Ugh just UGH!!

It sounds like you are struggling between two selves: the angry one that resists change because it's hard and it can hurt and the positive one that creates good habits, doesn't deprive herself, and keeps on keeping on. Losing weight is hard, and it can foment resentment when you look at others who don't need to struggle or you can't eat a whole pizza to soothe yourself. Anger is not necessarily a bad thing, it can even motivate fierce change, but when it's dominating you and your weight loss efforts, it can be toxic. The first step here is to learn to accept yourself and your situation, to be kind to yourself while simultaneously not giving up.

I find in my own efforts that it's all about creating habits. I don't feel like working out? Do it anyway. Put on my workout clothes and sneakers at least. Once I've done that, okay, walk to the gym or down the block. I'm doing a running training and last week I did NOT want to go to the gym. But I walked there anyway (it's on the college campus where I work), resentfully put on my workout clothes, moped on the treadmill, petulant and stubborn. But I found that I felt better in a little while and much better when it was all over. So I take that moment to imprint my brain with that result: "See what happens when you see something through? You feel better." I'm committed to feeling better because I was sick and tired of putting myself down, hating myself, judging myself and thinking I was a useless, weak person. I changed those messages with hard work and new habits that made me feel good about myself.

It's very difficult to be both accepting and to push yourself to keep going, no matter what. Stop despising yourself. It does no good whatsoever. If you are angry, accept it, use it, but don't turn it inward. Be fierce if you're angry. Let it push you to "never again" while letting other, more gentle emotions inspire you to keep going. You can do it!

lildynarider wrote: »

Snort at baconslave love the name btw. Oh I am very aware of the fairness thing. I think it is more of what oedipa said. I have a bit of a pity party and resentful attitude then turn back to what I've always done, self medicate that anger with food. Holy terror batman! I did not look at it like that. All other things I catch it ya know. I see it coming down the pike hey this thing angered me or had a stressful day ok this could result in me eating so I think it out. Instead I'll take a walk. How in the blue blazes did I miss that my resentfulness at not being able to self medicate with food was actually pushing me to (shocker here) self medicating with food. Oh ick!! I know all those darn tricks of budgeting for treats, moderation, walk instead of eating, but this is like a double wammy. I'm angry because I'm upset and can't eat so I'll get rid of the angry by eating which makes me upset at myself. Oh yeah I've got issues LOL Thanks guys for pep talk and the if at first you don't succeed try try again mentality.

I do love me some bacon...

I used to be THE WORST emotional eater. So I know exactly what you are going through. I used to call M&Ms "antidepressants." LOL!. I've finally managed to divorce myself from connecting food to emotions. It was hard, but I stayed on myself, and distracted myself, and told myself how it was going to be, until it finally clicked. When I get upset now, I do other things I enjoy as an outlet instead. I only feel the need to eat when I'm really hungry. I hope you get there soon. I really feel so alive and unencumbered now that I don't have that nonsense weighing me down. Best wishes, hon. :flowerforyou:

Back away from the scale. Don't dwell in hate and negativity because of a number. It won't help.
You are a human being. If you never lost another pound, you should still treat yourself well.
Every day is a new day. I repeat that to myself pretty often. Let go of yesterday and move on.

I think what you wrote here is important. Maybe print it out. When you think of eating a whole pizza recognize it as not being from hunger and stop. You can work through your emotions without overeating. Recognize that a feeling is temporary. Try some anger management techniques. Maybe meditate, listen to music, write about what you are feeling, go for a drive, go for a walk outside, get a hobby, drink some water... just go do something else until the emotion passes.

I would think about reasons you are changing your eating patterns and exercising other than losing 80 pounds. Why do you want to lose weight? Write down all the positive results you've had other than the number on the scale. Are you reducing or avoiding medical problems? Do you feel healthier or stronger? Can you walk or run farther? Can you lift more?

You might change how you think about foods.
I think of the healthy foods I eat as adding to my diet instead of taking something away. I'm adding more vegetables and fruits. I'm adding more whole grains. I'm trying new things. My food options have expanded.
Could you eat a whole pizza every single day and lose weight? Yes. Log it and fit it in your plan. Get some exercise. You know that if you simply burn more calories than you eat then you will lose weight no matter what you eat. Do you you want to eat only pizza every day or do you want to enjoy a variety of foods? Do you want to exercise more or less? You are in control here.

Good luck. Be nice to yourself.

Well you feel deprived when you eat healthy. Does that mean you are really eating healthy? Are you getting enough fats and protein or are you living on salad and good intentions?

I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I was on about 8-10k calories a day before I started tracking according to my estimations. I weighted 338lbs. And going from that to about 2000 calories a day is a real jolt to the system. The first month or two is the hardest. But I focused on fueling my body and making sure that my body didn't have anything actually real to complain about and threw myself into improving myself physically. I didn't exercise to burn calories I exercised to improve my fitness level. At first 20 minutes walking and 20 minutes on the dumbbells was about all I could do. But I slowly pushed for more. I focused on that and learned a lot about how my body works. So much so that it distracted me from hunger a lot of the time. I think that's what brought me success. The trick is to distract yourself. If you spend untold hours feeling sorry for yourself because you can't eat .. you wont make it .. ever.

No one can resist temptation that claws at them every moment of the day no one is that strong. So the secret is to fill your day with distractions. And really make sure you enjoy those meal times. Don't eat crap like slimfast shakes or salads without dressing because they have "less calories". One of the biggest traps of calorie counting is to avoid high calorie healthy food like unsalted nuts or olive oil because of fear of going over budget. But foods like that will actually satiate you for longer.

Eventually your body just gets used to eating less. However this takes months. Hard grueling months where you are tempted many times. Now I often think back to the kind of things I used to eat. Large 12" pizzas with bacon bites round the edges extra cheese and all the meat toppings. I mean honestly those things where sometimes like 6k calories on their own and I would supplement that with a two or three of bottles of full sugar coke, 2 litre bottles and a few packs of sweets during the day. Needless to say it's a miracle I don't have diabetes. When I even think about eating that kind of food now you know what i think ... Ueeergh.

The exact same feeling you get when you consider eating healthily I now get in response to my old eating styles. The worm does turn eventually. But you need to be in it for the long haul and more importantly in it for YOURSELF. This isn't going to work if you are trying to conform to societies malformed expectation of skinny = beautiful and healthy. You need to want to be really healthy yourself. For yourself. Because let's be honest hear stranger's opinions aren't going to win over the taste of really good cake.

I hit my target weight of 225lbs about a month ago. I am still chubby but now am visibly well muscled. Am eating 3.5k calories a day and regaining some of the weight. But in a good way. Despite a 6lb weight gain my waist has lost 2 inches since I came off my restrictions. I am satisfied and healthy. I run 3 12km runs a week and lift for an hour 3 times a week at a gym that involves a 2 hour walk to go there and back. And of course .. I walk it. I am not trying to show off. You can totally do that too. When I started this it took me several attempts to get up off the floor. And do not underestimate the importance of exercise performance and fitness. If you demand a lot from your body then it will have much better things to do than lay down tonnes of fat reserves. Exercise is a necessary stimulation and even if you do lose weight through starving yourself you will probably end up looking like a punctured bagpipe.

I lost 115 lbs and honestly I don't think I even felt this healthy as a teenager. Trust me it's totally worth the cost.

Samantha030809 wrote: »

I used to feel this way, that it is SO unfair that some people can eat whatever they want an don't gain weight, but if I eat whatever I want, I do gain weight. But what I came to realize is that their version of "whatever I want" and my version of "whatever I want" are two completely different things. My fiance is one of those people who can eat "whatever" and doesn't gain, but here's the thing... in an average day he might get up, go to work, grab a coffee and bagel, on his lunch break get another coffee, sometimes eat a small sandwich, then go home at the end of the day and eat dinner (he's middle eastern, so it would usually consist of some rice and meat). So "whatever" he wants isn't actually a lot, and is often quite balanced. He loves chips and salsa, chicken wings, pizza, cheeseburgers, but also loves fresh fruits and salads. When I go through my phases of eating "whatever I want", it often looks like this: Breakfast - either McDonald's or Tim Horton's; Lunch - Wendy's (2 jr. cheeseburgers and a frosty); Dinner - either some takeout, a frozen pizza (which I will cook and eat all by myself myself), and/or a feast of junk food (chips, ice cream, cookies, candy; as much as I can eat before I feel like I'll throw up). Yes, I have a problem, but I have accepted it and have eaten very differently for a month now.

While it may seem unfair, it isn't. And I would never wish my problems with food on another person, in order to balance out the unfairness. Some of us struggle with food, while some of us don't. I've accepted that I may never be able to eat as 'freely' as some people do, and that's okay. We're all different. What's important to me now is eating the way I have started to eat, staying away from junk food as much as possible (as I clearly can't control myself when it comes to junk food), and not going back to hating myself every day, going to bed every single night saying "tomorrow I'll start eating better", and feeling ashamed and embarrassed of myself every single day.

Oh my, that is so true.

I would also add that typically, people who don't overeat will not hide when they eat junk or fast food and/or food in very large quantity. For example, they won't eat only salad and fat free yogurt in the office lunch room, then eat fast or junk food when they are alone at home. So this may give the impression that they "constantly" eat junk food, which is just not true.