Well, here goes nothing

SoDamnHungry wrote: »

Your initial goal of being 95 pounds is already bordering on being underweight. I don't even want to think about someone 5'1'' weighing 80 pounds. Please reevaluate your goals and plan to maintain a healthy weight. You won't get any support on here if your goal is becoming anorexic.

My goal isn't to become anorexic. You can't really aim to be anorexic. It's a disorder, one that's not only physical, but mental as well. It's a state of mind. And you know what, maybe I'll admit I do have an eating disorder, and I'm trying to over come it. I'm not promoting having one or glorifying it in anyway. I'm stating a goal that I have now, and I'm trying to not want that goal. It may be stupid, but I'm trying to show myself how absurd I'm being by wanting that. Because if I put it out there and people see and acknowledge it, it's more real. Because I can think all these things, but not have actual tangible evidence of my stupidity. I know I shouldn't want it, but I feel so guilty about everything. I wouldn't wish an eating disorder upon anyone. It's terrible. And you run a higher risk of having depression. And constantly hating everything about you. So, thank you. Thank you for caring enough to tell me that. Because I have been in denial for too long. And I'm scared to even post this and admit it. I'm shaking and I can't breathe I'm so nervous, but I needed that. Thank you.