Friends frustrating me

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Grimmerick
Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I know a lot of people here have probably encountered it so I will ask. What is the politest (not sure thats a word...oh well it is now) way to tell a friend to stop pushing food on you? I have a friend that wants to fricking feed me everytime I come over, and she'll offer to do healthy stuff but I really rather not bother her with that because I will have to make sure I know exactly whats in what she makes and from experience I know that most people think stuff is healthy that really isn't that great for you. I'll say no thanks or I'll bring my own and she says "well what about this or this" until I say " I don't want anything at all or I am bringing my own and I don't want any other food" and that feels like I am being rude because I am ususally frustrated at that point. Not taking no for an answer is one of my bigger pet peeves. Any suggestions for a polite and straight forward response? Being committed is hard enough.
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Replies

  • jmijaressf
    jmijaressf Posts: 215
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    That describes my family! If I know I'm going to visit some of the ones who love putting food in front of me, I'll usually just have a small snack before-hand, so that I can honestly say I'm not hungry.
  • Limeinthecoconut
    Limeinthecoconut Posts: 234 Member
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    It's hard. If I know I'll be around people who are annoying about my food habits I try to get a bit more exercise in and eat a little less earlier in the day. Then I'll eat a little of their food. It keeps them happy and out of my hair.

    Also I don't want to be that person who needs to bring their own things in a Tupperware container. I work it into my day. One meal won't do major damage unless you let it. It's easier for me to not get into an argument with people over food.
  • ANewMaria2014
    ANewMaria2014 Posts: 104 Member
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    Does she know that you are on MFP? If so then she should understand how you have to keep track of the calories you eat, but if I were you I would just say " I really appreciate you wanting to cook for me, even healthy food but because I am on MFP I have to know exactly what goes into the meal and how much of everything. Now if she still thinks you are rude then she has a problem. Good luck!
  • FluttershySweetie
    FluttershySweetie Posts: 216 Member
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    I would just have a chat with her and advise her that as much as you appreciate her offering some food, you have a plan that you want to stick to, and unfortunately it would be too much of a hassle for her and yourself for someone else to make your food. Advise her that you are happy she is being a good host at offering, and that you know the offer is always there and that when and if you take her up on it you will let her know.

    Tell her how important this is to you and your body, if she`s a good friend she will understand this

    Hope this helps

    Chantal
  • SailorMoon007
    SailorMoon007 Posts: 93 Member
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    I have had to deal with this as well. What I try to do is either get them to come to my place, and therefore I control the food, or else I will offer to bring stuff to their place so they can lay back and relax. This way, I know exactly what I'm eating, plus I know I'm getting my friends to eat healthy too. :wink:
  • garden_girl18
    garden_girl18 Posts: 23 Member
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    I know how you feel! My mom pushes baked goods on me all the time! And saying no creates hurt feelings. I share your frustration :angry:
  • Limeinthecoconut
    Limeinthecoconut Posts: 234 Member
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    Also she is offering to make you healthy food. Honestly you're complaining over something trivial.
  • therobinator
    therobinator Posts: 832 Member
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    Maybe when you visit her you can arrive early enough that you both can do the cooking/food prep together? (Suggest it to her as a "fun thing to do" or "let me help you out")....that way you will know exactly what's in the food, and maybe even have some say in what goes into and doesn't go into the food.
  • ms_debbieg
    ms_debbieg Posts: 34
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    I am in total agreement of how people "think" they know what is healthy. One suggestion, offer to make a healthy dish for everyone. Share your weight loss sucess with others by "enlisting the" to enjoy the good healthy foods you are eating.
  • noexcuses1218
    noexcuses1218 Posts: 332 Member
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    What about a compromise? Obviously she feels like she needs to feed you to express her affection. So you do the same. Make something super-scrumptious and super-healthy, bring it with you, and tell her you'll have some of hers if you have some of yours. Go ahead with half a serving of what she offers you and approximate the calories, maybe add 30 or 40 just to be on the safe side.

    Education/sharing/bonding over food? It might be good for both of you.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,590 Member
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    I know you shouldn't, but you could just lie - say you think you have an intolerance so you can only eat whay you have prepared yourself.

    OR, just tell her what you've said here - that you appreciate she is trying to be a good host, but as a good friend she should listen when you say no, and respect what you've said.

    Good luck!

    x
  • mlemonroe2
    mlemonroe2 Posts: 603
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    " I really appriciate you offering to make something healthy for me, but I would really prefer to bring my own because that way I know exactly what is in it. See I log all of my food into a diary to help me keep track of what I'm eating so that I can lose weight. It's just easier for us both this way!"
  • ceschwartz
    ceschwartz Posts: 240 Member
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    Other then just being honest and talking with her, you could try suggesting a recipe. Teach her how to cook one of your favorites. That way she can feed you and learn more about why you eat certain things.
  • redxmasqueen
    redxmasqueen Posts: 81
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    I have been in this situation so many times! Just yesterday as a matter of fact. This is what I tell them: "I appreciate your thoughtfulness but I am being extremely careful with my diet and trying to overcome my food issues. It is hard enough to say no once so please don't ask me again. Let's go do something together that doesn't involve food." If they continue to offer bad or questionable foods, then I get mad and let them have it. ;-)
  • redxmasqueen
    redxmasqueen Posts: 81
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    Also, if they are a real friend, they will support you and understand.
  • redhead91
    redhead91 Posts: 251
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    Also she is offering to make you healthy food. Honestly you're complaining over something trivial.

    I agree. I think the health of the relationship is more important than one meal. If you brought something and ate some of what you brought and some of what she made I dint think it's going to ruin your diet. Plus, this is supposed to be a lifestyle change. Are you going to go your whole life turning down meals and potentially hurting the feeling the feelings of people you care about. It's all about portion control. I'm not saying to eat a doughnut if someone offers it to you, but it sounds like your friend is trying and you're brushing her off as though she's dumb and couldn't possibly know what truly healthy food is.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    Also she is offering to make you healthy food. Honestly you're complaining over something trivial.

    It's obviously not trivial to me otherwise I wouldn't have asked for polite ways to say no. I have tried to let her make food before but like I said from experience people feel things are healthy that really are not that healthy and I have done enough back and forth with my diet so I say no more.
  • kbanzhaf
    kbanzhaf Posts: 601 Member
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    Sometimes, you just can't be polite......hate to say that, but it's the truth. :wink:
    Kaye
  • freerange
    freerange Posts: 1,722 Member
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    My MIL was like that, God rest her soul (Oops is that a religious reference), she would always try to force seconds, thirds, forth’s on you. The only thing I could do was politely say, no thanks I’ve had enough, and after three or four times she would get the hint and stop asking. But never it connected with her, and each time we were over at their house the same thing would happen. Now my wife does the same thing with everyone, and well, I am a bit more blunt with her.

    Your situation is a bit different, I would just tell your friend outright, “I really appreciate the thought and the work you put into cooking but, I’m on a diet that requires me to watch everything I eat, and what you may consider “healthy” really isn’t, for my diet. So if you don’t mind I will just bring my own food, or if I’m not hungry I won’t eat anything at all this time”. If they continue, I would get a bit more blunt and tell her that it is frustrating that she continues to offer you food, when she knows you can’t / don’t want to eat it. That it makes you uncomfortable to always have to tell her no, because you are afraid of hurting her feelings, but this diet is important to you and you would really appreciate her help.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    Thanks everyone, great answers!!

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