Trouble accepting/jealousy
ShrinkingMuslimah
Posts: 99 Member
So I seem to do really well loosing weight for a few months, then stop, then start again then stop. Sometimes I gain some weight back, sometimes I don't.
I think the reason this happens is because I realize that there is no 'diet' that will work for me - it's a lifestyle change. I have accepted that I will have to eat this way for the rest of my life. But that terrifies me.
I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
So after I've done really well for a while, I start getting overwhelmed when thinking about 'this is my new life' and it freaks me out because, truth is, I don't *want* to have to constantly be thinking about calories and macros every time i put food into my mouth (or at least the majority of the time - I do have my off days, or special occasions where I let myself not worry too much about it).
I do know I have anxiety issues, and have recently accepted the fact that over eating can be considered an ED in some circumstances - I believe I fall under that category.
Does anyone else struggle with accepting this as their new life? Or struggle with jealousy of people who don't seem to have to worry about this stuff?
I think the reason this happens is because I realize that there is no 'diet' that will work for me - it's a lifestyle change. I have accepted that I will have to eat this way for the rest of my life. But that terrifies me.
I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
So after I've done really well for a while, I start getting overwhelmed when thinking about 'this is my new life' and it freaks me out because, truth is, I don't *want* to have to constantly be thinking about calories and macros every time i put food into my mouth (or at least the majority of the time - I do have my off days, or special occasions where I let myself not worry too much about it).
I do know I have anxiety issues, and have recently accepted the fact that over eating can be considered an ED in some circumstances - I believe I fall under that category.
Does anyone else struggle with accepting this as their new life? Or struggle with jealousy of people who don't seem to have to worry about this stuff?
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Tracking used to give me anxiety. All the numbers, the calories, macros, weight on the scale, ect. But I've come to terms that it's what I need to do. I still struggle with hitting my macros. I can tell you not to be jealous of people who pay no mind to what their eating. Chances are they aren't eating very healthy anyways. Once you get into the swing of things, you'll know what's good to eat and what's not and you may not have to track anymore. I think tracking is a form of educating yourself to make those healthy decisions. If you slip up, it's ok! You can get it right at the next meal.0
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Have you actually talked to those people around you? The one closest to me is actually frustrated that he hasn't put any weight on despite the workouts he has been doing, and he spends more time worrying about getting hungry than I do. Everybody has their own cross to bear.0
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Jealousy is a huge waste of time because no matter who you are jealous of, they have problems too. Some so bad it might shock you. Try to focus on yourself and developing an ease with your new eating style. At some point after you have done it so long it won't seem as hard. Also there is no rule that says maintenance has to be as rigorous with the logging as weight loss.0
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ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »So I seem to do really well loosing weight for a few months, then stop, then start again then stop. Sometimes I gain some weight back, sometimes I don't.
I think the reason this happens is because I realize that there is no 'diet' that will work for me - it's a lifestyle change. I have accepted that I will have to eat this way for the rest of my life. But that terrifies me.
I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
So after I've done really well for a while, I start getting overwhelmed when thinking about 'this is my new life' and it freaks me out because, truth is, I don't *want* to have to constantly be thinking about calories and macros every time i put food into my mouth (or at least the majority of the time - I do have my off days, or special occasions where I let myself not worry too much about it).
I do know I have anxiety issues, and have recently accepted the fact that over eating can be considered an ED in some circumstances - I believe I fall under that category.
Does anyone else struggle with accepting this as their new life? Or struggle with jealousy of people who don't seem to have to worry about this stuff?
A few things.
Jealousy is one of those emotions that will eat you. The people around you, they have their own battles to fight. Comparison is the thief of joy.
You don't have to weigh/measure/log food for the rest of your life if you don't want to. That's your choice.
It feels really overwhelming at first, but you'll get the hang of things. Pick one macro (suggestion: protein) and try to meet that goal every day for a week, then move onto fat, carbs - see where you're happy/full/comfortable.
Try pre-logging your day. Figure out in the morning (or even the day before) what you're going to have for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner - that might help you just enjoy your food and your day without stress.
And finally, if you suspect for a second you might have disordered thinking about food, make an appointment with your doctor.
Good luck.0 -
I hear you completely, and it's frustrating. Everything those who have written above me is true - especially that jealousy is a waste of energy. But, it is a life long commitment......if this is the only thing that works for you. It's been 10 years since I've lost 60lbs, but each and every day is a battle for me, still, after 10 years! Each and every day!! So hang in there, and sometimes it's just good to say "this sucks" and hear other people justify your frustration. Stay strong though, you will be ok!!0
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I get you! I don't mind the logging. In fact the mental aspect is something of a challenge to me. But sometimes I get sooo frustrated and angry that I will never be able to just eat what I want, as much as I want. At least not if I want to be slim. Some days it feels like deprivation! I keep hoping that will change. But I am five years in and still struggling to maintain my "new" healthy lifestyle!0
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Keep working guys. You Re great0
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It's been 10 years since I've lost 60lbs, but each and every day is a battle for me, still, after 10 years! Each and every day!![/quote]
This is exactly what overwhelms me. It's so hard to imagine every single day, every bite of food being a struggle for the rest of my life.0 -
I think it's a matter of training yourself to *want* to eat healthier. I have friends who have trouble putting on weight because all they eat are veggies and chicken. Me? I crave fast food and pizza and seriously have an aversion to cooking. Last year when I lost super fast I was in a habit of cooking frequently. Now, with stress, feeling depressed, and my fiancée deployed, I find it hard to eat what I've even taken the time to cook because I want the greasy "comfort" stuff.
Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe my view of food is unhealthy... I want to eat things I enjoy and flat out: I DONT enjoy vegetables or repetition or cooking or left overs. I also DONT enjoy the way I feel after eating fast food.... but it's easier. Maybe one day I will learn to love it... until then, it's a struggle
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A lot of this advice is really great for someone just starting out. But I've been at this for almost 6 years now.
I may not have to track if I don't want to for the rest of my life. But truth is, when I stop tracking, the weight starts to creep back. So most likely it will be something I'll have to learn to live with eventually.
I have spoken to those around me who I'm comfortable talking to about this topic. Not many of them have issues with weight, and no they don't make unhealthy choices often. The healthy choices seem to just be the norm for them, they only crave treats and snacks once in a while. The way I eat when I'm really trying hard, tracking, weighing, and making the best choices just comes naturally to them.
My husband used to be an athlete in college, he eats good food, and bad food, in moderation, his weight fluctuates depending on the time of year and what his work schedule is like, but he is still very healthy.
I have spoken to a therapist about ED, but Drs aren't my style, and I find only ever make the situations worse. (I have spoken to many people about depression and anxiety in the past, and they honestly made it much worse. I also have undiagnosed aspergers, so therapists really don't understand how to handle me, as they are not trained in how an aspergers mind functions and communicates - although as this is becoming more well known i'm sure this will change). I prefer to turn to my religion in this regard, which is a personal choice of mine and has saved my life, but I know it is sometimes a touchy subject so I won't go into detail with that much.
As for the jealousy. I absolutely agree. It is a sickness and a horrible thing which will eat me away inside if I continue to let it. Unfortunately it's not a light switch that I can just turn off whenever I want to.
Thank you all for the support, and sorry for the long post. It is just difficult for me accepting this as a "lifestyle" instead of a "diet".0 -
xsmilexforxmex wrote: »I think it's a matter of training yourself to *want* to eat healthier. I have friends who have trouble putting on weight because all they eat are veggies and chicken. Me? I crave fast food and pizza and seriously have an aversion to cooking. Last year when I lost super fast I was in a habit of cooking frequently. Now, with stress, feeling depressed, and my fiancée deployed, I find it hard to eat what I've even taken the time to cook because I want the greasy "comfort" stuff.
Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe my view of food is unhealthy... I want to eat things I enjoy and flat out: I DONT enjoy vegetables or repetition or cooking or left overs. I also DONT enjoy the way I feel after eating fast food.... but it's easier. Maybe one day I will learn to love it... until then, it's a struggle
That's exactly it. Just what you said. It's training myself to want to do this for the rest of my life.
Part of me DOES want to do it because have seen, and am experiencing the many benefits of it. But part of me still wants to eat whatever and not think about it.
I think it's similar to recovering from an addiction. The cravings will always pop up, and it will be a constant fight, but it's worth it in the end.
Maybe that's it. Because I do deal with addiction (from many years ago), and am battling that every day. This is just one more life-long battle to add to the list.0 -
Sorry for all the posts... I'm trying to respond to all the good feedback
But yes, I realize that everyone has their own struggles. I guess I was just hoping someone had similar feelings about feeling overwhelmed/jealous as I do, and we could try to help each other through it.
I don't ever believe that one person's struggles are worse than another's - just different.0 -
It's not a "new life" it's a change in your diet and how often you move your body. Don't make yourself anxious by coining it as something huge and terrifying! It really isn't a "big deal" in the sense that you dont have to take it on all at once. You can take baby steps, still eat what you want, work out a little bit more.
I really recommend taking up weight-training. I've been weight training for almost 9 months now and I don't have to worry about what I'm eating (I don't eat that much junk normally, though) and the # on the scale becomes unimportant.0 -
Yes, i absolutely hate it.
And you know what, I hate how *kitten* positive and happy people on here are sometimes.
It's a pain in the *kitten* to track and worry because it takes up so much of my mental space.
And yeah, if i dont log the weight creeps back.
i really feel frustrated.0 -
It's a new life for me.
Others may not feel that way, but it has honestly turned my world upside down in good ways as well as bad. My whole lifestyle has changed, and that's a good thing.
It's a big deal to me. I don't think that's necessarily always a bad thing. It's a BIG DEAL that I've lost 50 lbs since August, it's a big deal that I'm no longer borderline diabetic, it's a big deal that I actually believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. Why should I pretend that these aren't big deals?
Baby steps... again this is absolutely great advice for someone starting out. I've done the baby steps... done the crawling, the walking, I'm ready to start running (or at lest jogging). I just need to get over this mental hump.
pleasepleaseno: Word up sista. Add me. It truly does take up a huge amount of mental space. I spend probably more than an hour each day tracking, looking up nutritional info, calculating calories, and that doesn't even include the time i spend actually cooking and eating.0 -
And yes. Weight training is something on my to-do list.
I'm planning on signing up for a free gym pass soon, I just need to find a friend to show me the ropes so I don't hurt myself.0 -
pleasepleaseno wrote: »Yes, i absolutely hate it.
And you know what, I hate how *kitten* positive and happy people on here are sometimes.
It's a pain in the *kitten* to track and worry because it takes up so much of my mental space.
And yeah, if i dont log the weight creeps back.
i really feel frustrated.
Sigh. This thread sigh.0 -
You have a lot going on with the Asperger's . I do know a little about Asperger's. It would seem to me that everything you are going through are typical of Asperger's disease. This disease is a training of your mind in itself. Your thoughts and action are harder for you because of the Asperger's. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's really too bad you can't find a DR. that actually deals with Asperger's in your area. That would really be the way to go. I can't even imagine the struggles you go through. You almost need to find something in this that really peaks your interest or it will be a constant struggle for you. If you ever just need to vent please feel free to friend me. I am a good listener and would love to be their for you. Faith is also a good thing to have. I turn to my faith everyday. I pray for you to find away that will help you be who you want to be. Amen0
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monicabroadbentswearingen wrote: »You have a lot going on with the Asperger's . I do know a little about Asperger's. It would seem to me that everything you are going through are typical of Asperger's disease. This disease is a training of your mind in itself. Your thoughts and action are harder for you because of the Asperger's. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's really too bad you can't find a DR. that actually deals with Asperger's in your area. That would really be the way to go. I can't even imagine the struggles you go through. You almost need to find something in this that really peaks your interest or it will be a constant struggle for you. If you ever just need to vent please feel free to friend me. I am a good listener and would love to be their for you. Faith is also a good thing to have. I turn to my faith everyday. I pray for you to find away that will help you be who you want to be. Amen
Amen! Thank you.
I don't look at asperger's as a disease. It isn't. It's just a different way of functioning. Most people are iphones, I'm a samsung. That kind of thing. Most of my family and friends don't even know I have it, they just think I'm a bit weird and clumsy. It's the main reason I avoid most Drs though, because the way I tend to describe symptoms, and the way I hide my pain because I don't really understand facial expressions very well, they usually tell me I'm faking for attention.0 -
"Lifestyle change" is a popular phrase in the weight loss community. But I'm not sure we always understand what it means. The reason why these people that you envy can eat what they want and go about being happy and healthy… is because that's their life. Somehow, they have found the balance of what they eat with their activity level and they are able to keep themselves at that happy/healthy weight. They've figured out what foods allow them to feel the way they want and live the way they want. Granted, maybe they were never overweight to begin with… but that's still what it evens out to… it's their life.
I believe that if you can create that change and make it a lifestyle… the time will come when maintaining your weight will be just as easy as gaining it used to be… because it will just be who you are… it'll be what you do. It won't be a "diet" anymore… it'll just be how you eat. And exercising will be part of your routine… like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. It won't be something you stress about "getting your workout in"… it'll be your life. I think you can learn what proper portion sizes are and learn what proper nutrition is and learn how many calories are in your food and learn how your body feels when it's getting the proper calorie/macros/nutrients to keep yourself happy and healthy. For those of us who have been overweight… especially if we've been overweight for a long time...I don't think it'll be easy. And I don't think it'll come without logging during the maintenance phase (at least for awhile). But if you can create that new life, you can be one of those people. They aren't special snowflakes that you need to be jealous of… You simply need to make that change and adopt that life as well.0 -
cincysweetheart wrote: »"Lifestyle change" is a popular phrase in the weight loss community. But I'm not sure we always understand what it means. The reason why these people that you envy can eat what they want and go about being happy and healthy… is because that's their life. Somehow, they have found the balance of what they eat with their activity level and they are able to keep themselves at that happy/healthy weight. They've figured out what foods allow them to feel the way they want and live the way they want. Granted, maybe they were never overweight to begin with… but that's still what it evens out to… it's their life.
I believe that if you can create that change and make it a lifestyle… the time will come when maintaining your weight will be just as easy as gaining it used to be… because it will just be who you are… it'll be what you do. It won't be a "diet" anymore… it'll just be how you eat. And exercising will be part of your routine… like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. It won't be something you stress about "getting your workout in"… it'll be your life. I think you can learn what proper portion sizes are and learn what proper nutrition is and learn how many calories are in your food and learn how your body feels when it's getting the proper calorie/macros/nutrients to keep yourself happy and healthy. For those of us who have been overweight… especially if we've been overweight for a long time...I don't think it'll be easy. And I don't think it'll come without logging during the maintenance phase (at least for awhile). But if you can create that new life, you can be one of those people. They aren't special snowflakes that you need to be jealous of… You simply need to make that change and adopt that life as well.
All of this!!! QFT0 -
I lost 100lbs and am now 80lbs down after putting on some weight going through a divorce.(re-evaluated and am heading back in the direction of weight loss again now) There are still days where I fight with every single food choice and still things that trigger binge eating, unfortunately that has not stopped in my case. On the other side of things though, when I lost weight this time around(2 and half years ago) I was motivated to get healthy and avoid blood pressure meds. The losing part was easy, but once I got thin and thought the food issues would resolve themselves with the lifestyle change...I became aware of how hard it is to deal with the emotional things and stress that bring on binges. I work out a lot when things get stressful now and I put my energy into that instead. Having supportive and like-minded people has helped immensely. You will get there and the anxiety should lessen over time, it just takes working through things. Best wishes.0
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ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
I used to. Then I read a comparison for people who struggle with weight that I totally loved, and it helped me get over that.
The author compared having trouble just "knowing" how much food was enough to having poor eyesight. These days, you just wear glasses and are done with it. The stigma against glasses is pretty much gone, and we have this medical device to compensate for a disability that would have been serious trouble in the pre-lens era, right? Most people don't feel shame about glasses or contacts. They just wear them. (I've worn corrective lenses since I was five, btw)
Some people just have a broken "I ate the right amount" sensor, and there's no more shame in that than glasses. We might have to use technology to compensate (such as a calorie counting app), but once we start using the assistive technology, we can easily compensate for the fact that our appetite sensor is broken in the same way we compensate for poor eyesight.
Sometimes glasses are a pain in the butt (coming in from the cold and having them fog up, having them fog up when you open the oven, etc) but for the most part, we don't grind our teeth about having to use them. Counting calories can be the same.
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pleasepleaseno wrote: »Yes, i absolutely hate it.
And you know what, I hate how *kitten* positive and happy people on here are sometimes.
It's a pain in the *kitten* to track and worry because it takes up so much of my mental space.
And yeah, if i dont log the weight creeps back.
i really feel frustrated.
Sigh. This thread sigh.
Sigh, indeed.
Making changes can be hard, but being negative will only make them harder. We all have our stuff to worry about - and I think it's healthy to find the positive whenever possible. No one necessarily has it easier. Some may have found something that works for them, sure, but you don't know what else they might be dealing with. There are also few slim people who just "eat whatever they want." You are not there with them all day, every day. You are not counting their calories for them, nor are you tracking their burns. On any given weekend, if you went out to dinner with me you would think I "eat whatever I want" but, the reality is, I've been fasting all day most likely and am eating all my calories in one sitting.
When it comes to weight loss, focus on you and what you can control. Wasting time worrying about other people is exhausting and counterproductive.0 -
you wont have to constantly anything.
after awhile it becomes your 'new normal'. it'll all happen by instinct and second nature.
and when all those people who you are obsessed with (which helps Nothing with your own body at all) get to be in their late thirties and forties - after never having had to watch how they eat or stay active - they will start falling apart.
And you'll be better than great.
Right?
RIGHT.0 -
ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »
I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
You have no way of knowing what they think about, or pay attention to. Don't let assumptions get the best of you. Just focus on yourself.0 -
NoelFigart1 wrote: »ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy. And I have a lot of these people surrounding me.
I used to. Then I read a comparison for people who struggle with weight that I totally loved, and it helped me get over that.
The author compared having trouble just "knowing" how much food was enough to having poor eyesight. These days, you just wear glasses and are done with it. The stigma against glasses is pretty much gone, and we have this medical device to compensate for a disability that would have been serious trouble in the pre-lens era, right? Most people don't feel shame about glasses or contacts. They just wear them. (I've worn corrective lenses since I was five, btw)
Some people just have a broken "I ate the right amount" sensor, and there's no more shame in that than glasses. We might have to use technology to compensate (such as a calorie counting app), but once we start using the assistive technology, we can easily compensate for the fact that our appetite sensor is broken in the same way we compensate for poor eyesight.
Sometimes glasses are a pain in the butt (coming in from the cold and having them fog up, having them fog up when you open the oven, etc) but for the most part, we don't grind our teeth about having to use them. Counting calories can be the same.
Very interesting comparison! Haven't heard that one before, but I like it. Thanks for sharing!0 -
I have had anxiety and had to see a psychologist regarding it.
I find with anxiety, just take each day as it comes. Don't think too far ahead. Like you, I can't imagine counting calories for the rest of my life, but I am going to deal with that once I have achieved my goal. And maybe by then counting calories will become second nature?0 -
"ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »"I have so much jealousy of people who can eat whatever they want, never paying attention to it, never thinking about calories, fat, sodium, protein, etc., and they are healthy and happy.
You don't know that! You don't know what they're mindful of - maybe they just don't talk about it. Maybe they eyeball everything and guestimate, which takes experience.
Anyways, once the novelty of being a conscious eater wears off, it's just something you do. It's something _every_ healthy person eventually has to do. You'll relax about it.
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This too:ShrinkingMuslimah wrote: »It truly does take up a huge amount of mental space. I spend probably more than an hour each day tracking, looking up nutritional info, calculating calories, and that doesn't even include the time i spend actually cooking and eating.
Tracking is taking me probably... two minutes a day or something.
It helps if you eat mostly the same stuff day-after-day that you already know the macros of so it's just click-click-click-done.
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