Feeling Sad, rejected and in need of moral support.

Options
MayaSPapaya
MayaSPapaya Posts: 735 Member
in Chit-Chat
I recently was dating this guy I felt very attracted to. He told me from the beginning he was just looking for a casual relationship, nothing serious, but said it would be someone he saw often. I agreed to this because I didn't know him all that well, and right now wasnt necessarily looking for a serious relationship anyway. We went on a couple of dates and communicated via Facebook and texting in between. I didn't sleep with him, but other things happened. I got a text last night (havent seen him in about two weeks) saying he "kind of started seeing his ex". He was sorry, but offered to set me up with one of his single friends. Which I'm obviously not taking him up on.
I'm just sad, because we had just reached the point where he was showing that he liked me, and then there was a 2 week period where we were both busy, and now this. I guess he wasn't really over the ex, but the rejection hurts all the same. I was beginning to get excited about him.
Advice on how to feel better? :(
«1

Replies

  • BigDoug13
    BigDoug13 Posts: 646 Member
    Options
    look in the mirror! youre gorgeous! you have your youth and the world is yours! screw that jerk! there are so many guys out there that want the same things you do. just be patient and dont rush anything! enjoy just being you!
  • Go_Mizzou99
    Go_Mizzou99 Posts: 2,628 Member
    Options
    douglasfloyd wrote: »
    look in the mirror! youre gorgeous! you have your youth and the world is yours! screw that jerk! there are so many guys out there that want the same things you do. just be patient and dont rush anything! enjoy just being you!

    +1
  • Spnneil06
    Spnneil06 Posts: 18,745 Member
    Options
    Better to find out now before you were in love with him. Rejection sucks though. Head up and on to the next one beautiful lady!
  • emily889
    emily889 Posts: 296 Member
    Options
    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Kid you not....haha. I know how "casually dating" goes... hanging out and having fun til they find someone else to commit to. If you are looking for commitment or a relationship it is usually best practice to find someone like minded. It can be hard to keep it casual!
  • kgilrivera
    kgilrivera Posts: 10
    Options
    My best advice would be keeping yourself busy. Do you go to the gym? Go for a run, for a walk. That helps a lot. Do not hold bitterness and have in mind that you are a phenomenal woman! Hug from NYC.
  • BigDoug13
    BigDoug13 Posts: 646 Member
    Options
    emily889 wrote: »
    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Kid you not....haha. I know how "casually dating" goes... hanging out and having fun til they find someone else to commit to. If you are looking for commitment or a relationship it is usually best practice to find someone like minded. It can be hard to keep it casual!

    my kind of girl! great advice!
  • emily889
    emily889 Posts: 296 Member
    Options
    douglasfloyd wrote: »
    emily889 wrote: »
    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Kid you not....haha. I know how "casually dating" goes... hanging out and having fun til they find someone else to commit to. If you are looking for commitment or a relationship it is usually best practice to find someone like minded. It can be hard to keep it casual!

    my kind of girl! great advice!

    I am getting the hang of this dating crap after being tossed aside easily over the past year. I am the queen of noticing the phase out before they even start haha I was all about the fun at first, but now I have it down to a science ;)
  • BigDoug13
    BigDoug13 Posts: 646 Member
    Options
    i love your smirk in your profile pic...it adds to the attitude!
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Options
    MayaSPapaya wrote: »
    He told me from the beginning he was just looking for a casual relationship...

    When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

  • thickerella
    thickerella Posts: 154 Member
    Options
    Dear lord, you're a slender, pretty woman. The world is your oyster! Just get back out there. There is no reason to mope about over a guy who probably didn't have much potential anyway. I am sure there are loads of men who would love to take you out. Enjoy it while ya got it!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Options
    If a guy says he wants a casual relationship, the likelihood of it turning into something else is low (not impossible, of course). I'm glad he was pretty honest with you, and sorry things didn't work out. As he's back with his ex, it's not really about you, but how much he's into her, so don't view it as a real rejection. But you're fabulous, so go date someone else!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,663 Member
    Options
    When a guy says "casual relationship" that should really mean "let' just hang out because I'm not really attracted to you".
    Unfortunately that's how life runs and you can let it affect you or not. Trust when I say that rejection (whether in love, job, or friendship) is a NORMAL part of life and you'll deal with it more often than you think. One of the best ways I look at it is not to take it very personally.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • blukitten
    blukitten Posts: 922 Member
    Options
    You are a beautiful woman!! Forget him and move on! Just don't fall for the - my ex and I had another fight (there is a reason she was his ex) so now I want to date you again! don't play that game with him, you deserve better!
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
    edited December 2014
    Options
    kgilrivera wrote: »
    My best advice would be keeping yourself busy. Do you go to the gym? Go for a run, for a walk. That helps a lot. Do not hold bitterness and have in mind that you are a phenomenal woman! Hug from NYC.

    Rejection sucks, but this is good advice. Try and keep busy, don't dwell on it and don't let it make you doubt yourself.

    feel better soon.

  • k8dagr8
    k8dagr8 Posts: 12 Member
    Options
    it comes easy when its right. if you aren't looking for a commitment than don't waste your time and energy on a casual relationship. it will always end in rejection for one party or the other.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    Options
    emdeesea wrote: »
    MayaSPapaya wrote: »
    He told me from the beginning he was just looking for a casual relationship...

    When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

    I have to agree with this. It sounds like you eventually really fell for him anyway, so I am sure it hurts all the same, no matter what he said at the beginning. There is no shortcut to getting over feeling rejected, but don't take the fact that he wants to be with his ex as some sort of sign there is something wrong with you. He was not over his ex, and that has nothing to do with you.

    This is a time to be good to yourself and to move on. Staying busy is a good idea. Don't leave yourself a lot of free time to dwell on it and make yourself feel worse. Try to be with people who help you feel good, like good, supportive friends or family members.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    MayaSPapaya wrote: »
    I recently was dating this guy I felt very attracted to. He told me from the beginning he was just looking for a casual relationship, nothing serious, but said it would be someone he saw often. I agreed to this because I didn't know him all that well, and right now wasnt necessarily looking for a serious relationship anyway. We went on a couple of dates and communicated via Facebook and texting in between. I didn't sleep with him, but other things happened. I got a text last night (havent seen him in about two weeks) saying he "kind of started seeing his ex". He was sorry, but offered to set me up with one of his single friends. Which I'm obviously not taking him up on.
    I'm just sad, because we had just reached the point where he was showing that he liked me, and then there was a 2 week period where we were both busy, and now this. I guess he wasn't really over the ex, but the rejection hurts all the same. I was beginning to get excited about him.
    Advice on how to feel better? :(

    Three things:

    1. His loss.

    2. When a guy says he is just looking for a casual relationship, that's what he means. Nothing you do will ever be able to change that so if you aren't right with it 100%, don't do it. You will only get hurt.

    3. If I've learned one thing in all my dating experiences, it's that there is always, and I mean ALWAYS, another one right around the corner. Go find him.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    edited December 2014
    Options
    RisingAboveIt wrote: »
    I have to agree with this. It sounds like you eventually really fell for him anyway, so I am sure it hurts all the same, no matter what he said at the beginning. There is no shortcut to getting over feeling rejected, but don't take the fact that he wants to be with his ex as some sort of sign there is something wrong with you. He was not over his ex, and that has nothing to do with you.



    This is a very important thing to remember. Yes, you were interested in him, and yes, it hurts to find that he is not reciprocating that interest or those feelings you have. Nobody can deny that you're hurting.

    But do bear in mind that, based on what he said, he was not assessing you or looking at you as a potential, serious romantic interest. He was looking for someone to spend time with, but nothing beyond that. Now that his romantic life has, apparently, rekindled, he's simply no longer in need to find someone else to do things with.

    There is NOTHING wrong with YOU. It's simply that he is no longer seeking someone to fill the role of a casual friend to hang out with that you were performing.


    I would say it's very wise that you're not taking him up on his offer to set you up with one of his friends. I want to believe that he's doing it for a noble reason, such as recognizing that him focusing on his ex, now, would leave you without someone to do things with. But the skeptic in me also wonders if he might do it to keep you relatively nearby as a "spare" in case his ex becomes his ex, again, and that's not right. You deserve to be able to move forward and leave this relationship experience in the past if you want.


    And there is still the, admittedly painful, lesson: If anyone says "this relationship is casual" or otherwise limits the scope from the beginning, we can't really expect it to morph. It's possible, but hard because both parties would have to change their views of the relationship. If looking for a serious relationship, odds are better saving your efforts for someone who is looking for that, too, or at least someone who hasn't said either way.

Categories