The Issue Isn't Motivation, It's Obligation
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Nothing gets done without motivation. Commitment, obligation, responsibility, fear, desire, these are all motivators. Whenver you do something it's because you were motivated to do it.
There are times I don't feel motivated to go to work, get out of bed, etc. But I still do it because of obligations/commitments.
So I completely disagree with what you said.
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Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »
Ha...yes.0 -
But an obligation doesn't necessarily mean that it's by choice. People pay taxes, usually not by choice. Same thing with having to commute to work.
People that want to lose weight shouldn't make it an obligation, but have it be more intrinsic.
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PikaKnight wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Nothing gets done without motivation. Commitment, obligation, responsibility, fear, desire, these are all motivators. Whenver you do something it's because you were motivated to do it.
There are times I don't feel motivated to go to work, get out of bed, etc. But I still do it because of obligations/commitments.
So I completely disagree with what you said.
You do not usually go to work because of an obligation - you go because you want the salary. Money is your motivation. I guarantee you if they stopped paying you, you would not continue to show up out of "obligation" or "commitment"!
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- Brushing your teeth is also not an obligation or commitment... You are motivated by one of several outcomes - not wanting to spend money at the dentist, not wanting to have people notice your bad breath, not wanting to taste dead fur all day, etc. You do not brush your teeth because you promised your mom you would...
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- Motivation can look different - it is not always a "positive" motivating factor. Sometime the motivation is to avoid a negative consequence. But its still motivation...
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LOL. I knew quite a few actually.0
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that's like saying introverts are better than extroverts.
the world needs balance.
some people are motivated by outside sources sometimes to do what they need to do.
some people are motivated from within to do what they need to do.
some people wait to do anything until they are motivated.
some people don't wait for the happy reasons and just do it because work ethic or decision.
the point is not to only do things when you are motivated, whether it is from the inside or the outside.
If that was triggered by my post about intrinsic v extrinsic motivation I agree that balance is important (in reality we are generally motivated by a mixture of both) but rather the mix can be vital. More intrinsic tends to secure longevity better than extrinsic generally.
Take a job for example. Our extrinsic motivation could be our salary. Our intrinsic motivation may be our passion for the subject matter. People with high levels of intrinsic motivation in vocational jobs (musicians, artists, educators) will tend to stick it out longer, indeed over lifetimes, than people who are much higher paid (extrinsic) such as bankers, accountants and so on despite the potential lower salaries generally.
You don't need to have studied management theory to know that happy, engaged workers tend to be more productive and stay with a company longer than miserable ones even if they are better paid.
This is one of the reasons I argue that the old fashioned model of dieting involving deprivation and willpower to white knuckle it through misery is failing the majority of people and is redundant. Dieters benefit more from happiness in the long term...
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I think part of why people are willing to neglect the obligation to themselves is that they will always accept whatever reason their mind comes up with. If their mind says "I'm tired" or "my stomach feels off, so I'm not going to exercise", they accept it. Their mind can be expected to go along with whatever reasoning it comes up with.
But when it's an obligation to an external entity, you can't guarantee they'll accept your reasoning. My dog will only accept "we can't go outside, right now" for so long before she pees in the house. Family members who want you around want you around NOW.
And that's why it can help to translate your feelings of obligation to others into an obligation to take care of yourself. Like you say "if you honor the obligation to yourself first, you're better equipped to honor your obligation to other people". Something that first-responders are told is to be careful when rushing to an emergency, "because you don't do anyone any good if you make yourself a casualty".
Even if one internalizes taking care of themselves as a core component of fulfilling their obligations to others, there's still a level of artificial discipline that needs to be injected because it's a deferred benefit. Telling someone that you can't be with them right now because you've got to go to the gym stings while you're in the gym, but feeling the sting for a few hours a week can translate into years of good health and your presence, later on.0 -
that's like saying introverts are better than extroverts.
the world needs balance.
some people are motivated by outside sources sometimes to do what they need to do.
some people are motivated from within to do what they need to do.
some people wait to do anything until they are motivated.
some people don't wait for the happy reasons and just do it because work ethic or decision.
the point is not to only do things when you are motivated, whether it is from the inside or the outside.
If that was triggered by my post about intrinsic v extrinsic motivation I agree that balance is important (in reality we are generally motivated by a mixture of both) but rather the mix can be vital. More intrinsic tends to secure longevity better than extrinsic generally.
Take a job for example. Our extrinsic motivation could be our salary. Our intrinsic motivation may be our passion for the subject matter. People with high levels of intrinsic motivation in vocational jobs (musicians, artists, educators) will tend to stick it out longer, indeed over lifetimes, than people who are much higher paid (extrinsic) such as bankers, accountants and so on despite the potential lower salaries generally.
Im nodding my head in full agreement with you here and then I also suddenly find myself defending those who have personalities that work on motivational sources that are external. Yes those who are intrinsically motivated in a job in a field they love are happier, but, not everyone is like that. Some people just aren't wired that way and they are still going through life happily and working with the world the way they know how. I wish everyone could have a life so happy that they already want to do everything they have to do.
what both sides have in common though is that when it comes down to it, you just gotta do whatcha gotta do
and that's neither inside or outside, that's just being a grown up lol
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And that's why it can help to translate your feelings of obligation to others into an obligation to take care of yourself. Like you say "if you honor the obligation to yourself first, you're better equipped to honor your obligation to other people". Something that first-responders are told is to be careful when rushing to an emergency, "because you don't do anyone any good if you make yourself a casualty".
I have always loved that.
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that's like saying introverts are better than extroverts.
the world needs balance.
some people are motivated by outside sources sometimes to do what they need to do.
some people are motivated from within to do what they need to do.
some people wait to do anything until they are motivated.
some people don't wait for the happy reasons and just do it because work ethic or decision.
the point is not to only do things when you are motivated, whether it is from the inside or the outside.
If that was triggered by my post about intrinsic v extrinsic motivation I agree that balance is important (in reality we are generally motivated by a mixture of both) but rather the mix can be vital. More intrinsic tends to secure longevity better than extrinsic generally.
Take a job for example. Our extrinsic motivation could be our salary. Our intrinsic motivation may be our passion for the subject matter. People with high levels of intrinsic motivation in vocational jobs (musicians, artists, educators) will tend to stick it out longer, indeed over lifetimes, than people who are much higher paid (extrinsic) such as bankers, accountants and so on despite the potential lower salaries generally.
Im nodding my head in full agreement with you here and then I also suddenly find myself defending those who have personalities that work on motivational sources that are external. Yes those who are intrinsically motivated in a job in a field they love are happier, but, not everyone is like that. Some people just aren't wired that way and they are still going through life happily and working with the world the way they know how. I wish everyone could have a life so happy that they already want to do everything they have to do.
what both sides have in common though is that when it comes down to it, you just gotta do whatcha gotta do and that's neither inside or outside, that's just being a grown up lol
Good lord, if we agree this is going to get boring...
But yeah.
I agree with all of that *waltzes off in a sulk as he has nobody left to argue with*
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Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »It's true, there are many people who do not honor all of their obligations, but EVERYONE honors at least one. My point is that the obligation to ourselves needs to be a higher priority.
Agreed.
All we can do is keep explaining it as people slowly get it and start to win. Hopefully most people figure it out on their own.
I figured it out when I kept skipping the gym in the morning or after work because I was "so tired" or [enter excuse here], but when a friend or family member needed me for something, or if I had to work late, then it was no problem. I was still just as tired, or maybe I didn't feel like it but I was obligated, so no questions asked.
So now I don't think of gym time or food prep as something I do when I feel like because it's convenient. It's something I have to do because I am obligated to take care of myself, no problem, no questions asked.
This makes sense. I tend to procrastinate because I don't feel like doing things, or I'm tired, or whatever. But if I have something my kids need, I do it anyway. I need to realize that my kids need me to be healthy. This is something my kids need, whether I'm tired or feel like it or not.
Thank you! Sometimes you need another perspective for things to click.0
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