Being judged-leave me be!

24

Replies

  • wildeyezz
    wildeyezz Posts: 84 Member
    When I was overweight, 'people' laughed and told me I should slim down a bit. Now that I am a healthy weight and look slim, those 'same people' frown and tell me I should eat more and enjoy life. I just smile on the inside, because only I know what is right for me.
  • feralkitten1010
    feralkitten1010 Posts: 219 Member
    1. Some people genuinely just don't understand. I don't think that it's that they're judging you.

    2. There's a lot of "sabotage" that happens at your age among women. My mom warned me about it for years. I never understood it, still don't. I think that maybe it's a subconscious insecurity thing.

    If it makes you uneasy, maybe try to meet a new friend or two with similar goals and bring them along with you and your group of friends when you go out. It could be a huge relief for you and your nerves to have someone by your side with similar habits. As for declining treats and such, they'll eventually get used to it and simply stop offering. :smile:
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
    I ran into this a lot in university and I had a completely legitimate, easy to understand reason that I couldn't drink: I was on betablockers and they don't really mix so well with alcohol, at all. But I remember I would tell people that and they'd say things like: "Oh, it just means you'll be a lightweight, stick with beer." I was not the confident person I am now, so I would actually do things like bring a drink in a water bottle and say it was vodka and cranberry (or something along those lines) and it'd be like, crystal light. haha. Now-a-days, I'm just confident enough in my own decisions and say so to tell people that I don't really drink, I have no interest in it, and I'm happy to be the DD if they need me. So if you drive, totally an option.

    As for being offered sweets and stuff, this happens to me all the time. I'm the boss of a fundraising team, and I swear they're all trying to buy my love -- there's been rice krispy squares and brownies in the last week alone haha. I either politely decline, or accept it and eat it on my own time if it fits in my days macros. A lot of the time, I just say "aw, that's so sweet of you! let me put it in my lunch bag so I'll have a pick me up for later" and then usually I come home and give it to my SO.
  • h7463
    h7463 Posts: 626 Member
    I used to politely decline treats, because I eat every 2-3 hours anyway, and 'I'm still full' is still a valid excuse...
    However, for family gatherings, I've changed my approach. I'm planning ahead and I'm saving up my calories for the occasion. Now I'm the 'too skinny chick' in the family, who will annoy all heavy relatives by seemingly getting away with eating everything in sight.... Works like a charm... =)
  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
    You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.

    I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.

    OP, it's hard when people are constantly offering you treats and alcohol, especially if they're things you want to eat and drink. It's especially hard at your age -- peer pressure and all! Rather than have to go into a big long explanation, try saying you haven't been feeling well. That should get people off your back at least a little.
  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
    You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.

    I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.

    Could be. Personally, I don't think alcohol and school mix well, no matter what country a person is in.

  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
    Well I'm half French, so to me alcohol mixes well with everything...a nice Cote du Rhone, maybe a Bordeaux :)
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    You are 19 years old. Aren't you of the age where you should give a fig about others opinions? If you are politely declining, then the butthurt is on them, NOT you.

    Of course at my age, I have adopted a clear ZFG policy. You don't like my choices...I have zero f*cks to give.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    I also wouldn't take it and throw it away later, why should you?

    Sometimes, it is just the nice thing to do to let people think that they've been able to help in some way.

    So you're saying she should give into people pushing alcohol on her when she clearly says no? She doesn't need to be nice, she needs to keep doing what she's doing.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
    Ah... youth.

    Angsty adults with very few things to complain about.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.

    I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.

    OP, it's hard when people are constantly offering you treats and alcohol, especially if they're things you want to eat and drink. It's especially hard at your age -- peer pressure and all! Rather than have to go into a big long explanation, try saying you haven't been feeling well. That should get people off your back at least a little.

    It's 18 to buy alcohol in a pub/shop, although I was out drinking at 16. Naughty lol.

    I did drink a lot when I was at university, because I enjoyed it and was out a lot, but I didn't eat very much. No-one ever judged me for it luckily, although to be fair I probably didn't eat enough, so maybe someone should've said something!

    Just say no, I'm sure if you say it enough times they'll get the message!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited November 2014
    NO means no but I think its yes means yes now. Zero *kitten* to give policy. I like that one and OP use that one too. Who should be your priority? Being nice to people or taking care of yourself.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,262 Member
    Hanowenho wrote: »
    I quite often find people will offer you small things such as a brownie, small cake or a sweet. I know many people who do this on a regular basis who genuinely get offended when I politely decline!
    People always seem to think they know what's best for your body, saying "well a little bit of what you like does you good". They can't comprehend that I know much more about what's best for me to eat that day than they do!
    I've also stopped drinking cows milk in favour of almond, and stopped drinking alcohol unless it's a big occasion. As a student, I'm getting quite a lot of stick for not drinking sporadically throughout the week! When my excuse is my health they judge me, if I lie and say it's merely funds they'll pass me the special brew!
    Sick of it. Anyone else find this?!

    Just stop making excuses or giving explanations. Despite what is commonly though, you don't have to give an explanation when you tell a person "no." Hey, want a beer? "No thanks," or "no thanks, but I'd love a glass of water." When you sound wishy washy and unsure of yourself, people are going to push. When you act like you know what you want or don't want, people normally do not do that.

  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    You're too young to be drinking anyway, so you might should hang out with better friends.

    I'm guessing from her "accent" that she's from the UK -- drinking age is 16 or 18 there, depending on the type of alcohol.

    Could be. Personally, I don't think alcohol and school mix well, no matter what country a person is in.

    Um, why? Drinking is part of British university 'culture' so most students do it. There are usually bars on campus, and university towns have loads of pubs, and they do happy hours, cheap shots etc.

    I did my third year in France, and mixed with the international students a lot, and we all drank pretty often.

    I somehow made it through my university years with no mishaps and got an MA.
  • Lisajohnston
    Lisajohnston Posts: 79 Member
    Just keep politely declining both and people should eventually get the picture. Don't give in to please others I learned this several years too late as I would give in and gained weight during University. Be firm in your choices and remember it's you that has to deal with any consequences of your choices not those pressuring you to accept their choices. I find if you are polite people will let you be after you refuse but as for relatives as you are still pretty young it may take a while for them to accept your choices as they may still see you as a child although you are no longer a child. When you decline sweets just tell the person you don't often eat sweets and hopefully they won't be offended. I find people will judge you for whatever choices you make, if you drink and then if you don't drink. If you eat sweets and gain weight you will be judges if you don't eat sweets you will be judged for that. Stay firm in your choices and hopefully people will eventually stop pressuring you and judging you and just accept your choice. It's annoying but that's all I think you can really do. As others have posted you could drink other things such as sparkling water to cut down on the pressure and indulge on occasion if you want to.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
    When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.

    What s/he said.

  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
    Tell them u are following doctor's orders. This will shut up anyone with more than 3 brain cells.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    When I'm offered something I don't want, I just say no, and if I'm asked why I tell them I don't want it. I'm surprised to hear there are people who argue this. "Do you want a piece of cake?" No thank you. "Why not?" Because I don't want one. Generally end of story. There really isn't anywhere for people to go after that.

    Snap. I find it weird that anyone would argue.
  • stacyjh1979
    stacyjh1979 Posts: 188 Member
    SLHysell wrote: »
    I think it's a matter of people trying to justify their own bad choices. When they see you making good choices, it forces them to look at themselves. The easiest passage to making themselves feel better is to persuade you to skip back over to their side of the equation. I don't think anyone does this on purpose; it's just that people don't really like when others' behavior shines a negative light on their own.

    Stay firm. Your choices are about you. Everyone has the ability and the right to choose the lifestyle (and the resulting consequences) they want.

    Totally agree with this, I feel like people inwardly do a little victory dance if they can "get me" to eat something that I normally wouldn't...it makes them feel better about what they're doing.