still quiet and low self esteem...

I definitely understand where you are coming from. If you need a friend feel free to add me! Confidence comes with time. You look amazing and you should be proud of yourself.

yes I agree with the previous poster, confidence comes with time, YOU look amazing!! I'd love to have you as a friend!! A total inspiration to me & I never met you!!! Keep up the great work!

It is hard coming out a shell that you've built up over the years but in time it will happen. Patience. You will eventually become more comfortable talking and befriending people. congrats on the superb weight loss.
shine

Im also the same way somewhat but I think Ive always been that way even before the whole weight issue idk but I understand what you're saying.. add me if you'd like. Its always nice to have friends and support.btw you look amazing

I was there as a child and teen and young adult years. I still am shy in one on one meetings but then I open up. I have worked with the public a lot as in hair styling and grocery checking. Both those jobs required direct contact with people and it really pulled me out of my shell. At one time in my life, I thought no one would be interested in approaching me till one night when I was about 21, someone told my friend and I that he thought we looked like snobs and he was afraid to approach us but he did and we became friends and he saw that we weren't snobs at all. That made me realize that if I wanted to meet friends I'd have to open up. Don't fear and just pass by anyone who rejects you and know there are people out there who will have a lot of meaning in your life. No one is really alone in this world. You just have to flow with your life's path. It will bring to you.

Right here! I've always had pretty much zero self-esteem, and even now, though I know I've come a long way, it's hard for me to see the new person I am, and often get down on myself for the slacking I've been doing the past few months. I know I'm smaller b/c of my clothes, but I still see the 193lb girl in the mirror, who was always uncomfortable with herself.. This is a very mental journey, which I think is the harder aspect, versus the whole conquering eating/exercise thing. I've been making it a daily goal to think more positively of myself and I know eventually I'll get there! And I agree with Ihurtubise in that you look amazing!! That's an incredible amount to lose, and you have every right to celebrate and enjoy life! Feel free to add me as well!

I was there as a child and teen and young adult years. I still am shy in one on one meetings but then I open up. I have worked with the public a lot as in hair styling and grocery checking. Both those jobs required direct contact with people and it really pulled me out of my shell. At one time in my life, I thought no one would be interested in approaching me till one night when I was about 21, someone told my friend and I that he thought we looked like snobs and he was afraid to approach us but he did and we became friends and he saw that we weren't snobs at all. That made me realize that if I wanted to meet friends I'd have to open up. Don't fear and just pass by anyone who rejects you and know there are people out there who will have a lot of meaning in your life. No one is really alone in this world. You just have to flow with your life's path. It will bring to you.

I so agree about the whole snob thing... as a teenager I got told alot that I seemed stuck up cause I didnt talk to anyone unless they talk to me.. I was and still am very shy I hate it

Hello,

I know how you feel because even at 42 years old I HAD low self-esteem and self-confidence. I finally overcame this problem by affirming "I love and approve of myself" hundreds times of day. It worked and I have finally overcome this malady. Try affirming positive affirmations and keep up the good work because you deserve to feel proud of yourself even if you hadn't lost one pound. You owe it to yourself to conquer this problem today. Good luck. If you need a friend, please add me.

If there is one thing that I can recommend that I don't think anyone else has already mentioned, it's a good therapist. I've never had self-esteem issues myself but have a therapist to help me with anxiety and just life in general. She is warm, wonderful, helpful, encouraging, and just a safe person to be you with. You're body has undergone a huge transformation and it's silly to think that you'll somehow magically know how to change emotionally to match that. We don't come with user's manuals and we don't have very good perspective most of the time, so utilizing someone who is trained in helping us decode and strengthen our emotions makes perfect sense.
Good luck, tiger!

I used to be the EXACT same way. For me, it was going to college and finding a group of people I felt I had something in common with that started to bring me out of my shell, but I still wouldn't talk to people I didn't know or hadn't been formally introduced to. Even if they started the conversation it was awkward. After 5 years working front desk in a hotel, I kind of have no choice but to talk to people. And I found out if you fake happy 95% of people give that right back to you. If you smile, they smile. I still wouldn't say I'm very outgoing, but I no longer feel like I'm a nuisance. It just takes time and having 1 or 2 good friends who make you feel good about yourself. For me, girlfriends (read: friends who are female) have never been as good as guy friends. For guys, it may be the opposite as you tend to rag on each other like girls tend to put each other down in "subtle" ways.

I hope it gets easier. You have to realize kids are just cruel and it really had nothing to do with who you were or how you looked: everyone got picked on.

Yes, yes, yes!!!

I know exactly what you're saying. I haven't been too overweight since middle school, but still being ridiculed so much especially then at such a young age. I have grown a lot since then, in fact this year, I was president of a student organization (something I never thought I could be)... but still, every time a meeting is over there's this voice in my head, "you were so stupid. You didn't make any sense. Everyone hated it. No one is coming back, and it's because of you." I've learned to expect that insecurity to rise up. Sometimes I just can't believe that anyone else could possibly be as insecure as me. Even through this process of growth, it's been difficult trying to gain social skills I never developed as a kid... but slowly I am.

Man I don't have an answer for you, but I can tell you that it's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. It's not my intent to get religious or weird or something, but it's the only way I have found an answer. Self talk just never held water, and I couldn't look inside to find any redeeming quality that could make me think higher of myself. I know how sick I am inside. I struggle with what you're describing alot, but through the process of realizing my value to God and that he considers me his son because of what Jesus did just blows my mind.

I find that I flee from relationships because I just assume they won't like me, or even that they will ridicule and reject me (even because of something so superficial as my weight)... and that this comes because I so highly value what other people's opinions of me are. As I've grown in relationship with God, it's not like I don't think people might dislike me... it's just that I don't care so much if they do or not, because I know what God thinks of me.

This wasn't some sort of band-aid or fix for the weak. I've come to learn that your and my question and struggle is not rare. EVERYONE carries it, in some way or another. Even some multi-million dollar actor who's loved by the world. He would probably fear that nobody REALLY knew him, and that if they did, they wouldn't love him for HIM... and there again, God knows completely, and loves completely anyway.

I don't know if my response helps you out at all. I just saw your topic, and want you to know this has been a life-long struggle for me too, and continues to be. I know how that uninvited, unwarranted sense of shame just takes your legs out from under you. I just wanted to briefly share my personal story and the realization that the external things our culture says will fix us just don't work. In all my searching, I've found there's only one answer. If you like, check out Romans 8:28-39, you may have heard it.

Congrats on the weight loss success, and good luck as you keep walking through this junk. I know it well.

It's one of those wierd things in life isn't it - we change one thing and expect that everything else will change too.

For most people I think the reality is that you are still the same person, just carrying a lot less physical weight around. It doesn't necessarily mean that the emotional weight will drop off at the same rate, and sometimes I think it can be even harder because you and other people probably expect something great to happen now you are thin. I really hope great things do happen - but maybe you will find it easier to get on that path with some professional help to talk about all the changes and how to go forward from here.

Good luck in the next steps on your journey - you look great. By the way, not everyone has to be loud - all those people who love to talk REALLY like to have someone to listen

haha i think we're on the same boat. i grew up being the typical chubby kid who ballooned once he hit high school. ever since i've lost all this weight people, particularly girls, smile at me as i'm walking on my college campus for no apparent reason. in my case, i'm the one who decides to ignore the attention b/c quite honestly, i'm still a tad bitter that i had to change my outer appearance just so that people would pay attention to me instead of them noticing me for the person that i am. either way we both have psychological scars we need to work on healing so if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to feel free to add/message me