Surprise pregnancy -- need advice.

I haven't gone through this, nor anything like it. My only advice would be to not wait to tell them. I think as a parent, if I were in their shoes I would feel like you were trying to betray me if I figured out you'd hidden it from me. Hope it turns out alright :flowerforyou:

Oh, and I agree with Sarah. If my daughter's BF or friend came and told me something rather than her it'd be worse.

Tell them right away. They'll only be more hurt because you also tried to hide it.

A baby is a blessing. Be positive. Remember, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans."

How about making a plan of how you and your bf plan to deal with this financially to show them it won't be a burden on them and then sit down and tell them together, but definitely you need to tell them. If they recently mentioned it to you (before you actually found out).. they already know. I knew with my daughter before she did. Parents usually just know. So they aren't likely to be shocked and if you go into it showing them how you intend to take care of the baby and yourself it should show them some maturity.

Good luck and Congrats

I was in a similar situation, I was 22 and in my last semester of college when I got pregnant. I was very lucky because it didn't affect my ability to graduate. I was very scared to tell my parents, but they were not mad, just shocked and a little disappointed. After it settled in for a couple of months, we were all much more comfortable talking about it. By the time my little girl was born, they were 100% excited. She's 5 now and they love her and her little brother to death. I know it's scary, but your parents love you and it WILL be ok.

Ok...Deep breath! I have been in a similar situation. I was 19, a freshman in college, and had no job. My parents were devastated. I don't think their disappointment ever went away, but they did become excited to be grandparents. The idea of a baby has a way of softening them a little. Unfortunately, my pregnancy ended at 16 weeks, and the ironic part is that the father of that pregnancy is now my husband of 10 years and we have been experiencing fertility issues for the last 5 years and are currently childless.

So, in short, things have a way of working themselves out and I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Congratulations on the baby.

Well, I have not been in the exact same boat but I can offer support on the surprise pregnancy. Both my kids were unplanned and although very welcome, they were a surprise. My husband and I were married and I was already 32 when we had our first, which is a bit different but financially we were still just getting started.

First off, maybe you should try to come up with a plan to support yourselves - maybe look at an inexpensive place to live, free prenatal classes, taking out a line of credit, check out the local freecycle in your area (freecycle.org). You parents will still be shocked but will be impressed to see how much you have thought through the imapct of this and how to made it work.

I don't agree with your father that you ruin your life if you don't have a career first. Although I live in Canada so maybe it is a bit different here, but I would say that employers would be happy to invest in developing the career of someone who has already started having their children and will soon be back to work with no interruptions, than someone that they invest a lot of time in and then they are off on maternity leave for years (we get a year here in Canada).

Also seeing as you are 26, having a family can add to your image of being a stable and responsible person.

Congratulations! That is the one thing you need to focus on right now. You have created the person that you are going to love more than anyone else in this world. Feel good about that and it'll all fall into line.

Good luck!

Firslty, let me say congrats. I know it was a surprise, but I'm sure you'll do what you need to do and be a lovely mother.

Secondly, I really don't think it's anywhere close to appropriate to let the boyfriend tell your parents. I think they would much rather hear it from you. I think the boyfriend should be with you when you tell them, but definitely don't let him be the one to say it.

Thirdly, you should definitely come up with a plan to get independent and follow it through as soon as possible. That will be a great move for you and your boyfriend and your parents.

Good luck to you

I won't lecture you but it definitely pays to think ahead on these things.. but at any rate, my husband and I got pregnant with our daughter 2 months after we started dating.. he was a struggling college student and I was the crazy party hippy chick. Anyways, my parents were disappointed in me when I got pregnant with my baby girl and he sounds a lot like yours. He didn't think I was ready, I didn't have a career, my husband (at the time boyfriend) didn't have a career, blah blah blah. On top of it we were both 20. I can tell you a few things to help you out. 1) DO NOT let your boyfriend tell your parents for you, they will be even more disappointed and I really think it will show that you've put some thought into it a little bit more if you do it yourself. 2) Be happy if thats what you really want. I embraced being pregnant despite the odds I was against. I quit drinking, quit smoking, turned my life around to be a positive role model for my child. You can be AMAZED at what you can do when your the parent of a child and your determined to make it a positive experience. 3) In the end when your parents see their grandbaby all those harsh feelings will go out the window. They will love that child just as much as you do. 4) I suggest you both start thinking seriously about how you're going to support yourselves. My husband ended up going into the military, and I worked up until the very last day of my pregnancy. I also worked full time after she was 3 months old to support the baby and myself. Its not about just you anymore, you have to do whatever it is that you have to do to take care of your own. Good luck!! I can tell you things get better if you just put a little elbow grease into it!!

There's NEVER the ideal time for a baby. Life is always going to throw you ups and downs. I think the most important thing right now is to get to a point where you're independent of your parents' financial support. That's first and foremost. $50,000 a year is the only good time to have a baby is crap! I raised two children on about half that and both are smart, independent college co-eds. So miss me with all that. Not saying it was easy but it is done everyday!

As for telling your parents...I think that you shouldn't wait and I don't think your bf is the one that should tell them. You should tell them together and soon. But have a plan. Let them know you're looking for a job (if you are) or we're going to do this, that and this so we don't burden you anymore than we have.

Babies make you grow up real quick!

Be blessed my MFP!!!!!

It's time to really step into your adulthood. You are 26. A woman. An adult. You are having a child. You cannot run from that decision like a scared child, yourself. But you do have to start taking a long view of what this means and making a plan for you and your child's future. When you have a plan--not just some ideas that kind of sound good--but a plan, that is when you discuss it with your parents.

Remember, they are passengers on this journey, even if they are invested emotionally and financially. You are the mother. You have to have strength and confidence. And you need to stand openly and honestly in truth. If you chose to involve your parents in your pregnancy--and yes, that is a choice because you are an adult and do not *have* to tell them a thing--the do it proudly, not a like a shame-filled little girl.

Your role is changing and you need to rise up to it. You are not their baby any more. You are the mother of a child who needs you to show leadership and guidance. That means getting dependent. And that means taking the reins in your own life and steering it into the future. When your parents see that you are standing up, they will grab your arms and walk with you. But what you have shown them up to this point is that you need to be carried.

Motherhood is transformative, if you are up for the challenge. I wish you so much strength and perseverance as you continue on your journey.

I had a similar life situation. I got pregnant at 22 years old in 2000 by a boyfriend that my parents thought would never amount to much. At the time, he was a waiter and aspiring bartender. I hid the pregnancy from everyone till about 12 weeks. At the time, I had just graduated college and was still living at home and being supported by my middle/upper class parents. I knew that they were not going to be happy because I wasn't even close to being married nor did I have a job, let alone a career. My parents had me young and all they ever wanted was for me to graduate college, have a career, get married in my early 30's and have kids anytime after that. My parents loved me but were severely disappointed.

I moved in with my boyfriend and his roommate at 4months pregnant so he could participate in the pregnancy more. I took a job at a daycare that summer so I could be around kids since I didn't have much experience with babies. In the beginning it was fun. My sons father (who is 8 years older than me) was just as excited as I to be having a baby. He tried to shield me from all the negative comments from my family and some of my friends. His parents were very happy to be expecting a grandchild despite the circumstances so we spent more time with them and less with my family.

My parents pulled back financially when I moved out. My boyfriend and I struggled since most of his money went to our share of the rent that he split with his friend. I did still have health insurance because I was registered as a student on my mom's plan the year I got pregnant; I got lucky in that way.
I can't say the pregnancy went great overall. in addition to all the stress over constant money issues, the more pregnant I because, the less "fun" i was to hang out with according to my sons father. By the time my son, Zach was born, I knew that his father and I wouldn't last forever as a couple- it was a very sad and depressing revelation that I would eventually be a single mom. I started to see why my parents thought he was a "slacker" and "unmotivated". But, I wasn't ready to give up yet. I was hoping that Zach's dad would see how important we were and fight to make us a proper family.

For the first year of Zach's life I stayed home with him in a small apartment that his father and I rented. Zach's dad worked as a waiter during the day and had another job as a bartender at night. After work he would "hang out" with the other people in the restaurant industry. When he was home all he wanted to do was sleep. I would have to take Zach out of the house so his cry's wouldn't wake him up. We rarely saw him.

Zach's dad and broke up when Zach was 18 months old. He actually left me for the hostess at the restaurant he worked at. He worked so much that I never knew that he was cheating. I felt so betrayed and embarrassed. I went back to my parents (whom I didn't have much a relationship with during the previous 2 years). They took in Zach and I. However, they made sure that I understood that as long as we lived with them they would be calling the shots in me and Zach's life. That lasted less than a year. I was an adult but being treated as a child and a moron for not following their life plan for me.

I moved out of their house while working a job that made less then 25K a year. I could afford nothing. Growing up in an upper-middle class environment did not prepare me for the reality of welfare, WIC and government-assisted housing. But, I did it for my son. We went to court and my sons father paid a small amount of child support based on his earnings.

The next 5 years that followed were extremely difficult and lonely for me. I pretty much repaired the relationship with my family but I know that they are still disappointed in a way. I missed out on all the things people do in their 20's. Long term boyfriends, engagements, vacations and nights out with friends etc.... It was a small price to pay for having my awesome son, but it still made me feel bad at the time.

The good news is that Zach's dad and I are good friends now. We communicate at least once a week and my son see's him every other weekend. He comes to all of Zach's sporting events with his wife and 3 daughters. I love Zach's step-mom. She is a lot like me. Zach's dad credits me for pushing him to mature and focus on the important things in life. Even though we didn't last, I taught him how to manage money, to treat a woman, and to change a diaper. His wife gets to reap those benefits but in the end, I have my son, so it was a fair trade.

In 2003 I was finally using my degree and making money. I could afford to get off of WIC and welfare and move into a tiny (un-government subsidized) apartment. I was SO proud of myself. I met a guy at work who was head over heels in love with me and my 3 year old son. We married in 2005. Zach's dad and my husband became good friends and even co-coached Zach's soccer team a for few years. By 2008 I had 2 more sons Ultimately, I ended up getting divorced last year ( it's a bit irrelevant to this post) but I'm not ashamed. I've been through a lot in life but never regretted any of my decisions- ESPECIALLY the decision to have Zach.

The reality of the situation is that it is going to be hard. Very hard. You're not going to have enough money (at least not right away) to do the things you assumed you would with your first child. You're going to miss out on things with your friends because your priorities will change. It's not necessarily a bad thing but you will grow up FAST in the next year. Your boyfriend will either step-up his commitment to you and the baby or not. You have to acknowledge that unmarried couples with children statistically don't last so at some point in your life, you may be a single mom. You will hit most of life's "milestones" in a nontraditional way. Not a huge deal for some people but diffidently a huge deal for people like out parents

Okay, so in the most roundabout way, what I am trying to say is that if this pregnancy is welcomed by you and your boyfriend then don't worry about everyone else. It is your life. You have to live it every day- not your parents, not your friends, not your co-workers. Your 26 years old, not 17. You're not throwing your life away. Make your own happy ending and don't look back

Nicole

From personal experience....wait until after your first trimester before you tell them! I dont want to sound negative but only about 30% of pregnancies actually last. I got pregnant before (a one night stand) and I told my parents, they were horrified, and i never felt worse, until the next day when i went to the doctor and found out I was having a miscarriage, then i had to tell them about the miscarriage too. I would wait...i actually did wait when I got pregnant with my daughter, I made sure I was 13 weeks pregnant before I told them. Even if your parents are disappointed they will get excited eventually, and they will love that baby, and will support you, i just suggest you wait. good luck and I am sure everything will be ok Congrats on the pregnancy ...and I am still in school, so dont let anyone tell you, that you cant do it with a baby, yes it is a lot harder but if you want to do it you can!!!

It'll all be forgotten after that baby comes. They are gonna love him/her so much. When I got surprised with my son I was 22 and already graduated, but I'm from a Christian house and we don't believe in pre-marital sex. I made bad choices and was disappointed in myself for not sticking to my values. I did not want to tell my parents, actually I was terrified. I told my Mom and she told my Dad because I didn't want to face him. My parents were disappointed and shocked (we had been together 3 months when I got knocked up on first time having sex, ever!).They didn't freak out and they were supportive, but they were hurt that I didn't tell them sooner. They were literally the last to know because of my fear of disappointing them. That hurt them, I would not reccomend waiting too long. And tell them yourself. It's all in the past now. My parents love my kids and would never want anything to change. And now I wish I hadn't been so scared and waited so long. I've now been married to my hubby for 4.5 years, have a wonderful son who is 4, and a beautiful daughter who is 2. Things worked out and I shouldn't have stressed so much about it. Good luck


p.s. I agree about breastfeeding to save money. I breastfed my son 10 months and daughter 14 months. I bought formula for 2 months for my son, none for daughter. It is crazy expensive. Also you will save money on doctor visits, hospital bills, and various health expenses as breastfed babies are healthier and get immunity from you. Son and daughter had 1 cold in first year:)
*also look into homemade baby food, healthier and saves money too!