my little journey which needs directing :(

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shosh413
shosh413 Posts: 135 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi everyone,

This perhaps should be on the introducing myself forum, but i am not sure i am back on this again. So let me tell you briefly a little bit about my journey... I started this 2 or 3 years ago full force.

I'm 22 years old and at 19-20 I was 160 pounds with a goal of of in the 130s. I was eating 1200 calories, binging sometimes on weekends, feeling bad about it, exercising 5 or 6 days a week... but feeling weak and whatever... realized 1200 isn't good. Upped my calories to 1500- and exercised 5-6 times a week and was just very into counting calories..and eating back carlories was a big advocate for it and thought about it all the time.. and went down to 142 pounds (now i'm 150). I couldn't get passed that 142 though and it was super frustrating... I was really happy about how toned i looked though because i did the 30 day shred and all that stuff. i felt good about how i looked but way to invested emotionally. i was really obsessed with counting.

I don't believe i was in a healthy mindset though. I would make cookies one time eat the whole batch and then force myself to burn 600 calories the next day because of it.. it was just frustrating not getting passed 142 also...

Then i heard about the thing where you eat lets say 2100 calories and exercise certain days a week. Eat the same amount of calories a day. I did that and slowly went back up to 145 and eventually to 150.. (in the meantime i was always fluctuating). i always yoyo-ed from 142-150 through that year. so that didn't work....

Then i started getting fed up and realized i just want to try to eat smaller portions and exercise and just try to feel it out and lead a healthy lifestyle... like everyone was telling me to do. I was back to 150 but didn't care because its worth it being a little bit more overweight and not focusing your whole lifestyle on diet and exercise. I went to the gym sometimes... I lost a little and was thinking... "i finally got this! i finally am at a healthy mindset and losing weight"

Then the holidays came and i got back into eating when i'm not hungry... and i've been staying the same weight around 150 since then


I am SO FED UP WITH THIS. I still go to the gym, but sometimes i'm so upset because i feel like the past few years were all for nothing. I'm not as toned anymore because i only go to the gym 3 times a week... (i'm in graduate school and so tired, and why should i force myself to go 5 times a week if it's not going to work to lose weight) and i'm just staying the same weight... i'm scared to calorie count again because i'm sick of this like mindset of "oh im finally on the right track and i'm actually gonna do it this time!" i feel like i'm trying to find the perfect mindset to have...

I follow a religion that is very strict with certain things, and a lot of times its easy for me to say no because i'm thinking in my head... "this is wrong, can't do it.... thats it" so i wonder why this is so hard for me... maybe it's because theres no black or white answer for eating healthy and not too many calories... it's situation based...

I am sooo frustrated... and sad... i want to be in the 130s so badly but i've tried for three years to find that perfect mindset to get there.... and i feel like i should just give up and this point and doomed to stay at 150 hopefully not more forever :(

final thoughts: i always had these epiphany moments of "i have finally found the right mindset to approach eating and exercise yay!" and then it starts working and then i gain weight and feel frustrated and dissapointed... and helpless

I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIETS. I don't wanna be told what to eat.. I know that it's calories in calories out... and i will never ever ever go on a diet where i'm not allowed to have certain foods.... i just want a good mindset.. :(

if anyone has any positive thoughts or suggestions... i would be happy to hear it
For those who have read this thank you!

Shoshana

Replies

  • JourneyToWonderWoman
    JourneyToWonderWoman Posts: 25 Member
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    This is my personal opinion, but I hope this helps you. I feel when we get close to our goal, the scale becomes our enemy. The reason for that is muscle is taking over the fat, and the numbers seem to stop moving. I would take progress pictures each month because sometimes the scale won't budge, but you'll see an amazing difference in your body. I would also suggest taking measurements and keeping track of what size clothes you wear. Some people get so focused by only reading what the scale says that they miss that they are still shrinking in size. That's what I do because sometimes I won't lose as much as I hoped, but I look at my progress photos, and I keep motivated. I know I am doing something right.
    Good luck, and great job with what you've done so far!
  • Lisajohnston
    Lisajohnston Posts: 79 Member
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    I have had much the same experience. For me I ate smaller portions (weighed and measured) I was careful to plan my food for the day for balance and I exercised 3 times per week sometimes 4. I find that I have to commit to doing this to be successful I gained weight over the past 1.5years and am now trying to lose again so I am using MFP and also paying more attention to what I eat. I stopped paying attention and gained back 20lbs. It is possible and you have to commit if it is something you want really badly. Don't give up, you can do this.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    How tall are you? Had you been weighing measuring your foods when you were logging? Sometimes just getting our numbers in a sustainable place for weight loss can make a huge difference because it doesn't feel like a big deal/diet.
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
    edited November 2014
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    Shoshana, Put this all in perspective first. You are so young and only want to lose 20 pounds. That is very doable! You have the right attitude, it is NOT a diet and you should not restrict yourself from eating foods you enjoy. We agree there! Having a restrictive mindset and a "diet" mentality is what kept me from losing weight all those years.
    As far as getting the right mindset, I can tell you the only thing that keeps me on track and focused is tracking all of my calories on MFP. Every day, and pretty much everything I eat. It only takes a minute or two a day and I do not find it an inconvenience. It just keeps me on track... You do have to commit and embrace it. Do not put a deadline on the weight loss. Start out at a modest calorie deficit. If you do not lose any weight in 2 weeks, lower it by 100 calories. After some time you will find what calorie level allows you to lose without being super hungry and bingeing. Eat lots of protein(helps keep you full) but allow yourself that treat. I always have chips/candy logged in my diary!!
  • mikem0218
    mikem0218 Posts: 3 Member
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    Scott Adams writes that "Goals are for Losers", and he explains that it's better to have a system instead of a goal. For example, "lost 20 lbs" is a goal. Eat healthy and exercise is a system. "Write a novel" is a goal, but sitting down and writing for 1 hour a day is a system. Goals require willpower, and it takes a long time to reach them; every day that you haven't reached your goal can feel like failure. However, every day that you eat well and exercise is a successful day. And success is motivating.

    I've been trying to follow this advice in several areas of my life and so far it's been working! My advice is to get a system, stick with it, feel good about that, and eventually you'll get there! You can do it!
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
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    You're story reminds me of another person I know that is either in a "switch on" mode or a "switch off" mode. When her switch is on, she restricts her calories way down, only eats lean proteins and vegetables and exercises every day. It works for her, but she can't sustain it for long because it's such a radical change from her normal pattern that it makes her miserable after awhile. I think it would be far better for her (and maybe you) to take a more moderate approach, losing slowly while eating and living mostly normally. You know, make small changes.

    I'm sad to read that you think the past couple of years are a waste because you didn't get to a certain number on the scale. What you have been doing during those years (getting your education) should make you proud of yourself. To have also been putting this much energy into losing weight at the same time makes that even more amazing. You're obviously a very capable person and you can do this weight loss thing.
  • shosh413
    shosh413 Posts: 135 Member
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    Thank you so much to everyone who responded. I feel much better now and have a bit more clarity taking bits and pieces to what everyone said. I think the overall message im taking away is to take it day by day and be proud of my accomplishments for that day.

    Forgot how supportive everyone is in this community !
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
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    RockinSha wrote: »
    This is my personal opinion, but I hope this helps you. I feel when we get close to our goal, the scale becomes our enemy. The reason for that is muscle is taking over the fat, and the numbers seem to stop moving. I would take progress pictures each month because sometimes the scale won't budge, but you'll see an amazing difference in your body. I would also suggest taking measurements and keeping track of what size clothes you wear. Some people get so focused by only reading what the scale says that they miss that they are still shrinking in size. That's what I do because sometimes I won't lose as much as I hoped, but I look at my progress photos, and I keep motivated. I know I am doing something right.
    Good luck, and great job with what you've done so far!

    When you get close to your goal, your deficit is not as large, and there is less room for error. Unless you're eating at a surplus, muscle is not "taking over fat". If you're truly on a deficit, even a slight one because you're messing up a little, you can't gain muscle mass. If you're eating at maintenance, you can start body recomp but it takes a lot of time and work.

    I'm not budging past 140 right now. I lift heavy. I definitely don't blame it on gaining muscle mass.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    Exercise is food for you! Even if you eat too much and don't lose, the exercise is still good for your body! You're helping your cardiovascular system and THAT is good work!

    So many people don't like the word "diet." Call it "the food I eat" instead, if that's better. If you eat healthy, you get to eat a lot more food for a lot fewer calories AND you feel more full AND you give your body the lovely vitamins and minerals it needs. Maybe try to work in more healthy food. If you want!

    http://www.fitness.gov/eat-healthy/how-to-eat-healthy/

    Good luck on your weight loss journey! :)

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