How do you deal with negativity from family?

Most of my family is fat with the exception of my uncle. He has always been a beanpole.

I am very close with him, but he'll mention my weight in passing at times with stuff like "put on a few more pounds?" or "You looked so good when you lost all of that weight before..." Stuff like that.

It doesn't really get to me at all because I know he means it in the best possible way, but I generally just let it go into one ear, and out the other.

I am the only person I allow to criticize me, so I view it as him confirming my own thoughts about myself. Sure, he might be manifesting it in a negative manner, but I cannot control what other people say. I can only control how I react to what other people say.

Hi. I have this issue and the negative feedback on spending time working out thing. He said some mean things today as I was working out in front of him and I could not take anymore and started balling. He doesn't get what he says is hurting me. And maybe they don't either. But I will not let it stop me this time. Even if it means something else has to happen. I won't partake anymore. I have ave to learn to be thickskinned and realize only people vwho are that mean and insecure feel horrible about themselves and their lives. Sometimes its hard, but I can't hand over the keys to my happiness to him I decide whether it will affect me and I for one will not let it consume me bc its not even something he thinks about after its out of his mouth so why waste my time on the negative?

just pull away. you don't *have* to have anything to do with them. just don't.

if it really is that bad, stay away from them. it's that simple. you don't owe them anything.

especially with christmas, etc coming around - STAY AWAY if it will stress you!!!! it's not worth it!!!

no need to sacrifice your own health and well being to enable others' miseries (and thereby making you miserable).

What about looking into therapy? A good therapist could help you figure out why your family's comments affect you so deeply, and how to manage your communication with them better so that you don't have to keep going through all the pain and hurt feelings every time they say something mean.

If you're enrolled in college, you can usually get access to low-cost treatment through student health services, or if you're working, many employers offer confidential employee assistance programs where you could get a referral.

Here's the thing - your family is mean. They're going to keep being mean. Nothing you do or say will make them not be mean, because if they were going to start being nice, they would've started already. So your options are: (1) continue with things the way they are, and let them keep hurting you so deeply; (2) get help figuring out how to stay in a relationship with them without being hurt when they do the mean things you know they're going to do; or (3) cut off contact completely to avoid the meanness (but of course there's a different set of issues that comes with not being in contact with your family). Therapy is an ideal place to work out which of these options will be best for you, with someone who is going to be 100% on your side and who's only job is to help you figure out what's best for you.

my family (parents mainly) have become the same way.

i'm 5'5" and am currently ~156 lbs. i deal with general anxiety disorder and had a flare up when i moved away from my hometown to be closer to my fiance early september. long story short: i'm going to therapy for the GAD and my fiance and i mutually broke up. due to everything, i had turned to food for comfort and gained about 5 pounds (not even that much) since moving. however my parents are so focused on me eating right and exercising and losing weight that they drop those sort of comments in regular conversation all the time and it irritates me and is very hurtful. you would think to perhaps work on my emotional and mental state before anything else but they seem to be more preoccupied with my jeans fitting a bit more snug. my mom emailed me a picture, unprovoked, from when i was in college saying it should be my goal; i was walking with my dad and made a joke asking "am i skinny yet?" and he's like "oh no! farrrr from it!" you would think i was morbidly obese the way they cut me down. i joke that they have body dysmorphic disorder of MY body.

i talked to my therapist about it and he explained usually people project issues onto you that they themselves are feeling. so in other words, my parents have their own insecurities and are putting it on me for whatever reason. which i'm sure is the case for your situation too, OP. and, in so many words, we should tell them to f*** off. our body. our choices.

in my case, i'm pretty close with my parents and i love them to death and can't imagine just cutting them off, even though i'm 200 miles away. they are good parents all the while and have done so much for me. i plan to nicely tell them during thanksgiving that their comments are hurtful and they are probably unaware of what they're saying. they might throw the "why are you so sensitive?" card but i can't help how i feel and like i said, they probably don't realize what they're doing. and i would rather say something than let the situation spin out of control for whatever reason.

and i would second BeanByDesign's suggestion: therapy can be very, very helpful with your self-confidence and self-image. they will be able to help with dealing with negative people and comments because in the long run, you can only control what you do and how you feel.

best of luck, man.

The ones that are putting you down are insecure about themselves. Don't get sucked into their mess. Stay positive and keep going!!! Keep coming on MFP .... people on here will lift you up. We are here for you!!!!

dramaqueen45 wrote: »

It sounds like there are a lot of negative communication patterns and habits in your family. It's too bad that your family hurts each other in that way. I would say that if you don't live at home, do not communicate with them or do it as little as possible if they are going to be negative, insult you and bring you down. Surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you, like you for who you are, and support you in your weight loss goals. When and if you do talk to your family just don't mention your weight loss goals or even your success with it. Don't give them any ammunition to insult you about your weight. If you can help it, don't eat any meals with them so they can't comment on what you're eating (or not eating). These are just thoughts and ideas for you. You are young and have a long life ahead of you and believe me life is too short to deal with negative people who insult you. I hope that you find success and support here.

THIS! I completely agree with all of it.

And I completely *disagree with an earlier comment suggesting that you continue to have meals with your family because they will change once you lose weight. Nothing could be further from the truth! Toxic, negative people don't usually change. And once you do lose all your weight they will find a way to sabotage you more. They will then be jealous of your success.

Heavy boundaries are needed here for your physical, mental and spiritual growth.

Friends are... and can be your chosen family. And sometimes they are the best ones you could ever find.

Try not to talk to your sister when she is like that. Eventually, you will move away and find good people to be with.