Relationship Weight Gain
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laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
You need to fix the teenage mentality that being in a relationship means making your life all about the other person. You spend your night waiting around to find out when he's getting home and if you're going to see each other? You don't live together and he won't give you a key to his place, so you wait around for him, then go spend the night at his place if he says it's ok? Really?
Take a more mature approach to dating. If he wants to see you, he schedules a date in advance. That doesn't mean you can't have spontaneous times when you get together, but you are your own person and you have a life. You should not be hanging around the house waiting to see if this guy will deign to see you that night, and certainly not being the one to always go to his place. You need to respect and value yourself and your time. If he wants a relationship dependent on his schedule and his whims, give him the number to an escort service on your way out the door.
This. It seems like he is using you for when it is convenient for him. It wouldn't surprise me if he is two timing you anyway.
Honestly OP just don't let someone else hinder your goals. You can be a good girlfriend and not a pushover.0 -
laurenward1990 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
How is that a case of "codependency"? You made a nasty comment, I called you out. Oh dear!SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »ASonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
Your relationship with food and weight. You sound like a case of codependency in waiting. That's not good for either of you.
A case of codependency for taking into account that my boyfriend might want something to eat when he gets home from work? Hahaha. Jesus the forum here is so utterly ridiculous.
Trolling doesn't suit you.
Oh, ok. I guess I misread all that stuff about not being able to control your eating in a relationship and calling it a "nightmare" and saying "being in a relationship is terrible for my weight."
The one time I genuinely try to help with minimal snark, and I get called a troll. Gotta love the forums!
Can I ask why you broke up over the summer?
No you can't, this isn't a relationship councelling session, I was simply asking for solutions. Not comments about my relationship which you have absolutely NO idea about.
Well you are showing us that the relationship gets in the way of you eating healthy.0 -
Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.Sevendust912 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
You need to fix the teenage mentality that being in a relationship means making your life all about the other person. You spend your night waiting around to find out when he's getting home and if you're going to see each other? You don't live together and he won't give you a key to his place, so you wait around for him, then go spend the night at his place if he says it's ok? Really?
Take a more mature approach to dating. If he wants to see you, he schedules a date in advance. That doesn't mean you can't have spontaneous times when you get together, but you are your own person and you have a life. You should not be hanging around the house waiting to see if this guy will deign to see you that night, and certainly not being the one to always go to his place. You need to respect and value yourself and your time. If he wants a relationship dependent on his schedule and his whims, give him the number to an escort service on your way out the door.
It wouldn't surprise me if he is two timing you anyway.
Haha, what was the point in writing that? Unhelpful and uninformed nonsense.
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laurenward1990 wrote: »I'm confused, why can't you just prepare dinner when he works late? You get your healthy meal and he gets to eat when he gets home.
We don't live together, so often im waiting around to find out when he is going to get home, I usually stay at his place, so i'll be at mine waiting for him (I currently don't have a key to his place).
You could tell me to eat and let him sort his own dinner out, but I don't like to do that when he has been at work for 12+ hours...
Why don't you cook something healthy at your house and put them in containers and have it ready. When he is off work go to his house with it and you guys can eat together.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
Its called being considerate. You might want to give it a go some time.Sevendust912 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »ASonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
Your relationship with food and weight. You sound like a case of codependency in waiting. That's not good for either of you.
A case of codependency for taking into account that my boyfriend might want something to eat when he gets home from work? Hahaha. Jesus the forum here is so utterly ridiculous.
Trolling doesn't suit you.
Is your boyfriend not capable of feeding himself?
You think you are being considerate. I get that. Unfortunately, if this continues, you're being a doormat. Now, it would considerate of him to call you and say "working late, see you another day this week" or "working late, go ahead and eat."
What does he do that makes it so he cannot make one quick phone call or shoot a text? In to blame the guy
I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just saying that I've been there and it sucks. If he can't take a moment to call her, make a plan and stick to it, then why should she put her diet on hold?
I just know that when I was growing up my parents always always let the other know when and if they were coming home late. I really wonder why the guy cannot just send a text saying will be working late. That all it takes.0 -
Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
People are not being helpful when criticising my behaviour towards my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with being a "pushover". I do wonder if any of these people actually have a functioning healthy relationship themselves.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.0 -
laurenward1990 wrote: »Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
People are not being helpful when criticising my behaviour towards my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with being a "pushover". I do wonder if any of these people actually have a functioning healthy relationship themselves.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.
Ok. You keep doing what you're doing. Someday, you'll see.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
Its called being considerate. You might want to give it a go some time.Sevendust912 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »ASonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
Your relationship with food and weight. You sound like a case of codependency in waiting. That's not good for either of you.
A case of codependency for taking into account that my boyfriend might want something to eat when he gets home from work? Hahaha. Jesus the forum here is so utterly ridiculous.
Trolling doesn't suit you.
Is your boyfriend not capable of feeding himself?
You think you are being considerate. I get that. Unfortunately, if this continues, you're being a doormat. Now, it would considerate of him to call you and say "working late, see you another day this week" or "working late, go ahead and eat."
What does he do that makes it so he cannot make one quick phone call or shoot a text? In to blame the guy
I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just saying that I've been there and it sucks. If he can't take a moment to call her, make a plan and stick to it, then why should she put her diet on hold?
I just know that when I was growing up my parents always always let the other know when and if they were coming home late. I really wonder why the guy cannot just send a text saying will be working late. That all it takes.
Exactly.0 -
laurenward1990 wrote: »Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
People are not being helpful when criticising my behaviour towards my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with being a "pushover". I do wonder if any of these people actually have a functioning healthy relationship themselves.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.
Did OP just rage quit?
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yopeeps025 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
People are not being helpful when criticising my behaviour towards my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with being a "pushover". I do wonder if any of these people actually have a functioning healthy relationship themselves.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.
Did OP just rage quit?
She quit the thread because she doesn't like hearing that she should take some control back in her relationship. She's young. She'll learn.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
Its called being considerate. You might want to give it a go some time.Sevendust912 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »ASonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
Your relationship with food and weight. You sound like a case of codependency in waiting. That's not good for either of you.
A case of codependency for taking into account that my boyfriend might want something to eat when he gets home from work? Hahaha. Jesus the forum here is so utterly ridiculous.
Trolling doesn't suit you.
Is your boyfriend not capable of feeding himself?
You think you are being considerate. I get that. Unfortunately, if this continues, you're being a doormat. Now, it would considerate of him to call you and say "working late, see you another day this week" or "working late, go ahead and eat."
What does he do that makes it so he cannot make one quick phone call or shoot a text? In to blame the guy
I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just saying that I've been there and it sucks. If he can't take a moment to call her, make a plan and stick to it, then why should she put her diet on hold?
I just know that when I was growing up my parents always always let the other know when and if they were coming home late. I really wonder why the guy cannot just send a text saying will be working late. That all it takes.
Exactly.
It shows where his priorities are. SO does not come before the job.
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laurenward1990 wrote: »Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
People are not being helpful when criticising my behaviour towards my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with being a "pushover". I do wonder if any of these people actually have a functioning healthy relationship themselves.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.
Doesn't sound like you have a "functioning healthy relationship" if figuring out an eating schedule is too difficult of a concept. Just sayin...0 -
I think this is going too far. Just because you get fat in a relationship doesn't mean you have or are developing mental disorders. You're just not paying attention because you're happy (usually). Just start paying attention.0
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You need to fix the teenage mentality that being in a relationship means making your life all about the other person. You spend your night waiting around to find out when he's getting home and if you're going to see each other? You don't live together and he won't give you a key to his place, so you wait around for him, then go spend the night at his place if he says it's ok? Really?
Take a more mature approach to dating. If he wants to see you, he schedules a date in advance. That doesn't mean you can't have spontaneous times when you get together, but you are your own person and you have a life. You should not be hanging around the house waiting to see if this guy will deign to see you that night, and certainly not being the one to always go to his place. You need to respect and value yourself and your time. If he wants a relationship dependent on his schedule and his whims, give him the number to an escort service on your way out the door.
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You're not honest, that's your problem. No matter how much you love he your boyfriend, remember a bad diet can kill you. Which is more important, his convenience or your health?
I know the feeling of having to reject someones offer for food sucks, like your happy to say no but not happy for someone to hear you say no. In the long run there is no point of deteriorating your health for people who will not be with you till the end.
Your body and weight is battle you have to face on your own, so you have to decide what's best for you.
You can't use your boyfriend as an excuse to you wanting unhealthy food. Remember even impatient anorexics can't be forced to eat, just be put in the position to eat. Even they still have the choice of whether or not they choose to.
I did read something that said that after prolonged dieting (starving aswell), your mind chemically changes. If your body has enough food(energy) to oxidize, it will stop making food the priority and switch it to either reproduction or others. stimuli(stimulants,drugs,exercise). If your body has to rely on stored energy for long periods of time, it will make food(energy) it's priority. It will also make you want to expend less energy, both physically(thermogenisis,leptin,seratonin) and mentally(lower ambition,motivation) This is why people who crash diet, gain the weight back. They know they aren't properly nuritioned, but cre more about loosing weight. Unlike skinny people, who are satisfied with the smaller amounts of food they consume.
Your body is begging you for nutrients, at the end you choose "pleasure foods" instead of healthier alternatives. Your brain will make you think up any excuse to continue eating (it's one cheat meal, I can work it off, i've lost so much weight it wouldn't hurt,etc). Once you stop, the excuses do too and you realize what happened. You restrict, and your brain seeks out food again and a cycle of habbit continues after that.
You have to change your eating habbits slowly and permanently. This is why cutting out or not replacing "pleasure foods" is the worst thing you can do. Also why fruit, dark chocolate and yams exist need to signal your brain that
You've lost your adherence, lowered your leptin and seratonin. The only way to fix this is to change your relationship with food. First you NEED to eat more, at least your TDEE in calories which i'm sure you did not before. You also have to make sure what you are eating is what you enjoy. I went through severe binge eating after 6 months of dieting, i was okay because I ate a lot. Once I lowered my calories to 1000 or less, my brain was like "*kitten* you" and I went through a binge cycle for most of october. I wasn't until last week, where I was like "I need to stop dieting and start eating", did things finally start to change.
This is the longest i've ever gone without binges, foods like peanut butter which used to be my ultimate binge food I have actually kept a full jar in my fridge for almost a week.
Even today, I made myself 3 slices of flaxseed bread(this stuff is SO filling AND DELICIOUS. Like when I eat it, it genuinely tastes better than bread), with some peanut butter and jam, and coffee. After I finished, i just stopped and thought a little.
I used to always have the BIGGEST urge to get up and eat more, just asked myself after eating this 500 calorie breakfast do I really need to eat till i'm full? That voice in my head, seemed to get quieter and quieter. 1 hour and 1 cup of coffee later, I feel more stuffed before. My appetite is gone. I add lots of healthy treats to my diet, so I don't feel deprived.
Since it's not "i'm going going to eat that once..., it's "I can't wait to have...". You have to change your whole lifestyle, permanently otherwise you will always battle your weight. I suggest watching The Beautiful Truth, though i don't believe in eating no animal products.
It was a real eye opener, to me not needing to eat processed foods.
As of now stop dieting, and just eat more healthy foods. Add Cashews, Cacao powder,Avocados, Fruit, Dark chocolate..... Junk Foods back into your life. Just do it in large quantities and stop expecting the weight to fall of over night. Even if it takes you 2 years to get to your best shape, better it be you went through 2 years of forming habits that could last you a last time. Than 6 months of a short lived diet. Also start exercising, if your body has another form of stimuli it will more likely crave that instead of food once you get into the routine.
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laurenward1990 wrote: »Thanks everyone for your input, i've taken on board the comments which have relevance to my first point.
I'm not reading anymore of this thread.Sevendust912 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »
And what do I need to "fix"?SonicDeathMonkey80 wrote: »laurenward1990 wrote: »Everyone can relate i'm sure...
Being in a relationship is terrible for my weight, every time! I just cannot control myself when i'm with my boyfriend. We eat out a lot and each others routines mean we end up getting take outs sometimes because, for example, he'd had to work late unexpectedly and we didn't do a "big shop" at the weekend so there's nothing in.
When I was single (we broke up for a couple of months in summer) it was so easy to get into a food routine, get home from work and cook (a very low calorie, healthy meal) for one. But now, I have no routine, so I snack or we end up eating for convenience.
It's a nightmare! Any suggestions/help?
Sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship until you fix yourself.
You need to fix the teenage mentality that being in a relationship means making your life all about the other person. You spend your night waiting around to find out when he's getting home and if you're going to see each other? You don't live together and he won't give you a key to his place, so you wait around for him, then go spend the night at his place if he says it's ok? Really?
Take a more mature approach to dating. If he wants to see you, he schedules a date in advance. That doesn't mean you can't have spontaneous times when you get together, but you are your own person and you have a life. You should not be hanging around the house waiting to see if this guy will deign to see you that night, and certainly not being the one to always go to his place. You need to respect and value yourself and your time. If he wants a relationship dependent on his schedule and his whims, give him the number to an escort service on your way out the door.
It wouldn't surprise me if he is two timing you anyway.
Haha, what was the point in writing that? Unhelpful and uninformed nonsense.
Does this mean we're not going to private message back and forth anymore? Are you breaking up with me too? LOL
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OP, the thing is that if you listened to everyone's point about living your own life rather than worrying about his so much, you'd actually have the solution to your weight gain problem.
I was using MFP for pretty much the first year of me and my BF's relationship. We also had different schedules and I didn't always know when I would see him (he had a wonky work schedule, I had a wonky school one). So you know what? I went about my day like normal. I ate when I had time to, and stuck to my goals on MFP. I found time to work out. I was losing weight.
We often just spent nights together, like you and your BF. He came over to my place more often because my room had more space. Often when he came over, he would call or text and say he was grabbing dinner (take out) on the way and asked if I wanted anything. If I hadn't eaten yet, I would say sure and order something fairly healthy. If I had already eaten, I would decline or order a small desert if I had the calories for it. Similarly, when I went over to his place I would sometimes stop for food and ask him if he wanted anything, or I would bring him leftovers from what I ate at home.
My point is that you can live your own life and still be considerate. You can cook for yourself, take care of your own health, and still care for your BF. Your schedule shouldn't revolve around him, and your eating habits sure shouldn't either. It should be 50/50. Give and take on both sides. That's a healthy relationship.
Good luck.0 -
OP, the thing is that if you listened to everyone's point about living your own life rather than worrying about his so much, you'd actually have the solution to your weight gain problem.
I was using MFP for pretty much the first year of me and my BF's relationship. We also had different schedules and I didn't always know when I would see him (he had a wonky work schedule, I had a wonky school one). So you know what? I went about my day like normal. I ate when I had time to, and stuck to my goals on MFP. I found time to work out. I was losing weight.
We often just spent nights together, like you and your BF. He came over to my place more often because my room had more space. Often when he came over, he would call or text and say he was grabbing dinner (take out) on the way and asked if I wanted anything. If I hadn't eaten yet, I would say sure and order something fairly healthy. If I had already eaten, I would decline or order a small desert if I had the calories for it. Similarly, when I went over to his place I would sometimes stop for food and ask him if he wanted anything, or I would bring him leftovers from what I ate at home.
My point is that you can live your own life and still be considerate. You can cook for yourself, take care of your own health, and still care for your BF. Your schedule shouldn't revolve around him, and your eating habits sure shouldn't either. It should be 50/50. Give and take on both sides. That's a healthy relationship.
Good luck.
this post. 0 -
if you gain unwanted weight in a relationship, you're in the wrong relationship. i have dealt with the same thing in the past. however, i'm currently in the best shape of my life AND happily in a relationship.0
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