Being judged-leave me be!
Hanowenho
Posts: 24
I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!
People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!
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Replies
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The them you became Mormon and it's against your religion.
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Brilliant! I lived with a Mormon last year who didn't drink; he was awfully annoying. I think my housemates would just laugh in my face!0
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You're supposed to take it and say I'll save it for later, then throw it away where they can't see you. That's the easiest way to deal with people.0
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ha! You, do you! Consider yourself wise beyond your years. Someday, they will find their choices are not so fulfilling.0
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Well, unfortunately it is an age thing. When elders offer you something to eat, they will always think of you as a kid and in their mind, they know best for you. I simply just take a bite and say thank you and tell them that I had a big lunch or you aren't feeling good or something. If its your peers telling you to eat up or whatever, just tell them that you are working on getting in better shape and saying it politely but firmly. I never had issues in anyone accepting no after I say it.
As for drinking, just tell them you aren't a big drinker. I used to often to go bars with my friends and only drank coffee at a bar while others got smashed. It was actually kinda amusing. Besides, its always good to be sober in case you have to be the designated driver for somebody. You're saving lives! and your waist!
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Sometimes people truly don't understand why you don't want to eat whatever it is they're offering and they take it personally--esp. when it's homemade. They can feel like you're rejecting them. Or they just don't get why you'd turn down something tasty they're offering to be nice.
People sometimes, consciously or not, can try and break someone else's self-control because it helps them feel better about their own lack of it.0 -
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What I don't understand is why do people think that everyone has a sweet tooth? I'm perfectly content passing on sweets regardless of my personal convictions/commitment to my personal health!
You're not alone. There is no magical "piss off" mechanism you can utilize, not that I have witnessed at least. If you find something that works, please share ;-)!
When it comes to cocktails, I have found great luck in ordering a sparkling water on the rocks with a wedge of lime, and just sip on it as if it's a vodka tonic or something of the like. Easier on the wallet, non-damaging to your body :-). It really is sad that I feel the need to resort to deception... but having the "why aren't you drinking..." discussion is a serious mood-kill!0 -
Good points! Had to drive a few people home from the student union yesterday, I was grateful for the 'no-drinking' in a nice warm car!0
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don't make a big deal of it (sometimes we do without meaning to)
say - I don't really like to drink - but have a good time anyway
say - No thanks, I don't fancy it0 -
Ignore them. My personal favourite pet hate - people who go "oh, but you don't need to lose any weight".
Eeerrr - I think I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much. If *I* am not happy with my weight and want to lose it, stop judging it. The reverse would be unthinkable!
Don't feel you need to justify it. There's nothing wrong with saying no to cake, or drinks. If people get offended by something like that, it suggests they have a problem, not you!0 -
Hahah! Could you imagine how they'd feel if you said they don't need to put on any weight. Double standards!OrangeBabelfish wrote: »Ignore them. My personal favourite pet hate - people who go "oh, but you don't need to lose any weight".
Eeerrr - I think I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much. If *I* am not happy with my weight and want to lose it, stop judging it. The reverse would be unthinkable!
Don't feel you need to justify it. There's nothing wrong with saying no to cake, or drinks. If people get offended by something like that, it suggests they have a problem, not you!
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You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.
However, in some cultures, it is considered a great offense to refuse something that is offered. We often pride ourselves in being non-traditionalists, but I think some of those old world traditions still exist. Perhaps those traditions exist because of something that comes naturally to us. One of the signs of friendship is a willingness to break bread together. I think it depends on the situation whether it is acceptable to refuse something or not. But accepting something doesn't mean you can't discretely dispose of it after you have received it.0 -
This is all peer pressure. Tell them no and that's it. I wouldn't let it bother you, you just have more self control than they do. I also wouldn't take it and throw it away later, why should you?0
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I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.0 -
I get this all the time. "you don't need to loose weight" "It won't hurt you" I find the oh I had a big lunch works well. I don't tell people I'm trying to loose weight anymore.0
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Agreed. Just politely decline and feel good about yourself for doing so and don't worry so much about how people react. They'll get over it.0
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »I also wouldn't take it and throw it away later, why should you?
Sometimes, it is just the nice thing to do to let people think that they've been able to help in some way.
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I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.
Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.
1000x this.
I find it hard around my family during the holidays. They ask me why I'm not eating cake or pie or candy. I've had reactive hypoglycemia for over 11 years now and they continue to offer or comment and ask why I'm not eating those things.
Also.. Nothing is more irritating than people acting like you're a wet blanket for not wanting to drink. Sorry I don't want to black out or have a seizure was still not a good enough excuse some nights.0 -
When I was overweight, 'people' laughed and told me I should slim down a bit. Now that I am a healthy weight and look slim, those 'same people' frown and tell me I should eat more and enjoy life. I just smile on the inside, because only I know what is right for me.0
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1. Some people genuinely just don't understand. I don't think that it's that they're judging you.
2. There's a lot of "sabotage" that happens at your age among women. My mom warned me about it for years. I never understood it, still don't. I think that maybe it's a subconscious insecurity thing.
If it makes you uneasy, maybe try to meet a new friend or two with similar goals and bring them along with you and your group of friends when you go out. It could be a huge relief for you and your nerves to have someone by your side with similar habits. As for declining treats and such, they'll eventually get used to it and simply stop offering.
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I ran into this a lot in university and I had a completely legitimate, easy to understand reason that I couldn't drink: I was on betablockers and they don't really mix so well with alcohol, at all. But I remember I would tell people that and they'd say things like: "Oh, it just means you'll be a lightweight, stick with beer." I was not the confident person I am now, so I would actually do things like bring a drink in a water bottle and say it was vodka and cranberry (or something along those lines) and it'd be like, crystal light. haha. Now-a-days, I'm just confident enough in my own decisions and say so to tell people that I don't really drink, I have no interest in it, and I'm happy to be the DD if they need me. So if you drive, totally an option.
As for being offered sweets and stuff, this happens to me all the time. I'm the boss of a fundraising team, and I swear they're all trying to buy my love -- there's been rice krispy squares and brownies in the last week alone haha. I either politely decline, or accept it and eat it on my own time if it fits in my days macros. A lot of the time, I just say "aw, that's so sweet of you! let me put it in my lunch bag so I'll have a pick me up for later" and then usually I come home and give it to my SO.0 -
I used to politely decline treats, because I eat every 2-3 hours anyway, and 'I'm still full' is still a valid excuse...
However, for family gatherings, I've changed my approach. I'm planning ahead and I'm saving up my calories for the occasion. Now I'm the 'too skinny chick' in the family, who will annoy all heavy relatives by seemingly getting away with eating everything in sight.... Works like a charm...
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TimothyFish wrote: »You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.
I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.
OP, it's hard when people are constantly offering you treats and alcohol, especially if they're things you want to eat and drink. It's especially hard at your age -- peer pressure and all! Rather than have to go into a big long explanation, try saying you haven't been feeling well. That should get people off your back at least a little.0 -
0somuchbetter0 wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.
I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.
Could be. Personally, I don't think alcohol and school mix well, no matter what country a person is in.
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Well I'm half French, so to me alcohol mixes well with everything...a nice Cote du Rhone, maybe a Bordeaux
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You are 19 years old. Aren't you of the age where you should give a fig about others opinions? If you are politely declining, then the butthurt is on them, NOT you.
Of course at my age, I have adopted a clear ZFG policy. You don't like my choices...I have zero f*cks to give.0 -
TimothyFish wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »I also wouldn't take it and throw it away later, why should you?
Sometimes, it is just the nice thing to do to let people think that they've been able to help in some way.
So you're saying she should give into people pushing alcohol on her when she clearly says no? She doesn't need to be nice, she needs to keep doing what she's doing.0 -
Ah... youth.
Angsty adults with very few things to complain about.0
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