still quiet and low self esteem...

Yes, yes, yes!!!

I know exactly what you're saying. I haven't been too overweight since middle school, but still being ridiculed so much especially then at such a young age. I have grown a lot since then, in fact this year, I was president of a student organization (something I never thought I could be)... but still, every time a meeting is over there's this voice in my head, "you were so stupid. You didn't make any sense. Everyone hated it. No one is coming back, and it's because of you." I've learned to expect that insecurity to rise up. Sometimes I just can't believe that anyone else could possibly be as insecure as me. Even through this process of growth, it's been difficult trying to gain social skills I never developed as a kid... but slowly I am.

Man I don't have an answer for you, but I can tell you that it's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. It's not my intent to get religious or weird or something, but it's the only way I have found an answer. Self talk just never held water, and I couldn't look inside to find any redeeming quality that could make me think higher of myself. I know how sick I am inside. I struggle with what you're describing alot, but through the process of realizing my value to God and that he considers me his son because of what Jesus did just blows my mind.

I find that I flee from relationships because I just assume they won't like me, or even that they will ridicule and reject me (even because of something so superficial as my weight)... and that this comes because I so highly value what other people's opinions of me are. As I've grown in relationship with God, it's not like I don't think people might dislike me... it's just that I don't care so much if they do or not, because I know what God thinks of me.

This wasn't some sort of band-aid or fix for the weak. I've come to learn that your and my question and struggle is not rare. EVERYONE carries it, in some way or another. Even some multi-million dollar actor who's loved by the world. He would probably fear that nobody REALLY knew him, and that if they did, they wouldn't love him for HIM... and there again, God knows completely, and loves completely anyway.

I don't know if my response helps you out at all. I just saw your topic, and want you to know this has been a life-long struggle for me too, and continues to be. I know how that uninvited, unwarranted sense of shame just takes your legs out from under you. I just wanted to briefly share my personal story and the realization that the external things our culture says will fix us just don't work. In all my searching, I've found there's only one answer. If you like, check out Romans 8:28-39, you may have heard it.

Congrats on the weight loss success, and good luck as you keep walking through this junk. I know it well.

It's one of those wierd things in life isn't it - we change one thing and expect that everything else will change too.

For most people I think the reality is that you are still the same person, just carrying a lot less physical weight around. It doesn't necessarily mean that the emotional weight will drop off at the same rate, and sometimes I think it can be even harder because you and other people probably expect something great to happen now you are thin. I really hope great things do happen - but maybe you will find it easier to get on that path with some professional help to talk about all the changes and how to go forward from here.

Good luck in the next steps on your journey - you look great. By the way, not everyone has to be loud - all those people who love to talk REALLY like to have someone to listen

haha i think we're on the same boat. i grew up being the typical chubby kid who ballooned once he hit high school. ever since i've lost all this weight people, particularly girls, smile at me as i'm walking on my college campus for no apparent reason. in my case, i'm the one who decides to ignore the attention b/c quite honestly, i'm still a tad bitter that i had to change my outer appearance just so that people would pay attention to me instead of them noticing me for the person that i am. either way we both have psychological scars we need to work on healing so if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to feel free to add/message me

Just gotta step out there man. It's scary and you feel dumb and you'll make an *kitten* out of yourself once or twice, but it pays off in the long run.

Well said, Zach!

I've always been that way.... I've been larger, and I've been thin, but the one constant is that I am socially akward at time. I just deal with it... sometimes I make a fool of myself, sometimes I'm the life of the party..... and when I am in the moment and notice that i am actively being shy, I try to remind myself to speak up and be social.... sometimes I just like to be shy...

My boyfriend calls it my "mysterious" side

congrats on your weight loss! I think you look great! and very mysterious

I agree with the concept of fake it until you make it! I was probably the most shy person growing up and today, most people who knew me then are surprised when they meet me later. Those who know me now, do not believe I was ever shy at all - I haven't loss the weight you have but I speak in front of hundreds of people at conferences and facilitate learning sessions without even blinking. This could not have happened if I didn't force myself into doing things that I felt uncomfortable with - simple things like saying hi when you pass someone while you are walking; talking to sales clerks etc.. If you want to build confidence doing the physical act of speaking in public in front of a crowd, although the scariest idea actually leads you to feel even more comfortable on a one on one basis. Perhaps there is a group like Toast Masters where you live?

I've always had self esteem issues myself. I've never made friends easily, had pretty much, the same attitude you had about them. It never really mattered how I looked. I had issues with everything about myself, and never felt I fit in anywhere. There are a lot of people who feel the same way. I don't know what the answer is for you. Good luck.

Im very shy and hate attention, I never been confident or a talker...
Its not easy if we have always been the same
I have 0 personal friends, maybe thats y im always here bugging, lol
And its tough to find a job for me because I just cant talk!! I feel so judged all the time.
Its sad but I gotta deal...