Does your SO want you heavy?

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Teela1357
Teela1357 Posts: 9 Member
in Motivation and Support
My SO says he is supportive of me getting into better shape and getting healthy. So I started the living clean thing. No processed foods, maybe a sweet treat every once or twice a week. He went with it for like two weeks then he started cooking and it was mac n cheez, cakes and donuts, even if I tried to cook he wanted to salty fatty stuff. I tried eating something different from him and the kids and he got upset by that. Working out...same. I'll tell him I'm going to walk the dogs and he keeps coming up with excuses for me not to do it. All he wants to do is sit on the couch and snack and watch tv. If I don't want to and I tell him sorry I have to go excersise he gets upset and guilts me. I don't get it. The only thing I can think of is he wants me to stay overweight and feeling bad.

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  • sherbear702
    sherbear702 Posts: 649 Member
    edited January 2015
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    I think the best way to address this would be to confront him and ask him what his deal is!? If he's overweight, maybe he says he wants you to be healthy, but really deep down doesn't. If you start looking good and he doesn't, it might make him insecure.

    Your exercising might inconvenience him because then he'll have to keep an eye on the kids while you're gone (god forbid!). I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but from they way you describe him, he sounds pretty lazy. Tell him to get off his @$$ and start getting healthy with you. Set a good example for your children.
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    it's not really about what he wants you to do, it's about how what you're doing is reflecting on him. perhaps it makes him feel bad about his habits, or anxious that you'll leave if you get in shape.
  • SwankyTomato
    SwankyTomato Posts: 442 Member
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    I doubt it is that. Changes are hard for people, even if those changes are for the good. In addition it will make him feel "worse" because you are trying to do better for yourself.

    You just have to stick to your guns and he will get used to it. It just takes time.

    Next time he tries to guilt you, the only thing you can say is..."i am sorry you feel this way, but I have to do right for myself".

    HUGS
  • Teela1357
    Teela1357 Posts: 9 Member
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    He has mentioned that he thinks I'll meet someone if I get back in shape. And you're absolutely right sher, he should get off is butt and do it with me.
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
    edited January 2015
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    All foods are healthy in moderation- bearing no medical conditions.

    There's nothing wrong with you eating a serving of chips, a slice of cake, a donut, or a serving of mac & cheese if you want it. NOT ALL AT ONCE.

    IIFYM (or flexible dieting) is the best approach for most individuals. Most individuals find it easier to stick to their goals by incorporating foods they like into their diet. This does not mean you can eat 50 Oreos (unless it helps you meet your macros of course). It does mean you can enjoy an Oreo or two or three as long as you stay within your macros and calorie goals.
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
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    Teela1357 wrote: »
    He has mentioned that he thinks I'll meet someone if I get back in shape. And you're absolutely right sher, he should get off is butt and do it with me.

    Common insecurity amongst men.

    Make sure he knows you aren't going anywhere (unless you want to), regardless of your weight.
  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
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    The way I think about it is, well some men just dont grow up lol. I am assuming he misses the days where you two could pig out together on whatever, doing whatever together, and now that you want a change, he isnt ready for it yet ... I would only suggest to take it easy, 1 step at a time. you will have to firmly confront him that your health is something you are taking seriously, and that maybe he should start thinking about his own health as well (just saying, I think everyone should wake up and realize that they should begin healthy habits early before its too late). Theres nothing wrong with treating yourself to something sweet or salty every once in awhile, like you said about 1 or 2 times a week. If you have to eat separately from him, then just do it. You can explain to your kids that you want to start eating healthier and anyone that wants to join you is free to do so (and make sure you say that in front of the husband too lol). Maybe invite your kids on a walk with you, too (if theyre old enough), and maybe your husbands wheels might turn and think 'hey maybe I should join her, too.'

    just a thought ...

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