Losing weight......losing friends :(

ParkersMomma2010
ParkersMomma2010 Posts: 99 Member
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
So I was wondering if any other MFP members had successful weight loss and ended up losing friends as a result. I recently lost what I thought was a good friend because she got tired of hearing my success stories. It just has me pretty bummed and wondering if maybe others have gone through this. I had my settings to where when I lost weight and exercised it showed up on my facebook and apparently made her feel insecure about herself. I just thought friends where supposed to be there for you thick and thin :wink:

I guess this post turned into more of a rant then a questions. Thanks for listening:blushing:
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Replies

  • nienie21
    nienie21 Posts: 95 Member
    Wow. You obviously don't need "friends" like that in your life.
    Like you said, you deserve friends that support through thick and thin.
    Sorry :(
  • ccclay
    ccclay Posts: 28
    They can't be a true friend if they aren't happy for you and feel insecure as a result of your sucess!
  • carlfry
    carlfry Posts: 62
    I'd say "so long" to that kind of "friend". Anyone who makes you feel like crap or puts any kind of negativity into your life is not someone you want around anyway. Good job on your weight loss success :)
  • themrs08
    themrs08 Posts: 87
    She wasn't a friend! That's horrible!!!!
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    I agree with ccclay. Try to find people that will support you and are HAPPY FOR YOU for the success you're seeing. After all, you're working your butt off to get to where you are!! It stinks though, alot of women project their insecurities onto eachother instead of being a support system. Usually easier to be friends with guys!

    Good luck though girl, you're doing awesome :)
  • FJMilner
    FJMilner Posts: 407
    I know what you mean! A good friend of mine (or someone I thought was a good friend) is being a bit funny because I am running and do healthy things as opposed to going drinking all the time and being generally lazy. Its sad, but my lifestyle had to change and if she doesn't wanna be friends because I wanna be fit, healthy and slim then I guess we weren't supposed to be friends in the first place!? Things change, people come and go....i spose its just a sad fact of life. You stay strong and stick to your goals....be true to yourself xx
  • TNAJackson
    TNAJackson Posts: 686 Member
    Honestly, I've never lost enough weight for envious friends, but I've been the envious friend before. However, I've never ended a friendship over something dumb like that! I mean, no one forced her to read your FB posts and what's worse is she was supposed to be your friend. Why couldn't she have just talked to you about the way she was feeling?

    This is your victory and you should be proud. Don't let a jealous friend get you down about it. Hopefully she'll realize it was a dumb thing to end a friendship over.
  • livinwell
    livinwell Posts: 47
    I know what you mean. I also experienced the "cold shoulder" from some of my close friends at first. I do think they get tired of hearing about how great we feel about our accomplishment. I had to step back a take a look at my own behavior to make sure that I was not acting too vain and cocky, which is easy to do when you have a new body. Don't let it get to you too much, it will pass. A true friend is really happy for you, but they may not be so happy with themselves and take it out on you.
  • LauraLLee
    LauraLLee Posts: 210
    I have had that happen and have even had people say they are tired of me talking about my calories, or workouts. I find it incredibly wrong since I am still over 300lbs and they cant support me. However, I am going to do what I need to do because I want this and they can go sit in the corner by themselves...: P
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I've gone through the same thing in the last year. People that I THOUGHT were my friends have basically turned on me. They make fun of what I eat, taunt me when I tell them I don't want a candy bar or whatever and have actually said cruel things about me behind my back. Unfortunately, I can't change their insecurities so I have to just move forward. On the flip side, I've also realized that people I weren't as close to are the true friends I need right now.

    I know it is hard, but no one needs "friends" like those people.
  • RiaLucia
    RiaLucia Posts: 121
    Ah, it's a sad truth of life. It's well documented that overweight people tend to socialize with other overweight people because we in the Western world have such a strong culture of making food (and overindulgence in said food) a part of our social lives. Think of every Olive Garden commercial you've ever seen, and that pretty much encapsulates it. So your former pal is probably feeling very insecure about your weight loss and perhaps she's even thinking to herself, "She's going to get all skinny and SHE won't want to be friends with ME anymore, so I better cut out first."
  • bparr
    bparr Posts: 246 Member
    I get it. I don't have a lot of pounds to lose, but want to get in shape and was trying to be a support person for a friend that needs/wants to lose 60 lbs. She stuck it out for a month or so and then quit logging, made excuses for not working out, made excuses for eating crap over & over---- then she removed me as a MFP friend.
    She's still fat and eating crap and complaining that she's over weight. Guess she doesn't want it as bad as we do and it makes her feel bad that she's a quitter.
  • ProudMomoftwo
    ProudMomoftwo Posts: 525
    :flowerforyou:
    Sorry this happened to you.
    You are right though...friends are supposed to be encouraging and supportive.
    Too bad that person is that insecure that they cannot be happy for your successes.
    "When one door closes, another one opens" so be open to a GOOD friend to come into your life.
    Keep up the good work - you are an inspiration.
  • tinytini
    tinytini Posts: 7
    They obviously weren't your true friend. She would have been supporting you no matter what and would not be so jealous.
    Keep doing your thing! You look fantastic!
  • maureenB7
    maureenB7 Posts: 55 Member
    I know how you feel! I lost a friend that I have known since childhood. She told me she doesn't now who I am anymore! I guess she is uncomfortable because she is no longer the center of attention when we go places! I know I am more self confident now and independent, no longer rely on other for my happiness. Ok so I am ranting too, but I know what you mean, people who are not with us are against us! :flowerforyou:
  • shreyaj
    shreyaj Posts: 196
    I understand what you mean when you feel like "people are tired of hearing about your success and what your goals are" but the true friends are the ones that will listen to you & support you no matter what. People are going to do that because they are not ready to make that commitment like you have to yourself. A mature friend would support you no matter what & use you as an example!
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
    I am sorry, that sucks. I did go through something very similar back in high school. Sometimes, they just don't understand.. Funny enough, even though we weren' friends for about year or so, I did inspire her and others to start watching what they ate and exercising.. Why they could do it together and not with me.. I have not a clue.

    Hugs, and find those that will support you "Thick and Thin"

    You have done a fabulous job! Keep up the great work.
  • kennebec
    kennebec Posts: 10 Member
    That person is probably not a true friend, and should be happy for you...encouraging you. If she is jealous or tired of hearing about your weight loss, then maybe she needs to get on the bandwagon and lose a few as well. My daddy once told me, on his 50th birthday, that if you could count all your real friends on one hand, you were lucky. I'm nearly 40 now, and I have two, and I'm very proud and lucky to have them in my life. They're supportive in everything I do; just the way it should be. Best of luck to you, and you're doing great! Congratulations on everything lost so far.
  • jaded_rose
    jaded_rose Posts: 298 Member
    I have a friend in real life that i don't tell her ANY-thing about my weight loss journey. i just don't think it would be good for her self esteem. She has so little but I think she can tell because of when she sees me. Even my family and friends at work have noticed. I lose 8" off my body and dropped over 20 lbs since I started last August. The thing with my friend is that if she tried she could lose the weight she's put on. But she treats it like she can't and that her weight gain is how her life will always be. I'm in better shape now then I was four years ago, but it isn't easy and you have to keep to this life style for the rest of your life.

    I'm sorry for you to loose a friend and hope she wasn't a really close one. Sometimes they might realize they were wrong and say "I'm sorry." good luck and never be upset that you have had success, they should be happy for you not upset at you.
  • addman72
    addman72 Posts: 220
    When my MFP friends lose weight , Im so happy for them and it inspires me to keep going with mine.
    Jealousy is a part of the human mind , some people cant look pass that. Thats their problem not yours.
    Keep of the good work.
  • lisaidem
    lisaidem Posts: 194 Member
    I agree with everyone here, in that this person is not acting like the best type of friend right now. They obviously have self-esteem issues. They might feel like if you are judging yourself (in a good way) and taking action, that you might be judging their personal choices as well (with a negative connotation). I've been there.
    HOWEVER, just because they are being immature right now, and have not "seen the light" so to speak, doesn't mean you necessarily need to burn that bridge. Being a good friend to them would also be willing to forgive them for immature words or actions towards you, and know that it comes from a dark place inside, not necessarily spite or dislike for you. Understand and forgive, if they try to reach out.
  • ParkersMomma2010
    ParkersMomma2010 Posts: 99 Member
    I agree with everyone here, in that this person is not acting like the best type of friend right now. They obviously have self-esteem issues. They might feel like if you are judging yourself (in a good way) and taking action, that you might be judging their personal choices as well (with a negative connotation). I've been there.
    HOWEVER, just because they are being immature right now, and have not "seen the light" so to speak, doesn't mean you necessarily need to burn that bridge. Being a good friend to them would also be willing to forgive them for immature words or actions towards you, and know that it comes from a dark place inside, not necessarily spite or dislike for you. Understand and forgive, if they try to reach out.

    Thanks for the insight on not burning bridges....I didnt burn them in the beginning but then very nasty things were exchanged. I however did apologize for my remarks as I am better than that. I pride myself on being a good person and I would like to be there for her should she decide the entire thing was immature.
  • Elleinnz
    Elleinnz Posts: 1,661 Member
    Sometimes we become the "mirror" that reflects the issues the other person is having to deal with..... Maybe they would love to achieve what you are achieving, but are fighting their own internal demons that is stopping them from taking that first step that each of us here took at one stage or another. The easiest way for them to reflect that is to turn away from the person that is being successful - or making fun of them.....

    In my situation I have a colleague at work that has lost a significant amount of weight a few years, and she was so lovely and supportive when I started off - and over many months..... Unfortunately for whatever reasons she has been picking up weight since the beginning of the year at about the same rate I have been shedding it. It is now at the point where she will never ask me about my weigh ins anymore......

    I find it very tough, as I would love to be there for her the way she has been for me, but I also know it is very painful for her to see me "celebrating" the new me - while she is dealing with her demons..... So I will keep trying to motivate her in a " non threatening way" - but also try and be aware of how she feels.....
  • Amybcb
    Amybcb Posts: 292 Member
    Sorry to hear that. It's sad to think that your friend wouldn't support you. Guess maybe she wasn't such a good friend after all. Sad thought :(
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
    Sometimes we become the "mirror" that reflects the issues the other person is having to deal with.....

    Such wise words.

    I'm sorry you're losing a friend over this. That's really lame.
  • stephanie4983
    stephanie4983 Posts: 3 Member
    Going through that right now... I know how you feel. I rely on my friends that motivate me...

    My trainer told me a quote "Obsession is the lazy man's word for dedication". So when insecure "friends" have said i am obsessed with working out or mad that i am not drinking on a friday night because I want to work out saturday morning... I just keep telling myself I am dedicated to being healthy. You have one body, one chance not to mess it up.


    Keep strong
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
    I'm sorry to hear about them acting out like that. Sometimes people just can't handle being reminded of what they should be doing. I found MFP actually brought me together with some high school friends, and seems like it helped me inspire other friends.
  • ParkersMomma2010
    ParkersMomma2010 Posts: 99 Member
    Going through that right now... I know how you feel. I rely on my friends that motivate me...

    My trainer told me a quote "Obsession is the lazy man's word for dedication". So when insecure "friends" have said i am obsessed with working out or mad that i am not drinking on a friday night because I want to work out saturday morning... I just keep telling myself I am dedicated to being healthy. You have one body, one chance not to mess it up.


    Keep strong

    Oh wow I think your trainer hit this quote on the head. I was told that I am obsessed with weight loss and that is causing her to become the same way. Thank you for posting this. Everyone's support has made me feel so much better about this situation. I only tried to show support when she came to me regarding weight loss, never told her she needed to lose weight. I believe it just struck a nerve because when I did my weekly weigh ins and had success it posted it on fb and I guess she just grew tired of the posts :( Unfortunately it did make me question whether or not I was pushing my success on everyone and I hate that I felt that way. People can block my fb posts. Thanks for all of the support MFPers!!!!
  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
    Wow, that is incredibly stupid. "Friends" like that should take a hint and start doing what you're doing!!
  • lil_missfit
    lil_missfit Posts: 565 Member
    I haven't lost friends (that I know of)....BUT....I do get a lot of smart comments from my udates linking to facebook.....so much so that I turned off my facebook updates for a week. I was so hurt by one comment telling me to go get a cheeseburger and be happy with myself regardless of my size (REALLY!!!???!!!)....

    But let me tell you this----after turning off my udates to facebook....a guy at church that I don't really talk to that much walked up to me and said " I really love your fitness post...they have inspired me to lose weight"

    Girlfriend....he has lost 30 lbs and logs into myfitnesspal on his phone EVERYDAY!!! hahahahahaha!!!

    What's my point??? You're an inspiration to MANY....even though you may run into a few HATERS!!! Keep shining superstar and brush them HATAS off:))

    If your girl is a TRUE friend, she'll come around and offer support if she wants to be in your life. I know to lose a friend is heartbreaking---cheer up:)) You're doing a great job:))
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