Hardest Part - Acceptance
RunerRita
Posts: 13
Hi,
I think I have finally gotten through to myself that I need to appreciate where I am right now; right today; at this present time and at my present age! I keep trying to say I would look better and feel better if I were only 129 pounds. Really? Really? I feel great right now and I know I have come a very long way from where I used to be. I exercise almost every single day and I am told often that I look great for being a Grandma! : ) Yes I still wear a bikini and I feel strong...why can't I just accept where I am at 137 pounds I am ok. Looking back at myself at the weight I was ( I can't even tell you because I would never weigh myself) but I wearing a size 22 pair of pants I can honestly say I was not happy, I never felt good and I was always ashamed. I just want to maintain not only my weight, but my feeling of health and happiness and I pray for the gift and grace of acceptance. I am good enough, and I am good right where I am right this very moment!
I think I have finally gotten through to myself that I need to appreciate where I am right now; right today; at this present time and at my present age! I keep trying to say I would look better and feel better if I were only 129 pounds. Really? Really? I feel great right now and I know I have come a very long way from where I used to be. I exercise almost every single day and I am told often that I look great for being a Grandma! : ) Yes I still wear a bikini and I feel strong...why can't I just accept where I am at 137 pounds I am ok. Looking back at myself at the weight I was ( I can't even tell you because I would never weigh myself) but I wearing a size 22 pair of pants I can honestly say I was not happy, I never felt good and I was always ashamed. I just want to maintain not only my weight, but my feeling of health and happiness and I pray for the gift and grace of acceptance. I am good enough, and I am good right where I am right this very moment!
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Replies
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You do look great at 137. I think you're smart to accept yourself at that weight. Eight pounds really isn't that meaningful, and if you can have peace at 137, have peace at 137.0
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Thank you Rose, I appreciate your words and peace is what it is all about!
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You look fantastic!0
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Last year, I reached my goal of getting below the 130 lb mark by hitting 128 on the scale. And you know what? I really didn't look that much different than I did at my starting weight of 135! It was so disappointing.
I've since switched gears to include substantial strength training in my workouts, and even though I've neither gained or lost weight, after two months I can already see a difference. My waist is smaller and my butt hasn't been this perky in well over a decade. Looking better in and out of my clothes is much more rewarding for me than simply a random number on the scale.
And I agree, you look amazing just as you are!0 -
yep, you are not a teen any more. I lost the weight and I am 61 years old and I cant wear the clothes I use to. I weigh 155 but that is ok, I was up to 208. When I was younger I would weigh in 130s. Things change. I don't wear those short skirts any more, wish I could. Be happy for the way you look. I think it gets worse the older we get but I am going to be happy to be in my smaller clothes.0
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You don't say how long you have been at 137, but if you just hit that recently, your mind may need some time to catch up to what your body really looks like. I know for me, after losing 68 pounds, and now after 4 months at maintenance, I still haven't completely wrapped my head around what I really look like. It's getting better each day though.
If this isn't the case, and even if it is, I strongly recommend doing some resistance training. You may find it changes your body more to your liking, without needing to lose that extra weight.0 -
I am still working on losing weight, but my advice to you is that it is more important to feel strong than to have the scale read some sort of "ideal" number. Especially as there is a point where losing more weight hurts your health, although that point varies from person to person. As a grandchild, I can tell you it is horrifying to watch one of your grandparents wither away, so please make sure to put your health first!0
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I don't know how tall you are, but you look great at the weight you're at. If you look at any chart, there is a range of weight for our height that encompasses different builds. The highes of my height - 5'3" is around 140 and the low end is about 115. 140 is too heavy for me, but I would never sustain 115 (once, coming out of the hospital after an exploded appendix). I weigh 126 (or will when I lose the 2lb I gained in recovering from a broken leg). I wear a size 4, which I am pretty delighted about.
Yes, it does take time to adjust to a "new" body. I spend months picking out too large clothing sizes because I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I no longer wore that size. Now, I'm like, "oh, yeah - I wear a small."
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47Jacqueline wrote: »
Yes, it does take time to adjust to a "new" body. I spend months picking out too large clothing sizes because I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I no longer wore that size. Now, I'm like, "oh, yeah - I wear a small."
It really, really does. I've had my 'new' body for longer than a year now, and I still have moments where I forget what size I am. People asked me a lot around Christmas. My response every time was like "I don't know. Xsmall, small, or medium". They're reply was "That's a pretty big range... which one?" lol But I really never could remember.
To the OP, you look amazing. If you lost the seven or so pounds, it would probably be vanity weight. I agree with the others. If you can have peace at your current weight, do so.
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RunerRita, nice to meet another bikini wearing grandma. I started wearing one after a 40 year hiatus and found it both liberating and confidence building.
I totally understand the numbers game going on in your head. Mine was 105 ( I'm 5'1) and I was stuck at 110 for over 6 months. I had decided to go into maintenance ( no counting or weighing) and accept that was the best weight for me. 2 months later I hopped on the scale and the extra 5 had gone! No idea how or why, but it has stayed off for about 4 years.
As everyone always says the last few lbs are the hardest. If you are still eating at a deficit; try eating at maintenance for a couple of months, if you aren't doing any resistance work; try adding it into your routine. Swimming, or body weight exercises are good if you don't want to do weights ( I must say though, in your pic you do look as though you have already done resistance of some kind)
You're not good enough; you're great.
Cheers, h.0 -
You look great! I know how you feel though. I was complaining to my trainer about the last few pounds and she told me to pick a range that I was comfortable with and that way I would be able to enjoy some of life's pleasures and be successful at keeping the weight off. I am at the high end of the range now. She has shifted my workout plan to building the muscles that I have...I guess becoming more stream line.0
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You don't say how long you have been at 137, but if you just hit that recently, your mind may need some time to catch up to what your body really looks like. I know for me, after losing 68 pounds, and now after 4 months at maintenance, I still haven't completely wrapped my head around what I really look like. It's getting better each day though.
If this isn't the case, and even if it is, I strongly recommend doing some resistance training. You may find it changes your body more to your liking, without needing to lose that extra weight.
This is me... I just dropped 44 lbs (goal was 45 lbs, but I've lost the motivation to lose that last one - I know it sounds silly, but whatevs - it's where I'm at.) and still feel like I'm "fat," even though I'm actually 4 lbs less than what I really ever imagined I would be. I have just gotten here, and I wonder if I will ever start seeing myself as I truly am rather than as still being overweight.0 -
Congratulations. Not just on the weight loss, but on the acceptance. That's more important.0
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Congrats on getting to a healthy weight. Just keep telling yourself it's about health, not vanity. Find a fitness-related goal to shoot for without worrying about losing more weight... just stay in your healthy range.0
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Congrats on getting zen with the number on the scale.
The doctor gave me a range of 125 to 135, I gave myself a range of 125 to 131. To be honest, at my height, 5'8" I truly can't tell the difference between 125 and 135 because I wear business clothes most of the time in the mirror. I do feel the difference, however, between weighing 174 pounds and what I weigh now, I focus on that - the incredible feeling of being lighter. I don't think I could carry anything that weighs 46 pounds all day.0 -
Congrats & you DO look awesome ... period ... not 'look great for your age' nonsense.
I think it's really easy to get fixated on a particular number and anything less - we internalize it as a failure.
The reality is that often times loosing the physical wait is the easy part & within a defined period of time. Our brains on the other hand takes awhile to sort of catch up if you will.
As long as you feel wonderful and vibrant just make a 'Note to Self' to tell your brain to hush & be content. As time passes, your brain will get the message.
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I am good enough, and I am good right where I am right this very moment!
Yes, you are and keep telling yourself that.
Finding acceptance will be hard as we live in a society where the constant message is pushed that the way we look and our youthfulness correlates with our value as human beings. However that is an entirely false message and trying to build self esteem upon that notion is like trying to build a house on shifting sands.
The true things which underpin self esteem are timeless:- Living purposefully
- Living consciously
- Living with integrity
- Self responsibility
- Self assertiveness
- Self acceptance
Work on these areas, consider how you embody those traits now and how you can build on them and happiness and peace will follow.
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That "goal" weight is an elusive beast. It seems to always keep moving away from us doesn't it? I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never be at 12%BF, never have a six pack and will always have a little pudge in the middle. I am ok with that. And yes, you look fantastic.0
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You look great! Just like age, weight is nothing but a number. If you FEEL great at your current weight, then more power to you. Keep it up!0
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if you got to 129, you still would feel you needed to lose more. trust me0
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I think you look great and it is quite an accomplishment to go from a size 22 to where you are now - My hats off to you 0
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Yes, I appreciate where you are coming from! Gratitude, acceptance, and the knowledge you have gained and the improvements you have made to your health, happiness and aesthetics are the focus. You have done an amazing job and look wonderful. Keep allowing yourself to feel wonderful!0
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You look wonderful! I understand your feelings, though, because I am the very same way. I have 10 pounds to reach my goal, and I have trouble balancing self-image with numbers. I hope time will help. Reading this thread is great, and I hope you find that balance without thinking about numbers. BTW, I'm a 55 year old grandma, too. Great job on your healthy transformation!0
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Congrats on your successes! I try to stay in the mindset that my body is just my equipment, not me. But it's the only equipment I'm going to get so it's on me to care for it and keep it in the shape ready to do all the things I want to do. I have been working out most days for over a year, doing hard core weight lifting and although I look much better and have lost 2 clothing size, I have only lost about 12 pounds in a year. But I am hiking, bounding up the stairs, running with my girls, I have energy, I sleep great, my anxiety is way down, I'm trying new things like classes at the gym I never would have done before. I feel really good so I have to tell myself that is the real goal not the number in my head that is actually pretty arbitrary. There is so much pressure on women in particular to be 'er'--prettier, younger, thiner, curvier… I say let's make a promise to not be another voice in our head saying we are not good enough just as we are. That doesn't mean you can't keep working toward the more challenging goals, just deciding that it isn't the end all be all. You know, at my heaviest I was a size 14 and at my thinnest a 6 and even though it felt really really good to get into the 6, I was miserable overall. Now I'm a ten and even though I'd rather be a 6 again, I wouldn't trade my life and state of mind for it.0
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »Congrats & you DO look awesome ... period ... not 'look great for your age' nonsense.
I think it's really easy to get fixated on a particular number and anything less - we internalize it as a failure.
The reality is that often times loosing the physical wait is the easy part & within a defined period of time. Our brains on the other hand takes awhile to sort of catch up if you will.
As long as you feel wonderful and vibrant just make a 'Note to Self' to tell your brain to hush & be content. As time passes, your brain will get the message.
@RaspberryTickleChicken I love your comment/s (always do! lol) this one in particular as its a very apt comment for me as well as the OP 0 -
I love this: "My body is just my equipment." I'm still a work-in-progress in this department, but the major change for me has been learning to see what I eat as fuel--for my body AND for my mind (i.e., a life without treats is no life at all). Like many people, I still see myself as the same, though consciously I know I wear smaller sized clothing. It is a mindf***, no doubt about it.0
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Thank you OP for posting this topic and thank you to all who have responded. I'm "right there" in the quest to go just a little lower even though it doesn't make a bit of difference in how I feel or look if I'm 138, 140, 145 pounds. It makes no difference in how my clothes fit. I'm thrilled at 138 and mentally miserable at 142. I love how I look when I glance in the mirror and I don't critique my body but darned if I don't keep striving for that consistent "slightly under 140" number on the scale....0
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You look amazing! Congrats. I'm one of those "if only I was... " people, too. I don't seem to allow myself to be happy for my accomplishments so far. I admire your coming to terms with this. For me, I think little "I am not there yet..." can be a good thing. In the past I have yo-yo'd and I think that's because I always took my foot off the pedal and became complacent. This time, I have weight/size goals but also performance goals in mind. As long as I am able I will be working towards something. I hope it's not weight loss for the rest of my life but, instead, running a 5k or 10k, doing a biathlon, achieving PRs in strenght exercises, bodyfat% goals, etc. I'm hoping this is the winning recipe for me.
Again, I think you look fantastic.0 -
Thank you OP for posting this topic and thank you to all who have responded. I'm "right there" in the quest to go just a little lower even though it doesn't make a bit of difference in how I feel or look if I'm 138, 140, 145 pounds. It makes no difference in how my clothes fit. I'm thrilled at 138 and mentally miserable at 142. I love how I look when I glance in the mirror and I don't critique my body but darned if I don't keep striving for that consistent "slightly under 140" number on the scale....
You look great, too, btw!0
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