Why Am I Eating This? By Geneen Roth
Fitness_Chick
Posts: 6,648 Member
Why Am I Eating This?
A binge is a message--stop and listen to it.
By Geneen Roth, Geneen Roth is the author of six books about emotional
eating, including When Food Is Love.
A few nights ago, I was walking to a party in Manhattan. Halfway
there, I stopped and bought a hot pretzel from a street vendor.
That should have been my first inkling that something was amiss.
Why? Oh, only two minor reasons: I don't like pretzels and I wasn't
hungry.
For someone who has devoted half her life to understanding the reasons
why people turn to food and binge eating when they're not hungry, this
last teeny fact--lack of hunger and eating anyway--is always a red
flag. Usually, when I want to eat and I'm not hungry, I take some
time--at least a couple of minutes--to ask myself what I am feeling.
Usually, I know that no matter what's going on, it's always better to
feel it than to use food to swallow it.
But that night I seemed determined to go unconscious. I pulled off a
hunk of the pretzel, slathered it with mustard, and took a bite. It
didn't taste good, so I took another bite just to make sure that I'd
tasted it right the first time. Still gluey, still bland. I asked the
next homeless person with a "Need Food" sign if he wanted the pretzel.
He told me he was allergic to wheat, so I gave him a few bucks, threw
out the pretzel, and continued on my way to the party.
The moment I arrived, I headed straight for the food. It wasn't
exactly a binge eating paradise--sesame shrimp, polenta cakes, Swedish
meatballs (none of those yummy, deep-fried, trans-fat, or
insulin-hysterical foods), but I made do. Every time a tray came past,
I took what was offered. Then I started following the trays around,
after which I stationed myself in the kitchen and greeted the trays as
they were taken from the oven. I felt like an overstuffed sausage. As
I waddled from room to room, my belly preceded me.
On my way back to my hotel that night, I realized that this was my
first bout of binge eating in 5 or 6 years. If my husband, Matt, had
been around, he would have eyed me and said, "A coupla polenta cakes,
some shrimp, and six bites of cookies hardly doth a binge make..." But
then I would've had to remind him that binge eating is not defined by
the amount of food you eat but by the way you eat it. Two cookies can
be a binge if you eat them with urgency, desperation, and the pressing
need for an altered state. Food is a drug of choice, and when you
binge, you are using your preferred substance to deny, swallow, or
escape your feelings.
I tell my retreat and workshop students that kindness and curiosity
after binge eating are crucial. And so, the next morning, I was kind
to myself.
I was curious. I wanted to know what was going on. Why food had
suddenly seemed like my only salvation.
And here's what I discovered:
I was tired. I was feeling raw and vulnerable from having spent the
day with a dying friend. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't feel like
I had a choice about going to the party, because I'd already agreed to
meet a friend there.
I made a quick decision to go, except, of course, that because I was
binge eating, I didn't really show up at the party. I was preoccupied,
edgy, self-absorbed, and then numb. Not your ideal companion.
What If You Didn't Eat?
Recently, a student of mine--let's call her Rita--had a daughter, her
third child in 6 years. I met her when the baby was a year old. Rita
told me she spends every night binge eating. I asked her why. She
said, "I want to get my own needs met, have someone take care of me.
Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy and throw my kids out in the
rain just so they'll leave me alone. I feel so awful about myself when
I think these thoughts, but then I remember that I can microwave some
popcorn, pour half a cup of butter on it, and sit in front of the TV
and eat. I remember I have food. That calms me down."
I asked her what would happen if she didn't eat. She said, "I'd end up
feeling awful about myself for having these feelings about my kids." I
said, "Seems like you end up feeling awful about yourself anyway."
"Yeah," she said. "But at least it's for eating and not for being a
terrible mother."
"Who says you're a terrible mother for wanting to leave your kids out
in the rain? Wanting to do it and doing it are different universes," I
said. "What if you let yourself have the full range of your feelings
without judging them or believing that having feelings means acting on
them? What if when your kids went to sleep, instead of eating popcorn,
you sat on the couch with a blanket and just stared into space? Did
nothing for a while? Gave yourself some kindness that didn't also hurt
you at the same time?"
That was 3 months ago. She's had a few binges since then, but she's
also had evenings of letting herself be exhausted without eating,
temporarily hating her kids without having to hurt herself (or them)
for it. She's realized that when she wants to turn to binge eating,
it's a sign she needs to slow down, take some time for herself--even
if it's only 3 minutes--and pay attention to what's actually going on.
Wanting to binge means: Stop, slow down, be curious about why food
seems to be the answer to everything. Wanting to binge is a way to get
your own attention. When you want to binge, it's as if you were
jumping up and down with a banner that says, "I need you to notice me
now!"
So go ahead. Notice yourself. Be kind. Be tender. Be curious. You'll
be surprised at what happens.
Trust me--it'll be good.)
Three-Minute Warning
The next time you want to succumb to binge eating, tell yourself that
you're going to take 3 minutes--only 3--to be with yourself before you
eat. Then, sit down, breathe a few times, and with as much kindness as
you can muster, ask yourself gently what is going on. What do you
need? Whom do you need it from? What would be the kindest thing you
could do for yourself now?
If you still want to eat after you've done this, notice how the food
tastes in your mouth. Notice how you feel after you've eaten. Ask
yourself if eating felt kind.
A binge is a message--stop and listen to it.
By Geneen Roth, Geneen Roth is the author of six books about emotional
eating, including When Food Is Love.
A few nights ago, I was walking to a party in Manhattan. Halfway
there, I stopped and bought a hot pretzel from a street vendor.
That should have been my first inkling that something was amiss.
Why? Oh, only two minor reasons: I don't like pretzels and I wasn't
hungry.
For someone who has devoted half her life to understanding the reasons
why people turn to food and binge eating when they're not hungry, this
last teeny fact--lack of hunger and eating anyway--is always a red
flag. Usually, when I want to eat and I'm not hungry, I take some
time--at least a couple of minutes--to ask myself what I am feeling.
Usually, I know that no matter what's going on, it's always better to
feel it than to use food to swallow it.
But that night I seemed determined to go unconscious. I pulled off a
hunk of the pretzel, slathered it with mustard, and took a bite. It
didn't taste good, so I took another bite just to make sure that I'd
tasted it right the first time. Still gluey, still bland. I asked the
next homeless person with a "Need Food" sign if he wanted the pretzel.
He told me he was allergic to wheat, so I gave him a few bucks, threw
out the pretzel, and continued on my way to the party.
The moment I arrived, I headed straight for the food. It wasn't
exactly a binge eating paradise--sesame shrimp, polenta cakes, Swedish
meatballs (none of those yummy, deep-fried, trans-fat, or
insulin-hysterical foods), but I made do. Every time a tray came past,
I took what was offered. Then I started following the trays around,
after which I stationed myself in the kitchen and greeted the trays as
they were taken from the oven. I felt like an overstuffed sausage. As
I waddled from room to room, my belly preceded me.
On my way back to my hotel that night, I realized that this was my
first bout of binge eating in 5 or 6 years. If my husband, Matt, had
been around, he would have eyed me and said, "A coupla polenta cakes,
some shrimp, and six bites of cookies hardly doth a binge make..." But
then I would've had to remind him that binge eating is not defined by
the amount of food you eat but by the way you eat it. Two cookies can
be a binge if you eat them with urgency, desperation, and the pressing
need for an altered state. Food is a drug of choice, and when you
binge, you are using your preferred substance to deny, swallow, or
escape your feelings.
I tell my retreat and workshop students that kindness and curiosity
after binge eating are crucial. And so, the next morning, I was kind
to myself.
I was curious. I wanted to know what was going on. Why food had
suddenly seemed like my only salvation.
And here's what I discovered:
I was tired. I was feeling raw and vulnerable from having spent the
day with a dying friend. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't feel like
I had a choice about going to the party, because I'd already agreed to
meet a friend there.
I made a quick decision to go, except, of course, that because I was
binge eating, I didn't really show up at the party. I was preoccupied,
edgy, self-absorbed, and then numb. Not your ideal companion.
What If You Didn't Eat?
Recently, a student of mine--let's call her Rita--had a daughter, her
third child in 6 years. I met her when the baby was a year old. Rita
told me she spends every night binge eating. I asked her why. She
said, "I want to get my own needs met, have someone take care of me.
Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy and throw my kids out in the
rain just so they'll leave me alone. I feel so awful about myself when
I think these thoughts, but then I remember that I can microwave some
popcorn, pour half a cup of butter on it, and sit in front of the TV
and eat. I remember I have food. That calms me down."
I asked her what would happen if she didn't eat. She said, "I'd end up
feeling awful about myself for having these feelings about my kids." I
said, "Seems like you end up feeling awful about yourself anyway."
"Yeah," she said. "But at least it's for eating and not for being a
terrible mother."
"Who says you're a terrible mother for wanting to leave your kids out
in the rain? Wanting to do it and doing it are different universes," I
said. "What if you let yourself have the full range of your feelings
without judging them or believing that having feelings means acting on
them? What if when your kids went to sleep, instead of eating popcorn,
you sat on the couch with a blanket and just stared into space? Did
nothing for a while? Gave yourself some kindness that didn't also hurt
you at the same time?"
That was 3 months ago. She's had a few binges since then, but she's
also had evenings of letting herself be exhausted without eating,
temporarily hating her kids without having to hurt herself (or them)
for it. She's realized that when she wants to turn to binge eating,
it's a sign she needs to slow down, take some time for herself--even
if it's only 3 minutes--and pay attention to what's actually going on.
Wanting to binge means: Stop, slow down, be curious about why food
seems to be the answer to everything. Wanting to binge is a way to get
your own attention. When you want to binge, it's as if you were
jumping up and down with a banner that says, "I need you to notice me
now!"
So go ahead. Notice yourself. Be kind. Be tender. Be curious. You'll
be surprised at what happens.
Trust me--it'll be good.)
Three-Minute Warning
The next time you want to succumb to binge eating, tell yourself that
you're going to take 3 minutes--only 3--to be with yourself before you
eat. Then, sit down, breathe a few times, and with as much kindness as
you can muster, ask yourself gently what is going on. What do you
need? Whom do you need it from? What would be the kindest thing you
could do for yourself now?
If you still want to eat after you've done this, notice how the food
tastes in your mouth. Notice how you feel after you've eaten. Ask
yourself if eating felt kind.
0
Replies
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Why Am I Eating This?
A binge is a message--stop and listen to it.
By Geneen Roth, Geneen Roth is the author of six books about emotional
eating, including When Food Is Love.
A few nights ago, I was walking to a party in Manhattan. Halfway
there, I stopped and bought a hot pretzel from a street vendor.
That should have been my first inkling that something was amiss.
Why? Oh, only two minor reasons: I don't like pretzels and I wasn't
hungry.
For someone who has devoted half her life to understanding the reasons
why people turn to food and binge eating when they're not hungry, this
last teeny fact--lack of hunger and eating anyway--is always a red
flag. Usually, when I want to eat and I'm not hungry, I take some
time--at least a couple of minutes--to ask myself what I am feeling.
Usually, I know that no matter what's going on, it's always better to
feel it than to use food to swallow it.
But that night I seemed determined to go unconscious. I pulled off a
hunk of the pretzel, slathered it with mustard, and took a bite. It
didn't taste good, so I took another bite just to make sure that I'd
tasted it right the first time. Still gluey, still bland. I asked the
next homeless person with a "Need Food" sign if he wanted the pretzel.
He told me he was allergic to wheat, so I gave him a few bucks, threw
out the pretzel, and continued on my way to the party.
The moment I arrived, I headed straight for the food. It wasn't
exactly a binge eating paradise--sesame shrimp, polenta cakes, Swedish
meatballs (none of those yummy, deep-fried, trans-fat, or
insulin-hysterical foods), but I made do. Every time a tray came past,
I took what was offered. Then I started following the trays around,
after which I stationed myself in the kitchen and greeted the trays as
they were taken from the oven. I felt like an overstuffed sausage. As
I waddled from room to room, my belly preceded me.
On my way back to my hotel that night, I realized that this was my
first bout of binge eating in 5 or 6 years. If my husband, Matt, had
been around, he would have eyed me and said, "A coupla polenta cakes,
some shrimp, and six bites of cookies hardly doth a binge make..." But
then I would've had to remind him that binge eating is not defined by
the amount of food you eat but by the way you eat it. Two cookies can
be a binge if you eat them with urgency, desperation, and the pressing
need for an altered state. Food is a drug of choice, and when you
binge, you are using your preferred substance to deny, swallow, or
escape your feelings.
I tell my retreat and workshop students that kindness and curiosity
after binge eating are crucial. And so, the next morning, I was kind
to myself.
I was curious. I wanted to know what was going on. Why food had
suddenly seemed like my only salvation.
And here's what I discovered:
I was tired. I was feeling raw and vulnerable from having spent the
day with a dying friend. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't feel like
I had a choice about going to the party, because I'd already agreed to
meet a friend there.
I made a quick decision to go, except, of course, that because I was
binge eating, I didn't really show up at the party. I was preoccupied,
edgy, self-absorbed, and then numb. Not your ideal companion.
What If You Didn't Eat?
Recently, a student of mine--let's call her Rita--had a daughter, her
third child in 6 years. I met her when the baby was a year old. Rita
told me she spends every night binge eating. I asked her why. She
said, "I want to get my own needs met, have someone take care of me.
Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy and throw my kids out in the
rain just so they'll leave me alone. I feel so awful about myself when
I think these thoughts, but then I remember that I can microwave some
popcorn, pour half a cup of butter on it, and sit in front of the TV
and eat. I remember I have food. That calms me down."
I asked her what would happen if she didn't eat. She said, "I'd end up
feeling awful about myself for having these feelings about my kids." I
said, "Seems like you end up feeling awful about yourself anyway."
"Yeah," she said. "But at least it's for eating and not for being a
terrible mother."
"Who says you're a terrible mother for wanting to leave your kids out
in the rain? Wanting to do it and doing it are different universes," I
said. "What if you let yourself have the full range of your feelings
without judging them or believing that having feelings means acting on
them? What if when your kids went to sleep, instead of eating popcorn,
you sat on the couch with a blanket and just stared into space? Did
nothing for a while? Gave yourself some kindness that didn't also hurt
you at the same time?"
That was 3 months ago. She's had a few binges since then, but she's
also had evenings of letting herself be exhausted without eating,
temporarily hating her kids without having to hurt herself (or them)
for it. She's realized that when she wants to turn to binge eating,
it's a sign she needs to slow down, take some time for herself--even
if it's only 3 minutes--and pay attention to what's actually going on.
Wanting to binge means: Stop, slow down, be curious about why food
seems to be the answer to everything. Wanting to binge is a way to get
your own attention. When you want to binge, it's as if you were
jumping up and down with a banner that says, "I need you to notice me
now!"
So go ahead. Notice yourself. Be kind. Be tender. Be curious. You'll
be surprised at what happens.
Trust me--it'll be good.)
Three-Minute Warning
The next time you want to succumb to binge eating, tell yourself that
you're going to take 3 minutes--only 3--to be with yourself before you
eat. Then, sit down, breathe a few times, and with as much kindness as
you can muster, ask yourself gently what is going on. What do you
need? Whom do you need it from? What would be the kindest thing you
could do for yourself now?
If you still want to eat after you've done this, notice how the food
tastes in your mouth. Notice how you feel after you've eaten. Ask
yourself if eating felt kind.0 -
This is powerful. Thank you for the post. I a sure I will remember this!0
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This is powerful. Thank you for the post. I a sure I will remember this!
eh huh......pretty much MY thoughts..EXACTLY! Geneen has written some great books and really laid it on the line in regards to her own struggles with ED's. Regarding this article you can see she's very descriptive in her writing...which makes for a very visual article. :huh: :drinker:
you're welcome:flowerforyou: I find articles that move me and think...OH I sooo gotta share this with someone....... and figure where better than folks on MFP0 -
Wow! Good! I have this exact problem! I didn't think that I had a reason for doing this other than I just like food but I guess I just need to slow down and think0
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Be kind and gentle with myself...."What do you need Barbara?"...3 minutes to ask myself some questions and then if I still decide to eat ask how do I feel afterwards......hmmm interesting...I like the author...
Thanks for the tips....0 -
Be kind and gentle with myself...."What do you need Barbara?"...3 minutes to ask myself some questions and then if I still decide to eat ask how do I feel afterwards......hmmm interesting...I like the author...
Thanks for the tips....0 -
I don't consider myself to be a chronic binger, but this article proved some great insight into why I'll suddenly crave a dive into my pantry.
And it makes me happy to read this and realize that I've done this myself before. Like, last night, I was miserable because I have a UTI. My room mate had made a cake over Thanksgiving and brought it back with her. I was so about to have a slice.
Then I thought about it...really...what would pouring a bunch of fat and sugar into my body late at night do for me? I realized of course I wanted a tasty distraction, but really, aren't I strong enough to get through it and do something more productive? So I had a cup of cranberry juice (Jesus, that stuff WORKS) and read for a report I'm doing. The pride I felt as I fell asleep totally made abstaining from the cake (and hating myself later for it) worth it.0 -
I don't consider myself to be a chronic binger, but this article proved some great insight into why I'll suddenly crave a dive into my pantry.
And it makes me happy to read this and realize that I've done this myself before. Like, last night, I was miserable because I have a UTI. My room mate had made a cake over Thanksgiving and brought it back with her. I was so about to have a slice.
Then I thought about it...really...what would pouring a bunch of fat and sugar into my body late at night do for me? I realized of course I wanted a tasty distraction, but really, aren't I strong enough to get through it and do something more productive? So I had a cup of cranberry juice (Jesus, that stuff WORKS) and read for a report I'm doing. The pride I felt as I fell asleep totally made abstaining from the cake (and hating myself later for it) worth it.
Awesome Phoenix!:drinker: I hear ya on the Cranberry juice...it does work in deed:drinker:0 -
oops...duped again:blushing:0
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Wow, I felt like crying while reading that article. It really hit me so deep, thank you so much for posting! I'm going to have to read that book over Christmas break. I want to see how often I think, "Wow, I do that and never even thought to ask why..."0
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bumpin:drinker:0
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Wow, I felt like crying while reading that article. It really hit me so deep, thank you so much for posting! I'm going to have to read that book over Christmas break. I want to see how often I think, "Wow, I do that and never even thought to ask why..."
I'm glad you got the chance to read this article:flowerforyou: ....I bump every so often so more folks get a chance to read it... it is some powerful stuff!
Would love to know what you think of the book!:happy:0 -
Okay, I DID cry all the way through the article. I had to read it again, and I'm still crying. I've been so busy worrying about "stuff" and other people's problems. And eating pumpkin pie.
When someone does something really nice or loving toward me, I cry then too. I have always wondered why. Maybe I have never been this kind toward myself.
WOW. Thanks, F_C. :flowerforyou:0 -
Okay, I DID cry all the way through the aritcle. I had to read it again, and I'm still crying. I've been so busy worrying about "stuff" and other people's problems. And eating pumpkin pie.
When soemone does something really nice or loving toward me, I cry too. I have always wondered why. Maybe I have never been this kind toward myself.
WOW. Thanks, F_C. :flowerforyou:
I think sometimes it's easier to be more conscience of being kind to others than ourselves:noway: Seems almost backwards doesn't it? Like if we are kind and caring towards ourselves FIRST...wow, to pass that along to others with our attitude would be even better than what we've been doing toward folks we care about.
We are SO WORTH it GUYS!! Learning to love ourselves I believe really is the 1st step to learning how to care for ourselves enough to make positive changes in our lives. I think it is a process though...and it does take time to learn to love and accept ourselves after sometimes hating ourselves for so many years....or at least thinking we have been hating on ourselves.
We would NEVER speak to a friend the water we speak to ourselves with our thoughts! Sad when ya think about it...but motivating as well!!:flowerforyou: :bigsmile:
I love reading all the posts you are all sharing back....I think that's why I continue to bump it so more folks get the change to read it and begin to value themselves more:flowerforyou:0 -
:flowerforyou:0
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:drinker:0
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Okay, I DID cry all the way through the article. I had to read it again, and I'm still crying. I've been so busy worrying about "stuff" and other people's problems. And eating pumpkin pie.
When someone does something really nice or loving toward me, I cry then too. I have always wondered why. Maybe I have never been this kind toward myself.
WOW. Thanks, F_C. :flowerforyou:
oh we SO all deserve to be extra kind to :smooched: ourselves:smooched: !!0 -
Okay, I DID cry all the way through the article. I had to read it again, and I'm still crying. I've been so busy worrying about "stuff" and other people's problems. And eating pumpkin pie.
When someone does something really nice or loving toward me, I cry then too. I have always wondered why. Maybe I have never been this kind toward myself.
WOW. Thanks, F_C. :flowerforyou:
oh we SO all deserve to be extra kind to :smooched: ourselves:smooched: !!
Ok, Lizbeth. I'm not anymore. That was a couple days ago!
B:happy: U:happy: M:happy: P:flowerforyou:0 -
I am so glad you posted this. I am sitting here with an almond candybar contemplating whether or not to eat this. I want to - I don't know why. I am not hungry. I suppose the hesitation should encourage me that maybe I have changed my eating behaviors. This posting has helped. I actually think I can walk away from the chocolate. Trust me, a month ago I may not have been able or willing to say this.0
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I am so glad you posted this. I am sitting here with an almond candybar contemplating whether or not to eat this. I want to - I don't know why. I am not hungry. I suppose the hesitation should encourage me that maybe I have changed my eating behaviors. This posting has helped. I actually think I can walk away from the chocolate. Trust me, a month ago I may not have been able or willing to say this.
Yay for you making a healthy choice!!0 -
GM - - step away from the chocolate. Good going! Isn't this the BEST story??0
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F_C, I told you you are special! Thanks so much for sharing, good article! :flowerforyou:
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THANK YOU!!
I really could have done with reading this before today,
I've eaten around 500 calories above my daily amount, and now I feel too bloated to work it off, but I know exactly why it is now. I'm lonly, I miss my boyfriend like crazy.
If i'd read that before today, I might have been able to stop my binge.0 -
This was an amazing article!!!! And it hit me right where I needed it right when i needed it most. Thank you for posting this!0
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F_C, I told you you are special! Thanks so much for sharing, good article! :flowerforyou:0
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Really glad this article is helping make us all that much more aware of what we put into our mouths and why......... we may not catch ourselves each and every time but....awareness is always the greatest revelation and always the bet place to start to move forward:drinker:0
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:bigsmile:0
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Whoa....I could be Rita. Tired mom of 3 who never took time for myself. Always, always, always put the kids and DH first. Then my parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, co-workers, strangers.... You name 'em, they came first. And, me? I came way, way, way last. Always.
I had put blinders on to my eating. It was getting so out of control. The binges, the late night snacking when everyone was finally asleep, feeding the frustration, anxiety, sleeplessness with food.....
Thank you so much for sharing this article! Kati0 -
Just read this today. It's amazing how many people are going through the same issues with food. Thanks for posting this! :flowerforyou:0
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I, too, am a "Rita". Everyone comes before me, and I get what's left over. I was raised by my mom, who made tremendous sacrifices everyday for me and my brothers and sister. I guess I grew up with the notion that it was Mom's "job" to give up every part of herself in order to raise a family, and I carried that notion with me into my adult life. I am still trying to convince myself that taking a bit of time for ME is okay, and it is hard sometimes. I mean, why should I sit down and read a book, or exercise, or take a hot bath, when there are groceries to be bought, cars to be washed, and laundry to be done? I sometimes resent "coming in last", and I sometimes mask that resentment with mindless eating. I was contemplating raiding the pantry, but I sat down and read that article instead. Thanks for posting it, Fitness Chick.:flowerforyou:
Off to "be kind to myself" with a workout!0
This discussion has been closed.
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