Trying to break out of my shell

Hello everyone! I'm not normally one to post on discussion boards of any sort, usually more of a lurker too timid to post. You know, "what if I say the wrong thing," "I don't want to sound trite or inadvertently sanctimonious by a comment when I'm really being genuine" - I am the queen of second-guessing myself. Plus I can be really long-winded. I've just never been good at sticking my neck out to meet new people. But a friend of mine told me about this site, so I decided to do it about a week ago. I couldn't find a current picture (I run from cameras) so my picture is me about 15 years ago, close to the weight I want to get back down to (taken after I'd lost weight).

Maybe that's part of why I haven't followed through on anything, particularly with weight loss-I don't let myself have a support system. I'll lose the first 20, then let life slowly get in the way again and find myself once again back where I was before, or even higher on the scale. This last time my excuses were GREAT! Short version: 2012 was to be the year! In January, I planned and paid for a 10K, a half marathon, then the Tough Mudder for December. I had lost some weight but not training, and work was crazy. I skipped the first two events because I wasn't ready, but a company sponsored us for the TM, so I felt obligated and went ill-prepared. The 8 ft wall at the start line did me in. I landed wrong and severed my ACL and tore my LCL and MPFL, leading to surgery, recovery and more weight gain (but I had an excuse to eat anything I wanted, right? Not so much).

Then this summer I let my mouth get the best of me and made a bet with my brother (always the FIT one) that I would lose 50 lbs by my birthday next July. $100 bottle of wine (if I wine) or $100 bottle of tequila (if he wins). I know, I know, WRONG reason to try to lose weight. Then, our dad chimed in too…(I'm yoyo queen, so safe bet)…then my brother's best friend (also very fit) wanted in on it. His comments stung the most. I've always been the "chubby older sister." He brought up my age as a challenge, saying that it will be much more difficult to lose (I'm mid-40's). Plus, he knows my track record. I'm a safe bet. But, despite the 3 $100 bets, I know they'd all rather see me lose the weight.

I started off ok, but then started slacking off but a week ago I had enough of it and had a stern talk with myself. I'm 9 down and I need to get serious. Bets aside, I deserve to be healthy and fit. I know my knee pain will lessen if it isn't supporting excess weight and I'd like to be pain free (or mostly) instead of having a constantly aching knee. I want to be able to walk up the stairs at work instead of taking the elevator and not have to wait for my heart to stop beating so fast before walking the rest of the way to my desk. I want to be able to find clothes that fit properly, but most of all, I want to feel good about myself.

But there's that little part of me that wants to fly back to my hometown next summer and make all three of those men eat their words. But most of all, I want to do this for me.

See, I told you…long-winded! But, I'm posting this anyway before I chicken out! Feel free to add me if you can handle chatty people!