Friend's list: keep 'em or cut 'em?
TeamLeela
Posts: 3,302
Okay, I keep seeing posts about weeding out friends that don't communicate. It seems like everytime I try, I feel guilty for some reason. I know everyone may not be as vocal as me, but some need more support than others. How do you determine who to keep and who to cut? Just when I think about cutting someone, we start talking again. I don't talk to everyone on a regular basis, but I do want to be available to them if they ever do need me. Does that make sense? Why do I have a conscience for people I don't even 'know'?
Well that's the whole purpose of the site is to use the resources and network with the people who share common interests. Sure I have people on here who I talk to on a daily basis, some maybe a weekly basis. Does that make the latter less important? I would like the support to be reciprocrated, but that's not the only reason why I'm here. I know even in our real lives, we outgrow friendships and make new ones. I'm just still conflicted on how and when to cut people. Maybe they have something going on in their personal lives or busy at work. It seems like those who are juggling stress are the ones who need me the most. If you're still reading, thanks for listening to me ramble. Any suggestions on what I should do?
Well that's the whole purpose of the site is to use the resources and network with the people who share common interests. Sure I have people on here who I talk to on a daily basis, some maybe a weekly basis. Does that make the latter less important? I would like the support to be reciprocrated, but that's not the only reason why I'm here. I know even in our real lives, we outgrow friendships and make new ones. I'm just still conflicted on how and when to cut people. Maybe they have something going on in their personal lives or busy at work. It seems like those who are juggling stress are the ones who need me the most. If you're still reading, thanks for listening to me ramble. Any suggestions on what I should do?
0
Replies
-
Just do it, if they are not active they will not mind. I am not active with my friends and feel guilty about not talking, but I really don't have much to say. If I see a post I"ll respond to it if it interest me but....
No matter what you do someone will have something to say so do what you want.0 -
I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:0
-
I only get rid of the ones who dont come on often--basically those who have given up. I have a gazillon friends and it is impossible to comment on every one of them, but I do comment each day randomly.0
-
I thought about pruning the ones who haven't been on in months, but then realized... what's the point? If they're not on, they're not clogging my newsfeed. So it would just be a waste of time to delete them.0
-
I just delete them if they don't comunicate. I go through the bother of encouraging ALL my friends every day!! So I don't really understand why some people have friends if they're not going to encourage back! Kind of selfish I think.0
-
I agree with everyone - what's the point in cutting them? I mean, if they stop logging in for a while for whatever reason, then when they start back up again, all their friends are gone? How sad would that be???
0 -
I dont see any reason to cut anyone, unless they do something to make me feel its needed. People need support at different stages of their journey. I dont necessarily "need" the support right now, because I am in a good place and still feeling motivated, but I like knowing that my friends are there if I need it.0
-
Do you actually want to cut people, or do you just feel like you should? The friend's limit is up to 1000, iirc, so I highly doubt you'll actually hit the limit. And, if they're not posting, it's not like they'll clog up your page.0
-
I just delete them if they don't comunicate. I go through the bother of encouraging ALL my friends every day!! So I don't really understand why some people have friends if they're not going to encourage back! Kind of selfish I think.
most of my friends asked to be my friend LOL. . .I dn't have time to encourage everyone, but if something strikes me as I open up myfitnesspal, then I will. . .otherwise, sorry friends, I just don't have time. ..0 -
I know what I am looking for in a friend. This journey is about surrounding ourselves with the people that we need. The plus side is that I am also able to cheer on others as well. I will be honest. If you do not fit my criteria of what I am looking for (ie: talkative and supportive) then I have to let you go so that maybe I can find that one more person who gives me exactly what I need.
Also I keep my friends list short and sweet. At or below 40. BECAUSE if I have more than that, then I can't keep up with everyone and be as supportive as I'd like to be.
I treat others the way I want to be treated. If you are the right fit for me then so be it.0 -
I don't delete people. Some times people just don't say much, or maybe they are away for a while for a reason. Plus I feel guilty like you do..lol0
-
I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:
the only harm is that seeing their information in my newsfeed is pushing down other people who do communicate with me and who I want to reciprocrate. but I can't go through pages and pages of newsfeeds and determine who needs my attention and who doesn't. I can't make mfp my full time job replying to everyone. especially those who I reply to and they never say 2 words to me.0 -
I just delete them if they don't comunicate. I go through the bother of encouraging ALL my friends every day!! So I don't really understand why some people have friends if they're not going to encourage back! Kind of selfish I think.
most of my friends asked to be my friend LOL. . .I dn't have time to encourage everyone, but if something strikes me as I open up myfitnesspal, then I will. . .otherwise, sorry friends, I just don't have time. ..
I appreciate the honesty.0 -
I have a small handful of friends on purpose. I want to get to know my friends so that we can support each other, like, really support each other. I drove 5 hours to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago to meet one of my MFP friends! I go through my news feed several times a day and check in with everyone. I send messages to friends that haven't logged on in several days. If I don't hear back and they disappear for a couple of weeks...& they weren't very vocal anyway, they're off my list. Sounds cold but there are people out there that are serious and there are the "fly by nighters." I don't have time to chase after people that give up. That may sound cold but that's the way it is. I love my MFP friends...I spend more time here than I do on Facebook anymore...the friends I have here are genuine and we have a common goal. If I collected friends like seashells, I wouldn't be able to get to know anybody at all or know who's going through what ordeal and who just got a new car and who just lost their mother or who needs a push to drink more water...I don't understand the concept of collecting friends and not getting to know them and becoming a real friend. That's just me.0
-
that's true, but I look through my list (only 5 pages worth) and think, 'when was the last time I talked to this person?'Do you actually want to cut people, or do you just feel like you should? The friend's limit is up to 1000, iirc, so I highly doubt you'll actually hit the limit. And, if they're not posting, it's not like they'll clog up your page.
'what do I really have in common with that person?'
'they have so many friends, if I removed them, woud they even notice?'0 -
I don't delete anyone..... unless they are rude or obnoxious or something like that..... I must admit that I'm a bit of a voyeur on this site and don't comment as much as others, but then I'm not online all day either....0
-
I'd say Keep Em.. It's no major issue by doing it, but you have to bear in mind as well that MFP does consume a lot of time and to try to maintain communication with everyone could mean you're sat at your PC all day long..
I logged on this morning - initially for a quick 10 minutes - 2hrs later I realised that I haven't done any work, I've added friends, I've chatted to a couple, I've read a few blogs and posted a few comments - have I chatted to all my friends - nope.
Does it mean that I think any less of them - definitely not!!
Do I still want to there if they need to chat (either via status or email) - yes!!
Do I intend to 'cull' any that don't comment - nope!! everyone's circumstances are different and with the best intentions in the world, I'd like to think i'm here for myself and to help others - we can't help everyone, some need it more than others at time.
If someone works all day or even finds little time to get online - then don't hold it against them.. Also, do you contact ALL your friends or are you expecting them to contact you - remember communication is a two way street..
0 -
Do what you feel Leela.... Everyone's answer is going to be different for different reasons.
I think me and you are on the same page about the clog of news feeds because we try to be there for everyone. Especially the ones who are there for us.0 -
I feel the same way! I just got deleted by someone whom I really liked, but that doesnt mean there was a close friendship connection between us. I just PM'd him and wished him well on his journey. Im actually proud of him for turning away from the drama and playing around on here to start focusing on himself again.
Its hard not to feel bad about deleting someone off your friends list, but honestly this is YOUR journey. You need to be around the people who support you best. I also understand having a small group of 'friends' on here too, its easier to keep track of everyone.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Sometime's you have to make a cut to create the home page that you want. I cut out inactive people all the time. I struggle with cutting people that have been around a while, but seem to be more negative than I like. I prefer to see a more positive comment stream and sometimes have to cut people to accomplish that.
You are really just shaping your page to be more suited to your personality and your needs. It's all about YOU. Do what's best for you.0 -
Jess, I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm glad that I started this topic so I can get feedback from others and not post it only in my newsfeed where only my active friends will read it anyone.
The problem that I have is that there are people who I don't communicate with anymore or maybe we were in a challenge a while back and now that the challenge is over, we don't have much in common.
The other issue is that I'm starting to spend more time in my real life and less time on mfp so the time I do spend on here, I want it to be quality time and not have to pick and choose who I talk to. I like to personalize my comments and not just a generic "WTG" for every situation. I want it to come of as sincere.
Then there are so many new people on here that may friend me because I am a "seasoned vet". But I plan on redoing my profile and stating serious inquiries only when you friend me. It will be like a trial period. If you say you are serious about changing your life, well let's see if you can really committ to the process and I will help you, but you have to help yourself.
I will post a newsfeed for a few days, at different times of the day telling people that I do want to only have 3 to 4 pages of friends and there should be no hard feelings if you are not one of them.
There are so many mixed reviews on here, there is no right or wrong answer, but I agree with RoadDog, I have to do what's best for me.0 -
I only get rid of the ones who dont come on often--basically those who have given up. I have a gazillon friends and it is impossible to comment on every one of them, but I do comment each day randomly.
Thats what I do. If they have given up then they get cut. I cannot respond to everyone so I randomly respond to people on my timeline. I also try to atleast post one a day on the time line...even if its just to say hello.0 -
I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:
the only harm is that seeing their information in my newsfeed is pushing down other people who do communicate with me and who I want to reciprocrate. but I can't go through pages and pages of newsfeeds and determine who needs my attention and who doesn't. I can't make mfp my full time job replying to everyone. especially those who I reply to and they never say 2 words to me.
If it's just they are clogging up your feed, you can hide them from the feed rather than delete them. That way you can still see them again if you wish0 -
Why not post a message on your wall explaining that you need to thin out your friends list... And anyone who wants to be kept on post a request by a certain date....? This may help you feel like you gave everyone a fair chance.0
-
I feel the same way! I just got deleted by someone whom I really liked, but that doesnt mean there was a close friendship connection between us. I just PM'd him and wished him well on his journey. Im actually proud of him for turning away from the drama and playing around on here to start focusing on himself again.
Its hard not to feel bad about deleting someone off your friends list, but honestly this is YOUR journey. You need to be around the people who support you best. I also understand having a small group of 'friends' on here too, its easier to keep track of everyone.
:flowerforyou:
Could not have said it better myself.0 -
I think this is a "to each their own" type of situation.
I myself have sort of figured out who only logs on a couple times a week (single parents etc that are on my news feeds) and who doesnt. Also, if someone is only Negative Nancy, they are gone too. I think the weight loss journey is about more than just food. Its about overall healthy physically and mentally. We all have bad days and we all need pick me ups. If someone cant be supportive at least part of the time to their MFP pals, then they arent the type of friend I want to have.0 -
Why not post a message on your wall explaining that you need to thin out your friends list... And anyone who wants to be kept on post a request by a certain date....? This may help you feel like you gave everyone a fair chance.
lizzy, I think that's a great way of doing it! I will post it 3 different times on 3 different days. Labeling them, first attempt, second attempt, final attempt. I am still going to wait a few weeks. When I get to day 360, I will make the announcement and then on day 365, I'm "cleaning out my closet" !0 -
Well i know that recently some people cut me after having a few days off well 6. I had guenuine reasons for not being on but people did defriend me. These are people who's status;s i did comment on regularly and i thought that i'd been on long enough that people would know i'm really making an effort to lose weight. It did actually hurt a bit to be removed so quick without much effort. I know i try and talk to the people on my friends list, not every day but often enough and if i see they haven't logged on a few days i send a message reminding them to log on. I'd probably only defriend if i found some posts distateful which i've not found yet.0
-
I only cut them if it says they haven't logged in for over a month. Once it hits that month line (b/c I have had people log back in after 2 weeks off) I cut them. I don't cut anybody for not talking to me all the time. It doesn't hurt me to keep them there.0
-
Well i know that recently some people cut me after having a few days off well 6. I had guenuine reasons for not being on but people did defriend me. These are people who's status;s i did comment on regularly and i thought that i'd been on long enough that people would know i'm really making an effort to lose weight. It did actually hurt a bit to be removed so quick without much effort. I know i try and talk to the people on my friends list, not every day but often enough and if i see they haven't logged on a few days i send a message reminding them to log on. I'd probably only defriend if i found some posts distateful which i've not found yet.
I think some people forget that people go on vacation. I didn't log in for a week and a half around christmas bc I was out of town. I came back and some people defriended me too. That is the only time I haven't logged in since I have been here in October 2010.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 428 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions