Death of a loved one, weight gain and loss of all energy

Mrspaulson,

I have no advice. My heart goes out to you.

I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter's death and will say a prayer for your family.

Grieving is different for everyone and there is no right way or length of time there. Anyone going to school full time and taking care of a family would be whipped! Add grieving and Lord...no wonder you nap! Take it easy on yourself and don't get mad at you if you need some breaks.

Is SBD "South Beach"? It's supposed to be really healthy and many people have done really well with that. Surely you'll need a PE credit to graduate, so maybe you could pick a class and get some exercise that way.

Exercising kicked my asp when I began it. For the first few weeks, I was like, "Wait, isn't this supposed to give me MORE energy? Wth?!" But then it kicked in and I did feel more energized. I was also in a better mood. I had a small procedure that knocked me off my feet for a couple weeks and I seriously missed it at first...then the lazy thing got easy! When I was back up again, I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to it. I did, though, and it was rough for two days, then it felt great again. It is amazing how fast you adapt to not doing any exercise. But you adapt to doing it pretty quickly, too.

Good luck with school and your diet!

I lost 20 kilos 8 years ago, kept it off, and then gained it all back when my dad, to whom I was always very close, got diagnosed with cancer. Grief is such a very complex thing to deal with, and unfortunately many Christians seem to think we should cope just fine with it.... rubbish! If you break a leg, you need a doctor. If you are depressed, you need a doctor. Treatment varies according to the severity, and many find that CBT helps, along with exercise, others need treatment with drugs. I really sympathise. I stopped exercising because I was spending long hours driving Dad to treatment each day, and comfort ate a lot, while looking after two small children. I felt similarly lethargic and constantly tired. My dad finally died last year. I reckon I was also struggling with low level depression much of that time, and probably still am, but I have found a way to deal with it. I have always loathed running/jogging, although on and off I did half-hearted attempts at other exercise, and never could do even a 5 minute run without feeling like my lungs would explode. However, I decided to follow one of the numerous free 'couch to 5k' programmes which are available online, which take things at a very gentle pace. I knew that physical exercise really can help with treating depression, and can only say that it is worth trying out for a few weeks, as it has made an immeasurable difference to my general mood. By the time I was able to run for 30 minutes without stopping (I still almost can't believe I can actually do this!) I found it had made a huge difference to my energy levels and general feeling of well being, and the endorphins released after a lunch break run mean I have a real buzz for the rest of that day. I still don't like the actual run, but I love feeling like I am less tired and can actually cope with life. Feel free to friend me - am guessing you are across the pond from me, but there are many folk out there wanting to support each other, and it doesn't matter where we are. Praying for you on your journey - hang in there, it can get easier.

I've never experienced the loss of a child, but we've all experienced sorrow. It may seem counterintuitive, but exercise is the best way to get past being tired all the time. Bicyclists frequently say, "my bike is my therapist," for good reason. Exercise causes our bodies to release endorphins that lift our spirits. Exercise may not be the complete solution, but it helps.

I agree with all of the above regarding seeing a psychiatrist and the possibility of depression. You may also wish to get evaluated for hypothyroid because if your thyroid is not functioning that can cause you to be very tired as well. Sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. We lost a son to a car accident 10 years ago. There are no timelines on grief. It never goes away, but it generally does get easier to manage over time.

I concur that getting a physical workup to rule out thyroid, etc is a good idea. When my hypothyroid was diagnosed I was super tired, couldn't stay awake a full day and all the classic symptoms. I ended up losing most of a Uni semester that year cuz I just couldn't make it to classes.

I also agree that exercise is a great natural way to stave off depressive emotions. Since I seriously started a fitness and lifting routine, my overall moods are much improved. I ask myself all the time why I didn't discover this "cure" before. When I am held back from my gym routines for a time, I definitely notice myself slipping into couch potato mode more easily. This isn't to say that you shouldn't seek out someone to talk to if it's bad, but some exercise routine on top of that may help.

Best of luck

It's not a bad idea to see a therapist.

However, grief and clinical depression share many of the same symptoms and grieving doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you that needs to be fixed. It doesn't mean you're depressed in a way that needs treating or in a way that can be shaken off or anything. Depression, in the usual sense of the word, is part of grief. It's normal to be sad when you grieve.

The best thing for grief is still time. Take all you need. There is no, "She should be over this by now." No deadlines. No "I ought to feel better" deadline.

You'll get through this. You will move on, slowly. You can't force it. Each year will get better than the last.

If you think it might help, join a support group for those who grieve.

Don't pressure yourself into "I should do this" and "I ought to do that," though. There is no recommendation for How To Grieve or How To Get Over it. Don't assume there is something wrong with you.

I knew a single mother whose daughter died and except for work and shopping, she sat in her house with the blinds drawn for five years. Then she opened up the blinds and went on with her life. If you are up and doing, taking care of your family and going to school and sometimes you want to take a nap, you're way "ahead" of where she was. But it's not a race.

Take it easy on yourself and allow yourself however long you need.

After 2.5 years and you still feeling the way you do, I think it's best if you seek help from a psychiatrist/psychologist. It sounds as though you are in the depression stage of grief (next step is acceptance) and would benefit from therapy, medication, or a combination of both.

Prayers to you and your family.

{{{Hugs}}}
I suggest, to start getting healthy from the inside out. Seek support/counseling and work on getting healthy physically, mentally and spiritually. You are stronger than you know.

I am so incredibly sorry. You are here (and here is a great place full of support and great information to help you along your way), putting one foot in front of the other, going to school to become a caregiver and undoubtedly give back in a big way as nurses do and doing your best to maintain a normal life for your family. That makes you an incredibly strong and amazingly selfless woman. You can and will do this!
I had a brother who died at a young age from a congenital heart problem. Unfortunately, my mother did not recover well and never really got up strong enough to do what you are already doing just 2.5 years later. She had 4 other children and the effects of it all were devastating to say the least. So, from my perspective you are doing amazing.
My mother died 7 years ago from Acute Myologenous Leukemia. I was 27 and had just given birth to my daughter via a botched c section which nearly took my own life right before her diagnosis. She survived only about 6 months. And a painful 6 months it was. After she passed I balooned up to 220 lbs, the biggest I had ever been. I did not want to get out of bed, I was exhausted all of the time but like you said had to do it because I had a young son and a new baby and a husband who needed me. A time frame as to when the trauma becomes less exhausting? I think that's probably different for everyone. For me it took longer than 3 years before I started feeling even remotely like myself again. In fact, I have huge chunks of time there that I don't even remember. Its all still a fog. I yo yo dieted a lot over the past 4 years, then found mfp about 4 months ago. I have had such great success here and I know you can too! Try to just take it one step at a time. If you like south beach that's great, but my advice would be that whatever way you choose to approach the weight loss try to do it in a way that is sustainable long term for you personally. The changes you make need to be easy to implement into your daily life. You're busy and have a lot going on so the simpler the better. I know it was eye opening for me the first week or two here just honestly logging what I was normally eating and seeing how much sugar, carbs, how little protein etc I was eating. Then making adjustments and substitutions that were livable for me to get those numbers better. I walk every day now and that time, in my mind at least, is my time with my mother. I talk to her and feel her light around me, knowing she would be proud of me that I'm getting back to living more and showing my kids that I'm strong. God bless you, your surviving child, your husband and your family. Sending love and light your way.

Oh no. I am so very, very sorry.

Im so so sorry for your loss xxx (*) It is seriously rubbish, horrible.
I lost my son at birth 3.5 years ago and am really just starting to get going on the weight loss now. I appreciate that it may not be as unbelievable as losing a child you have had longer with, but it knocked me off life for at least 2 years (even with a rainbow, who is now a crazy 2 year old) and I continue my little patterns to keep him alive in some way, just quietly.

The lack of energy is most likely due to your mood and so many things that you have going on (I have very similar lifestyle to you). Treatment is not a failure and that could mean medication and/or psychological therapy. Really, dropping something is key, or just taking a break for a week to re-evaluate what is essential with some time on your own and maybe get a bit more uninterrupted sleep/rest.

I don't know if it would be similar for you, but Ive found it impossible to adjust my eating without exercise. I never want to go out, but it always makes me feel better and have more energy the rest of the day.
Best of luck and strength xxx

My mother was diagnosed with metastasized breast cancer in January of last year and we lost her in August. I have gained 40lbs and now I am trying to lose it.