How can I tell my co worker to back off?

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  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    Telton66 wrote: »
    Its starting to get on my nerves and I am million seconds to snap. We are not even friends outside work so I don't know why she cares. I am there to work and not to get anyone approval or attract anyone so how can I tell her to back off and mind her own business without coming off as rude?

    It's very sweet of you to want to knuckle under and be polite to someone being intrusive, but probably the best response is, "I don't really want this to become an HR matter, so let's drop this subject. I will only ever discuss this matter again with my supervisor."

  • raysputin
    raysputin Posts: 142 Member
    She is insecure and lacking in self-esteem and is a product of the "beautyism" propaganda that we are all subjected to by companies whose business is selling industrial by-products disguised as beauty enhancers. She does not have the intellectual wherewithal and strength of personality to see through the propaganda and stand on her own. You should feel sorry for her but she is a workplace bully and needs to be treated as such. She gets her bullying rewards from your discomfort and responses.

    For industrial relations purposes you need to tell her once that you find her comments to be undesirable and ask her politely to stop. Keep solely to the facts of the matter. Do this in front of a witness and record the details in a diary.

    Once you have informed her, treat any subsequent comments with aloofness and silent contempt. This will rob her of her reward and should see a reduction or stopping of the behaviour. If she persists, diarise all subsequent incidents and, after the diary has a number of recorded incidents, take your witness, the diary and the offender to your supervisor.
  • Telton66
    Telton66 Posts: 74
    simplydelish2 wrote: »
    You say you aren't friends so you don't know why she cares. My questions is why do you care? Her opinion is none of your business. Unless she is your boss, or you are not following company dress code, let it be!

    Her opinion would be none of my business if she keeps it to herself.but since she always bring it to my attention then it is my business. I am sure you woudnt appriciate anyone critizing your dress code all the time at work so stfu, you don't know what you are talking about

  • Lestan48
    Lestan48 Posts: 489 Member
    Some people never know when to stop commenting. tell her to leave you alone
  • abuck_13
    abuck_13 Posts: 382 Member
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    "[Coworker], I appreciate that you're trying to help, but how I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. Thanks."

    I'd make a couple of small changes:

    How I dress for work is not reflective of what I do on my free time. If our supervisors express a problem with my appearance, I'll address it. Otherwise, I'd like to just focus on what we're here to do. If you wish to continue this behavior, we can discuss your harassment of me with HR.
  • Cortneyrenee04
    Cortneyrenee04 Posts: 1,117 Member
    That would be really hard for me. Tempting to look HER up and down and say something about her appearance... But I would just tell her to please stop with all the comments and I she can't, let your supervisor know.

    I hope things get better for you :)
  • slomo22
    slomo22 Posts: 125 Member
    Call her muff cabbage then kick her in the vagina
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    How do you dress up to work in a nursing home? You wear scrubs? You don't need a daily make over to give baths and change diapers.
  • Telton66
    Telton66 Posts: 74
    edited January 2015
    AsaThorsWoman wrote: »
    How do you dress up to work in a nursing home? You wear scrubs? You don't need a daily make over to give baths and change diapers.
    we wear scrubs


  • kcerrillo
    kcerrillo Posts: 103 Member
    I've worked a a nursing home in the past and who do u have to impress? The 90 year old man while u help him use the bathroom? I want to punch her for u lol I'm sorry she's like that that is awful!!!!
  • kcerrillo
    kcerrillo Posts: 103 Member
    By the way that's harassment I'd talk to ur boss
  • 2snakeswoman
    2snakeswoman Posts: 655 Member
    I think I'd tell her "I can't take one more day of your constant criticism. Let's go talk to the supervisor right now."
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    man you guys are missing a prime oppertunity to get free stuff!!!!


    tell her if it bothers her so much she is more than welcome to go spend her money on you (the chairty case) and purchse you a new purse to match your whatever outfit.

    and make up

    and brushes.

    tell her you want XXX brand brushes that can be purchased at X,Y or Z store- and nothing less than MAC cosmetics.

  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    Please, document EVERYTHING. Times/dates and comments made. If you have not done so already, begin doing this immediately and try to recall as much as you can from the past. This will help you, and your manager. If it is not documented - it did not happen.

    Sit down with her in a private room and tell her directly that you do not appreciate her comments and that you find them offensive and inappropriate for work. Tell her that if she continues, it will be brought up to the manager and/or HR.

    Document this entire sit down.

    If it happens once more - go straight to your manager.

    Do not be a push-over, or allow yourself to be bullied at work.
  • sexymonicat
    sexymonicat Posts: 111
    Theres nothing wrong with being modest. After being an exotic dancer for years I gave up wearing make up now that im married. And I look so much better without it! I take good care of my skin and curl my eyelashes to open up my eyes and I wear chapstick to plump up my lips . I have bangs that I have to blow dry but everything else gets thrown on top of my head which I think makes a women look more attractive than a back pony tail . So id just ignore her and when she says something dont let her get to you. And ya id record her and some day file a report agianst her. Its illegal to record someone if theyre not doing anything illegal . So In this case it would be okay.because her behavior can and will get her in trouble.

    Just take care of your skin and tell her you want to look younger. Dont be afraid of face mask or scissors. I look horrible with make up on. So theres been times ive went to nigh clubs here in southern California with no make up and I felt so hot. Lol and I was because I didnt have to cover my face with make up .
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
    So, you said in your OP that you are getting crap about the dress code. What are you wearing/doing that is in violation of the dress code, and why don't you just follow the company policy?
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    also- you can ask her wear exactly in the companies HR/Dress Code handbook/guidelines it requires you to wear make up?

    if she can point it out then well- I'd be on my way to Sephora- other wise "oh stuff it" is an acceptable response.
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