I've been setting myself up for failure
Options
Replies
-
lthames0810 wrote: »
If you're planning on hiking, wouldn't running be a good thing to get back into to help your endurance? Or is there a reason you no longer run? I know it's not exactly the same but it would be very helpful. However, if you have similar places to hike locally, then by all means get hiking! Distances, finishing specific trails that are tough, etc. are all goals to work towards which will help you have a great time on your vacation.lthames0810 wrote: »A poster here directed me to this site to smooth out the lines and see the trend:
http://www.weightgrapher.com/graphs/
That helped me feel better.
I still hate the scale.
The achievements that matter to me are related to behavior change, which is directly under my control. Like exercise goals.
Thanks for that link!
What are some your exercise goals, if you don't mind posting them here? I don't run or swim anymore, and my cycling speed is dependent more on traffic and riding partners than fitness. I have trouble quantifying anything in this area other than showing up for a workout so many times a week.
These are good suggestions. It would make sense to do some running, but I absolutely loathe it. Maybe I'll just have to suck it up. I live in pan flat Florida so the hiking won't be similar. I'm hoping cycling will help my endurance and leg strength. It does nothing for agility, however.
You know, I used to say that you'd never catch me running unless I was being chased. I hated it with a passion. When I started Couch to 5K 3.5 years ago, I had to create my own "Week 0" because I couldn't run long enough. I wasn't overweight so much as I simply had no endurance to speak of. A few weeks in, my sister, who has been running marathons for about 6 years, turned me on to Jeff Galloway's run / walk method and that did it for me. If I had to just run I probably would have quit awhile ago. The combination of that method and having races to run keeps me motivated and interested.
Sorry about bailing on this discussion yesterday...I hope you're still there.
That cracked me up about being chased. It reminded me of a funny bit of dialogue from the movie "The Big Easy."
The last time I attempted to run, it wasn't for the sake of running but in order to do triathlons. It was dreadful...it seemed as if every foot fall was a seismic event and there seemed to be no limit to how high my heart rate would go. I would run until I had to give up and walk my heart rate back down then repeat. Eventually, someone suggested that I build in planned walking intervals and over time to reduce their duration and that helped immensely although I never came to love it.
It turned out that I didn't enjoy the tri events at all so I stopped doing them. There was no longer a need to punish myself with running so I stopped.
BTW: Another of my "active" vacations was in AZ years ago. I rented a motorcycle and spent a week roaring around the deserts in the southern parts of the state, on road and off. Great memories.
0 -
cincysweetheart wrote: »lthames0810 wrote: »
Maybe I need to dump the goal and just focus on the process: eating the right amount and getting a little exercise. If the weight goes down at all, then that is success. If it doesn't then it still isn't failure, but an indication that the process needs to be adjusted.[/quote]
I absolutely support the idea of dumping the goal and focusing on the process! That's what I have chosen to do. My so-called "goal weight" I actually refer to as maintenance weight… that's when I will change my setting to "maintain weight." I don't have timelines for when I want to hit my goal… even the smaller intermediate goals. And actually I refer to them as milestones… not goals. They are something I look forward to… but not something that I put a time table. They are something to look forward to… not something that indicates success or failure.
It it vital to me that I create something that I can stick with and that will allow me to maintain my weight loss. And "goals" don't work that way for me. In my mind, a goal is something you work toward and once you hit it… you give yourself a pat on the back and it's over. But I know that kind of thinking will find me putting the weight right back on! So, I have chosen to be process oriented. My "success" is determined by how well I eat and if I am getting in some physical activity everyday. If the scale shows it… GREAT! But if it doesn't… oh well. The important thing is that I create a healthy lifestyle for myself. I found a quote that I live by in this process… and I believe it to be true. "If you focus on results you'll never change… if you focus on change, you'll see results."
What a great attitude, and I love that quote. I already told it to someone at work today.
I always heard that one trait of successful people was that they set goals. I always assumed there was a time component. From childhood we were expected to set them. What do you want to be when you grow up? Have this paper turned in by this date. Have all this material learned in time for the exam. Deadlines are nothing but externally imposed time sensitive goals.
I'm coming to see the flaws in that. You are so right about what happens after you meet the goal. You lose all your momentum. So a non time sensitive goal might be: I want to be a person who maintains a healthy body weight. Much better.0 -
Graet thread everyone. I'm new and I know that the people that have trouble losing weight are geneticaly better at storing fat, thats a good thing when food is sarce.
Focus on what you are doing exercise and watching calories and your weight is going to be what it wants to be. Body comp mood and fitness will inprove which is more important than a number on a scale.
We can be loving and kind to other but we need to be loving and kind to ourselfs and when we do have setback in my case bingeing we just get back on track its not about poor charactor but about leaning new habits.0 -
Graet thead everyone. I'm new and I know that the people that have trouble losing weight are geneticaly better at storing fat, thats a good thing when food is sarce.
Focus on what you are doing exercise and watching calories and your weight is going to be what it wants to be. Body comp mood and fitness will inprove which is more important than a number on a scale.
We can be loving and kind to other but we need to be loving and kind to ourselfs and when we do have setback in my case bingeing we just get back on track its not about poor charactor but about leaning new habits.
You are so very right about that.
Many of us (well...me) that need to lose weight are very down on ourselves for having gotten this way. I don't feel deserving of self love. (I know better intellectually, but it's in my feelings, regardless.)
You are also right that the thing to do is just eat the right amount and exercise and live in the present. It's harder for me to do when I'm so strongly anticipating how much better I think I'll feel about myself someday when I've met my goal. I want that someday to hurry up.
That's why I got all militant about it and went on a big weight loss campaign complete with charts and graphs and everything. Pretty silly. You and the other posters have helped me put things into perspective. Thanks. It will take however long it takes and that goal number is just arbitrary. It's more important to get fit.
0 -
your goals are events that make you stick to a training plan rather than an attempt to, say, improve your mile time. - ithames
Heck, I had to learn to run, first! I still consider that a major achievement.0 -
I am coming to this discussion late, but I have a couple of thoughts.
It is helpful to focus on living healthily now: getting exercise, eating within your calorie goals, learning to live with a lifestyle change. That said, I see a value for aspirational goals. They can make it a lot easier to put up with short-term disruption in your routines, because you have something to look forward to. They shouldn't be easy, and you should be prepared to consider yourself successful even if you don't make it all the way there. Back in Dec. 2012 I set myself the goal of being under 170 lb. by January 1, 2014. In the middle of 2013, I was losing weight quickly enough that I revised that goal to 160 lb. I didn't make it. But I did squeak in just under 170. I hit 160 nearly 6 months later. I was happy to have achieved my original goal, which I might not have done had I not set the more aggressive aspirational goal.
But there are specific goals that do have an externally imposed time limit. The OP has an active vacation coming up. In that case, I do think it's best to focus on having the strength, endurance, and activity-specific conditioning that the vacation will require. Weight loss is secondary. I completed a number of endurance cycling events, up to 200 km in one day through hilly western Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire, while being borderline obese. Now that I've lost over 50 lb. since those days, I'm faster on those kind of events (though I go downhill more slowly!). But I had a lot of fun doing them even when I was fat, because I had the physical conditioning to complete them successfully. In order to get in shape, I did have to work out a training plan with intermediate goals, and stick to it as closely as possible.0 -
Stretch goals:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/stretch-goals-team.htm
I learned about this from the writings of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. We are happiest when we sense the goal is achievable with just enough of a challenge to keep us engaged.0 -
your goals are events that make you stick to a training plan rather than an attempt to, say, improve your mile time. - ithames
Heck, I had to learn to run, first! I still consider that a major achievement.
It absolutely is a major achievement. I've often heard from runners that it was a very gratifying one as well because of how good it makes them feel. I get that feeling sometimes from my cycling. There's a dreadful phase when I first start out when my breathing is ragged and my legs burn, then that all settles down and the breeze in my face and the pressure in my legs just feels awesome.
I never seem to ride with purpose anymore like I used to...like you do with your running. Lately I tend to ride with family or a local club, but it's mostly for the fresh air and companionship. Maybe it's time for me to look for a cycling event.
0 -
I am coming to this discussion late, but I have a couple of thoughts.
It is helpful to focus on living healthily now: getting exercise, eating within your calorie goals, learning to live with a lifestyle change. That said, I see a value for aspirational goals. They can make it a lot easier to put up with short-term disruption in your routines, because you have something to look forward to. They shouldn't be easy, and you should be prepared to consider yourself successful even if you don't make it all the way there. Back in Dec. 2012 I set myself the goal of being under 170 lb. by January 1, 2014. In the middle of 2013, I was losing weight quickly enough that I revised that goal to 160 lb. I didn't make it. But I did squeak in just under 170. I hit 160 nearly 6 months later. I was happy to have achieved my original goal, which I might not have done had I not set the more aggressive aspirational goal.
But there are specific goals that do have an externally imposed time limit. The OP has an active vacation coming up. In that case, I do think it's best to focus on having the strength, endurance, and activity-specific conditioning that the vacation will require. Weight loss is secondary. I completed a number of endurance cycling events, up to 200 km in one day through hilly western Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire, while being borderline obese. Now that I've lost over 50 lb. since those days, I'm faster on those kind of events (though I go downhill more slowly!). But I had a lot of fun doing them even when I was fat, because I had the physical conditioning to complete them successfully. In order to get in shape, I did have to work out a training plan with intermediate goals, and stick to it as closely as possible.
Hey! OP here, and fellow cyclist!
That must have been a very challenging ride you mentioned. Probably an incredible sense of accomplishment from it as well.
Regarding goal setting: I really admire the people who do as you did...you set that goal out there and reached for it. I wonder if some people might be inspired by goals but others, due to their temperament, are pressured by them. I do have some experience with training for a cycling event, having a plan to ratchet up my mileage week by week. I went a little overboard in the attempt to stick rigidly to the plan and went about it in an unhealthy way. There must be a happy medium.
0 -
Stretch goals:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/stretch-goals-team.htm
I learned about this from the writings of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. We are happiest when we sense the goal is achievable with just enough of a challenge to keep us engaged.
That guy is awesome, his whole 'zone' idea rocks (and I'm a big fan of the positive psychology movement in general). People are happiest when fully engaged, in the sweet spot of difficulty. That's why video games are compelling - a well-designed game will ramp the difficulty up and down depending on how the player's doing, to keep the challenge at just the right level.herrspoons wrote: »First of all, I don't think long term time bound targets for weight loss are useful - the 'lose 100lb in a year' thing, because they're just too far away, and too much can go wrong. However, I do think shorter term goals are absolutely essential to success.
Yeah, you could say it's the difference between strategy (long-term goal) and tactics (daily grind of process).
Or in David Allen's Getting Things Done cult (I say that in the nicest possible way!), they're into a big "30,000 feet goal" that you evaluate yearly, and then a nest of monthly, weekly, and daily evaluations & smaller goals.0 -
lthames0810 wrote: »Maybe I need to dump the goal and just focus on the process: eating the right amount and getting a little exercise. If the weight goes down at all, then that is success. If it doesn't then it still isn't failure, but an indication that the process needs to be adjusted.
Exactly this. You have the answer. Apply it!0 -
Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »lthames0810 wrote: »Maybe I need to dump the goal and just focus on the process: eating the right amount and getting a little exercise. If the weight goes down at all, then that is success. If it doesn't then it still isn't failure, but an indication that the process needs to be adjusted.
Exactly this. You have the answer. Apply it!
Hmm, why not call the goal of the process "a healthy lifestyle". There are plenty of measurements to take and keep track of without forcing a specific speed of weight loss into the calendar - and you can still claim you've reached a goal, with weight lost as part of the achievement.
As I see it, the only thing one cannot control is the speed, but everything else around weight loss and increased health in general can be tweaked as desired. No need to dump a goal, that seems quite radical in my humble opinion.0 -
People get way too wrapped up in the time aspect...it can be a part of the goal, but it should be close to the least important part of your overarching goals. Stuff happens and this isn't linear...and you will just have bad days and weeks and natural plateaus and your weight loss will naturally slow down as you lose as well.
To boot, people get all excited about hitting that goal by such and such a date...without realizing that they're not actually at the finish line...they've just arrived at the starting line of the actual race. To keep things in perspective, look at this whole good livin' thing as a lifetime endeavor...not something you're going to do for a handful of weeks and months.0 -
lthames0810 wrote: »Regarding goal setting: I really admire the people who do as you did...you set that goal out there and reached for it. I wonder if some people might be inspired by goals but others, due to their temperament, are pressured by them. I do have some experience with training for a cycling event, having a plan to ratchet up my mileage week by week. I went a little overboard in the attempt to stick rigidly to the plan and went about it in an unhealthy way. There must be a happy medium.
I think what one needs is the ability to relate your short-term progress to your long-term goals, and ensure that the latter are within your reach—to practice what is sometimes called "reflexive monitoring of action." It can be useful to set a long-term goal and to work out a plan for reaching it. But you then need to monitor how you're actually doing. Are the intermediate stages feasible? Are you accomplishing them? If so, great; if not, though, it's time to rethink the long-term plan.
I've done that on many occasions. In 2013 I registered for a 115K dirt road ride in late August, but by mid-July, I knew I hadn't done enough training, so I switched my registration to the less challenging 100K distance. And this year, I got back into running, and worked out a plan to build up my mileage. But an injury in May forced me to abandon the plan, take 2 months off, then start over from scratch.
Like you say, it is a matter of temperament, but I think we can change our temperaments. Still, you know yourself best, and if focusing on the present works for you, I don't see a reason to change that!0 -
lthames0810 wrote: »lthames0810 wrote: »
If you're planning on hiking, wouldn't running be a good thing to get back into to help your endurance? Or is there a reason you no longer run? I know it's not exactly the same but it would be very helpful. However, if you have similar places to hike locally, then by all means get hiking! Distances, finishing specific trails that are tough, etc. are all goals to work towards which will help you have a great time on your vacation.lthames0810 wrote: »A poster here directed me to this site to smooth out the lines and see the trend:
http://www.weightgrapher.com/graphs/
That helped me feel better.
I still hate the scale.
The achievements that matter to me are related to behavior change, which is directly under my control. Like exercise goals.
Thanks for that link!
What are some your exercise goals, if you don't mind posting them here? I don't run or swim anymore, and my cycling speed is dependent more on traffic and riding partners than fitness. I have trouble quantifying anything in this area other than showing up for a workout so many times a week.
These are good suggestions. It would make sense to do some running, but I absolutely loathe it. Maybe I'll just have to suck it up. I live in pan flat Florida so the hiking won't be similar. I'm hoping cycling will help my endurance and leg strength. It does nothing for agility, however.
You know, I used to say that you'd never catch me running unless I was being chased. I hated it with a passion. When I started Couch to 5K 3.5 years ago, I had to create my own "Week 0" because I couldn't run long enough. I wasn't overweight so much as I simply had no endurance to speak of. A few weeks in, my sister, who has been running marathons for about 6 years, turned me on to Jeff Galloway's run / walk method and that did it for me. If I had to just run I probably would have quit awhile ago. The combination of that method and having races to run keeps me motivated and interested.
Sorry about bailing on this discussion yesterday...I hope you're still there.
That cracked me up about being chased. It reminded me of a funny bit of dialogue from the movie "The Big Easy."
The last time I attempted to run, it wasn't for the sake of running but in order to do triathlons. It was dreadful...it seemed as if every foot fall was a seismic event and there seemed to be no limit to how high my heart rate would go. I would run until I had to give up and walk my heart rate back down then repeat. Eventually, someone suggested that I build in planned walking intervals and over time to reduce their duration and that helped immensely although I never came to love it.
It turned out that I didn't enjoy the tri events at all so I stopped doing them. There was no longer a need to punish myself with running so I stopped.
BTW: Another of my "active" vacations was in AZ years ago. I rented a motorcycle and spent a week roaring around the deserts in the southern parts of the state, on road and off. Great memories.
No worries, I had things going on yesterday, too. And today. Finished my homework for the week and am about to head up to the Phoenix area for my nephew's wedding. It's derailed my running plans for the weekend but I'll try to get in a short one tomorrow or Sunday if I have time.
I had issues with my heart rate going a little crazy when I first started running, too. It's much better now and rarely gets over 170 even when I'm going fast (for me, which isn't that fast for anyone else). I don't know that I can honestly say that I "love" running. But it's what I do and I don't mind getting out there and doing it. I also don't love lifting weights but I sure do love the effect it's having on my body.
Zooming around the deserts here can be pretty awesome. Lots of wide open spaces.0 -
I do this type of thing too and it always ends with a 10-20 pound gain.
In fact I was just about to do something similar when I read your post and the replies and remembered that its not about the final goal.
Its easy to fantasize about the thinner you kayaking around, looking great in a bathing suit, but to turn that fantasy and the many thin days after it into a reality, it is necessary to live a lifestyle that gets us there.
Find the pieces of the puzzle and chart those successes at a certain percent accuracy instead of the weight.
So for me, it will likely be:
Hit my calorie range (check or not checked)
Stayed within my carb range (carbs trigger me to overeat so I want to keep them specifically in check)
Exercised for 30 minutes or walked 10,000 steps
Drank 64 ounces of water
Weighed my food before cooking/eating
Did something to unwind (knitting/sewing, hot bath, meditated, wrote/journaled, played piano)
Checked my calendar and task lists, and stayed focused on keeping organized (I have a bit of ADD)
Stuck to my meal plan for the day without mindless eating
Read something motivational (Bible, success stories, inspirational quotes)
0 -
badwolf2015 wrote: »I do this type of thing too and it always ends with a 10-20 pound gain.
In fact I was just about to do something similar when I read your post and the replies and remembered that its not about the final goal.
Its easy to fantasize about the thinner you kayaking around, looking great in a bathing suit, but to turn that fantasy and the many thin days after it into a reality, it is necessary to live a lifestyle that gets us there.
Find the pieces of the puzzle and chart those successes at a certain percent accuracy instead of the weight.
So for me, it will likely be:
Hit my calorie range (check or not checked)
Stayed within my carb range (carbs trigger me to overeat so I want to keep them specifically in check)
Exercised for 30 minutes or walked 10,000 steps
Drank 64 ounces of water
Weighed my food before cooking/eating
Did something to unwind (knitting/sewing, hot bath, meditated, wrote/journaled, played piano)
Checked my calendar and task lists, and stayed focused on keeping organized (I have a bit of ADD)
Stuck to my meal plan for the day without mindless eating
Read something motivational (Bible, success stories, inspirational quotes)
I think you really nailed it.
I like that idea of setting daily goals and checking them off. It even satisfies my geeky compulsion to chart stuff. I wouldn't even have to be perfect...maybe set a standard of checking at least 80% of the boxes. That way if I don't get a thing checked off, I'm still on target if I do the others. And some of things on your list are the self kindness that we so often neglect.
Thanks for posting this!
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 934 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions