what a way to make me feel like *kitten*
femmerides
Posts: 843 Member
so this weekend my friend (who is in the army and leaving for Afghanistan in a few days) had two BBQ's. Both days I ate about 600 calories more then i usually do but that includes alcohol. So i had about 1200 calories more then i wanted and so I'm now 6lbs heavier then i was on friday. 
anyways, we had left over doughnuts and i went to have a 1/4 of one and my husband totally went off on me. yes, i know that i shouldn't have been even THINKING about eating the doughnut but then again i didn't need him to totally yell at me and make me want to go binge because he pissed me off. i'm so frustrated. i've ALWAYS been healthy. I've never had high blood pressure or high cholesterol or high blood sugar or anything. i've always exercised and i've always worked hard. my husband on the other hand has never been healthy and eats crap all the time. so...i HATE that HE is the one that yelled at me! he has no place to tell me what is or isn't okay for me to eat. i've been on this weight loss wagon for years! i've lost 70lbs TWICE (i had pregnancies that helped me regain the weight) and am down 34.8lbs since last year.
anyways, i just feel like **** now and feel like ranting.
anyways, we had left over doughnuts and i went to have a 1/4 of one and my husband totally went off on me. yes, i know that i shouldn't have been even THINKING about eating the doughnut but then again i didn't need him to totally yell at me and make me want to go binge because he pissed me off. i'm so frustrated. i've ALWAYS been healthy. I've never had high blood pressure or high cholesterol or high blood sugar or anything. i've always exercised and i've always worked hard. my husband on the other hand has never been healthy and eats crap all the time. so...i HATE that HE is the one that yelled at me! he has no place to tell me what is or isn't okay for me to eat. i've been on this weight loss wagon for years! i've lost 70lbs TWICE (i had pregnancies that helped me regain the weight) and am down 34.8lbs since last year.anyways, i just feel like **** now and feel like ranting.
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Replies
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Stay strong! Sometimes others put their insecurites onto us.0
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You should be mad!!! He shouldn't make you feel bad for eating...if anything, encourage you to do better....
How would he feel if he said your not going to the BBQ's etc because your dieting and that he couldn't go either....
Listen, we know when we F up we don't need someone telling us... I'm sorry and a million hugs to you!!!
Men can be *kitten* sometimes...0 -
well- I'm sorry you are having a craptastic day.
But i did want to tell you that gain isn't all fat- because 3500 calories=1 lb of fat. You had 1,200 calories over your weight loss so at most that could be less than .5 lb of gain. It's probably more likely sodium and actual food weight. It will go back down. Life is for living, not counting calories. You will be back at it in no time.
Talk to your husband about how his approach to being supportive made you feel. I know if it were my husband he would tell me that he thoguht I wanted him to help me stay on track and that is what he had tried to do. But once I explained how best to support me things started looking up.
Good luck,.0 -
I would be really mad if my boyfriend did this to me. He shouldn't have said a word to you about it. Sometimes I make bad food choices and the LAST thing I need is someone pointing it out to me, ya know?
(((HUGS)))0 -
hes a dumbass...thats the wrong way to support you and i hope you realize after youre all done being mad at him he was trying to be supportive - tell him to try another way though
and youre up 6lbs and you know at least half if not more is water weight and the alcohol sticking to your insides!! drink a buttload, and i mean a buttload, like 10 glasses or more definitely (i do 16 when ive drank) and flush that water bull**** out!!
YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!!0 -
Don't feel like that! Tell your husband to BACK OFF. Many of us are eating healthier to lose the weight. It is a lifestyle not a diet. Slurpge once in awhile then back to the program. Those extra pounds will come back off as long as get back to a regime and work it off. Here is a :flowerforyou: to make you feel better. Husbands.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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Just ignore his bs. You are changing your life - not doing a temporary diet. Can you honestly say that you will never eat another donut again in your life? Of course not. So instead, you just fit it in with your other calories today or maybe walk an extra 20 minutes. No harm = no foul.
Shame on him!0 -
You know what's scary - he probably thinks he's "helping you" by saying what he said. My dad used to be the same way growing up. I don't know what they are thinking ... but they don't realize it's makes it WAY WORSE!0
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Drink TONS of water and give it a few days. If you ate at a BBQ the likelihood of you consuming ENORMOUS amounts of sodium is very high. I'm sure it'll fall off in a day or 2. I had the same problem (gained 3lbs) after a birthday BBQ where I had 1 hotdog and a piece of cake...hotdogs are all sodium. Give it time!0
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grrrrr.. It's bad enough that you were already probably beating yourself up and good for you for only eating 1/4 of the donut.. not like you were eating a 1/4 of a dozen of them!!! The last poster is right. Men can be morons sometimes. Remember that you have successes behind you and that you're on the right track now. Serve him salad tonight and tell him that you're concerned about his health and he shouldn't be eating anything with protein for a few days. LOL>0
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When you are not so angry, I hope you will have a conversation with him about how he is not your father...rather a partner on life's journey. He needs to know that his feedback is not helpful to you and what it does to you. You need to also hear how your eating impacts someone who loves and cares for you.
In the end, you can't control him - but you can manage how you react to him. Take the energy out in the gym!0 -
Have him join you on your diet. If he can't do it, then how can he expect you to? Make it a competition (based on percentages, not pounds!)
He'll back off soon enough -- and he will cheat. He'll eat junk when you aren't around. And then you'll win!0 -
oooh that would make me so angry and hurt!
I agree with the previous poster that said he might think he is helping you. Do you think that is a possibility?
HUGS
Drinks lots of water today and flush that out!0 -
Hugs, hugs, hugs! Some people don't know when to keep their mouth shut &/or feel that they are superior for whatever reason. I had the same experience with my former who told me I would be pretty if I would only put down the fork...... I was a size 6 and beautiful!!! Shake it off and tell your beloved that you are doing this for you and no other and to please keep his opinon to himself. Good job on the weight loss so far!0
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I agree you should mention how much it bothered you. And explain WHY. And let him know that as women, we sometimes take criticism and stuff it back down our throats, with food. And then let him know what might have been a better way to express his support. Sometimes men just don't get it, they don't think the way we do.
And maybe tell him your LBS lost isn't due the BS he is givin' you.
One of the best things I ever did was explain to my naturally lithe guy, "Look, I know you don't get my food-crazy. I really want you to be supportive of me while I try to do this. And I know you're willing to help. Here's how you can help me: If you see me reaching for crap, ask me if I'd like to go for a walk. That can be our secret code for you're worried I'm about to make a decision I'm going to regret. And if I tell you NO, I don't want to go for a walk, leave it alone."0 -
Firstly i think what ever you wrote is a bit private. Maybe your husband wanted to help you but even if he did wrong, i think he deserves the benefit of doubt. And what sort of a person would like to hear her husband being called a 'dumbass', 'speaking BS', 'moron' by random people.0
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My husband would be spending the week on the couch if he did that to me! You should tell him that you are getting healthy for yourself and you are accountable to yourself ; not him, so if he doesn't have anything supportive to say then he should keep his trap shut. Helping someone reach their goals in a constructive way will never include yelling at them or ridiculing them for making decisions that you don't agree with. How about a healthy nudge like "wouldn't an apple fill you up longer?" or just letting a little slip go.0
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Oh yeah I would be pretty pissed myself lol....Id be like OHHHHH HEEEEEEEE**********L NOOOOO!!! hahahaaa!!!
On a seriouse note: Maybe you should confront him about it and tell him how it makes you feel when he tells/yells you things. and just tell him that you would like for him to encourage you in positive ways and you would like him to confront you in a nicer way when he feels the need to push you away from something bad, rather then just yelling at you. He probably thinks hes doing you a favor but just tell him you like to eat when your mad and that if he makes you mad your gonna go to Mcdonalds and super size it and have a fat *kitten* wife for the rest of his life if he does it again, lol that will make him think twice before yelling at you...hahaha You sound like your doing great so far so keep doing what your doing...best of luck to you girly 0 -
i told him how it made me feel and he apologized and said he was trying to help. AND THEN he asked if I wanted anything from Starbucks. lol. what a dork. NO! starbucks is lard in a cup!0
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:flowerforyou: AWWE I'm sorry on his approach. Its tough because men dont consider our feelings at times, when i'm sure you were already bumming about the water retention from the BBQ.. Like myself if there are sweets around its hard to resist, but having a little nibble is ok.
My husband did something like that, only because i wined and cried for so long about how overweight i got. I think he got sick n tired of it, then if he saw me grabbing a sweet or not eating healthy, hed give me crap about it.
Until I put him in his place and said listen, i'm working out 6 days a week and eating healthy, having a cheat meal is keeping me sane..
We dont need anyone to talk down to us or make us feel like crap.. Instead people need to be more motivating and positive with their approach.. aaah in a perfect world right!
like the other posters said, keep your head up, drink lots of water go to the gym and work out those frustrations0 -
not defending your husband...just want to point out that some people (husbands in particular) do not always know how to say things in a supportive way...he may have thought he was helping by telling you not to eat the donut (and if it came out as a yell...well, sometimes I yell and do not even realize I am doing it because it)...like I said not defending, just trying to give a different perspective0
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Agree with other people
Also, just think about that 6 lb gain. To gain 6 lbs of *fat*, you would need to eat 6 x 3500 = 21000 calories. Something tells me the barbecues were not THAT big. It'll fall off soon I'm sure.0 -
Just talk to him about it. We're only getting your side of the story, he could be frustrated with your swinging diet habits. Who knows? I don't. You two do.
Let's not flip out and rip the guy to pieces...
edit: glad you guys talked. appeared it was in the tough love category. which, of course, isn't for everyone.0 -
He just did that because he knows what it is like living with you when you "Hate" yourself for being overweight/not eating right...Kinda kidding, but there's some truth in there. I know how I am when I am not losing weight or gain weight or overeat...HARD to live with, always asking, "Do I look fat?," "Am I attractive?," "Does this look good on Me?," and endless other stuff... when I am on point I am really EASY to live with! He panicked is all, LOL0
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wow, he must be goin thru "his TOM" men, they are so hard to figure out. Maybe that was just his way of being supportive but @ the same time what a lousy way to help! Once again MEN!0
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You should be mad!!! He shouldn't make you feel bad for eating...if anything, encourage you to do better....
How would he feel if he said your not going to the BBQ's etc because your dieting and that he couldn't go either....
Listen, we know when we F up we don't need someone telling us... I'm sorry and a million hugs to you!!!
Men can be *kitten* sometimes...
AGREE 100%!! This happened to me at the begining but I put a stop to it and now he shuts up and lets me do my thing. I eat what I want I just may have to work out a bit harder. Stay strong!!0 -
thanks everyone. i'm just frustrated. how can he yell at me one minute for ALMOST eating 1/4 of a donut and then the next minute buy me a grande soy peppermint mocha???? i ended up dumping it out in the sink because i don't need the empty calories but i didn't want to hurt his feelings by letting him know i dumped it. i know he was trying to fix it but still! lol. i just hate when he does this because it makes me not want to eat...period.0
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Men !! Can't live with 'em.........0
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Men !! Can't live with 'em.........
Can't Shoot 'em.0 -
well- I'm sorry you are having a craptastic day.
But i did want to tell you that gain isn't all fat- because 3500 calories=1 lb of fat. You had 1,200 calories over your weight loss so at most that could be less than .5 lb of gain. It's probably more likely sodium and actual food weight. It will go back down. Life is for living, not counting calories. You will be back at it in no time.
Talk to your husband about how his approach to being supportive made you feel. I know if it were my husband he would tell me that he thoguht I wanted him to help me stay on track and that is what he had tried to do. But once I explained how best to support me things started looking up.
Good luck,.
Thank goodness for your post! I too overate this weekend, and felt horrible when I weighed in this morning. Glad to hear that some of it is sodium & food weight -- I felt so bad that I had undermined myself.
In regards to the posters' husband -- try explaining that you don't need him to chatise you when you fall of the wagon -- instead you need him to encourage you to get back on. Helpful words are always welcome; hurtful words only drive us further away from our goals, negate our accomplishments and drive us away from the speaker. You need him to be your cheerleader, not your enforcer.0
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