At a loss...ready to give up :(

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amysambora
amysambora Posts: 219
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm feeling so exhausted right now...like I just can't do this anymore. I'm going out of my mind, obsessing over my diets and workouts and feeling like I'm getting nowhere.

I joined MFP two months before my wedding. I was super motivated to get in shape, as I didn't want to look back on my photos and see how miserable I was with my body. I lost 8kg (17.6lbs) and felt great. After the wedding I let things slide a little, I think I struggled to stay motivated without that goal on the horizon, but I kept at it and slowly but surely lost a few more pounds. I now have about 5lbs left and I'm just so exhausted with the process. I just want to give up, but I can't bring myself to. It's like I'm addicted to logging my food - every couple of weeks or so, I tell myself I'm going to stop. Give myself a break, stop driving myself crazy worrying about whether I'm doing the right thing or not. But I can't - I barely even last a day. I just HAVE to get on there and check my calories, my protein, my carbs, my sugars. I have to work out every day or I get all jittery and unsettled. I know I should eat my workout calories back but I can't bear to - I feel like I'll be overeating. I think my diet is actually pretty healthy - I'm normally around 1500 calories a day and it's all good food (ie oatmeal & raspberries for breakfast, tuna salad sandwich for lunch, meat & vegetables for dinner, snacks of bananas, nuts, hard boiled eggs etc). But I never feel like I'm doing the right thing. I question every single thing I put into my mouth - I go over my food diary a million times a day, trying to make it 'better'. I'm always changing my goals - I'll convince myself it's better to eat more, so my body will know it's OK to let go of these last few pounds, so I'll change my goals to 0.5lbs per week. But eating that much will scare me, I'll feel like I'm overeating, so I convince myself I should definitely drop back to 1200 - if I starve the last few pounds off then at least it'll be over and I can work on maintaining. Then I read another post advocating the dangers of 1200 calories and I jump back up to 1500 again. I've become petrified of food - most days I feel like I don't want to eat at all, it just scares me, like it's just too hard & it would be easier not to bother.

That feeling of helplessness, of wanting to give up, has caused me to give in and eat chocolate every day this week. To me, it feels like I'm bingeing, when in reality, I might have eaten 50g or so. But it makes me feel like a failure. As a result, today I went all out and finished whatever chocolate was left in the house. Now I feel disgusting, just like I used to feel when I was overweight. The sugar is making me dizzy, my teeth feel gross, and I'll most likely be too full to eat anything nutritious today.

I'm just so lost, I feel like I can't live like this anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't just stop logging my food, I can't do it...the thought of getting up in the morning and just choosing what to eat as you go along throughout the day seems ridiculous to me. How could I eat without planning everything out? I would surely not get enough protein or accidentally eat a sandwich for lunch when I'd already had toast for breakfast. The thought terrifies me. I don't know what to do :(

Replies

  • manymuses
    manymuses Posts: 162 Member
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    Perhaps you should schedule a meeting with a nutritionist to help you transition in to maintenance and help you let go of the obsessive need to worry about every bite.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    It is easy to get wrapped up in the process sometimes, but what has worked for me has been to just keep it as simple as possible. I adore variety in food, but I have realized that I need to just simplify my menu, it makes it easier to not fail and I don't worry about much of anything anymore, about 100 days into this and my lifestyle is changed and this all feels like second nature now :) Hang in there! Refocus on small goals and just enjoy yourself!!!
  • Mandakat17
    Mandakat17 Posts: 105
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    ..
  • ceschwartz
    ceschwartz Posts: 240 Member
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    *Hugs* How frustrating! Truth is you've done an amazing job. Time to give yourself a break. Maybe just maintain for awhile.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    Set your goal to maintain. Not just on MFP, but in your mind.
    A true diet is never over. Because diet means what we eat each day (it's only modern use of the word that is associated with eating less).
    You want to set yourself to what you will be doing for the long term.
    Exercise daily. That's always good for your body and mind. Just don't do too much (30-60 min a day).
    Eat well. Get close to your calorie goals. Make that your new focus. Just tell yourself "healthy food for a healthy body" when you want to starve yourself. Allow yourself a splurge every once in a while, but do keep focusing on healthy foods (whole grains, dairy, fruits and vegetables, lean meats). Remind yourself that this is what your daily activity and eating is going to be like. Get rid of the "just a bit longer then I'm done" mindset. (Otherwise, you'll gain it all back!)

    Everything in moderation - including dieting! :D
  • NitaCB
    NitaCB Posts: 532 Member
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    As scary as it sounds, I'd recommend not logging for a while. You're holding on so tight and trying to control it so much that it's started controlling you. I'd suggest letting it go for a while. You're in healthy habits, you're not just going to lose that. You're not going to go completely nuts and binge on fast food. You need to learn to trust yourself again. Trust your body. You can do it! I really think this would be the best thing for you. (And don't worry about the scales either!)
  • susyseq
    susyseq Posts: 94
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    Take it easy on yourself. If logging food helps you control your calories, then keep on doing it to help you track it. But don't stress so much about it if you go over or not. I go over every week!!!! I am still new to this, and have not had my diet down quite yet. But I don't punish myself over it. I have been dieting since I am 12 years old, and YES it gets annoying and you get to the point where you feel you can no longer do it. BUT eating is how we survive!
    Look for another method if it helps you, or talk to a nutritionist and keep your meals in a journal if it helps. :) good luck!
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
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    I like the suggestion that mbcarreno08 makes. Simplify your menu of foods so that you know what you are taking in will be healthy and in your list of OK foods. Remember, you are trying to improve your life, not be a slave to any one thing. Why not log every other day? Slowly wean yourself off logging daily. Remember, this is a tool. Once you change/modify your life with it, you can continue to do what you have been doing without it.
  • amysambora
    amysambora Posts: 219
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    Thanks everyone. I'm in tears as I'm typing this...you've all offered such great advice. I know I need to get out of this mindset and try and take a break from logging...I'm just so scared I'm going to slip back into old habits. I need to learn to trust myself somehow!

    susyseq - that's a good point you made about keeping my meals in a journal instead of mfp. That way I couldn't obsess over the numbers so much.
  • bjberry
    bjberry Posts: 665 Member
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    Isn't it fabulous that our body does not require the exact right amount of carbs, fats, and protiens every single day?
    We can over-carb and under-protien one day and reverse the process the next day, and our body says, 'okay, things have evened out--I'm happy.'
    When my children were young and only wanted one food item for a week at a time and I was pulling my hair out, I was reassured that they would reverse and want the other stuff their body needed, in time.
    My daughters are 28 and almost 30 now and they still have sometimes weird food choices, but they are still healthy and within weight standards.
    Primary things: drink lots of water, keep sodium consumption fairly low, and keep fat at no more than 30% of your diet.
    Enter your items at one time during the day: either plan ahead and put them in in the a.m., or jot them down and enter them in the evening. Or skip it for a few days and see if your waist is still the same size during that skip time.
    If you only have 5 lbs to lose, you could take a break. Go for month and maintain your current weight. After you have resssured yourself that you will not gain tremendously during that month, then you can relax and decide if you need to lose the last 5 lbs,
    or not.
    Primarily, you want a healthy heart and rest of the body. What keeps us healthy? Simple foods, not processed ones.
    You can do this. Hugs, BJB :drinker: (lots of water)
  • jknops2
    jknops2 Posts: 171 Member
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    Take it easy on yourself. If logging food helps you control your calories, then keep on doing it to help you track it. But don't stress so much about it if you go over or not. I go over every week!!!! I am still new to this, and have not had my diet down quite yet. But I don't punish myself over it. I have been dieting since I am 12 years old, and YES it gets annoying and you get to the point where you feel you can no longer do it. BUT eating is how we survive!
    Look for another method if it helps you, or talk to a nutritionist and keep your meals in a journal if it helps. :) good luck!

    I agree. The goal is to stay long term in a healty range, and you can take your time getting there and figuring out a way that works for you.So, whatever you lost don't add it back. take a break and stay there for a while. I lost 40 pounds from a BMI of 28 to 22, I would like to get to 20, but it is getting slower lately, but thats fine. I intend to stay at this level or lower, but this BMI is fine too. Hang in there.

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