Friend's list: keep 'em or cut 'em?

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Replies

  • sgirl29
    sgirl29 Posts: 326 Member
    Do what's best for you... I try to encourage everyone on my friends list although at times it is just a "WTG". Maybe those three letters is all they need to motivate them to keep going... There are some friends that I have a stronger connection with that give and receive more sincere comments; but the ones that dont I wont cut them, I just contuine to encourage them until they are at the same place I am and then maybe l can connect on a more sincere level... Gook Luck! :)
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    I used to have to resort to that when there was a 200 limit on friends. Now the more the merrier.
  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    I'm just wondering: if you were in a situation at work where you may have noticed a co worker/friend losing weight and you're also losing by bringing a healhy lunch, avoiding the candy dish, walking on break. And you tell them on a regular basis, wow you look great! You're doing a great job. Keep up the good work. And not only don't they extend the same compliment (which is not an obligation), but they don't even respond to your initial comment to them. How long are you going to continue to speak to them without being spoken to before you just decide its not worth the effort anymore? Now apply that same logic to MFP. I'm just saying....
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
    Back in march, I had a ton of people defriend me.. I was moving that month (yes we took the whole month to move) and i barely had time to sit down each evening let alone log in here. I probably lost 30 friends that month. i posted ahead of time that i wouldn't be on much if at all since i was moving but apparently they didn't care lol. I don't cut anyone.. Like mr jester said, the more the merrier..
  • louell33
    louell33 Posts: 85
    I'd say Keep Em.. It's no major issue by doing it, but you have to bear in mind as well that MFP does consume a lot of time and to try to maintain communication with everyone could mean you're sat at your PC all day long..

    I logged on this morning - initially for a quick 10 minutes - 2hrs later I realised that I haven't done any work, I've added friends, I've chatted to a couple, I've read a few blogs and posted a few comments - have I chatted to all my friends - nope.
    Does it mean that I think any less of them - definitely not!!
    Do I still want to there if they need to chat (either via status or email) - yes!!
    Do I intend to 'cull' any that don't comment - nope!! everyone's circumstances are different and with the best intentions in the world, I'd like to think i'm here for myself and to help others - we can't help everyone, some need it more than others at time.

    If someone works all day or even finds little time to get online - then don't hold it against them.. Also, do you contact ALL your friends or are you expecting them to contact you - remember communication is a two way street.. :)


    Well said *clapping*!! Just what I wanted to say, but i could not have put so so eloquently.
  • StartingOver4Me
    StartingOver4Me Posts: 192
    I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:

    the only harm is that seeing their information in my newsfeed is pushing down other people who do communicate with me and who I want to reciprocrate. but I can't go through pages and pages of newsfeeds and determine who needs my attention and who doesn't. I can't make mfp my full time job replying to everyone. especially those who I reply to and they never say 2 words to me.

    If it's just they are clogging up your feed, you can hide them from the feed rather than delete them. That way you can still see them again if you wish


    If you hide them.............. then what's the point in having them?
  • Supermel
    Supermel Posts: 612 Member
    I took some time off to go to weight watchers. That didn't work out- and i was so glad to have a dozen or so good friends still here when i came back.I also had a few pages of others. I have searched for some more like=minded friends on here- either people who enjoy the same exercise, people around the same age with kids, people who post they have the same job, or people with simliar weight loss goals. I have successful mfp friends on here and find them a good wealth of info too. When i came back a month ago- i went thru and anyone i didn't know IRL and hadn't been on in a year i deleted. The rest i kept as who knows maybe they will come back too and then i can support them.
  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    lol@ Jess!
  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
    Well I have to say... I think you're an awesome motivator. And even though I know there are times when I go days without commenting on people, its always nice to look in my news feed and see how amazing you're doing and how positive you stay. I don't know if some of the others who don't offer support or communicate do the same, but I do draw lots of support from your posts. That is why I try to let you know every so often as well. So that's my two cents.

    I think you should do what you feel you need to do, because mfp is great but real life is what is important and if that is where your focus lies then by all means go and do what you need to do. And if you are going to start classes like you said, you're focus needs to be that and not whether you're letting down your mfp peeps. I have to say no matter if you show up every day or occasionally i've found the mfp peeps are amazingly supportive and like to see you around when you're there and understand life happens when you're not.

    So um... i know that was long.. now i'm off to do that life thing. I hope you are able to come to a decision that you don't feel guilty about.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Your MFP friends are your support group. How active are you in your own personal support group? How important is your support group to you? How does your support group impact your success? How much time do you realistically have to reciprocate the support? Everyone is going to have a different answer.

    Me? My support group is very important to me because it has been a huge part of my success. I log in daily. I try very hard to keep up with my newsfeed on a daily basis, but that doesn't always happen. If my newsfeed gets too overwhelming I know I need to make some cuts. I don't want my newsfeed filled with a bunch of non weight loss related stuff, or with a bunch of posts from people who are not an active part of MY support group. They may even be incredibly active on the site, but if there isn't a special connection between the two of us, I need to make the cut so I can spend my time with those who I do feel a connection with. I can't support friends who I feel are going about their weight loss in a negative way, and I can't support friends who have a negative attitude on a regular basis. I need to keep my friend list to a minimum. When I was below 45, that was very manageable. I don't want to get missed, and I don't want any of my friends to get missed either and if I have too many on my list I can't keep up.
  • TeresaSavage
    TeresaSavage Posts: 1,506 Member
    I know what I am looking for in a friend. This journey is about surrounding ourselves with the people that we need. The plus side is that I am also able to cheer on others as well. I will be honest. If you do not fit my criteria of what I am looking for (ie: talkative and supportive) then I have to let you go so that maybe I can find that one more person who gives me exactly what I need.

    Also I keep my friends list short and sweet. At or below 40. BECAUSE if I have more than that, then I can't keep up with everyone and be as supportive as I'd like to be.

    I treat others the way I want to be treated. If you are the right fit for me then so be it.


    PERFECTLY SAID!! I agree with this. I couldn't have said it better :bigsmile:
  • jennmoore3
    jennmoore3 Posts: 1,013 Member
    I just delete them if they don't comunicate. I go through the bother of encouraging ALL my friends every day!! So I don't really understand why some people have friends if they're not going to encourage back! Kind of selfish I think.

    Well said. If I am on the site, I try to say something to everyone who has a post on my wall. Even if it is just a "WTG!" I need people to help me, so I feel the need to post to them.

    Just my thoughts.

    Jenn
  • Sasha_Bear
    Sasha_Bear Posts: 625 Member
    I say don't do it. Is it hurting you or hindering your weight loss or communications with others on MFP? Then keep them as friends if you feel badly about cutting them. What's the harm? :flowerforyou:

    the only harm is that seeing their information in my newsfeed is pushing down other people who do communicate with me and who I want to reciprocrate. but I can't go through pages and pages of newsfeeds and determine who needs my attention and who doesn't. I can't make mfp my full time job replying to everyone. especially those who I reply to and they never say 2 words to me.


    This is exactly why I delete people, I give them two weeks tops! After two weeks if I'm constantly reaching out to you and you having bothered to reciprocate then I have no problem deleting. I also like to keep my list small I'm here to offer support and receive some, and there not enough hours in a day to support 100's of friends.
  • mielikkibz
    mielikkibz Posts: 552 Member

    Also I keep my friends list short and sweet. At or below 40. BECAUSE if I have more than that, then I can't keep up with everyone and be as supportive as I'd like to be.

    this is part of my issue, I don't have a lot of friends, but myn ewsfeed is filled with stuff so hard to keep up with :P
  • SKismet
    SKismet Posts: 137
    The other issue is that I'm starting to spend more time in my real life and less time on mfp so the time I do spend on here, I want it to be quality time and not have to pick and choose who I talk to. I like to personalize my comments and not just a generic "WTG" for every situation. I want it to come of as sincere.
    I can really relate to this part.... I want to have friends I can really get to know and give specific feedback, which honestly might sometimes include some constructive criticism. The problem is, I see SO LITTLE of that on here, to me or anyone else, that at times I don't feel comfortable leaving what I'd like too and then end up leaving either just a "WTG" or nothing at all.
    I will post a newsfeed for a few days, at different times of the day telling people that I do want to only have 3 to 4 pages of friends and there should be no hard feelings if you are not one of them.

    There are so many mixed reviews on here, there is no right or wrong answer, but I agree with RoadDog, I have to do what's best for me.
    I think this sounds like a great idea!
  • nam14uk
    nam14uk Posts: 556 Member
    Lee ultimately it's a decision for you. Do what you feel is right for your situation.

    I know for me it is impossible for me to comment on each update for my friends everyday. This is not because I don't want to but simply because I don't have enough time with working, exercising and life generally. I comment as much as I can and those that I don't comment on, on a particular day I hope understand. If as a result of that they cut me then so be it.

    The only time I cut people is if they haven't logged on for months. Other than that I tend to leave people on because it does no harm to me for their posts to be on my newsfeed. Often because of the time difference, by the time I log back on again, it is usually after the event and so no point in me commenting, for example if someone posts asking what they should have for lunch but it's hours later when I see it.

    We are all on here for our own journey and if you cut someone for your own reasons I would like to think they would understand.
  • kacc24
    kacc24 Posts: 15 Member
    It cost you nothing to have more friends than communicate back and forth with you. You have your favorites and the ones you keep up with, but what is the harm in being there for everyone on your friend list. As long as they don't give up on me, then I won't give up on them. Sometimes I think we have a sort of 'God" complex when it comes to certain things and hey this ain't facebook...it's site for support.
  • MaureenH39
    MaureenH39 Posts: 315 Member
    Leela...I totally understand about commenting to people that NEVER comment back...it is kind of discouraging :( I do not reply to everybody every day...but I do my best to communicate with people regularly.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    I tend to work on the month standard as well....vacations are one thing, but I look at it like in that kind of timeframe those people are giving up. I would expect that if I was gone that long, that my friends would have considered dropping me too. I wouldn't be offended if they did. The others I look at removing are those who starve themselves. I can't condone or encourage anyone who has their calorie limits set less than 1200 and refuses to eat exercise calories, coming in at ridiculously low nets, and then griping about why they aren't losing weight. I've had to remove a few like that. Some people just don't get it, and I feel as though it's not on me to change their beliefs.
  • katberz
    katberz Posts: 123
    I don't delete anyone..... unless they are rude or obnoxious or something like that..... I must admit that I'm a bit of a voyeur on this site and don't comment as much as others, but then I'm not online all day either....

    This.
  • ltlhmom
    ltlhmom Posts: 1,202 Member
    I delete after someone has been gone for 30 days. Sometimes I leave them a post saying if you come back please friend me back.
  • TeamLeela
    TeamLeela Posts: 3,302
    I decided that I was no longer accepting any new friend requests. I know I may be missing out on great new friends, but I have to support the ones I already have. I even put the disclaimer on my profile.
  • Cortx
    Cortx Posts: 103 Member
    Sorry to everyone who doesnt agree, but the ppl who do not talk to me or i seem to not like or have anything in common with i flat out delete them. They probably dont even notice anyway.
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