Working out in group fitness room by yourself - okay?

dtopo wrote: »

I don't have social anxiety. I actually love going out and meeting new people. People always say "wow - you must know everyone in this town". I own a company that throws music events so I have to deal with hundreds of people, bands, bar staff, door staff, booking agents, etc - I love people.

Super happy person too - I walk around singing and skipping my way through life. Have a great wife (115 pounds and tiny) and two dogs. Great house, amazing family. I spend most of the day laughing and making other people laugh. I own my own business and it's wildly successful. I have the best set of friends in the world.

I just hate what I look like and what I have become. I am 315 pounds at age 33. I limp when I walk because I a so heavy. I have a belly that sticks out a mile in front. I have moobs. My legs rub together when I walk and I have to wear those workout shorts to keep from rubbing raw. I can hardly lift the minimum weight on any machine which makes me feel weak. I sweat profusely from just simple exercise (and people at gyms have made rude comments that they though were funny about it to me while I am working out which didn't help). I can't ride my bike more than a few blocks without having to walk it. I get to every piece of equipment and while I know exactly how to use them I have no idea what to do (I know - sounds weird). I have to walk - can't run - on treadmills. I feel like everyone in the gym is looking at me (even though I KNOW they are not) - mostly because I am looking at everyone else wishing I was them.

Worst of all -- I have probably read about 20 books on weight loss/exercise. I have visited nutritionists. I have taken college level classes on fitness and nutrition. I used to be an all star athlete and coach of a wrestling team. I have had sessions with four personal trainers (most of which I knew more about exercise and eating than they did). You would think I would be all set - I have more knowledge than most and know EXACTLY what it takes to reach my goals - I just can't seem to get myself to do it. After failing what must be 30 times now I can't even get myself to stick with anything or even get started. I just feel like a waste of space in terms of weight loss, eating, being fat, etc.

Which is weird because I feel such high self esteem in all other aspects of my life. I know - complain, complain, complain. Just telling my story I guess.

This is why I went and found a gym that stays open late (10pm) and is small enough that when I arrive at 9:30pm (if I could get myself to go that is) that no one is there - I have the whole place to myself minus the cleaning staff.