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1600 Calorie diet!? Seriously?
Replies
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blktngldhrt wrote: »
I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?
You're clearly a robot and/or a car.0 -
Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »Guys, I'm pretty new here but it's obvious that I know way more than anyone else here so it's time to bust out some mad advice yo.
I've noticed a really disturbing trend of MFPers eating a varying amount of calories. Most seem to be anywhere between 1500 and 2500 cals. Why are you doing this to yourselves?
It's a well documented fact that you have to eat exactly 1641.35 calories everyday. Regardless of gender, height, weight, activity level or personal preference. If you eat any other amount you will immediately enter starvation mode and die.
While I have your rapt attention and obviously your unerring faith in everything I have to say, I'll let you in on a few other hard and fast rules that you absolutely must not disobey, or else you will be subjected to a Vorgon poetry reading and also die.
1. Drink a lemon every morning. It takes some getting used to and passing it is generally uncomfortable but if you don't your metabolism will forget to work
2. Only eat lean protein and vegetables. Do not ever eat any other food group.
3. In fact, don't even look at other food groups.
4. If you look at a cheese, you will die.
5. Don't eat any fat or oil. Oil is for cars. You're not a car are you?
6. Please ignore the above rule if you are in fact, a car and/or robot
7. Except for you, Megatron. You d*ck.
Don't try to debate this or anything. I obviously know better than all of you.
I see what you did there. Courtesy laugh aimed right at you.
FYI..I looked at cheese. Is there a chance of survival?
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Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
Raspberries are actually a meat so they're fine,
Word up a plum store!0 -
Obviously you were hallucinating as a result of not drinking enough lemon water. Your brain is probably full of toxinsblktngldhrt wrote: »
I ate cheese and lived.. What does this mean?
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TastesLikeBurning wrote: »Interesting. My first question is, is it Vorgon or Vogon poetry? I could only find Vogon poetry on wikapedia and it is described as the third worst poetry in the universe. s.
^This
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headofphat wrote: »
I see what you did there. Courtesy laugh aimed right at you.
FYI..I looked at cheese. Is there a chance of survival?
Yes, rinse your eyes with lemon water.0 -
tincanonastring wrote: »
You're clearly a robot and/or a car.
Probably secretly Megatron. Get the fug out of here, Megatron.0 -
Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »Obviously you were hallucinating as a result of not drinking enough lemon water. Your brain is probably full of toxins
Crap. I'm out of lemon. Is lime a proper substitute?
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I ate some cheese today without looking at it. At least I hope it was cheese.0
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blktngldhrt wrote: »
Crap. I'm out of lemon. Is lime a proper substitute?blktngldhrt wrote: »
Crap. I'm out of lemon. Is lime a proper substitute?
Absolutely not. Lime is a fruit. Fruit is not allowed.
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Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
Yes, rinse your eyes with lemon water.
Wait. I thought water was deadly as well, and we're just supposed to drink a lemon.
And are sandwiches still out?
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Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
Raspberries are actually a meat so they're fine,
"Raspberry Meattones" is a great name for a band.
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Well I.eat 1600 but I just want to lose three pounds, and no I am being sarcastic:-)0
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I live in a different time zone. Is it still 1641.35 calories???
Also, I don't believe in lemons.0 -
Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »Guys, I'm pretty new here but it's obvious that I know way more than anyone else here so it's time to bust out some mad advice yo.
I've noticed a really disturbing trend of MFPers eating a varying amount of calories. Most seem to be anywhere between 1500 and 2500 cals. Why are you doing this to yourselves?
It's a well documented fact that you have to eat exactly 1641.35 calories everyday. Regardless of gender, height, weight, activity level or personal preference. If you eat any other amount you will immediately enter starvation mode and die.
While I have your rapt attention and obviously your unerring faith in everything I have to say, I'll let you in on a few other hard and fast rules that you absolutely must not disobey, or else you will be subjected to a Vorgon poetry reading and also die.
1. Drink a lemon every morning. It takes some getting used to and passing it is generally uncomfortable but if you don't your metabolism will forget to work
2. Only eat lean protein and vegetables. Do not ever eat any other food group.
3. In fact, don't even look at other food groups.
4. If you look at a cheese, you will die.
5. Don't eat any fat or oil. Oil is for cars. You're not a car are you?
6. Please ignore the above rule if you are in fact, a car and/or robot
7. Except for you, Megatron. You d*ck.
Don't try to debate this or anything. I obviously know better than all of you.
Genuinely I couldn't tell even still half way through that if it was sarcastic or not :disagree:0 -
Tiernan1212 wrote: »
Wait. I thought water was deadly as well, and we're just supposed to drink a lemon.
And are sandwiches still out?
That goes without saying. Don't say the 's' word. ****wich corp is still tracking my online activity.0 -
Genuinely I couldn't tell even still half way through that if it was sarcastic or not :disagree:
Well I'm glad you eventually realised how serious I am
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All the Homo erectuses died because they didn't know how to eat exactly 1641.35 calories every day, and so could not evolve into Homo sapiens. Therefore none of us exist and the internet is a giant super-computer built by some alien race and none of us really exist, we just think we do because Jean Paul Sartre.0
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This is one of the best things I've read all day. I love you, OP.0
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I'm confused. What about gluten?0
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Lost my interest at "mad advice yo"0
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scottroubik wrote: »Lost my interest at "mad advice yo"
Maybe she is from the East Coast, she seems like a tough young lady that lays it all on the table0 -
In order to curb my sweet tooth, I bathe in pure Maine maple syrup 2x a week. If you get the sugar through osmosis, there are no calories.0
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Also, playing Candy Land wreaks havoc on my blood glucose levels.0
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All I can find is an XXL natural sausage casing that smells like chevre, will this suffice?Chaotic_Weevil wrote: »
No, carbs are measured in furlongs. As I suspected this place is full of morons and I am the only educated person here. *sigh*
Noooo! Plastic wrap has chemicals! Wrap yourself in fish instead.
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This discussion has been closed.
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