so it's time to bust out some mad advice yo.

    I've noticed a really disturbing trend of MFPers eating a varying amount of calories. Most seem to be anywhere between 1500 and 2500 cals. Why are you doing this to yourselves?

    It's a well documented fact that you have to eat exactly 1641.35 calories everyday. Regardless of gender, height, weight, activity level or personal preference. If you eat any other amount you will immediately enter starvation mode and die.


    While I have your rapt attention and obviously your unerring faith in everything I have to say, I'll let you in on a few other hard and fast rules that you absolutely must not disobey, or else you will be subjected to a Vorgon poetry reading and also die.

    1. Drink a lemon every morning. It takes some getting used to and passing it is generally uncomfortable but if you don't your metabolism will forget to work
    2. Only eat lean protein and vegetables. Do not ever eat any other food group.
    3. In fact, don't even look at other food groups.
    4. If you look at a cheese, you will die.
    5. Don't eat any fat or oil. Oil is for cars. You're not a car are you?
    6. Please ignore the above rule if you are in fact, a car and/or robot
    7. Except for you, Megatron. You d*ck.


    Don't try to debate this or anything. I obviously know better than all of you.

    I see what you did there. Courtesy laugh aimed right at you.
    FYI..I looked at cheese. Is there a chance of survival?

    Yes, rinse your eyes with lemon water.
  • MarziPanda95
    MarziPanda95 Posts: 1,326 Member
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    tincanonastring wrote: »
    blktngldhrt wrote: »
    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    This is true sadly, I looked at a cheese today and died :ccc r.i.p me

    I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?

    You're clearly a robot and/or a car.

    Probably secretly Megatron. Get the fug out of here, Megatron.
  • blktngldhrt
    blktngldhrt Posts: 1,053 Member
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    Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
    blktngldhrt wrote: »
    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    This is true sadly, I looked at a cheese today and died :ccc r.i.p me

    I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?
    Obviously you were hallucinating as a result of not drinking enough lemon water. Your brain is probably full of toxins

    Crap. I'm out of lemon. Is lime a proper substitute?
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
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    I ate some cheese today without looking at it. At least I hope it was cheese.
  • blktngldhrt
    blktngldhrt Posts: 1,053 Member
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    tincanonastring wrote: »
    blktngldhrt wrote: »
    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    This is true sadly, I looked at a cheese today and died :ccc r.i.p me

    I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?

    You're clearly a robot and/or a car.

    Shhh..

    I mean, NO. I. Am. Human.

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